every breath

Life and death may be like two sides of a coin, there is no difference.

He said goodbye to you and ran to another world.However, in your memory, there will still be a world for him.

You will be sad, you will be sad, it is natural.His eyebrows and the corners of his mouth, the temperature of his palms and the frequency of his heartbeat, how can they be erased so easily.

On this journey, walking the same path he used to go, doing the stupid things he used to do.Trying to get closer to him in the past, but once again saw that the distance between you is so far away now—life and death, insurmountable.

Then in the long years, maybe one day you will suddenly wake up: all this is just a dream.This journey is no more real than the snow falling in summer and the flowers blooming in winter.

I hope that all the losses can teach you to cherish in the end.

The only hospital in Yongchuan Town is located on the east side of the town, next to a large rice field. Looking out from the window of the ward, you can see endless green rice leaves.

The cicadas outside kept barking, especially during the sunny day.

Yuan Chen pushed open the door of the ward with the iced watermelon he brought from home. Inside, Zhuang Yu with his head wrapped in a bandage was sitting on the bed. There was an octagonal chessboard on the bed. Yuan Yang opposite him was putting chess pieces on the board: "I won again."

Zhuang Yu frowned: "Why did you win again?"

Yuan Yang shrugged: "No way, the rules are like this."

He was not too convinced: "The rules are set by you."

"No way." Yuan Yang shrugged again, "I invented this game."

Yuanchen next to him snorted and complained about him: "Use the game you invented to bully patients, can you do something promising?"

"You don't care about me." Yuan Yang gave her a white look, and happily put away the white pieces on the chessboard, "Brother Zhuang, let's play another game."

Yuanchen stretched out his big hand to block the chessboard: "Come here and eat watermelon first."

The sun was shining outside, but it was cool inside. The ceiling fan was turning leisurely. The three of them sat around the hospital bed, each holding a piece of melon, chatting while eating.

"When did the doctor say you will be discharged from the hospital?" Yuan Chen asked Zhuang Yu.

"It can be done tomorrow."

"Then I'll go back and ask Mom to make some bone soup for you."

"Yuanyang sends a pot every day, so there is no need to boil it again."

"That's what he should do." She glanced at her younger brother, "Who made him clumsy and hurt you."

Although Yuan Yang wanted to refute, but he knew that Zhuang Yu's injury was indeed his own responsibility, so he endured and said nothing.

Zhuang Yu laughed a few times: "The injury is not serious, it's just a bump on the head. It has been checked in the past few days, and there is nothing serious."

She was still not at ease: "In case you find any sequelae after you go back, you must inform us."

"It's not that serious." He waved his hand and continued to take a bite of the sweet watermelon.

Yuanyang asked casually: "Brother Xiaozhuang, when do you plan to go back?"

"It's time to go back in two days. I asked the company for a few days off."

"Come back and play when you have time."

Zhuang Yu really wanted to say "yes" bluntly, but still hesitated: "Yes, let's wait for the summer to pass."

Let the summer pass.

As long as it wasn't this season, those memories wouldn't come flooding back and keep him awake at night.

On the day Zhuang Yu was discharged from the hospital, Zhou Chuyao also came, and she was always quiet, walking with him from the hospital back to his home, hardly saying more than twenty words along the way.

When she got home, she didn't go in with Zhuang Yu. Standing by the gate where the summer flowers were blooming, she stopped in her tracks: "I'll take you here, I won't go in. I heard you're going back tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"I won't come over tomorrow to see you off." Zhuang Yu rarely saw a trace of fluctuation on her usually expressionless face, "I don't like seeing off scenes now."

He nodded: "Okay."

"Thank you for coming to Yongchuan this summer."

Zhuang Yu knew what she was thanking, so he didn't respond with words, only smiled.

She stretched out her hand and shook it slightly: "Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

She turned around and walked back, the sun poured on her without reservation, and she accepted it without complaint.Zhuang Yu also turned around, and was about to open the door of Yuan's house when her clear voice came from behind:

"Zhuang Yu, live well."

He paused.

"Whether he's here or not, live well."

Whether he is there or not, wherever he is.The only thing you can do is to live well.

Like Maemis in summer, like seeds in winter.No matter good times or bad times, you can only live well.

Live well, with his memory, with the traces he left in the world.

In the evening, he went to Yongchuan Primary School for a tour.

The school has been on summer vacation and there are no students and teachers.The entire campus was empty and extremely silent, except for the tall locust tree beside the playground rustling in the wind.

He walked slowly from the school gate to the open space of the playground. The parallel bars cast a long oblique shadow under the warm light of the setting sun, making him look extremely lonely.He tapped lightly on the horizontal bar whose paint had begun to peel off, and the cold metal sound vibrated in the air.

This is the place where Qin Xuanyang once ran and witnessed his childhood.

Even though he's gone, the town still has evidence of his presence.

On the road where the grass emerges from the cracks in the rocks, among the rustling leaves, in the quietly changing light and shadow of the day, in the summer flowers stretching out of the fence, in the memory of some people.

on his heart.

Is this the answer you're looking for?Zhuang Yu.

He raised his head and looked at the high and blue sky, with clouds piled up in the sky.There was no wind in his ears, nothing.

Yes, maybe that's enough.

I don't need to see him anymore.

Whether he is there or not, wherever he is.

He is all in my heart.

***********

Just like when he came, Yuan Chen and Yuan Yang sent him outside the town.When he passed the unusually tall kapok tree, Zhuang Yu couldn't help but take a few more glances.

"You, next time spring comes, you can see how magnificent it is when it blooms." Yuan Chen said. "Red like fire."

He nodded.

They took him to the station, where the northbound train was about to leave.Yuan Yang took out a well-packed small box from his bag, and handed it to him: "Brother Zhuang, this is a gift for you."

Zhuang Yu opened the box and saw a simple Japanese-style wind chime in the box: a small piece of iron hangs under the translucent glass ball. When the wind blows, the iron piece will lightly tap the glass, making a crisp sound.

Yuanyang said triumphantly: "This is not an ordinary wind chime. I injected my super sensing power into this wind chime. It might be able to sense UFO!"

Yuan Chen on the side didn't want to complain about her younger brother any more, and rolled her big eyes beside her.

The hospitality is hard to come by, Zhuang Yu smiled wryly and put the wind chime into his backpack: "Thank you, I will hang it up."

The two siblings stood at the ticket gate and waved to him.

"Come back to play when you have time."

"Bon Voyage."

He waved to them too, turned and walked into the ticket gate.

When the train started, he seemed to have returned to the day when he started——he took the train southward, watching the scenery along the way gradually change from plains to hills and mountains, looking out the window at the increasingly blue sky and the wild criss-crossing waterways , Watching the birds returning to the forest in the evening light, and the sweet fragrance wafting from the sugarcane fields.

It's just that now everything is like a movie with the button pressed backwards. He carried the hot air in the south and returned to the slightly cloudy sky in the north.

As soon as he got home from the train station by subway, he received a call from his mother in his hometown.

Listening to her nagging for a long time about topics related to the weather, diet, and daily life, Zhuang Yu just gave a formulaic response of "um", "ok" and "understood".He didn't tell his mother that he took a short vacation, nor did he say that he ran to a small town in the south that no one knew about, nor did he say that he fell off the mountain and had a few stitches on his head. When talking about the life around him, he reported the good news but not the bad news: "It's pretty good."

"You, don't be reluctant to spend money. You have to eat well, you know. You have only worked for a long time, so you don't need to send me money all the time. You keep the money to buy some fruits for yourself. How do you get along with your colleagues? Occasionally Invite someone to eat, do you know?..."

Mom always started a topic and couldn't stop, so Zhuang Yu could only listen patiently, holding the phone in one hand while opening the door with one hand.

Because the doors and windows were closed, the air in the house was somewhat cloudy. He strode to the balcony and opened the floor-to-ceiling windows, but the residual heat from the west-slanting sun was still there, but there was no wind at all.

He put down the backpack, the small box sent by Yuanyang fell from the open zipper, and the wind chimes in the box fell out with a "ding ding".

He lifted the wind chime and hung it on the balcony.An ancient poem was written in small characters on the translucent glazed ball. He didn't read it seriously. The air inside and outside the house was equally stagnant. He sighed, and the mother on the other end of the phone heard him sigh and asked again: " What's the matter? Is your job not going well and you're under a lot of pressure?"

"No." In order to avoid his mother thinking too much, he quickly explained, "It's too hot here, and there is no wind at all."

"Isn't it? The air quality over there is so bad, it's even hotter in summer."

He knew that his mother was going to make a long speech on the air problem again, so he quickly stopped the conversation: "Mom, I still have some work to do, I will call you when I am free."

"Okay, work is important. Remember to eat well."

After successfully hanging up the phone, he breathed a sigh of relief and slumped on the sofa.The Japanese-style wind chimes on the balcony swayed twice, and then quieted down in the stagnant and stuffy air.

Really, not a breath of wind.

Probably because he was too tired, he just curled up and fell asleep on the sofa.

Then, he had a dream.

In his dream, he held a bouquet of fresh gardenias in his hands, and the white petals of the gardenias were still stained with dew.He pushed open a door, and the breeze blew in his face, and he smelled the fragrance of grass and the faint fragrance of flowers in the air.What unfolded in front of him was a vast and boundless grassland.

Qin Xuanyang was sitting on the grass not far away, looking down at a book.He was wearing the familiar white shirt, sitting cross-legged with bare feet, looking up and smiling at him.

Zhuang Yu walked towards him, he got up to meet him, and stretched out his arms to hug him gently.

He handed the gardenia in his hand to Qin Xuanyang, Qin Xuanyang took it and sniffed the faint fragrance, smiled and bent down to kiss him.

The kiss in the dream had a sense of familiarity as if it had been a lifetime away.

The wind was blowing gently from all directions, he closed his eyes to feel Qin Xuanyang's body temperature, put his left hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat.

Plop, plop, plop.

The rhythm is peaceful and beautiful.

"Where have you been?" he asked in his dream.

Qin Xuanyang held him in his arms and replied softly, "I'm right here."

"Where is this place?"

The corners of his mouth were slightly curved, and his hands gently stroked Zhuang Yu's cheeks: "I'm always with you."

Zhuang Yu shook his head: "I went to Yongchuan to look for you, but you were not here. You said you would return to Yongchuan, but you were not here."

He smiled deeper: "Of course I'm not in Yongchuan."

"Didn't you say that after life, you will return to the place you were most attached to when you were alive?" Zhuang Yu held his hand tightly, "Didn't you say that as long as I go to Yongchuan, I can see you?"

"Fool." He lightly rubbed Zhuang Yu's hair, and kissed his forehead pitifully, "The place where you are is the place I am most attached to. You don't need to go to other places to find me, I'm right by your side. always there."

"But you..." Zhuang Yu looked at him, slightly choked up, "Why don't you show up?"

He smiled helplessly and lonely: "I can't."

"why?"

"I'm dead." As patiently as explaining to a six-year-old child why he took away his beloved toy, Qin Xuanyang looked at him lovingly, "I'm dead, but you're still alive."

"What does it matter!" In the dream, the tears were also cold.

He wiped away tears for Zhuang Yu: "Don't always think of me, live well. Go run, sweat, and live this life happily and wonderfully. When the time is up, you will naturally see me again."

"I don't want to wait so long for a lifetime." Zhuang Yu held onto his hand tightly.

"Fool." Qin Xuanyang gently held him in his arms, and whispered in his ear, "Didn't I say, I will always be by your side."

"But I want to see you."

"When you miss me, remember," Qin Xuanyang whispered softly in his ear, "I am in every gust of wind that blows towards you."

The sun was setting in the west, the floor-to-ceiling windows were open, and the wind chimes on the balcony were still in the sultry air.

Zhuang Yu leaned on the sofa and fell asleep, the sun slanted on the floor under his feet, he curled up on the sofa, he didn't know what kind of dream he had, but he shed tears unknowingly.

The unpacked backpack was placed on the floor, and the floor fan was blowing silently at him.Amidst the din of cicadas, he unconsciously moved on the sofa, frowning slightly, tears streaming down his cheeks.

In the quiet evening light, a transparent figure leaned towards him, reaching out to wipe away the tears on his face.

In the still air, the wind chimes on the balcony rang crisply.

Finally, the wind picked up.

When you think of me, remember that I am in every wind that blows towards you.

The author has something to say:

If you read this, I hope you can leave a little bit of your feelings about the story, whether it is criticism, suggestion, or a little feeling, I am very happy to listen.