Looking at Pearl Rolling Blinds from afar

Qiu nodded slightly, "I told her about our relationship later, and she said she could accept it. Not long ago, I said that I would go back to Beijing for a visit, and she said that if I was looking for you, I don't have to go back. I said : "Okay, then I won't come back." She also cried, I gave her the position of the stage pillar, and I know she has been working hard for that."

"You asked me out for tea just to talk about that?"

"No, I just want to say that I have forgiven you, and we owe each other nothing now. You don't have to feel guilty."

"If I punch you and you kick me, is that fair?"

"We all betrayed each other, so stop talking about fairness and unfairness. Let the past go, and I hope we can still be friends."

"You can do whatever you want." After I finished speaking, I was about to stand up and walk away.

"Wait a minute." He grabbed me, "Do I disgust you that much?"

"I just hate myself." I grabbed his hand angrily.

At this moment, he suddenly hugged me and cried, "Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this?"

I looked around in panic, broke his hand and said, "Don't be like this."

He hugged me tightly, at that moment, I felt a splitting headache.

I turned around and couldn't help crying, "Why are you bothering?"

"I didn't come to Beijing to sing, I just wanted to see you again." He slowly let go of his hands, "If you want to go, go, I won't stop you."

I looked at him and sat back down again.

Shang Junqiu also sat back. He said that he still has a performance tonight, and he hoped that I could go and slap him.I agreed, and I said I would take Mo Qiuwen and Fang'er with me.He smiled and said it was the best.

Shang Junqiu's return was like a stone, which disrupted my peaceful life.But I can't refuse. I duplicity say that I like my life very much.He understood what I meant, and said that he would go to Shanghai again for a while.

In the backstage of Guanghe Building, I carefully put on my face for him.In the past, I would always look into his eyes with deep affection, but now, I have some scruples.I deliberately avoided his gaze, but his gaze never seemed to leave.

He said, "You have something on your mind."

"You have it too." I said lightly, and continued to put on that makeup. I used to enjoy this process very much, but now I hope it will end soon.The feeling of wanting to see but not being able to love is a deep torture for me.Suffering, I never thought that hooking a face would be so sad.

After hooking up the face, I left the backstage.I didn't want to stay and watch the play, but wanted to take Mo Qiuwen and Fang'er home early.But at this time, Fang'er was worried about staying and watching the play, Mo Qiuwen looked at it and said, "Then stay and watch."

"Zhulian Village" was of course the finale of that night, but at this time, Fang'er fell asleep in Mo Qiuwen's arms.I asked her if she wanted to go back, and she said, "Let's go back after watching Jun Qiu's play."

I turned a deaf ear to the noise from the audience, I stared at the familiar stage quietly, looked at the familiar face, and my old life came back to my eyes.Vividly, my memory is still so clear.I used to think that I had forgotten all those things, but in fact they were just hidden deep in my heart.Jun Qiu, I called out this name in my heart, turned around, and shed two tears.

"I dreamed of Chang'an last night."

"When I wake up, I'm still going north..."

The words and phrases of "Zhulian Village" came to my ears, and I gazed at the radiance on the stage.I want to go back, but how can I go back to that past?

Chapter 20

When I went home, I was silent all the way, Mo Qiuwen said: "If you can't forget it, go to him. Do you remember what I told you before? I can be a shadow lady."

I stroked her head and smiled: "No, it's not fair to you."

"I hope you are happy. You don't have to care about me so much, I know you don't love me."

I hugged her and said, "Who said I don't love you anymore."

Through her long hair, I clearly saw the shadow of Shang Junqiu.I know I'm going to have to live a lie about it.

Shang Junqiu's return to Beijing opera is booming, I'm happy for him, but I know that to him now I'm just a person with facial makeup, that's right, it's just a facial makeup.Outside the theater building, I restrained myself not to take a step beyond the threshold.

After the box-sealing scene that year, Shang Junqiu said that he was lonely in the south of the city, so he wanted to stay in the original wing for a few days.I didn't say anything, Mo Qiuwen agreed.

On the 24th of the twelfth lunar month, Shang Junqiu carried a box and moved back to the wing room where he used to live.This is quite a feeling of brilliance in the eyes of parents.

Seeing that the wing room still looked the same as before, he said in surprise, "It's still the same after so long."

I said: "I will come to clean it from time to time, but the servants are not allowed in,"

He looked at me and smiled: "I'm gone, so there's no need to bother."

I said: "Father also said that this house will be reserved for you, and that you will definitely come back after you leave."

Shang Junqiu stayed like this, and within two days, Fang'er became acquainted with him.

That day, Shang Junqiu said to Fang'er, "Call me godfather, and I'll take you to buy candied haws."

"Godfather." Fang'er shouted happily.

From then on, Shang Junqiu took my son as his godson.Because there is no need to sing, Shang Junqiu has a lot of time, and often walks with Fang'er in the yard or on the street.As for those snacks and snacks, as long as you open your mouth, you can eat them all.Fang'er said that his godfather loved him the most, and I said, "Your godfather is a very good person."

One day, Mo Qiuwen took Fang'er back to her mother's house, and her father went to the teahouse again, and the family suddenly became deserted.During lunch, Shang Junqiu said to me: "Come to my place later, I have something to show you."

After eating, I deliberately stayed and drank tea slowly. After seeing the servants had almost cleared the table, I walked out of the room again.

I gently pushed open the door of the wing room, and Mo Qiuwen put down the notebook in her hand and said, "You're here."

"Well, didn't you say you wanted to find me?"

"If I don't tell you, will you not find me?"

I am silent, I know how much he understands me.

He opened the drawer of the cabinet, took out a pearl headband from it, and said, "You gave me this one at the beginning. I have been wearing it for the past few years when I sang "Zhulianzhai". Now give it back to you."

I took the headband and looked at it. Every pearl was shining brightly, and even the gaps between the headbands were spotless.I handed her the pearl headband back and said, "This is still yours."

"I know you are doing well now, I know I shouldn't come back to Peiping, I know..."

Before he could finish speaking, I rushed over and hugged him violently...

Still the same bed, still the same person.I indulged in releasing the loneliness accumulated over the years, and the emptiness in my heart was instantly filled.

We have been immersed in the warmth after a long separation, so that when Mo Qiuwen opened the door, we stood there together.Mo Qiuwen looked at us, turned around and walked out without saying anything.

At this time, Fang'er outside the door seemed to have come to her, clamoring to find her godfather.Mo Qiuwen slapped him and said, "Go back to the house."

As Fang'er's cries went away, I got dressed and walked out.When I came to the room, I saw Mo Qiuwen sitting on the kang with blank eyes.I knelt down and comforted the crying Fang'er, not knowing what to say to Mo Qiuwen.

After a while, Fang'er finally stopped crying. I sat beside Mo Qiuwen and said, "I'd better let Jun Qiu move back."

"It's not difficult to remove a person, but is it easy to remove a heart?" Mo Qiuwen looked at me angrily and said.

"I……"

"That's it, I didn't see anything." Mo Qiuwen ran out angrily, just bumping into Shang Junqiu who came in.

Shang Junqiu looked at her and said, "I'm sorry, I will move to the south of the city right away, and I won't bother you any more."

Mo Qiuwen didn't say anything, walked around Shang Junqiu's body and walked out.

Fang'er saw Shang Junqiu coming, and immediately greeted him with a smile, "Godfather."

Shang Junqiu picked up Fang'er and lifted it above his head, Fang'er couldn't stop laughing happily.After playing back and forth a few more times, Shang Junqiu hugged Fang'er in his arms and coaxed, "Fang'er, your godfather is moving away, you must respect your parents."

"No, I don't want my godfather to leave, I want my godfather to live here." Fang'er looked at Shang Junqiu acting like a baby, and at the same time looked at me, as if asking for help.

"Fang'er, your godfather is still going to sing an opera. If you think about it in the future, I will take you to the theater to find him."

"No, I want my godfather to live here."

Fang'er's insistence on keeping Shang Junqiu didn't keep him. After the first day of the new year, Shang Junqiu sang an opera at home and moved to the south of the city.

Mo Qiuwen told me straight to the point: "If you like him, go ahead. I don't blame you. We have something to say first."

"Forget it, I'll live with you." After I finished speaking, I took Fang'er's little hand and went out to play.

At the beginning of the 25th year of the Republic of China, my eldest brother was arrested by the Beiping Municipal Government for the crime of "redness". He used his teahouse as a front-line propaganda position, and the Shen family teahouse was also closed down.Although I thought that my elder brother was extremely stupid, I still took Mo Qiuwen to beg my father-in-law.The father-in-law promised to go to the police station to make accommodations, but "redification" is an extremely sensitive issue, and he dared not explain it clearly.

My eldest brother was kept in prison like this. The first group of people who were captured heard that they had been secretly executed. My eldest brother is still alive. This may be the result of my father-in-law's accommodation.

At that time, getting involved in a lawsuit was fatal, and my mother was extremely anxious every day, and then fell ill.

Shang Junqiu also ran around for this, but the problem was too serious, no one dared to intervene in this matter casually.We can only wait for that one-liner to turn around.

A year later, the July [-]th Incident, the Japanese officially declared war on China.The weak government was vulnerable, and after half a month, Peiping fell.And my elder brother's group of Redist elements were secretly shot before the transfer of the government.

Saddened by the loss of the country and family, Shang Junqiu and our whole family moved to Shanghai and started a life of escape.At that time, the second brother was still studying in the UK, and his father sent a letter to persuade him not to come back for the time being.

Not long after, the Japanese army arrived in Shanghai, and we were forced to move to lease again.Shang Junqiu once knew a French fancier before, and we moved to his villa at that time.

For Shanghai, I both love and hate. I have also been in the ten-mile foreign market, but now, I am just a refugee here.

The air defense siren at that time would always be remembered from time to time. Accompanied by the piercing sound of the siren, the devil's plane would always come over on time and drop some bombs, and then fly away in a cloud of black smoke.People all over the country were involved in that wave of revolution, all recreational activities stopped, and it is said that even Mei Lanfang grew a beard.

A large group of us just nestled in that villa and waited for the news of the Anti-Japanese War.I used to think that the government army would easily kill those devils who invaded from the tiny place after gathering their forces, but the Battle of Songhu failed.Three months later, Shanghai fell, and Nanjing also fell.

In those days of waiting for the recovery, prices in Shanghai skyrocketed, and we got poorer and poorer by relying on our laurels.Fortunately, the French family was very nice, they never drove me out, and they got along very well.

Later, the soldiers of the devils continued to go south, and Shanghai gradually became the management of the puppet government.Not long after, I went to the pier to seek a job as a porter. Although the salary was meager and the workload was full, I still persevered.I know that there is such a big family behind me waiting to eat.

At this time, Mo Qiuwen also let go of her suspicions, and would talk to Shang Junqiu from time to time.Because there is a godfather by my side, it is considered happy to let my son live.The father has been taking care of the sick mother, but the mother is always thinking about the eldest brother in prison.We have never dared to disclose any news about the execution of the eldest brother.Leave some hope, and you will have more courage to live.Maybe if it's quite strong, we will drive the devils out.

My hands were soon callused, and my shoulders were soon marked.At that time, after returning home from work every day, Mo Qiuwen would cover my shoulders with a hot towel. She was really busy, so she would ask Shang Junqiu for help.I was very tired during that time, and fortunately I had my family by my side, otherwise I would have committed suicide by jumping into the river at some pier.

We lived day by day in misery and hardship, and eight years later, Japan finally surrendered.We moved out of the lease and went to North Street, and Shang Junqiu also moved there.The theaters in Shanghai have reopened, and people who have been suppressed for too long flock to watch the big theater.Shang Junqiu put on the outfit again and stepped onto the familiar stage.I went to the opera garden to fight, and later I studied with a luthier surnamed Hu.

In addition to commercial performances at that time, there were also performances by labor forces.They risked their lives to retake the river, so it's not a big deal for you to sing a play for them, at least it shows that you are patriotic.As for compensation or something, no one will mention it.

After a while, Shang Junqiu came to me and said, "I'm a little tired from living."

I said, "Then get married."

"Are you looking for a man or a woman?" He said jokingly.

"Of course I need a woman."

Chapter 21

Later, he still found a man. It is said that the man was a French ambassador, and he became obsessed with it after watching Shang Junqiu's Huadan performance.He firmly believed that Shang Junqiu was a woman, and began to pursue hard.Later, they lived in concubine together.Not long after, the French man divorced his wife.

I don't mind Shang Junqiu finding a woman for fun or marriage, but he finally found a man.I suddenly felt distraught, and I felt that what he did was both a provocation to me and a humiliation to me.I am determined to leave Shanghai, and the sooner the better.

After a simple farewell, I left Shanghai with my whole family in a hurry.This time, I didn't go to find Shang Junqiu privately, I felt that I had nothing to say to him.I want to go back to Peiping and use my happiness to bury him and these memories, this time it must be a real end.

After returning to Beijing, I forced myself to fall in love with Mo Qiuwen in my heart.Later, I really fell in love with her.Gradually, she became lively and cheerful again.Later, traitors were put on public trial across the country, and Mo Qiuwen found the name of her original boyfriend in a publicized shooting list.I said it was good to shoot this kind of person, but she gritted her teeth and said, "It's really good."

The Shen family teahouse reopened.

In a chat with a friend, I just learned that the poinsettia died a few years ago.He said that after the fall of Peking, the poinsettia became a plaything of the devils and traitors. Because of neglect of kungfu practice, singing often went out of tune, and was killed on the spot by an enraged Japanese army leader.I couldn't help thinking about the bloody scene, and frowned. "Flowers fall to the ground, Rouge is cold", if I was in Peiping at that time, maybe, I could help bury him.

After Shang Junqiu married that Frenchman, he never sang again. I don’t know how the two men got married, but this is the path he chose after all. Although I don’t want him to go on like this, but I And his choice must be respected.Later, I heard a person from Shanghai say that Hua Dan who married a Frenchman went to France with that foreigner.Since then, I have never heard the story of Pearl Buck again.

In the 80s, "Zhulianzhai" was re-shooted by the Beijing Opera Troupe, and I was invited to serve as an art consultant.A Peking Opera Troupe Director surnamed Liu invited several Huadans from all over the country to take turns watching the mirror in front of me.After a lap, I looked at the team and said to Head Liu, "Is there any more?"

"It's gone, all the best actors in the country are here."

"Then she." I pointed to a young woman and said.

"You mean she sings the best?"

"It's not good, it's just not that bad."

I know that there is still such a Huadan in my heart. He has a pretty appearance, a mellow voice, and a light figure. He will wear my pearl headband and a three-inch high thick sole, walking lightly on the stage. A piece of Ambilight fell.

Peking opera is outdated, so I don't have too high requirements for those female roles, after all, I am just a luthier.As for the most beautiful actress in "Zhulianzhai", I only wish to keep it in my heart.

When I watched the first performance of "Zhulianzhai" after the rearrangement, I still couldn't help crying.Fang'er who was sitting next to me saw me, handed me a handkerchief, and asked me what's wrong?

I said, "Just missing a good friend."

"Is it godfather?"

"Well, I told you that your godfather is not bad."

As the performance ended, the long curtain fell.

That night, I was very happy, like a child who has fulfilled his wish.I also dreamed about him when I was young, and when I woke up, I laughed and shed tears.I came to the window, looked at the sky and said silently: A world away, you still have to decorate my dream, thank you for remembering me.

Extra

Life is like a play, I thought it would end like this, but the fact is not, I can't help laughing at the absurdity of the years.

On the 20th anniversary of the establishment of diplomatic relations between China and France, I was invited to the Great Hall of the People.I have always been inexplicable. I have thought about it all my life and I don’t know what contribution I have made to China and France. The only thing that has a little connection seems to be that I took refuge in the French Concession in Shanghai.There was something strange about the invitation, but I decided to check it out anyway.Fang'er asked me if I wanted him to go with me, and I said, "You can take care of your mother at home, and I'll come back when I go. Since the official car is in charge, they should also be in charge."

"Then be careful, you are calling home again."

With the help of a staff member, I slowly got into the car.Although I am in my 70s, if there is any novel place to pass the time, I would still like to visit and play.

I asked the staff member why he invited me over, and he just said that someone in France wanted to see me by name.I felt a little strange, but he couldn't explain why, so I stopped asking.

When I arrived at the Great Hall of the People, the staff took me to a foreigner with the same white hair as mine, and he was about to introduce us to each other, when the foreigner said in fluent Chinese, "Excuse me, is this Mr. Shen Liancheng? "

"It's me, who are you?"

"I am Henry, Pearl Buck's husband. He asked me to come and see you and let me bring this to you." After he finished speaking, he glanced at the staff beside him and said, "Thank you, there is no What's the matter with you."

The staff member left disgruntled.

When I heard the name Pearl Buck, I was suddenly taken aback.But at my age, under the cover of wrinkles, some changes in expression can't be seen at all.

Henry took out a wooden box from the leather bag beside him, handed it to me and said, "This is what he asked me to bring to you."

I took the wooden box and opened it carefully, and the dazzling pearl headband appeared in front of my eyes again.I was pleasantly surprised. I took out the headband from the box and looked at it carefully. The pearls were still shining, and all the decorations were still so clean. "What about Shang Junqiu and others?"

"Because China and France established diplomatic relations 20 years ago, he got an amnesty. It's just that he is still in France now, and he said he dare not come to see you."

"Amnesty? What happened to him?"

"It's a little embarrassing to say it." The Frenchman named Henry pulled me a chair, "Let's sit down and talk."

I put the pearl headband back in the box, and sat down on the gold-edged chair I used to see often in the box.

Henry also continued, "When Jun Qiu and I got married in Shanghai, you were also in Shanghai, but you didn't go. After the Kuomintang-Communist War, we went to France together. After the founding of New China, I was sent to the embassy in Beijing For work, of course Shang Junqiu came with me, but he has never been on stage again. But I know he still likes to sing, and I like it too. Later, I built a small stage in my villa .Jun Qiu loves to sing operas, and his favorite is a play called "Zhulian Village". I like the way he paints and paints. In my eyes, he is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"You mean he's a woman?"

"Well, I always thought he was a woman, otherwise I wouldn't have married him. A few years later, I went back to France for something, and when I came back a year later, he had already given birth to a child."

"He gave birth to you?" I suddenly couldn't keep up with the way this foreigner spoke.

"Yes, not long ago, when I went to pick him up from the prison, he said that the child was adopted by him."

"How did he end up in prison?"

"Ten years ago, Jun Qiu and I, who had resigned as ambassadors, settled in France. One month later, Jun Qiu was arrested. The court finally charged him with espionage, and produced hundreds of documents to testify that Jun Qiu was acting as an ambassador. I, the ambassador's wife, stole information about the French ambassador's dealings with other countries. I was shocked at the time."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, you also know that during the Cold War, the Soviet Union and the United States fought fiercely, and China also felt that it was not at peace, and was eager to know what attitude these big countries had towards China. The French embassy became a message at that time The transfer station, the information of the Soviets will go there, and the information of the Americans and the British will also go there. Jun Qiu asked me to make a copy of those messages and said he was useful. I don’t know what he wants those crap. But since he likes it, I'm willing to do it. I always respect him, and if he doesn't want to tell me, I won't force him to ask."

Hearing this, I suddenly felt a little ashamed.

"During my more than ten years as an ambassador, I copied thousands of circulation information for him. Every time I sent these information to him, he would praise me with a bright smile. I like his smile the most. He You have a beautiful smile, otherwise I wouldn’t have taken those unnecessary risks. The court finally convicted Jun Qiu of espionage and sentenced him to 30 years of rape in accordance with French law.”

"Year 30?"

"Yes, 30 years. If it weren't for the establishment of diplomatic relations between China and France this time, and you named Shang Junqiu to amnesty, he might still be in prison now. Fortunately, he only sat in prison for 8 years. After the court judgment was issued, Jun Qiu was imprisoned, and I became the laughing stock of all the French. I was an ambassador, and not only married a spy, but the spy was actually a man."

"Did you never realize he was a man?"

"No, I have been kept in the dark for thirty years of marriage. But I have always believed that he is a woman, he is so beautiful, and his voice is so soft. If Jun Qiu doesn't say that he is a woman, even The whole world says he is a man, but I don't believe it either."

"Now do you believe it?"

"I believe it. When I picked him up from prison, he told me that he is a man, so the marriage is invalid. He advised me to find another woman. But I can't do it. I only like him. "

"and after?"

"Later, we still divorced. But we are still friends. When he heard that I was going to attend this meeting, he found me specially and asked me to hand over the box to you. This is what happened gone."

I sighed and leaned heavily towards the back of the chair.I also recalled Shang Junqiu's Huadan, with beautiful eyes looking forward to her, and her sweet smile, thinking about the stage, thinking about the reality, what kind of life is this.

I suddenly wanted to fly to him right away, I would comfort him, I would kiss him, and I would accompany him through all the remaining cold nights of my life.I hope—he remembers me, he must remember me.

On the way home, I kept silent. The staff member was also surprised when I saw him. He kept asking questions when he came, but he didn't say anything when he left.What can I say to him?

The Frenchman named Henry said that although he was cheated, he always missed him.I said, "Jun Qiu never lied to me, but I miss him more than you."