Male heart trembling

In Ms. Xu's words, for some unknown reason, maybe it was a commercial frame-up, maybe it was emotional entanglement, maybe it was simply not looking at other people's happiness, it seemed that overnight, everyone knew that she was a lesbian.

Although everyone's point of view has advanced to the point where homosexuality is not regarded as shit and must be kept away, it has not advanced to the point where it will not gossip.Ms. Xu always felt that someone was talking about her, and even when she looked around, she could see many staring and avoiding eyes.

With Ms. Xu's excellence, I believe that no matter how low-key she is, she will always become someone's talking point.However, those conversations on weekdays have become topics related to homosexuality, and this feeling must be very uncomfortable.

This is the biggest difference between people like Ms. Xu and me and Mr. Tang and Ms. Zhao. They can be themselves bravely with their unique temperament cultivated by their own excellence, ability, and wealth. People like me and Ms. Xu, after all, I don't have the courage.

They can live glamorously, although deep down they must also understand that others are willing to cooperate with the performance because of interests, and show the most sincere self without hesitation.Even if they will hide their family members at the beginning, they will be evasive, but in the end they will reach out and actively seek happiness, even just occasional short-term happiness.

But I can't, I'm afraid Miss Xu doesn't have the courage either.At best, we can only act like a baby and be happy when there are no outsiders, but we can't accept the slightest whispering from others.

Ms. Xu said that those boys who usually had a good impression of her and even tried to pursue her changed their tastes overnight. They waited and watched, they couldn't believe it, they were curious, and they also thought it was fun.

But after all, Ms. Xu couldn't accept this kind of life, and she didn't have the courage to embrace the real life, so she could only complain in Ms. Zhao's arms, so that Ms. Zhao, who was so distressed, asked Mr. Tang to let me be Ms. Xu's boyfriend.

Mr. Tang and Ms. Zhao have the ability to face the drama of physical marriage. I always ask myself whether I can also accept physical marriage for the sake of mutual space.Today, when I was holding Ms. Xu's left hand, the answer was ready to come out. It didn't seem so difficult, and it didn't seem to be as scary as I imagined. As long as the purpose is clear in mind, as long as the two people understand each other, things will become very simple.

I've never held a girl's hand, and I've never been interested in doing so, but when I have to, it doesn't feel like an unpleasant thing to do, or something that makes me sick.Ms. Xu's hands are very soft, completely opposite to Mr. Tang's thick and big hands.I believe that many people in the school must be very envious of me, but I didn't give them a chance to see it.

When we were trying to hold hands and were about to walk out of the garden, the two of us who had never been in love in school were stunned for a moment, she looked at me, I looked at him, almost at the same time the same problem arose— —Is it appropriate to hold hands in school?

She smiled, and I smiled too, let go of each other's hands, and moved forward side by side.We appeared together on the university campus on Saturday, where it was warm, soft, fresh, and clean, she was beautiful, I was handsome, I was a head taller than him, she was much thinner than me, we matched perfectly, we looked awkward, but In the eyes of others, it is regarded as the shyness in the early stage of love.

This is a show, an extreme performance. Just as Mr. Tang and Ms. Zhao appear in front of others, Ms. Xu and I also appear in front of others as a couple.

The discussion will definitely not end, and it will even become more violent.Others will definitely think that Ms. Xu is a fascinating person. They thought that the men on campus were fascinated by her, but later heard that she is gay, but today she is next to a handsome young man. appearance.

I didn't care about the focus of public opinion of those people, I came to Beijing just to create focus.Ms. Xu always apologized to me inadvertently, and I used different words to express the same meaning over and over again—although I like men, it is an honor to be by the side of a beautiful woman.

On Saturday afternoon, we kept appearing in different places on campus, as if on a parade, as if it were a protest against "gay rumors".

We chatted, she talked about literature, I talked about the customs of my hometown, she talked about her happiness with Ms. Zhao, and I talked about my happiness with Mr. Tang.Maybe in the eyes of others, we are a couple who talk about everything, but only we know that what we talk about is what we love in our hearts.

I also finally understand that even if a man likes another man, he still appreciates beauties in his heart and still likes to chat with beauties. This has nothing to do with liking women, but the most basic mentality of being beautiful as a person .

No wonder Mr. Tang likes to go out with Ms. Zhao very much. It's not because he likes Ms. Zhao, but because he likes the pride when he is surrounded by beautiful women. Yes, who doesn't want to be by his side? Is a person an incomparably outstanding person who is envied by others?

Just like Ms. Xu beside me, her excellence has brought me great pride, as if I have also become more powerful.