Live separately

04.

It's a pity that the days I can hide in school are not long. Not long after New Year's Day, there are scattered exams, and soon the most anticipated holiday in the past will come, but now it should be my nightmare.

I officially met him when I was nine years old. I became a neighbor with him when I was 11 years old. I found myself in love with him when I was 15 years old. I had a crush on him for two years. I confessed to him successfully when I was 17 years old. It's getting better and better, until now we actually spend New Year's Eve together.The Spring Festival is a holiday that he likes very much in the past, because no matter how busy he is, he will still rest and have holidays. The biggest difference this year is that the seat on his right is not me, but a person that everyone likes. I want to call him sister-in-law people.It has been 13 years since I called him brother, but at that time I couldn’t call the person sitting next to him with a happy face "sister-in-law". They are all so happy, even him, everyone is full of smiles, smiling so happily, everyone is urging to ask him when he will get married, and her face is even full of blush, just like a talented woman , a beautiful picture of a good thing approaching.

I also started laughing, laughing at everyone, just laughing without saying a word, I was afraid that I would not be able to bear it anymore, I was afraid that I would cry and lose my interest at this table.I drank a lot of alcohol for the first time in my life that day, but found that I was still sober. I never knew that I had such a large amount of alcohol.Everyone said that I really should drink on such a festive day, and they all said that I am really happy today.Actually I guess he knows why I drink it, he should.I drank cup by cup, wishing Happy New Year, wishing my uncles and aunts a happy event, wishing them to grow old, wishing all people happiness, wishing myself desolate as snow.

"Okay, okay, stop drinking, your brother said you have a bad stomach." In the end, it was my so-called sister-in-law who snatched my cup. She is really a virtuous and good woman, and she has the self-consciousness of a sister-in-law so quickly.Yeah, I have a bad stomach, he always knew it, I barely touch alcohol because he gives me yogurt every year and nags me every year, but not this year.It was as if a hole had been dug in my heart, hot liquid kept pouring out along the tear duct, no matter how hard I endured it, it was useless.I still cried after all, and yelled at him, "I can't bear you!" Everyone was startled, looked at me in surprise, and then thought I was brotherly, and laughed at me for being like a child.And his only insider, still said nothing, and then he laughed too.That's good, at least I don't have to suffer any more.

When I got home and went back to the room, I locked myself in the room alone, and my mother called me, but I didn't agree, and then she probably thought I had fallen asleep after drinking too much, so she babbled a few words and left.On New Year's Eve, the cracking of firecrackers made the whole city noisy, announcing the excitement of others.I didn't turn on the light, the room was pitch black, I covered myself in the quilt, there was no sound, just tears, everything outside had nothing to do with me.Someone asked me before if a couple broke up and could still be friends. I said goodbye and we are friends.What is goodbye is a friend, whoever said this must not love deeply.

When I was 15 years old, I passed the high school entrance examination and officially escaped from the clutches of the third year of junior high school.He took me to celebrate, to sing all night, unfortunately, after two hours of ghost roars, my voice was almost smoked and I was exhausted, and then he urged me to drink beer.When I was drunk that time, I lay on him, pillowed on his arm, and looked at the person who was always by my side. I finally realized that I respected and liked him more than just an elder brother. That line, though hazy, is real.Since then, my eyes probably never left his back.

And now I can't bring myself to see him at all.I thought I had made enough mental preparations, I thought I had built a fortress to prevent myself from getting hurt, but just seeing him in front of me, just seeing his existence, my heart hurts, as long as Thinking that he no longer belongs to me, that he doesn't want me anymore, as soon as this thought appears, my heart, my stomach, and my internal organs hurt like a mess.

I know I can only escape, I can only choose to leave.I am suddenly grateful for the shortness of the winter vacation, at least one month is much better than the three months of summer vacation.It was too dangerous to be just across the street from him.I feel like I'm going to be overwhelmed, I feel like I might rush to question him and beg him at any moment.I'm afraid I'm going to be too humble and ridiculous.