Live separately

05.

I went back to school before the Lantern Festival that year.There was no one in the dormitory yet, and the whole building was unusually quiet. Of course it was quiet, because there was still half a month left before school.I lied to him and my parents, saying that there were activities at the beginning of school and I had to come early to help.It's just that this is indeed the only place I can hide, and I still dare not see him.

Most of the shops and restaurants around the school are still closed. There are no people and no cars along the way, which seems too depressing.I was walking on the side of the road with no purpose at all, and finally chose to go to an Internet cafe.During Chinese New Year, there are not many Internet cafes here.I originally wanted to play games to pass the time, but I forgot that I only played games to meet him online. The more I played, the more times I lost. I was on the verge of breaking out, and my mood was extremely bad.At this time, a can of Coke was placed in front of me, with a "bang" and a crisp sound from the countertop.A clean boy said with a smile, "Please, put out the fire first. The eyes watching your game are killing me."

That person is Chen Xiao. In the few days before school started, I played games with him almost all the time, smoked, drank, went to bars, and in short, did many things that I never thought of.He is two years older than me, and he came out to work after finishing high school. According to him, he experienced life in advance.We have a tacit understanding and meet each other in Internet cafes every day. I always call him Shiba, because his game is called "Smile and Cut Eighteen Knives", which I always think is a strange name.

Once, the two of them played games until late at night. They originally wanted to stay up all night, but they were too tired and ended their "work" in the Internet cafe in the early morning.The two went out to find a barbecue stand, had supper and drank some wine.I have forgotten what the reason was, it seemed that he said he didn't want to go home, so I took him back to the dormitory.It was also the first time I smoked a cigarette that day, but I was surprisingly familiar with it for the first time. I didn't choke, didn't retch, and didn't have those common scenes in novels and movies.I used to feel sad for a long time when I smelled smoke, but I started smoking myself, thinking that life is really funny.We leaned on the balcony, the temperature outside was a bit cold below zero, but the weather was surprisingly good. Although it was already night, the sky was exceptionally clear, even showing a dark blue color. Although the clouds could not appear pure white, they were not. Only shades of black as usual.The dormitory is on more than a dozen floors. Looking out, the lights from the nearby buildings began to appear sparsely, and until the lights of Wanjia in the distance, they were extremely prosperous.I savored the smell of that cigarette carefully. It was mild at first, and then gradually became hotter with the amount of inhalation. A little choking is acceptable.

Maybe it's the cigarettes and alcohol, maybe it's the chill of the night that makes people a little confused, Chen Xiao is close to my face, I look at the ever-enlarged face and my consciousness goes blank for a moment, and I turn my head away when I know his lips are about to touch me up.He froze for a while and looked a little embarrassed, but he didn't do anything else, just smiled and turned his head to look at the lights in the distance and continued to smoke. I felt the tingle in my throat, and watched Mars approaching with time, Suddenly I understand why some people always regard smoking and drinking as a cure for worries.

After that day, we still wandered around Internet cafes, bars, and barbecue stalls every day. My game was getting better and better, and I teamed up with him to win more and more times. However, at the end of the game, I often got drunk and made him Quite helpless, but he never asked me why, which made me a lot easier.In this way, a few days later, we did not stay up all night, but drank and chatted at roadside stalls early.Chen Xiao worked hard in the society very early and usually liked to talk nonsense to me about his experiences in the past few years, but he was very silent that day, and it took a long time before he told me that he was leaving.His brother's business in his hometown has developed well in the past few years, and he was asked to go back to help some time ago. I know it's just that he didn't show that he wanted to agree. I didn't expect him to make up his mind so quickly.

I didn't go to see him off on the day he left, but he left me a pack of cigarettes as a souvenir the day before, reminding me that he was the first one to smoke with me.

Originally, my daily time with Chen Xiao was packed, but I really forgot about Han Duo for a while. Now that he left, I realized that I didn't even have his phone number, and then I started to feel lonely again.For the next three days, I hid in my dormitory without going out. I ate instant noodles when I was hungry, and I didn’t eat when I wasn’t hungry.No one, nothing, I am getting more and more lonely, except for sleeping, I am in a daze every day, or I smoke a few cigarettes from time to time, but the weather is not good, there are many cloudy and rainy days, which makes people irritable, and there is no sunshine all day long.Three days passed like this, and on the fourth day, I don’t know if it’s morning or afternoon, anyway, the sky has always been gray, I saw myself in the mirror, I lost some weight, my face became whiter, without blood. Pale, unshaven, and disheveled hair, the clothes on his body have long been crumpled, and the cigarettes left by eighteen have long been smoked, and the unpleasant smell of cigarettes on his body is simply miserable.I just looked at myself in the mirror for a while, and suddenly I wanted to laugh, and then I started to cry while laughing. I don’t know what happened, but I suddenly wanted to yell at myself and fight.I know if I don't get out of here, soon I'll be down here.

Finally walked out of the dormitory, but the weather was still bad.I just wandered aimlessly. I may walk a road repeatedly ten times or more. When I am tired, I rest on the side of the road.That day I realized that the school is really big, and there are still so many places I haven't been to.When I went back to the dormitory that day, I took a good shower as if I wanted to wash away the traces of the past.