Live separately

09.

When you go outside, you have to take care of everything yourself, especially in a different language environment, it takes a lot of time to get used to it.My foreign language is not bad at school, but I still can't keep up with learning in a truly pure foreign language environment.At the beginning, I was busy going through the formalities every day, improving my foreign language, and getting familiar with the teaching system and methods there. At night, I was so tired that I just wanted to sleep, but I really didn’t have the mind to think too much, and I really forgot about him.Later, I got used to it and ran around every day whenever I was free, sightseeing everywhere, and the time passed quickly.

……

A year later, I came home, everything seemed to be back on track, and saw a box in the room but couldn't remember what it was.When I asked my mother, she said that it was sent by Han Duo before moving, but she didn't know exactly what it was.Han Duo finally got married half a year ago and moved to a new house. I don't know where it is, but it's quite far away, because I happened to be participating in a scientific research project abroad at that time.

After having a long-lost meal with their parents and watching TV with them for a while, they all looked very happy.In the evening, when I returned to the room, I opened the box, and the items inside were a little old and messy.I look at each piece, recall each piece.

There was an old-fashioned tape recorder in it. We were not neighbors at that time. I lived in his house for a month during the summer vacation. He bought that tape recorder for listening to English, but it became my toy.One of his English tapes was abruptly transcribed by me into my singing album.At that time, I didn't have any skills in singing at all. I just imitated the songs I had heard and yelled there. Many times I couldn't remember the lyrics so I made up them.Looking at it, I unconsciously pressed the play button, and my voice was sharper than now.

"...can't tell the meaning of love

I only see you and me being silly

write i love you in your palm

Under the starlight I lean on your shoulders

can it last forever

no sad voice

I'd rather just look into your eyes like this

feel your gentle breath

Will I just fall in love with you like this?

Can't find the cause of the heartbeat

......"

This is an episode of my favorite TV series when I was a child. I can't remember the title of the song, but I hum it unconsciously.Some birthday cards from the past, the game consoles we played together, the pictures I drew for him, the hats I gave him, a photo album, one piece at a time, so many memories, my nose is a little sore, but I still smile lightly, I understand He was saying goodbye, saying goodbye to everything that had passed.In fact, we love each other, but we can't consummate it.

When I fell asleep at night, I actually began to dream about the past again, from my child to college, and even dreamed that we had never been apart, and I grew old with him.Then he was too old to walk, and I took care of him.I help him wipe his body, help him go to the toilet, feed him, sometimes I am helping him wipe his hands, he rarely wakes up, looks at me with a smile, I stare at him, he smiles, everything is so normal , until he slowly closed his eyes, and then I lay on the side and closed my eyes.

When I woke up in the morning, I remembered a passage I learned when interpreting dreams.Young people's dreams are unrealistic and too good to be true.Those fairy tales and heroic legends are often dreamed by young people, especially when they were children.The old man likes to reminisce about the past, and all he dreams of is the past.I am not yet 30 years old, but I always think about the past when I was away for a year, and I always dream about the days with him. Many things that happened in the past are obviously incomplete, but they are very clear in the dream.This time I actually dreamed of the ending, dreaming of something that never happened.

I laughed suddenly, everything before was really over at this moment, everything came to an end, and I finally let go.

A lifetime is too long, how many times we will meet in a few years or decades, if it is over and we still think about it all the time, just look at the past, it is not infatuation, nor is it loyalty and responsibility for love, it is a kind of bewilderment , will make us miss more.Although the past may be too good, we often need a period of time to forget and heal, but remember not to take too long, because we must learn to let go.

Three days later, I inevitably accompanied my parents to visit Aunt Han and Uncle Han, and of course Han Duo was also there.The dinner was a cleansing for me. During the dinner, they, Han Duo and Meng Qin occasionally smiled or whispered in their ears, appearing so harmonious.Occasionally, Han Duo would meet my eyes, and at that time, he chose to look at each other and smile.Later, when it ended, my father was actually drunk and couldn't drive. I didn't get a driver's license because I went abroad, so I found it a little troublesome.In the end, because the new home was very close to the meal, Uncle Han and Aunt Han decided to go by car and asked Han Duo to drive us.Han Duo went to drive first, and Meng Qin waited at the door with us.When the car arrived, Han Duo got out of the car and drove the co-pilot as he did every time before. I looked at it, as if I saw the scene a few years ago again, but this time he let Meng Qin go up, I was stunned, Then I heard my mother laughing and telling us that Meng Qin was pregnant, so it would be easier to sit in the front.When I came back to my senses, I found that everything seemed not so bad.