Live separately

08.

On the afternoon of the engagement day, I went to the venue alone, and crowded the bus, which made me desperate and exhausted.I didn't see him until the ceremony started that day. There were not many people invited to the banquet. They were all close relatives and friends. Most of them I knew well. Most of the people I didn't know were from Meng Qin's side.Not long after the start, he finally made his appearance and walked out carrying Meng Qin.A black suit with a wrinkled white shirt and a black bow tie instead of a tie.Meng Qin also dressed up carefully, a mid-length light blue one-shoulder chiffon dress, her hair was done up, and she was decorated with some white accessories.Everyone thinks that a man is a man and a woman is a good-looking couple, and I am the same.

Everyone was wishing sincerely, and Aunt Han and Uncle Han smiled sweeter than ever.The unwillingness in their hearts faded the moment they walked forward arm in arm to cut the cake.I understand that if the person around him is replaced by me, then these blessings will become curses.After the banquet, I didn't stay long. In fact, when they appeared in front of everyone, I wanted to leave. The praises and blessings around me overwhelmed me, making me unable to breathe.I didn't say a word to him, let alone congratulate him.I don't know if he noticed my presence, I know how much I still can't let it go.

After that day, I began to immerse myself in the happiness I had created without him again, and somehow became the super-student superman who beat every day in the eyes of my classmates.And I didn't expect that this would be one of the opportunities for me to go abroad.

During that time, apart from studying and participating in activities, I always liked to watch movies when I was alone, and they were all sadomasochistic love.In order to search for these movies, I also posted a post asking for recommendations, "Those sad movies that make you cry when you watch them." Unfortunately, there are very few that can make me shed a few tears. No matter how high the rating is, it doesn't matter how many people recommend it. As a result, at least the nose is sour but I can't cry.

After all, those dramas that have experienced the pain of reality are too literary.

Even so, I kept searching for movies to watch, and gradually I was no longer limited to movies, as long as it was cruel enough, anime, TV series, and novels, I would watch them all.That semester I probably watched the most movies in my life.

Later, near the end of the term, around mid-June, I received another call from him.He was visibly drunk and babbling.The other end of the phone was so noisy that I couldn't hear clearly, so I could only yell at him: "Where the hell are you crazy?"

He's still talking non-stop but just ignoring my questions, he's not so much talking to me as he's talking to himself, he must be really drunk.I tried to think where he might be, but couldn't because he never took me to a bar.bar?I suddenly became aware of the unique melody in that cacophony of voices.The bar that Chen Xiao took me to is near here.I was taken aback by my speculation but knew it wasn't just my imagination.The music was mixed by the DJ in the bar. I liked it very much the first time I went there and asked about it.

I hung up the phone and reached for my wallet, but suddenly I didn't know whether I should go or not.I realized that I was anxious, worried about him, and at a loss.

"Stay still!" Before I had time to think about it, the phone rang again, and it was him again.I answered the phone, and without waiting for him to speak, I hurriedly spoke.When I got there, I found him and took him to a nearby hotel. I originally planned to leave him in the room and leave, but who would have thought that he would wake up quite a bit after being blown by the wind on the way here.He recognized me and started talking incoherently again.

He said that he couldn't let me go, that he was being tortured all the time, and that it was his retribution.He became more and more out of control, began to cry bitterly, began to pull me, hugging and crying.

At that time, looking at Han Duo who was so weak in front of me, I didn't feel sorry for him at all.The summer nights are sultry and uncomfortable, my body has long been sticky, and my heart has begun to be extremely irritable.It suddenly occurred to me that I was the one who tore my heart and lungs on such a night last time, life is really impermanent.I didn't leave that night until he was tired from crying and fell asleep.My thoughts are too chaotic, I don’t feel sleepy anymore, and the dormitory has already been locked. I wandered around the street, bought a pack of cigarettes and found a station to sit and smoke until dawn.Then I sent him a sentence I saw recently.

There is blood dripping from each other, why bother to look at each other from a distance.

……

In the summer vacation of that year, I applied for the school's study abroad program for a period of one year.In fact, watching movies at that time made me plan to go abroad.Too many scripts end with the protagonists leaving and going to a new place.I always feel that a trip, a study abroad, walking around, maybe changing the environment, can really change the mood and bring a new start.I don't want to see Han Duo's weak side again, and I don't want to let myself be weak anymore.