Before and After Divorce

After Xia Tingwan got off the Bentley, he couldn't recover for a long time.

No matter what Zhao Nanshu asked him, he just kept shaking his head and refused to speak, and even shrank himself in the corner when sitting in Zhao Nanshu's car.

Zhao Nanshu was very anxious. He didn't need to listen to Xia Tingwan's words. He could already guess the general situation from the fingerprints left on Xia Tingwan's fair face and his undecided appearance. He couldn't help but say while driving: " Boss, this won't work. What does Ye Bingwen want to do? If he is really determined to trouble you, there is nothing we can do. If it doesn't work, let's go to Mr. Su? He won't let you go. "

"I don't want him."

Xia Tingwan turned his head, there were tears in his eyes, but he tried his best not to cry.

He knew that Su Yan could not be blamed for all of this, it was him who ignorantly disrespected Ye Bingwen, and he caused the trouble himself.

But he was still very wronged.

Ye Bingwen called him a bitch, saying that Su Yan didn't want him anymore because he was tired of him.

He had never heard such ugly words from Su Yan.

Su Yan is gentle and decent, Su Yan really loved him, Su Yan is different from Ye Bingwen's rich and powerful who don't treat people as people.

Even after divorce, he still believed so willingly.

But this firm belief will gradually become blurred with the passage of time.

Su Yan's tenderness and affection are getting farther and farther away from him, as far away as a soft dream created by himself foolishly.

And when he opened his eyes, all he saw was the cold reality——

Xia Tingwan stayed at home for two days without going out, so he called Zhou Yang and told him everything about Ye Bingwen.

Zhou Yang didn't know about Ye Bingwen's flirting with Xia Tingwan before, so he was shocked when he heard about it now, but he calmed down quickly.

"Ye Bingwen probably won't do anything to you by force."

Zhou Yang analyzed calmly on the phone: "My judgment is - when you first divorced, he didn't have any ideas at first, but after you decided to sign Shaoguang's show, he suddenly thought of taking advantage of the situation to take revenge on you, otherwise he would have You can act. The contract is so strict, it is estimated that he has the power behind it. He wants to force you to bow, on the one hand because he wants you to humiliate and beg for mercy, on the other hand, I feel that his current step may be I want to test whether Su Yan will still protect you."

"No way." Xia Tingwan subconsciously said, "Su Yan won't protect me anymore."

Zhou Yang asked bluntly, "Do you think Su Yan can't do it, or do you not want to find him?"

Xia Tingwan was silent for a while, Zhou Yang's sharpness and directness always overwhelmed him.

After the divorce, Su Yan slept with the more obedient Wen Zichen.

But he was stuck in the swamp, no matter how much he wanted to climb out, the past karma still bound him more and more out of breath.

Even though he knew that he had many shortcomings, he still couldn't help it. He felt aggrieved when he thought of Su Yan, and he couldn't help complaining and doubting what Ye Bingwen said.

Could Su Yan really get a little tired of him?

In Su Yan's eyes, he was more charming than autumn leaves, summer cicadas, and moonlight in snowy nights combined. He couldn't let go, he couldn't slip through his fingers like melting snow.

Su Yan once made him believe in love so much, but he didn't tell him that when a person loves hotly and when he lets go, they are cold and cold.

What was even more frightening was that even with such a pessimistic thought, he still couldn't really give up on Su Yan.

The divorce forced him to make a gesture of letting go.

But he is not voluntary, he is not.

He was the one who was abandoned, bumped and bumped outside, and was slapped twice in the face by Ye Bingwen, but he still wanted to be brave enough to maintain a little dignity in front of Su Yan.

I want to prove myself, even if Su Yan doesn't care anymore, I also want to prove that he can stand on his own.

"I still want to solve it myself." Xia Tingwan finally spoke, and he said with difficulty: "As you said, as long as Ye Bingwen still wants to force me to voluntarily go with him... I still have room, right?"

"Ah."

Zhou Yang didn't ask any more questions, but responded, and continued: "I think Ye Bingwen will work hard on the show. The public opinion on the Internet was so one-sided before, so Ye Bingwen must have contributed. Of course, he also wanted to praise Xing Happy, kill two birds with one stone. When you go to shoot a reality show, I am worried that you will not be able to grasp the performance standards of the reality show, and the other is that the program team will edit the film according to the opinions of Shaoguang Lin Bingwen. It’s difficult to control. But now the situation is a bit passive, and the contract has been signed, even if the program crew cuts you into a mess, it’s impossible to quit midway, the breach of contract regulations are too strict, Ye Bingwen probably wants to rely on this to put pressure on you.”

"I understand." Xia Tingwan listened carefully to Zhou Yang's words, he thought for a while, and said, "I will be very cautious when I go to shoot, and try not to give them any randomly edited materials."

"Okay." Zhou Yang replied on the phone: "I can't go there this time, but you can call me anytime if you need anything."

"Zhou Yang—" Before Xia Tingwan hung up the phone, he said softly, "Thank you."

Xia Tingwan waited for the fingerprints on his face to disappear completely, then packed up and went to Xiangshan.

This is also the last time he went to see Yin Ning before going to Thailand for filming.

______________

Xia Tingwan goes to Xiangshan every now and then this month, and every time he goes, he brings a new gift and stays with Yin Ning for a while.

Yin Ning likes to draw and is not too keen on other toys, but he likes a set of 120-color Faber-Castell watercolor pencils that Xia Tingwan bought for him, and he always carries them in his Ultraman schoolbag.

When Yin Ning was painting, Xia Tingwan watched quietly.

Yin Ning still doesn't like to talk, but gradually he doesn't resist him as much as the first time. When Xia Tingwan occasionally asks what he painted, he will answer in a low voice.

Xia Tingwan arrived at Xiangshan in the evening, because he often went there during this time, so the security guards of the Su residence saw Zhao Nanshu's car and let it pass without even asking.

After getting off the car, Xia Tingwan saw Su Yan at a glance.

Su Yan was wearing gray and white overalls, squatting in front of the rose garden.

The crimson sunset glowed on Su Yan's side face. He was holding the scissors and was trimming the dead flowers and sick old branches of the roses. His eyes were serious and tender.

That scene was so familiar that Xia Tingwan's nose instantly felt sore.

Su Residence has professional gardeners to take care of the lawn and every flower garden in Su Residence.

But when Su Yan was in a good mood, he would change his clothes, hum a song and drive the lawn mower for a while, trim roses with scissors, and remove insects.

While he was doing this, the housekeeper, servants and gardener were not surprised, and went about their own business.

Xia Tingwan remembered that she often sat on the steps in front of the porch and watched Su Yan trim roses, and then acted like a baby and asked Su Yan to fold him the biggest and most beautiful one.

The gentle light shone on him lazily. He leaned there and smelled the fragrance of roses. After smelling it, he curled up in the warm sun and took a nap until Su Yan finished his work. Hug back to the house.

When he was the male owner of this Su residence, even the atmosphere here was romantic.

Just thinking about it makes my heart tremble.

But before Xia Tingwan fully woke up from his memories, he saw Wen Zichen walking out of the room in a white coat, and the cold strangeness hit him again.

Wen Zichen had a fresher hairstyle, and the thin forehead hair was pulled back, and he looked extraordinarily energetic today.

He stood under the porch, first greeted Xia Tingwan with a smile: "Mr. Xia is here."

Then he turned his head to look at Su Yan, with a hint of intimacy in his tone: "Brother Yan, why are you pruning the flowers? It would be better if the gardener couldn't do this kind of thing."

Xia Tingwan turned his head away and did not speak.

Wen Zichen spoke as if that rose bush was something insignificant.

He felt a little sad. Wen Zichen didn't understand Su Yan, nor did he understand the stories about roses.

Even his soft and emotional memories seemed worthless.

At this moment, Su Yan also raised his head to look at Wen Zichen. He didn't reply to Wen Zichen's words. At that moment, the expression in his pale gray eyes seemed a little cold.

"You're here." He stood up and said to Xia Tingwan, "What time is the plane tomorrow?"

Su Yan's chin was stained with dirt, and he wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. He looked out of place in work clothes.

After all, he grew up as a son of a wealthy family, and no matter what, he has a kind of graceful and noble air, so maybe there is nothing wrong with Wen Zichen saying that, probably in Wen Zichen's eyes, Su Yan shouldn't be squatting there to trim The appearance of flowers.

"Eight in the morning." Xia Tingwan thought for a while: "I won't stay too late today, just take a walk with Ningning."

"Then I'll change my clothes and bring Ning Ning down." Su Yan said and entered the room.

He didn't talk to Wen Zichen all this time, Wen Zichen seemed to feel a little uneasy, before he had time to talk to Xia Tingwan, he hurriedly turned around and chased after him.

Su Yan quickly changed into black sportswear and led Yin Ning downstairs, this time Wen Zichen did not follow.

Xia Ting took Yin Ning's hand before night, and then walked out first.

Yin Ning didn't show any resistance to getting in touch with Xia Tingwan, but he refused to speak either.

Xia Tingwan felt that the little boy's hands in his palm were small and soft, and he asked softly, "Did Ningning draw today?"

Yin Ning just shook his head silently.

Yin Ning doesn't talk to Xia Tingwan, and Xia Tingwan also refuses to talk to Su Yan who is following behind.

The three of them walked down the pedestrian path built by Xiangshan in silence.

The twilight sprinkled in front of them, and then they were crushed one by one.

If the picture is frozen, it must be like a quiet and lonely photo.

Xia Tingwan didn't want to stay longer, because on the one hand, he was short of time, and on the other hand, he was also depressed.

He didn't like to see Wen Zichen, and he didn't like the way Wen Zichen stood in front of his rose garden.

But because he knew that he was no longer in a position where he could feel dissatisfied for granted, he couldn't help being angry with Su Yan.

Just as he was walking to the playground halfway up the mountain, Yin Ning's steps suddenly stopped.

Xia Tingwan was a little confused at first, but following the little boy's gaze, he suddenly saw a young woman holding a golden retriever standing by the slide in the playground, and suddenly understood.

The golden retriever was as tall as half a person, with a shiny coat and a long tail wagging gently. It stood obediently beside its master. It was so beautiful and majestic that Yin Ning couldn't take his eyes away from it.

Xia Tingwan squatted down, looked at Yin Ning and said, "Ning Ning, do you want to play with the dog?"

Yin Ning seemed to be taken aback, quickly lowered his eyes, and shook his head vigorously.

"Ning Ning," Xia Tingwan looked at Yin Ning's appearance, and the sour feeling slowly rose to his heart.

He touched Yin Ning's head, and lowered his voice: "Let's go together—ask sister if I can play with the dog, okay?"

Yin Ning raised his head to look at Xia Tingwan, and then quietly glanced at the golden retriever not far away, his eyes couldn't help revealing a gleam of light, but his expression still couldn't help being a little hesitant.

"I'll accompany you, let's ask together." Xia Tingwan said again: "I'll accompany you."

Yin Ning bit his lower lip, subconsciously looked up at Su Yan, as if asking for Su Yan's approval.

"Go." Su Yan glanced deeply at Xia Tingwan.

Xia Tingwan took Yin Ning's hand and walked in the direction of the golden hair. He could feel the little boy's footsteps becoming brisk and urgent, and his heart trembled involuntarily.

Walking over, I found that the young woman was busy talking on the phone, probably because she was used to similar requests from parents with children, Xia Tingwan just asked, "Excuse me, can I touch—" and put The dog leash was handed over with a smile, and he walked aside and continued talking on the phone, completely oblivious to who Xia Tingwan was.

Yin Ning stood timidly at the side, just stretched out his hand, but seemed not too daring, looked up at Xia Tingwan.

"It's okay, I won't bite." Xia Tingwan encouraged in a gentle voice.

The Golden Retriever is indeed a large dog with the best temper and the kindest relationship. He shook his tail vigorously at Yin Ning, opened his mouth and stuck out his powdery tongue, and immediately moved his head to Yin Ning's hand with joy. Smell and lick.

Yin Ning was a little overwhelmed, but he couldn't hold back the enthusiasm of the golden retriever, so he couldn't help but leaned down, clumsily but affectionately hugged the golden retriever's neck.

Encouraged, the golden retriever jumped up happily and licked Yin Ning's face. The warm tongue of the big dog made Yin Ning itch so much that he couldn't help laughing.

This was the first time in a long time that Xia Tingwan saw the little boy put down his guard and laughed.

His brows and eyes are slightly curved, and he looks carefree like a child of the same age. It makes people feel so cute, but a little sad.

I don't know if it's because he has never really grown up, but he often feels that he and Yin Ning are very close.

He understands Yin Ning just like he understands himself.

Xia Tingwan couldn't help looking at Su Yan who was standing not far away and watching quietly.

He and Su Yan have been married for five years, and because they are both men, they seldom think about family and children, but at this moment, they can't help but feel a little fluttering - what would Su Yan be like if he became a father? Woolen cloth.

Probably the kind of father who makes people feel safe.

He has never experienced fatherly love.

But after being with Su Yan, perhaps in some subtleties of their relationship, he still found a similar sense of security and dependence.

A person's lack of emotion, no matter how much he tries to cover it up, will reveal clues from the love he chooses.

Although he deliberately made Su Yan angry, he kept talking about which young and handsome models or celebrities were particularly charming, but in fact he had never been able to truly fall in love with his peers.

Only Su Yan.

Su Yan was all he yearned for, and Su Yan made up for his incompleteness.

-

When he was separated from the golden retriever, Yin Ning couldn't help turning his head reluctantly, Xia Tingwan held his hand and waited patiently for him until the golden retriever's owner walked out of sight with the golden retriever.

Normally, it was almost time to go home for a walk, but for some reason, Xia Tingwan and Yin Ning continued to walk down the mountain, Su Yan had no objection, and followed quietly.

After walking for a while, Yin Ning suddenly asked, "What's the dog's name?"

Xia Tingwan replied: "I don't know either."

After hearing this, Yin Ning looked a little disappointed: "I want to draw a dog."

Xia Tingwan couldn't help but smiled slightly, and said softly: "Then next time I will go out for a walk with Ningning at this time, maybe we can meet again. Let's ask the dog's name, and then draw a picture for it. "

"En." Yin Ning nodded earnestly. After thinking about it for a while, he unexpectedly asked a question: "You, then... when will you come next time?"

"I came back in less than two weeks - as soon as I came back from Thailand, I came to find Ningning."

Xia Tingwan felt a little flattered. When he told Yin Ning that he would go out to shoot for several days, Yin Ning was completely indifferent.

This is the first time Yin Ning has shown that he wants him to come.

When they reached the foot of Fragrant Hills, Xia Tingwan planned to turn around and send Yin Ning home, but when he lowered his head, he found that Yin Ning's eyes were on a McDonald's that was open across the road.

This McDonald's is also full of people, and many of the people who come in and out are a family of three with children. The noise of the children, accompanied by the smell of fried chicken, floats indistinctly.

Xia Tingwan knew that Yin Ning would not say anything he wanted, so he squatted down again, shook Yin Ning's hand, and said with a smile, "Does Ning Ning want to eat McDonald's?"

Yin Ning hesitated for a moment, and then glanced at the McDonald's store. His big eyes couldn't help showing a hint of longing, but when he opened his mouth, he whispered: "Brother Zichen said...you can't eat junk food."

When he finished speaking, he glanced at Su Yan quietly again, obviously wanting to ask Su Yan what he meant.

Xia Tingwan couldn't help being upset after hearing this.

Of course he knew what Wen Zichen said was right, but there are so many things in daily life that are correct. He also came from that age, and he knew how much the taste of fried chicken and French fries is a great temptation for children .

His family was so poor when he was young, Xia Zhongyu never took him out for dinner.

He sometimes passed McDonald's with his schoolbag on his back, and couldn't help but look at the happy children through the transparent window, being held by his parents, ordering food at the McDonald's counter.

He just stood outside and quietly ordered together - chicken burger, French fries, Coke, sundae.

Every time he ordered these four.But he never had it.

"Yes, you can't eat it often, but occasionally—such as today," Xia Tingwan touched Yin Ning's head, and said firmly: "Brother Tingwan won't see Ningning for two weeks, so today Just promise to take Ningning to McDonald's, okay?"

As he spoke, he did not forget to raise his head and look at Su Yan, or to be precise, he gave Su Yan a menacing look.

If Su Yan dared to hypocritically say that junk food is not allowed...

He, in fact, he has nothing to do.

Su Yan was stared at suddenly, and was momentarily stunned.

He looked at the crowds coming in and out of McDonald's, and said in a low voice, "There are so many people inside, will you be recognized?"

"This……"

Xia Tingwan was at a loss for words for a moment, he didn't wear a hat or sunglasses today, it was really not appropriate to rush into McDonald's like this, he didn't think of it himself.

"I'll take Ningning in to eat some French fries. He's already had dinner, so he'll just eat a little. It won't be long."

Su Yan quickly thought of a countermeasure.

"Then I'll wait for you outside smoking a cigarette."

Xia Tingwan also had no choice but to nod, he stood up, and did not forget to tell Su Yan again: "You let Ningning order by himself, and you can order whatever you want."

Su Yan looked at him helplessly, but said nothing.

When Yin Ning heard that he could finally eat McDonald's, his eyes lit up. His mind had long been in the store, and he didn't care much about who brought him in.

Xia Tingwan and Su Yan are like handing over posts.

Su Yan took Yin Ning's hand from Xia Tingwan's, and walked slowly into the bright McDonald's storefront.

Xia Tingwan stood in a backlit corner outside the store, looking at the two figures, one tall and one short, who looked like ordinary father and son, for a moment, he didn't know whether the sore feeling in his heart was warm or sad.

The twilight in City H changed from orange to red, and then gradually turned into a lonely and rich dark blue, gradually enveloping him.

This might be the most melancholy moment of the day, Xia Tingwan took out a Marlboro from the cigarette case and lit it skillfully, looked up at Liao Ji's sky without stars.

He put his arm on the guardrail on the side of the road and watched the cars whizzing by in front of him.

There are noisy people around, but they seem to be far away from him. He is like a small isolated island in this vast ocean world, accompanied only by the smoke lingering around his fingertips.

Loneliness is the norm in his life.

Maybe the previous five years.

Those fiery five years were just meteors that happened to cross his sky.

What was left to him was loneliness, eternal, eternal loneliness.

At this moment, Su Yan suddenly walked out of McDonald's alone, and stood quietly beside Xia Tingwan.

When Xia Tingwan turned around and saw him, he couldn't help but widen his eyes in astonishment: "Where's Ningning?"

Su Yan raised his chin, signaling Xia Tingwan to look back, and saw Yin Ning sitting by the window, holding a large glass of Coke in his left hand and a piece of French fries in his right.

"You just came out like this?" Xia Tingwan didn't know what to say.

"There are too many people inside, and the smell of deep frying is everywhere, it's very greasy, and it's not very comfortable—"

In the night, Su Yan's face seemed to be a little pale, but it couldn't be seen clearly. He was silent for a while, and added: "I don't know how to get along with children."

Xia Tingwan didn't know whether to blame him or not for a while.

Su Yan is probably not the kind of man who can mingle with children, and it may be awkward to sit and look at each other. Fortunately, Yin Ning is sitting by the window and can see him at any time, so there is no need to worry too much.

The two of them suddenly formed a situation of being alone again, but they didn't seem to know what to say.

Su Yan walked to Xia Tingwan's side, put his hands on the guardrail together and looked at the busy traffic in front of him.

It had been a long time since they were so close side by side, and the scent of cologne on Su Yan's body slowly drifted over from the night wind.

Xia Tingwan's heartbeat couldn't help but fluctuate.

After a long time, Su Yan suddenly asked: "When you talk to Ningning, you always like to squat down - why?"

Xia Tingwan turned his head to look at Su Yan in surprise with a cigarette in his hand. He didn't notice such a habit himself, and he didn't expect Su Yan to ask suddenly.

"I don't really know." He replied honestly, thinking about it while talking, and finally came up with an explanation: "When I was young, I always felt that adults were so tall, even when I raised my head, I couldn't see them clearly. I don’t know what adults are thinking, so I often feel very uneasy. So, maybe when I was talking to Yin Ning, I didn’t want him to feel that way... so I squatted down naturally.”

Su Yan just listened so earnestly, his light gray eyes stared at Xia Tingwan.

He stared at it for such a long time, so long that Xia Tingwan had to lower his head and take a puff of cigarette to hide his emotions, he asked vaguely: "What's wrong?"

"I think you," Su Yan paused as soon as he opened his mouth.

He hesitated for a while before continuing: "You don't look like a 25-year-old at all—only a small part of you looks like an adult, and the rest, most of you... still look like a child. "

"Quite cute."

Su Yan finally said softly.

Xia Tingwan looked up at Su Yan at a loss.

"Now...do you still think I'm cute?" His voice trembled slightly in the wind.

Su Yan also seemed to know that he shouldn't say such things again, he didn't answer, but turned his head away and stopped looking at Xia Tingwan.

"What about Wen Zichen, is he cute too?" Xia Tingwan asked suddenly.

Su Yan was silent for a long time, just when Xia Tingwan thought that he would not answer this question, he still spoke: "He is a hardworking person."

"effort?"

When Xia Tingwan repeated these two words, his heart contracted violently.

He didn't know if it was for himself, for Su Yan, or because he thought that Wen Zichen could only get the word "hard work".

"Su Yan, not only do you not love Wen Zichen, you don't even like him, do you?"

Xia Tingwan asked uncontrollably.

The smoke was almost burnt out, and the hot sparks fell to his fingertips, but he didn't seem to feel the heat, and continued muttering: "Why can you have sex with someone you don't like? Su Yan, I Sometimes I really feel that you are so cold. Divorce, what is divorce in your eyes? Is it possible to completely cut off the relationship as long as you sign it? You can immediately hug anyone without investing any emotion. But you and I no the same……"

"I'm not like you."

Xia Tingwan took a sniff and repeated: "Do you know that I have never had family affection, and I have never had any other emotions except love. You used to be mine alone, mine alone, all You are the only one in the world who belongs to me. You said that I belong to you too. But you still have sex with others, I am really sad—”

"In your eyes and in the eyes of others, of course I have no right to be sad. After divorce, we don't owe each other anything, so what's the point of entangled with these things?"

Xia Tingwan raised his eyes, his eye circles were red, and he looked straight at Su Yan: "But I don't care what others think, I just can't stand the sadness, Su Yan, I tell you this now, will you have a A little bit unbearable? What if it was me? If I did it with someone else now, would you really not care?"

Su Yan looked down at Xia Tingwan, his eyes were so deep, but sometimes there was such an illusion of tenderness in the night.

For a moment, Xia Tingwan almost thought that Su Yan would hug him.

He thought that as long as Su Yan stretched out his hand, he would hug Su Yan tightly and never let go.

But Su Yan didn't.

He took the cigarette from Xia Tingwan's fingertips and extinguished it on the guardrail, then lowered his eyes and said softly: "Tingting, you will be with someone else one day. Don't look for me again when you have sex. Find someone you like, younger and simpler, you won’t always feel sorry for me—”

Xia Tingwan's tears flowed down all at once.

He clenched his teeth, but big and big tears still slid down, and when they slid to his mouth, the salty taste slid all the way to his heart.

Fuck it, just cry, so what.

Su Yan asked him to find someone he liked.

Su Yan, who wrote him 138 love letters, and Su Yan, who had been in love with him for five years, asked him to find someone else he liked.

None of the previous words made him feel so heart-piercingly painful as this understatement.

Su Yan let go of him, like letting go of a little canary in a cage.

Tell him how beautiful the world outside is, and tell him that he can choose a better one.

He said such words that he thought he was gentle, but in fact, he was a cold-blooded bastard.

"I'll find someone I like."

He said to Su Yan word by word: "I'm not like you, Su Yan, I won't perfuse myself like you. Of course I will find someone I like, make love to him, make love to him over and over again, I will baby He, I will treat him seriously, and I will become better for him—did you hear me?"

Su Yan's body couldn't help trembling slightly at that moment.

As if he couldn't breathe, he leaned on the guardrail with a pale face, and his chest heaved violently a few times.

He didn't answer Xia Tingwan's words.