Before and After Divorce

There are Christmas songs in the distance.

Xia Tingwan couldn't remember how long he sat on the ground, he slowly got up, stood in front of the window and looked at the city center of H city on the other side, with a sound of "swoosh", the fireworks pierced the starry sky, leaving behind a moment of brilliance.

Suddenly, there was a notification sound from WeChat on the mobile phone, Xia Tingwan moved a little slowly and looked down at the screen, only to see that it was Ji Zhan and Zhou Yang who sent the message.

Ji Zhan: I have already made a decision, haha, after I figured it out, I feel that everything is open, and it feels so fucking cool.The concert is about to start, Tingwan, I'm going to go on stage to sing, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a smooth audition.

Zhou Yang: [Weibo link] Ji Zhan reposted our Weibo!The public opinion on the Internet has completely exploded!Said that Ji Zhan is an insider giving you a platform, the program team must respond this time!

Xia Tingwan bowed his head and opened the Weibo, and saw that Ji Zhan used his own Weibo account to repost the long Weibo comparison posted by his fans 10 minutes ago, and only attached a simple line : But please have a clear conscience.

Xia Tingwan looked at the line of words on the Weibo interface, and did not look away for a long time.

He suddenly picked up the emerald ring and put it in his pocket, walked into the hall and put on his coat, then strode away from Xiangshan without looking back.

……

In the middle of the night, Tianmao Plaza in the center of City H was still crowded with people.

Not only because of Christmas Eve, but also because this is the outfield for the first solo concert of returned singer Ji Zhan.

The Julang Stadium behind Tianmao Plaza can accommodate nearly 1 people, but all tickets were sold out a month before the concert started, and many fans of Ji Zhan failed to grab tickets for the infield.

So Ji Zhan's studio made a bold attempt to buy the rights to broadcast seven or eight huge LED screens on several shopping malls around Tianmao Plaza that night, broadcasting the live broadcast of Julang Stadium from all angles. concert.

This move further pushed the atmosphere of Christmas Eve to the peak.

The entire Tianmao Plaza became a sea of ​​carnival, young people wearing Christmas hats, waving fluorescent sticks in their hands, swaying with the deafening drumbeat.

When Xia Tingwan walked into Tianmao Plaza alone, the concert was coming to an end.

The hustle and bustle of people surrounded him like waves, and he drifted with the waves, gradually merging into the center of the crowd.

Among the fanatical crowd, no one noticed him.

On the huge LED screens all around, the close-ups were aimed at Ji Zhan in the center of the stage.

The young man who loves music dyed his hair a wild gray-blue, held the microphone and said in a low voice: "I am very sorry for everyone, but there must be a moment when the concert ends. Now I will sing the last song Now, this is not my own song, nor is it a Chinese song, but it means a lot to me at the moment-haha, I heard someone in the audience say that it is the Christmas song Jingle Bell, unfortunately, it is not this one. Guess again?"

When he said this, he blinked and smiled playfully, and the background sound was already slowly ringing.

In the beginning, there were only sporadic shouts in the auditorium, and then in the background music that gradually became louder, the shouts and screams of the audience had become like a torrent and tsunami.

At the end, Ji Zhan handed the microphone to the auditorium, and the audience in the infield and everyone crowded around Xia Tingwan couldn't help shouting at the same time: "It'smylife!!!!!"

Ji Zhan smiled in satisfaction, he suddenly raised a hand to the sky and shouted into the microphone: "Bon Jovi --- It'smylife!"

At the same moment, the sound suddenly became deafeningly loud, and the sound of drums accompanied by screams resounded throughout H City.

Ji Zhan still wears a sleeveless black vest in winter, and the familiar silver Choker of a cheetah is still around his neck. The way he shakes his head wildly while holding an electric guitar is so charming that it turns all living beings upside down.

"It's my life

It's snow ornever,

Iain't gonna live forever

I just wanna live while I'malive..."

Ji Zhan's voice was hoarse and magnetic. He roared, and his voice was almost torn apart by the end of the song.

But at such a moment, the perfection of singing skills is not important, the flame of his life seems to be completely ignited at this moment, the texture of rock and roll is rough and wild, dyeing the night sky scarlet.

Xia Tingwan looked at Ji Zhan standing in the center of the stage on the LED screen, just like the thousands of fans flocking to Tianmao Square at this moment.

At that moment, he seemed to see those opportunities and people passing by in his life.

Wen Zichen who has always been surrounded by money and selfish desires, Xing Le who was once ambitious but now exhausted, Ji Zhan who sings with a clear conscience.

There is also Su Yan, who hides in the hospital alone and writes to him, and has always been afraid of Su Yan, the "old cat eater".

He remembered that in the novel "Looking", it was the last night of Gu Fei's search journey. He had already met Xu Rong, and finally decided to let go and leave.

It was that night, a dumb man who could not speak, listened to the whole rock concert.

The night he decided to leave the North was silent.

He turned around, carried the worn-out gray-blue backpack, and walked away without looking back.

That decision was so quiet, but in his heart, it was like a rock and roll.

Xia Tingwan thought, he is the same.

He opened his palm, put the emerald ring in his palm reverently on the ring finger of his left hand, and then raised his arm high to the beat of the drum.

At that moment, bright fireworks bloomed in the sky.

Xia Tingwan raised his head, with hot tears streaming down his eyes, but at the same time, he couldn't help showing a bright smile that hadn't bloomed for many days.

On this rough road of life, he, Gu Fei, and everyone else.

The answer they are looking for in the end has never been how to face the world——

How to face yourself.

He's not going to live forever, so live in the moment.

He will make mistakes and be weak.

But on this night, the confusion and pain of a man growing up finally left him.

He no longer needs shelter and guidance.

He can protect those he loves, and he can face anything.

He walks frankly in this world, he wants to enjoy himself——

To live, to love, to hold Su Yan's hand, and never let go.

……

The winter morning is gloomy but graceful.

A ray of sunlight piercing through the thick clouds shines on the white snow, half of the world is melting and half is freezing.

Xia Tingwan came out of Zhou Yang's studio and sat in Zhao Nanshu's car to the audition location.

He rolled the car window open a crack, breathing in the cold and refreshing air, with a faint smile on his face.

It's a beautiful morning.

Just now, he came to find Zhou Yang early in the morning and got good news.

The "On the Road" program group finally couldn't bear the pressure, and issued a statement on Weibo: The editing of the second sideshow brought a huge negative impact to Xia Tingwan in order to create a hot spot, so I express my sincere apology to Xia Tingwan , I also apologize for misleading the public.

Zhou Yang showed Xia Tingwan with a happy face that the public opinion had completely reversed overnight, and even the things about him playing big names before were turned over by the way.

Xia Tingwan smiled, but what he said to Zhou Yang immediately made Zhou Yang's face freeze for a moment, and he immediately expressed his opposition.

"But I've made up my mind."

Xia Tingwan said plainly but firmly.

On the day when public opinion had just fought a beautiful turnaround, Xia Tingwan posted a video on his personal Weibo account early in the morning after notifying Zhou Yang.

He was sitting in front of the table in a pure white sweater. He didn't use any makeup to cover the scar on his face, and his face looked haggard and pale.Only an emerald ring is discreetly worn on the ring finger of his left hand.

In the video, he faced the camera and announced the buried truth to the public.

"The car accident caused by my drunk driving six months ago not only left an ugly scar on my own face, but also caused permanent damage to a child's vision. Due to the small fault of the other party running a red light, and I I didn't reach the alcohol content of drunk driving, so I was finally exempted from criminal responsibility, but I still owe the public a truth. Six months ago, I chose to use my financial strength to bury this truth. This behavior has kept me from avoiding this society. To my due, I have never really stood up to my mistakes. Six months have passed, and I hope it's not too late for me to wake up."

He said seriously: "My behavior is contrary to public morality, irresponsible and extremely selfish. Apart from my apology and compensation to the victims in private, I think I have also caused great negative impact on this society." Influence. I hereby solemnly decide that from now on, I will donate 70.00% of my annual net income to public welfare publicity against drunk driving. The details of the expenditure will be announced by my studio at the end of each year. Forgive me, but I hope the public can supervise me so that I can face my mistakes and give me a chance to make amends."

When Xia Tingwan said this, he stood up solemnly, and bowed deeply to the camera: "I'm sorry."

Zhou Yang did not agree with his decision, it was naturally out of absolute interest considerations.

Since Su Yan is willing to resign in exchange for Hengtai Group's control of Ye Bingwen, it means that this matter will not spread out. Admitting it at this time is like winning a difficult battle and then suddenly throwing away the victory. The fruits of his hands are handed over.

What's more, the huge pressure of public opinion may even affect the casting of the movie "Looking". Once the investors think that Xia Tingwan's image is too negative, they may even ignore the difference in acting skills and choose the one with a healthier image. time elapsed.

Intellectually, there are 1 reasons to support Xia Tingwan not to do such useless work.

But he still followed his heart.

In the end, it wasn't even about Su Yan.

He didn't choose to use Xing Le, nor did he hide from his own heart.

To face his own mistakes is only about him personally, and it is a crucial milestone in his growth process.

Stepping forward, even if there are dangers and thorns, even if he gives up everything in front of him, he will eventually grow up frankly.

After Xia Tingwan posted the video, he didn't even look at the comments on the Internet.

On the way to audition for "Looking", he seriously typed a paragraph to Su Yan, edited it several times, and finally sent it on WeChat.

This was the last thing he did before the audition—

Sir, we have been in love for six years, I have received 138 love letters from you, but I have never written to you.

Because compared with yours, my literary talents are really inferior.But after reading your letter, I know that I have to choose the way you are more used to to communicate with you.

I think when you received this news, you must have seen the news about me admitting to drunk driving and hurting people. In any case, please don’t feel that this is a sacrifice I made for you.

I don't think so.

In fact, I've never felt as relieved for a moment in years, and it's the best decision I've ever made.

Do I blame you, sir, if you ask me in your letter.

In the first few days of looking for you, I did blame you, not only blame you, but I also hated you in some moments.

For the first time, I deeply understand that you have never been perfect.

You are not brave, sometimes even timid.She was so timid that she knew how sad I would be, but she pushed me away and hid alone.

You love me, selfless and selfish, you don't ask for anything in return, but you can grit your teeth and hold back your desire.

You are not the omnipotent and powerful man I once imagined, you can't protect me well, you always do wrong things, you are destined to not be able to take me through all the roughness and dangers of life.

However, knowing all this, I love you more than ever.

I don't write so many beautiful sentences, all I know is—Sir, you become so real, so real that when I close my eyes, it's like I can hug you tightly.

Because until now, I didn't understand the meaning of holding hands and swearing when we got married.

Whether poor or rich, sick or healthy, we must love and respect each other, never leave, and never change until death.

do you remember.

Do you remember looking me in the eyes and saying - Tilldeathdouspart?

My sir, I will always be your little peacock.

I perch in your arms, look up to you and love you as always.

But if in your life, there will be moments of weakness and weakness.

Can you also be my cat, get into my arms with peace of mind, and let me carefully protect and love you?

I have always respected your decision, just like I respect that you want to leave Hentai to pursue the meaning of life, but today is different.

I'm not asking you, I'm asking you.

Please look at my growth.

Please think about our unswerving vow until death, please regain the courage to hold my hand and enter into marriage five years ago, please...give me the right to be your husband dignifiedly.

I love you, Su Yan.

I am waiting for your reply.

……

When Xia Tingwan arrived at the small attic where the audition took place, Shi Miao had already finished her part, but she hadn't left yet, waiting to see his performance.

He Yanxi, Xu Zhe and Lu Xiangnan were all sitting there waiting for Xia Tingwan.

When Xia Tingwan went to the bathroom to get ready, Lu Xiangnan followed in and said with a serious expression: "I saw what you posted on the Internet, you are so critical..."

"Brother, that's the decision I made. I'll do my best in the audition. If the investor thinks I'm still not good enough, then it's not fate."

"..." Lu Xiangnan was speechless for a while, and then said, "Should I briefly tell you how Shi Miao acted?"

"No need." Xia Tingwan wiped his cheeks which had just been wet with cold water with a tissue. His smile was very weak, but he was also extremely determined: "I'll just play myself."

Lu Xiangnan looked at him, his expression became a little subtle for a moment, then he didn't say anything more, and walked out with Xia Tingwan.

……

The sound of the camera starting up with a click——

Xia Tingwan didn't have any process of adjusting his state, he just stood at the door of the attic with a gray-blue bag on his back, as if he was born to appear in this time and space.

Pressing his hand on the dilapidated wooden door of the attic, with a 'squeak', he pushed the door open a small crack.

A ray of light from the sky came through the narrow gap.

It wasn't until a gust of cold wind that the dust on the door frame fell to the ground, that Xia Tingwan carefully pushed the door open completely, as if afraid of disturbing the room that had been empty for a long time.

In the cramped and damp attic, all the furnishings remained the same as when he left, the sky blue sheets were covered with a layer of dust, his gaze slowly moved from the head of the bed to the end of the bed.

He remembered six years ago, on that rainy night, in the dilapidated attic, even the light bulbs were not broken, and they flickered and flickered.

Between flashes and flickers, he caressed Xu Rong's lips obsessively, thin, charming lips, like the most moving musical instrument in the world, even though he had never heard the sound of any musical instrument playing.

He walked to the end of the bed, where the army green easel was still crookedly placed. Xu Rong liked to lean against the window the most, with a paintbrush hanging on his ear, ruffianly glancing at him while drawing.

He couldn't help reaching out his hand and caressing the rough wood of the easel.

Years of accumulated dust stuck to his fingertips, he subconsciously took a breath, but suddenly hesitated, in the end he didn't blow it away, but gently put down his fingers.

Nothing has changed here, there are traces of Xu Rong everywhere.

Xu Rong is so handsome, he talks so sweetly, and there is a touch of cuteness in his exaggeration.

He has been looking for that Xu Rong for six years.

When he finally found it by mistake, he found that the shadow of Xu Rong in his memory had already become blurred in the endless cycle of time.

And standing in front of him was a middle-aged man who couldn't be more ordinary with a slightly puffed beer belly and a guilt-ridden expression of judging the situation.

There will never be another six years in my life.

However, he did not resent.

Young love is a big dream.

When I woke up, I was like Zhuang Zhou's dream butterfly.

He walked to the north corner of the attic and pushed open the door leading to the balcony on the top floor.

The sky light poured in all of a sudden, gray and white, coating his soft outline with a lonely halo.

The morning in the south is so quiet. There is a long clothes-drying pole on the balcony, and the clear dew drips from the end of the clothes-hanging pole to the ground.

The year Xu Rong came, the town was surprisingly humid.

Their clothes didn't seem to have been completely dried. They were piled up on the clothes rail and dried over and over again.

He remembered that he and Xu Rong were playing hide-and-seek among a pile of jeans and white shirts. Xu Rong picked him up from behind and held him around on the balcony.

He lowered his head and gently kissed Xu Rong's eyebrows.

Those pictures of the past, like dust blown by the wind, slowly swirl and dance in the air

He leaned on the door frame and looked at the small town under the attic that hadn't fully woken up. He saw the green hills as the curtain and the clouds rising——

So beautiful.

He couldn't make a sound, but only sketched these words in his mind.

He often wondered what he was looking for. On the last night in the north, when he was squeezed among a group of strange young people, listening to rock music he had never heard before, he thought he finally understood.

He always longed to go to a noisy world with sound, for this reason, he eagerly held Xu Rong's extended hands.

Xu Rong is an ordinary person and cannot afford his full expectations.

In fact, there is no deceit, it is not that Xu Rong used an illusion to trap him who is aphasic, but he is willing to plunge into the colorful dream.

The hustle and bustle of others is not his, never has been.

Xia Tingwan looked in the direction of the balcony, tears glistened in his eyes, but he never shed a single tear.

The smile on his face is gentle and strong, like a soft and rising sun in the mountains.

He does not belong outside, he belongs here.

He was born quiet, like a forest without wind.

The swallows waiting for the coming year may fall on the branches.

……

The lights came on slowly, Xia Tingwan turned around and smiled slightly at Xu Zhe.

The humid southern town gradually receded from his field of vision. There was no dust in this small attic, just like there was no dew on the balcony, only a vast expanse of white fine snow.

In the whole room, no one spoke for a long time.

When Xia Tingwan packed up his things and was about to leave, he was suddenly stopped by Shi Miao.

"Wait," Shi Miao's voice was a little hoarse. When Xia Tingwan turned his head, he saw that the eye circles of this ice-cold boy turned out to be red. There was frustration and unwillingness in it, as well as naked envy and admiration: "You did a great job."

Xia Tingwan was a little surprised, and didn't know what to say for a while.

Many years later, he learned from He Yanxi that Shi Miao worked very hard in that audition. He referred to the eyes of Tony Leung sitting on the bed at the end of "Lust, Caution" and the classic scene of the ending of "Brokeback Mountain" with a denim jacket wrapped in a shirt. Combined and affectionately performed what he thought was the peak of grief.

That defeat made Shi Miao see an insurmountable gap, and he was devastated for a long time.

Thinking about it again after the passage of time, I also feel quite emotional.

In this world, every road is very different, and not every relationship that does not end well is heartbroken.

At that time, Shi Miao was still too young to appreciate those sudden looking back after searching, and the hundreds of turns after being obsessed with obsession.

Love and lust, gain and loss.

There are as many kinds of happiness in this life as there are sorrows.

Xia Tingwan walked downstairs alone, and while waiting for Zhao Nanshu's car to come, for a moment, he suddenly had a kind of deep understanding.

He frantically took out his cell phone from his coat and stared blankly at the screen that hadn't moved.

After staring at it for 1 minute or 2 minutes, when he was about to count like he did when he was a child, he suddenly felt a warm vibration in his palm.

He blinked and looked at the name displayed on the phone.

Suddenly, his nose was sore, and the tears that hadn't shed during the audition just now wet his fingers lightly at that moment.

He answered the phone and put the phone to his ear.

He didn't speak, but just greedily listened to the familiar, deep breathing sound from over there.

"Tingting."

After a long time, Su Yan finally spoke.

"Come back," he said, "please stay with me, my darling."

"I need you by my side no matter what happens, tilldeathdouspart."

For a moment, Xia Tingwan was sure that he heard the end of Su Yan's sobs.

"I'll be right there." Holding his phone tremblingly, he rushed into Zhao Nanshu's car.

The front of the car caught up with the rays of the rising sun.

to his home.