Before and After Divorce

The night wind rustled between Su Yan and Xia Tingwan, and they looked at each other in silence for a long time.

Xia Tingwan's breathing gradually became stable. He stood up and looked at Su Yan. At that moment, he also felt the same sadness.

What did they do to each other in this marriage.

Five years ago, he was willful and arrogant, but he hadn't committed such a heinous crime; Su Yan was gentle but principled, and he was the coolest man in his eyes.

But five years later, they were completely different.

They become worse, less happy people.

"Su Yan, can you tell me exactly what you helped me with...?" Xia Tingwan took a deep breath: "You won't bribe the police, will you?"

Su Yan rubbed his temples with his hands. He seemed unwilling to recall that incident, hesitated for a moment, and said slowly: "There is no doubt about your drunk driving. Yin Ning and his mother were involved in running a red light, and neither of them You were seriously injured, so you haven’t been criminally charged with causing a traffic accident. After you fell into a coma that night, Yin Ning’s mother agreed to mediate with me in private—I paid far more than normal civil compensation needs to pay. The police sentenced You have to pay the main responsibility, because you are a first-time offender, the alcohol content is not enough to drive drunk, and then there is a letter of understanding, so your driver's license was revoked for six months, and you were not sentenced to criminal detention."

"On the media side, there were two of them who were the first to know about the situation. I asked them not to report it with money."

When he said this, he paused for a while with a painful expression, and said in a low voice: "If you ask me, did you use the power of the Su family to keep you from being convicted, I didn't. But you are a star, and everyone present who knows Individuals, journalists, police, Yining's mother, I paid them off - they knew who I was, they took money, so they must not speak up."

Xia Tingwan covered his mouth, but still let out a low moan as if struggling.

"So I thought, that means morally -- we're all guilty."

Su Yan's expression was very calm, he pursed his lips tightly, and looked at Xia Tingwan with his narrow and deep eyes: "I have already made up my mind, before Yin Ning's mother quits drug addiction, I will take care of Yin Ning as a guardian. Ning, this is the only way I can make amends."

"You're wrong, Su Yan."

Xia Tingwan shook his head, his eyes were bloodshot, he stared at Su Yan, and said hoarsely: "It's all wrong, and it's not something you and I can make up for, your money can't——can't make up for him." What he lost cannot make up for what he suffered in vain.”

"If anyone is responsible for all of this, it's not you, it's me."

Xia Tingwan's fingers trembled, and she nodded towards her chest: "It's me, Su Yan. I'm the one who should spend my whole life to redeem and apologize, and I'm the one who should take care of Yin Ning—— You can't do this for me."

"Xia Tingwan."

Su Yan frowned, he wanted to speak, but was interrupted directly by Xia Tingwan.

"I'll come back and talk to you about it again when my side is ready."

Xia Tingwan took two steps back. After saying this, he turned around and opened Zhao Nanshu's car door, and got in.

Xia Tingwan finally couldn't restrain himself at the place where Su Yan couldn't see. He didn't even care to look at Zhao Nanshu, but just lay down and burst into tears.

As an adult, he had never cried like this.

For the first time in his life, he felt unprecedentedly heavy.

Being abused and abandoned, although it was dark and helpless, it was not heavy, because in the first half of his life, he was always convinced that he was a victim.

He always indulges himself because of this, and indulges his frivolity, pomp, irresponsibility and willfulness.

It wasn't until now that he finally understood one thing heartbreakingly, he wasn't, he wasn't anymore.

He is the perpetrator.

He didn't just hurt innocent people, he hurt an unfortunate 11-year-old kid.

He also hurt Su Yan, he killed their marriage with his own hands.

He is a murderer.

From now on, he will pay the price for it all his life.

-

Xia Tingwan had a dream that night, but after thinking about it carefully, it didn't seem to be a dream.

Because every detail and picture was exactly the same as in his memory, he indulged in it in a daze, unwilling to wake up.

It was the evening in early spring, and he and Su Yan walked side by side in the large amusement park in City H, but they didn't talk to each other much.

The air was filled with the sweet aroma of popcorn, and there were couples passing by in the amusement park, so he and Su Yan seemed out of place. At that time, he was not in the mood of dating.

"I want to sit here."

He wore a peaked cap, kicked the rocks under his feet, and then looked up at the pirate ship above him.

"This?" Su Yan seemed a little surprised.

More than ten years ago, the pirate ship was the most popular item in the amusement park in H city. After other children went to ride it every now and then, when they came back with photos and talked happily with their classmates, Xia Tingwan hid far away and eavesdropped. , Because of envy, I deeply remembered it in my heart.

Since then, his dream has been to come to an amusement park and ride a dozen times on a pirate ship.

But when he grew up and finally had the money to be so extravagant, the pirate ship was already an obsolete item.

People who come to the amusement park have more cool things, such as VR shooting, driving Transformers, and underwater rafting. There are long queues at the entrance, but no one cares about the pirate ship.

He and Su Yan stood under the ship painted with exaggerated pirate caricatures. Dust covered the red spray paint, and the faded look was even more cruel.

"You go, I'll wait for you below. I don't like playing these things."

Su Yan shook his head.

Su Yan was wearing a spotless blue shirt and a gray suit vest that day, he really didn't look like someone who would ride a pirate ship.

He looked at Su Yan, but suddenly said, "I want you to accompany me."

When he said that, although it sounded like a coquettish tone, he looked at Su Yan with provocative eyes: "Isn't it possible? Since I proposed marriage, can't I even do such a small request."

Su Yan didn't speak any more, his expression was a little helpless, and he finally walked to the ticket gate of the pirate ship first.

"Sorry." The conductor seemed a little surprised, and glanced at the empty queue: "It takes twenty people to sail, and I'm afraid you won't be able to wait today."

"Just the two of us," Su Yan said succinctly, "Twenty tickets, let's sail."

When he finally sat on the red seat he had dreamed of, he didn't feel happy.

"Money is omnipotent—" He turned to look at Su Yan, of course he wasn't talking about tickets, the corners of his mouth curled up coldly: "Everything has a price, you can buy everything, right? ?”

Su Yan's eyes met him calmly: "Tingting, don't do this."

Su Yan seemed to be coaxing a disobedient cat, he bit his lip sadly and stopped talking.

When the pirate ship started, it made an old shrill sound. He and Su Yan sat on the stern and gradually rose up. The process of rising was very slow. He raised his head, and the dusk gradually enveloped City H.

Sunset glow...orange, red, purple sunset glow, and finally slowly entangled into dark blue in the endless sky.

Along with the wind, he sailed into the sunset.

The moment I reached the top, I suddenly felt very light, like a bird, and could fly away at any time.

But soon he fell down again, ah, it turned out that he still couldn't fly, and at that moment, he felt so lost.

He still couldn't help holding Su Yan's hand, and whispered, "Su Yan, I don't want to get married."

Maybe it was because the wind was too strong, Su Yan didn't answer.

---

As soon as he got off the pirate ship, Su Yan took two steps, then suddenly grabbed his shoulder and said hurriedly, "I want to sit down."

So they found a secluded rest pavilion in the corner of the amusement park. After Su Yan sat down, he saw that Su Yan's face was much paler than before, and several drops of cold sweat appeared on his forehead.

He couldn't help but leaned down worriedly: "Su Yan, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm not very good," Su Yan gasped a bit when he spoke, "I'm not very good at adapting to the feeling of going down from a high altitude, it's okay - I'll just sit down for a while."

The sunset glow has gradually merged with the night, and the corner where they are located is just behind the lights, the dim color has a lonely atmosphere, and lively human voices can be heard from afar.

He looked down at Su Yan in the night, and he always remembered the weird feeling at that moment.

Su Yan was half a head taller than him, always so straight and elegant.

He had never looked at Su Yan from that angle before.

Su Yan's eyelashes were long, hanging down to cover his eyelids.

Perhaps because of his physical discomfort, his chest heaved slightly, and his pale face made this man who was planning strategies and always handsome showed unprecedented weakness in the ambiguous night at that time.

Beads of sweat dripped slowly from the groove on Su Yan's chin.

He had never seen Su Yan before, such a fragile Su Yan, he wanted to hug him, but wanted to hurt him again.

At that moment, he suddenly had a strong desire for Su Yan.

He bent down, lifted Su Yan's chin roughly, and kissed her.

He doesn't have much experience, and his kissing skills can be said to be clumsy. Su Yan couldn't help but push him because of the pain.

But he didn't give up at all, and pressed Su Yan's shoulders heavily, riding on Su Yan like a little wolf dog, and bit Su Yan's lips hard, biting Su Yan until his eyes involuntarily watered fog.

He wondered if all young people were like him when they first felt the attack of lust, a sudden and severe pain in a certain part of the body.

He felt a kind of anger, which couldn't be put into words. Su Yan took it for granted that he and his parents decided his life-long affairs. Of course he was angry, but at this moment, he suddenly wanted to fuck Su Yan.

Although he is a 0, the syntax of this sentence does not need to be changed.

This longing gave him a kind of physical arousal and anger.

"Let's go to the room."

He kissed and licked Su Yan indiscriminately, pulled out Su Yan's shirt hem embarrassingly, but felt embarrassed to touch it, he held up Su Yan's face, and said seriously: "I want to do it with you. "

Of course Su Yan was surprised, and stretched out his fingers to stroke his bitten bleeding lips, but his eyes were soon stained with strong lust.

"Walk."

Su Yan stood up, hugged him, and strode out of the amusement park.

-

Xia Tingwan remembered that he felt very exciting along the way.

He was just 20 years old that year, and he had never had such intimate contact with anyone.

When I said "I want to do it with you", I even felt a little bit amazing, like I grew up a little bit in a sense.

They trotted into Su Yan's Maybach, and Su Yan said to the driver, "Go to Wenhua, hurry up."

He collapsed on the back seat and couldn't help but want to laugh, because Su Yan said that sentence with a rare eagerness.

The two of them managed to maintain their composure in the hotel lobby and in the elevator, but once they got to Su Yan's suite, they couldn't stop anymore.

He couldn't wait to push Su Yan against the wall. Although he was very imposing, because of his height, he still had to raise his head to kiss Su Yan.

Su Yan didn't let him manipulate this time, but directly pinched his chin, as if teaching a puppy who wanted to get close but couldn't hold it well, his eyes were terribly dark: "Don't bite me again, little one!" Rookie."

He suddenly became annoyed, and felt extremely ashamed to be given this title.

Su Yan grabbed him by the waist and threw him on the bed. The metal cigarette case and lighter in his trouser pocket fell to the ground.

Su Yan glanced at it, took out a Marlboro from the cigarette case, lowered his head to light the cigarette cleanly, and then pressed the cigarette on him with the cigarette in his mouth.

He never knew that Su Yan could also smoke.

"Open your mouth." Su Yan narrowed his light gray eyes, like a cunning wolf.

He can only listen.

Su Yan smiled. He held the cigarette between the index finger and middle finger of his right hand, raised his head and took a deep breath, and then tore open the collar of his shirt, revealing his collarbone and lean pectoral muscles.

He was a little stunned, it was a Su Yan that he had never seen before.

Su Yan pressed down on his head and kissed him, tongue against his tongue, and invaded him step by step, possessing him, licking and biting his tongue and gums roughly.

And the taste of nicotine that he was familiar with had never been so explosive and wild, bombarding his mouth like a cannonball, so strong that he suffocated.

"Have you learned it?" Su Yan asked hoarsely.

"I, I can't." He couldn't help choking, looking at Su Yan with wet eyes, unable to utter a complete sentence.

"Then come again." Su Yan lowered his head again before he finished speaking.

He struggled, but was still so kissed that he burst into tears.

The only person he had kissed before Su Yan was Xing Le, but it was like an experiment.

They tentatively touched their lips, put their hands very neatly, and looked at each other with their eyes open. He even had time to sigh with emotion at that time, Xing Le was really handsome and upright.

But this time is different, until he got to this point with Su Yan, he didn't understand that there is no such thing as being upright and orderly in bed, if you think another person is upright, it must not be enough to want to fuck him.

"Do you still dare to play wild with me? Little thing?" Su Yan asked him while cupping his face.

"Don't dare anymore... Su Yan," he put his arms around Su Yan's neck, changed his name and begged for mercy, "Sir, I don't dare anymore."

Su Yan didn't even touch his ass, but he felt that he had been fucked hard.

Hearing him shouting like this, Su Yan furrowed his brows fiercely because of desire, and lifted his T-shirt from bottom to top.

The moment his skin was suddenly exposed to the light, he suddenly woke up as if a basin of cold water had been poured on him.

He thought of the criss-crossed rough scars on his body and legs, and the piece of skin that Su Yan touched was burned by cigarette butts repeatedly, leaving an ugly ruin now.

His spine seemed to have been whipped hard, and he felt a spasm in his stomach.

Lust receded like the tide, and instead of taking him into the gentle deep sea, it left him naked and terrified on the shore.

He pushed Su Yan away, pulled back his clothes, then turned around and lay down beside the bed, retching.

"Tingting?"

"Don't, don't touch...don't look, don't look at me." He collapsed into a ball, closed his eyes and repeated, "It's too ugly, don't look at me."

"Tingting, I understand."

Su Yan hugged him from behind, and sighed deeply, "I have understood it since I watched "Whale Language" for the first time. You are not playing Xiao Xia, I know you are Xiao Xia."

"I... have a lot of injuries, a lot of injuries. I don't want to do it, I don't want to show it to you. I don't want to do it, Su Yan..."

He squeezed out a sentence between his teeth, he didn't want to hide Su Yan, he just couldn't bear it.

A second ago, he was still full of lust, but this second he suddenly woke up in a cold sweat.

The terrible childhood was over, but the obscurity remained with him.

He seemed to be caught in a series of nightmares, when he thought that there was still a gleam in his life, but he kept falling into the same deep well of despair.

He is not a normal person.

He couldn't even accept the caress of lust calmly.

"Then don't do it."

Su Yan rested his chin on his head and rubbed it comfortingly, like a big bear hugging a cub, and gently outlined his brows and eyes with his fingers. After a long, long time, he said softly: "Tingting, you You know, you are the most beautiful scenery in the world I've ever seen."

He always remembered the words Su Yan used, he said he was "the most beautiful scenery".

It was a strange word, and even he, who was immersed in grief at that time, couldn't help but turned his head and opened his eyes: "Why is it a landscape, not a person?"

"Because before, I always felt that human beings are not the most beautiful things in this world."

Su Yan said seriously and slowly: "Human beings are very heterogeneous, sometimes they want too many things, and their posture becomes false, I don't like it.

"When I was young, I went to university in Europe. One autumn, I stood under the tree and watched the process of falling leaves. I found it fascinating. I kept struggling and flying in the wind. Why do I love the taste of being in the wind so much? I can't help it. I will think that way when I live in it. Then I saw a collection of essays, saying that the wind in autumn is the wind blowing from previous years——suddenly I was very moved, so persistent, it must be because I can’t bear the memories of previous years. I think it's beautiful, and often I can't help but stand and look at it for a long time. I've had sex with many people, but I never feel moved."

"Then... am I really more beautiful than autumn leaves?"

He turned his head to look at Su Yan and asked in a daze.

"In my eyes, you are more beautiful than autumn leaves, summer cicadas, and moonlight in snowy nights combined."

Su Yan lowered his head, kissed his earlobe, and said in a low voice: "Have you ever held snow in winter? It will melt and slip away from your fingers. But that won't make people sad, the things in life Some beauties are destined to let them go. They will not be sad or feel pity, because as long as they know that they have existed in this world, they will feel very satisfied. But you are different, I can’t let you go, I can’t be like Let you go like melting snow, I want you so much—Ting Ting."

Until now, he could almost recite Su Yan's words word for word.

Those were the most romantic words he had ever heard since he was a child.

"Su Yan, please spoil me a little more, okay?"

Su Yan's words made him finally let go of all his hard armor. He no longer cared about face, turned his head, and crawled into Su Yan's arms like a small animal, begging: "I really don't want to get married, I'm afraid, My parents... They are too bad. Marriage is a cage, and they are locked together to kill each other. I am really afraid, Su Yan, let's date, in fact, it is no different from marriage, please, okay? "

"I'm sorry." Su Yan hugged him tightly, and he apologized again: "I didn't bring up the marriage, it was your mother who brought it up to me, 3000 million to save your stepfather's business. But I'm not buying you , you understand in your heart, Tingting, I just can't tolerate you staying in that house any longer, I can't tolerate it."

"So, I'm sorry Tingting, no, there's only one thing—forgive me. I'll make it up to you with my whole life."