Before and After Divorce

A few nights later, Zhao Nanshu was away from home because of something, and Xia Tingwan received a call from his manager, Zhou Yang.

During this period of time, he has been deliberately avoiding Zhou Yang, and he often doesn't want to answer his phone calls and WeChat messages, but this is not always the solution.

"Ting Wan, how are you doing recently?"

Although it was a word of concern, Zhou Yang's tone was very light, more or less with a businesslike greeting.

Although Xia Tingwan has cooperated with Zhou Yang for many years, their relationship is far inferior to that of Zhao Nanshu, but Zhou Yang was introduced to Xia Tingwan by Xu Zhe.

Xu Zhe said to Xia Tingwan at that time, Zhou Yang has a temper and ability, if you listen to him, you won't suffer a lot.

Xia Tingwan trusted Xu Zhe, so he also trusted Zhou Yang.It's just that he is a sensitive person, and he has always understood that Zhou Yang doesn't appreciate him much from a personal point of view, so the two of them have never been able to get close.

Zhou Yang is stern and forceful, and what he really likes is a star who is trying to be obedient, not someone who is uncontrollable and willful like him.

When he was in the limelight in the early years, it was indeed the most dazzling brand in Zhou Yang's hands, but after getting married, he himself relaxed about his career, made some unwise decisions, and there were several negative news, Zhou Yang The relationship with him also gradually cooled down.

To Xia Tingwan, Zhou Yang is a bit like Su Yan in some respects. They are both older and stronger men, but Su Yan is deeper and more restrained, while Zhou Yang is sharp and sharp.

Xia Tingwan respected Zhou Yang, but also somewhat in awe.

"Fortunately."

Xia Tingwan knew that Zhou Yang's call was probably to talk about work, but he was not interested, so he didn't start the conversation.

"The hospital called me and said you didn't go for scar repair this week, what's going on?"

Although Zhou Yang's tone remained unchanged, Xia Tingwan immediately sensed that he was unhappy, he was silent for a while, and finally explained honestly: "I'm really in a bad mood these days, I don't want to go out, so I didn't go. "

After his car accident, Su Yan arranged for him to be sent to Ren'ai Hospital, mainly dealing with fractures and multiple bruises on his body, as well as aftercare, leaving everything else behind.

But when Zhou Yang saw Xia Tingwan's face at that time, he immediately made an appointment for laser scar repair treatment for him, and then basically asked Xia Tingwan to go there once a month.

As a manager, Zhou Yang was most concerned about Xia Tingwan's appearance. In the past few months, every time he talked with Xia Tingwan on the phone, he would ask about the progress of the scar recovery.

Hearing Xia Tingwan's answer at this time, Zhou Yang obviously couldn't suppress his anger: "Tingwan, I understand the problems you are facing emotionally, but you can't do things like this. You broke up with Mr. Su, but your Life is still going on. Your face is not only about your appearance, it is also your job, do you understand? Even if you go to each treatment on time and pay attention to your diet, the scars are destined to be impossible to completely disappear—— How much it can be faded, how much it can be covered with cosmetics, and whether it can be accepted by the audience depends on fate. This matter is a devastating blow to any star, God only leaves you so much You don’t even know how to cherish a little bit of space that you can work hard on? Do you think you are worthy of yourself?”

Zhou Yang seldom said such unkind words, Xia Tingwan just held the phone and listened, feeling restless.

"Also, in the past few months, firstly drunk driving, then divorce, the news surrounding you has not been positive at all. Take a look—look at what those weekly magazines and official accounts write, and look at the news about you. What kind of public opinion has become. I asked you how you plan to respond, and you didn’t reply to WeChat. How long can you hide from me? Regarding drunk driving, I sent a public relations draft right away, but you will attend in the future Event, a reporter asked you, what do you want to answer? How do you apologize to the public? Are you not going to think about these issues? Or are you actually planning to quit the entertainment industry indefinitely?"

Zhou Yang was obviously holding back a lot of troubles during this period, so he simply said everything like beans, and Xia Tingwan's fingers holding the phone trembled nervously due to the extremely fast interrogation.

Zhou Yang asked so many questions, but he couldn't answer a single one.

He has never been very good at dealing with the emotion of anger, perhaps because when he thinks of the word anger, the slaps raised by his father when he was a child, the heavy breathing of drunkenness, and the severe pain in his body flash through his mind, so even in adulthood, It is also difficult for him to control his anger. When he is impulsive, he will do things that he regrets.

But on the contrary, if someone gets angry with him, even if it's just a stranger, his mind will still freeze for a moment, followed by reflexive fear and retreat.

In the past five years, Su Yan has almost never lost his temper with him, and never raised his voice and yelled at him.

He had almost forgotten what it was like to face the anger of others, Zhou Yang's barrage of accusations made him at a loss.

"I'm sorry, Zhou Yang." Xia Tingwan's throat was dry, he paused for a long time, and finally stammered: "I, I really didn't think so much."

He himself felt weak when he said the words, he seemed to be holding up a shield made of paper, facing Zhou Yang's sharp spear, he was so vulnerable.

"Yes, this is exactly your problem all the time - Ting Wan, you never think so much."

Zhou Yang's anger did not dissipate at all because of this, he simply said: "You are always pity yourself, feel sorry for yourself, many times when you do wrong things, you just hide, but you never think about the consequences, and you don't want to bear your due. Responsibility."

"After you got married, you were photographed drunk and kissing a male model. People all over the world are eating melons. How much effort and how many drafts did we spend to help you clear this up? Even Mr. Su is also humiliated, and at the same time he wants to help you explain to the media: it’s a trivial matter, not cheating. If it weren’t for the kissing door back then, you think that now that you are divorced, there will be so many media watching you and writing about you. Is it so unbearable?"

"Isn't it the same now? The wine you drink, the car you drive, the people you hurt, and the six-centimeter scar you made on your face, but in the end, Mr. Su is helping you clean up the mess, and the company is helping you Apologies for the PR, I am in a hurry to get you to do scar repair, but what about you? You hide at home when you are in a bad mood and don’t care about anything, is that right? Ting Wan, you are already in your 20s, it’s time to start Think a little bit more, no matter how vulnerable you are at this moment, how much you don't want to bear it, you have your responsibilities - we all have, life is the fucking way, grow up."

"Okay, I still have something to do. I'll help you change the appointment date of the treatment later. Think about it yourself."

Xia Tingwan was trained until his mind went blank, Zhou Yang hung up on the phone for a long time, and he was still holding the phone in a daze.

Aside from the unbearable years when he was a child, he became popular when he was young, and then he was surrounded by crowds wherever he went, and then he was pursued by Su Yan, married Su Yan, and lived for five years like in a fairy tale castle.

He had never heard such a merciless accusation, and even felt his face burn with shame and shame.

People are not able to accept the worst of themselves, just like when looking in the mirror, the eyes will automatically correct those asymmetries, beautify those blemishes, and then make up a more beautiful appearance than yourself.

Xia Tingwan has always known that his personality is not very good, but it seems to be passable, even what Su Yan said after he divorced him, he didn't tell him so bluntly - "You are terrible".

But today, Zhou Yang did not give him the slightest room to evade, so he just told him.

Before going to bed, Zhou Yang sent him the appointment time at Ren'ai Hospital tomorrow, Xia Tingwan took a look and got into bed.

He tossed and turned until midnight, but couldn't fall asleep. He thought about what Zhou Yang said word by word, and suddenly felt something was wrong, so he couldn't help calling Zhou Yang.

"Hey?"

"Zhou Yang..." Xia Tingwan asked, "What do you mean by the car I drove and the people I hurt?"

There was silence on the phone for several seconds. Xia Tingwan looked down, and it was clear that he was still on the phone: "Hello? Zhou Yang?"

"Well, there was something wrong with the signal just now." Zhou Yang finally spoke, his voice was very steady: "What I just said is——you hurt others and yourself, not only did you suffer so much, but also made you care about you." people are sad."

Did he just say that?

Xia Tingwan was a little puzzled in his heart, but he didn't record Zhou Yang's words word for word, and Zhou Yang was too calm, so he had no choice but to pass by like this: "Okay, I received your message Yes, I will go to the treatment tomorrow."

Zhou Yang didn't say a word, and hung up the phone after saying "um".

-

Xia Tingwan didn't sleep almost all night. When he woke up the next day to take a shower, he accidentally saw his own face in the mirror. He saw a patch of dark circles under his eyes, haggard to the point of frightening, and the scar on the right cheek was also affected by his skin color. Dim and more hideous.

His loathing for himself roiled once again with familiarity.

He had low self-esteem when he was a child.

Because of his poverty, his clothes were always worn out. One winter, his boot had a hole, and the family had no money to buy new ones. He had to stamp his feet vigorously every day when he walked to school, so as not to freeze his feet.

In his childhood without any color at all, he was like a gray mouse, hiding in various corners every day.

At school, no children liked him. When he walked into the classroom, everyone would stop laughing for a while, and then cast strange eyes on him.

Whenever he thinks about that scene, he feels a cramp in his stomach.

When Su Yan pursued him, he and Su Yan drank beer and talked about the scenes of their childhood, "At that time, I felt inferior every day, and I really wanted to disappear just like that." As he talked, he couldn't help but yearn for comfort He seemed to look at Su Yan.

Su Yan patted his head and said, "I heard that the best way to eradicate inferiority complex is to find someone who loves you and have crazy sex."

It wasn't until he married Su Yan that he really understood the meaning of that sentence.

As a newlywed, he is narcissistic to expansive.

Even if you just casually look in the mirror, you can't help but feel so beautiful that you glow.

For the first time, he really liked his eyebrows, his eyes, and felt that he looked good when he smiled, and he looked good when he ate.

At that time, he was like a little male peacock experiencing estrus for the first time. He was novel and proud. He wished to show his colorful tail to the whole world. The vigorous lust and vitality flowed on him like a river all the time.

Love is a beauty.

Xia Tingwan looked in the mirror, the light in his eyes due to memories gradually dimmed, and the face left in the mirror, even if it covered the scars, became ugly.

He turned his head and walked out of the bathroom, put on a coat, put on sunglasses, and went downstairs.

Zhao Nanshu had already driven the car and was waiting for him. Seeing him sitting in, he threw him a wrapped tuna sandwich and said while driving: "Boss, my friend made an appointment for me. It's the internal staff of the Pediatrics Department of Ren'ai Hospital, who is in charge of registration files, etc., I'll go find out, and I'll call you when the time comes, and if you have any questions about Wen Zichen that come to your mind, you can tell me."

Xia Ting held the sandwich without knowing what to eat, and suddenly felt uncomfortable when he heard Wen Zichen's name. He squeezed the sandwich tightly and didn't speak.

Xia Tingwan also came to do repairs several times. Before the laser treatment, the doctor applied cold cream to his face. When he lay down, Xia Tingwan felt numb from his face to his brain.

The laser machine was lifted up, he closed his eyes, and remembered the action of Su Yan helping Wen Zichen's waist that day, and what Wen Zichen said to Su Yan: Brother Yan, then I will go up to accompany Ningning.

There seemed to be two completely different lines running in his mind. For a while, he was seriously thinking about who Ning Ning was, and for a while, he couldn't help but care about Wen Zichen's tone when he called Su Yan "Brother Yan". There is a little dependence in the softness.

After the restoration was completed, Zhao Nanshu happened to call, and Xia Tingwan walked out while listening to him.

"I don't think there's anything to check, just an ordinary person," Zhao Nanshu said a little discouraged on the other end of the phone, "Wen Zichen majored in nursing at N University. After graduating the year before last, he went directly to Renai's Pediatrics Department. He usually has a very bad temper. Well, I know how to get along with children especially. The family conditions are quite average. There is also a younger brother who is not in good health. He had a boyfriend who seemed to be quite rich, but they broke up last year. That’s all I know so far, boss, what do you have? Is there anything you want to ask?"

Zhao Nanshu said it was an investigation, but he didn't have any clues. Obviously, the questions he asked were all about Wen Zichen's personal situation and feelings.

"Oh, by the way, and." Before Xia Tingwan could speak, Zhao Nanshu added, "He seems to be concentrating on taking care of a very important patient recently, so he only comes to work two days a week. It’s still relatively rare in Ren’ai, so I mentioned it more.”

"What patient? What's his name?"

"Ah...you wait," Zhao Nanshu obviously didn't expect Xia Tingwan to be interested in this, he seemed to cover the phone and said something to the person next to him, and the voice came back after a while Come over: "It's an 11-year-old kid named Yin Ning. He said he was hospitalized because of a car accident."

Xia Tingwan's footsteps stopped suddenly: "Yin Ning? He, when did he have a car accident?"

"That's right." Zhao Nanshu didn't realize what was wrong: "You have to know that too—then wait a little longer, we need to check."

Xia Tingwan stood in the corridor of the hospital with his mobile phone in hand, Yin Ning, Ning Ning, pediatric nurses, and Zhou Yang said hurtful things.

These clues kept intersecting in his mind in less than a minute while waiting for Zhao Nanshu's answer. He seemed to be waiting for his own trial, and he could clearly hear his own heartbeat. Urgent and violent, it seemed like it could jump out of his chest at any time.

"Boss, I found it. I was admitted to the hospital after eleven o'clock in the evening on March No. 3 this year." Zhao Nanshu's voice suddenly became strange when he said this: "March No. 15, this is not you, the boss...fuck me ,what happened?"

Before he finished speaking, Xia Tingwan's cell phone had already dropped to the ground, only Zhao Nanshu's anxious voice rang over and over again: "Hello? Boss? Hello? Boss, are you still there?"

Xia Tingwan didn't pick up the phone, he covered his face and knelt heavily on the cold floor of the hospital with a plop.

-

"Come pick me up, I'm going to Xiangshan now. I have something to ask Su Yan, and I have many things to ask him."

Xia Tingwan didn't remember how he walked out of the hospital, but only remembered that his fingers were trembling as he held the phone, repeating to Zhao Nanshu over and over again: "I want to see Su Yan."

"How could it be possible to hit someone?" Zhao Nanshu said in astonishment while driving, "The media never reported it. The police just revoked your driver's license for six months, and no family members showed up. How could this be the case? , Did you misunderstand, Boss, do you really not remember what happened that day?"

"Nanshu, I really don't remember anything. I drank too much that day. I only remember the bumper in front. I couldn't stop the car and hit it. I don't remember what happened after that."

Xia Tingwan murmured, he turned to look at Zhao Nanshu, his eyes lost all spirit: "I bumped into someone, I bumped into someone."

Zhao Nanshu was silent for a moment before speaking: "Boss, it's not necessarily true, maybe it's a coincidence."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he felt a wave of weakness.

"Ha." Xia Tingwan raised his head, he shook his head vigorously, and almost squeezed out a voice in pain through his teeth: "There is no misunderstanding, nor is it a coincidence. Su Yan knew, and Zhou Yang also knew what happened. , They all kept it from me, they all kept it from me.”

Zhao Nanshu couldn't say a word, but speeded up the car and drove towards Xiangshan.

It so happened that when Zhao Nanshu's car arrived at Su's house, Su Yan's black Maybach had just turned off and parked in the driveway of Su's house.

After the driver opened the car door, Su Yan came out first and stood waiting, followed by Wen Zichen in a pure white sportswear.

After Wen Zichen came out, he bent down as if to say something to the people in the car. After a while, he saw a thin little boy holding Wen Zichen's hand and getting out of the car carefully.

Xia Tingwan stared at the strange little boy and felt dizzy. He pushed the car door, but his feet seemed to be on cotton.

Along the way, he thought about going to Xiangshan immediately to ask Su Yan the truth, but now that the truth was in front of his eyes, he suddenly felt unprecedented fear overwhelming him.

Of course Su Yan saw him at a glance, Xia Tingwan could feel Su Yan's face darken from a distance of seven or eight meters.

Xia Tingwan staggered over, every step he took, the little boy's face became clearer, but the more he saw clearly, the more his heart sank.

The little boy was thin and delicate, his left eye was clearly stitched on his white face, and his eyelids were drooping, so when looking at people, he had to turn his face slightly to the left so that he could use his right eye more easily.

"How did you come?"

Su Yan took a step forward, today he looked more unapproachable than ever.

Unlike the calmness and alienation that day, the corners of his mouth were tensed now with a kind of defense.

"Su Yan, how long are you going to hide from me about the car accident?"

Xia Tingwan stared at Su Yan step by step, he didn't dare to look at the little boy's face anymore, he could only stare at Su Yan fiercely: "Tell me, you tell me, what happened? You did it all What?"

"Mr. Xia—" Wen Zichen, who had been standing by the side, couldn't help standing over. He seemed to want to say something, but Su Yan pressed his shoulder heavily.

"Take Ningning in first." Su Yan turned his head and glanced at Wen Zichen, and said with an unquestionable attitude.

Wen Zichen didn't dare to speak any more, he lowered his head and took the little boy's hand, then turned his head and walked into Su's house.

It wasn't until the backs of the two of them disappeared that Su Yan looked at Xia Tingwan and asked in a low voice, "What do you want to know?"

Xia Tingwan's lips trembled violently.

The question came to his lips, but it made him tremble with fear: "Su Yan, did I, did I... hit someone?"

"Yes."

Su Yan didn't even have the slightest hesitation, and said directly.

With a "boom", Xia Tingwan felt that he was falling rapidly into the bottomless well, and darkness enveloped him at that moment:

"Why, why? I clearly remember... I hit the bumper, how could I hit someone...?"

"You were drunk, you didn't even see the bumper, and you naturally didn't pay attention to what was going on around you. After hitting the bumper, the car turned 270 degrees and skidded to the right rear. At that time, Yin Ning and his mother broke into a car. You're crossing the street at a red light, you get run over by your car out of control, and you're pretty much unconscious at that point, so you don't remember."

Su Yan didn't seem to intend to hide any details, Xia Tingwan asked, and he simply answered.

Xia Tingwan felt that he had almost lost the strength to stand up. He looked at Su Yan blankly and murmured: "I hit someone, I really hit someone, but why didn't the media report it and the police didn't find me? It's been half a year, I, I don't know anything, is he okay, Su Yan... Where is his mother, is his mother injured?"

"Yin Ning's mother had only a small scratch at the time. After the accident, I negotiated with her about Yin Ning's injury and decided to pay for it privately. But after the money was paid, she disappeared and never came to the hospital to see Yin Ning. Later I sent someone to check. Yin Ning's mother is addicted to drugs. She took Yin Ning to live with her relatives. This time, when this happened, she simply took the money and ran away. I have already started to deal with this matter recently. gone."

When Su Yan said this, he paused for a moment, and finally said in a deep voice: "Yin Ning was hit hard on the head at that time, and there were problems with his body coordination for several months, but after half a year of care, he has returned to normal. But his left The eye was punctured by the glass, and the vision loss is permanent, and everything he sees with his left eye will be blurred for the rest of his life."

"Permanently..."

Xia Tingwan fell to the ground weakly, he wanted to support his body with his arms, but he couldn't control his body, laying on the ground, weeping and retching.

There will be no recovery. He caused an 11-year-old child to permanently lose a clear left eye. Even if he dies now, all the things he caused will be irreversible.

Yin Ning did nothing wrong, but he will never be as sharp and dexterous as children of the same age. All this is because of him, because of him.

Su Yan also squatted down in front of him, those light gray eyes became deeper and deeper in the night.

"I'm guilty, Su Yan..."

Xia Tingwan's body trembled violently, and every time he said a word, he couldn't help retching because he hated himself.

He couldn't control himself anymore, he stretched out his arms and hugged Su Yan's neck tightly in front of him, tears trickled down the collar of Su Yan's shirt.

Xia Tingwan was sobbing, almost a fragile cry from his throat: "I am the one who deserves to die, and I am the one who should be blind. I am guilty, Su Yan..."

"You shouldn't have checked." Su Yan didn't push Xia Tingwan away, but just stroked Xia Tingwan's back lightly with his hand.

"Shouldn't I investigate?" Xia Tingwan hadn't recovered from the endless annoyance and regret for a while, he raised his head in disbelief, and looked at the man in front of him in astonishment: "Su Yan, I hit someone, Are you going to keep this from me forever?"

"The car accident happened within marriage—" Su Yan paused, and continued slowly: "I will be responsible, the media has already dealt with it at that time, I will take custody of Yin Ning's matter, Then set up a fund for him to use when he becomes an adult. Xia Tingwan, even if you don't know anything, I will take care of everything and try my best to compensate Yin Ning. "

Xia Tingwan stared at Su Yan, the corners of his eyes were very red, his expression gradually changed from astonishment to anger.

"Why do you think you can make it up for me? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? It's none of your business. I want you to make up for it——Su Yan, you're a fucking self-righteous bastard."

As he spoke, he violently grabbed Su Yan's neckline. At that moment, Su Yan's unreasonable calmness made him gnash his teeth with hatred.

He was as frantic as a little beast trapped in an invisible cage: "Su Yan, you heard clearly, the person I bumped into is my responsibility, I don't want you to deal with it for me, and I don't want you to atone for my sin, this It's all my own business, I don't accept your favor."

Su Yan broke free from Xia Tingwan's hands and stood up.

He tightened his thin lips, and looked down at Xia Tingwan.

"At that time, I was very angry with you."

He said something nonsensical in Night Breeze.

"On the day of the car accident, I watched you and the child being taken to the hospital covered in blood on a stretcher. You will never understand the fear. During the days when you were in a coma, I watched you every day. I'm angry with you. I can't forgive you, and I can't forgive myself. But when you wake up, you have to face the wounds on your face, the wounds on your body, and at the same time, you have to face a heavy self-blame and guilt... ...I can't bear it."

Su Yan's expression was restrained and calm, but his eyes were full of sadness.

"I can't bear it."

He whispered: "Xia Tingwan, I can't bear to treat you all the time, so I always do weak and unprincipled things. I'm as guilty as you."