Before and After Divorce

Everyone's life may be a diary full of secrets.

But for Xia Tingwan, during the time with Su Yan, he did not hide anything.

He has many unbearable, fragile, and sometimes unlovable tempers, but he is still like a kitten lying on his back, exposing his wounds, longing for Su Yan's caress and protection.

In front of Su Yan, he never defended himself.

After seeing Su Jin's diary, he felt very sad for a long time.

It was a very complicated emotion, and of course he regretted it, both for Su Yan and Su Jin.

Su Jin was only 11 years old when he committed suicide.

An 11-year-old boy may not know the meaning of death. He just feels that life is so bitter and painful, so he wants to go elsewhere.

He never had that kind of thought, and suddenly the thought of wanting to leave would pop into his mind-when he walked across the high bridge with his schoolbag on his back, he couldn't help but look at the busy traffic below for a long time; imagining fairy tales at night In the scene in the movie, I flew away lightly on a broom, going to a far away place.

But he survived in the end. Whether he is a strong or weak person, in fact, even he himself cannot make a judgment.

When he acted in "Whale Language", Xu Zhe told him that he is flexible and aura, and it seems that he is so fragile that he will be destroyed at any time, but in his heart, in his eyes, there is endless desire for a better life. longing and longing.

Xia Tingwan knew that Su Jin's suicide must have brought too much pain to Su Yan.

Su Yan was not a direct victim of the crime, but he had witnessed the end of the crime, as well as a broken family. He was also seriously injured by the crime in another form. Perhaps until now, he has not been able to heal from that incident.

People are fragile creatures, and the wounds left in childhood have never healed.

It's like cutting the trunk of a small tree. As the annual rings get thicker and bigger, the marks will still remain there.

The tree is still like this, how can people be embarrassed.The pain left in the bones and in the blood, even when grown up, will still run over life over and over again.

After five years of marriage, Su Yan, who was enduring the same pain all the time, chose not to say a word to him.

This was the saddest thing after the car accident.

He wanted to apologize to Su Yan countless times, he shouldn't have said those words, he wasn't considerate enough, he didn't take good care of Su Yan, he used Su Yan's most painful wound to stab Su Yan.

Of course he wanted to apologize, but every time he wanted to speak, he finally lost his voice.

Su Yan never told him.

Su Yan's diary was locked in front of him.

He is obviously Su Yan's favorite person, but Su Yan does not share with him the weakness and embarrassment in life.

Is love really supposed to be like this?

He was always troubled by these problems, and sometimes felt that it was because of his self-willed immaturity that made Su Yan unable to let go of his heart and expose his fragility.

In the middle of the night, he looked at Su Yan sleeping many times, imagining whether Su Yan's childhood was so unhappy, and imagining how Su Yan, who was less than 20 years old, spent that time after his younger brother committed suicide and died. Time, thinking about it, his heart hurts so much that his chest hurts, and when the pain is extreme, he turns angry again.

Shouldn't love be that simple?

I will show you where I was hurt in the past, and you will gently lick the wound for me. Only when you see each other's fragility can you feel pity, and finally love.

The world is so cruel to us, why can't we snuggle together.

In this toss and turn, he finally wasted the last six months, waiting for the end.

After parting from Su Yan on a rainy day, Xia Tingwan went home in Zhao Nanshu's car. He seemed to have grown up overnight, and he didn't cry at home in a decadent manner.

He quietly tidied up Su Yan's letters that were scattered all over the room when he always took them out to read during this time.

That's a full 138 letters.

He piled the 138 letters into several stacks, carefully put them in a big box, and put them in a bookcase.

When I opened the bookcase, I suddenly saw the wedding ring that I had carefully put away before.

He stood on the spot for a long time, but still couldn't help it, and tremblingly put the clear emerald ring on the ring finger of his left hand again.

For some reason, Xia Tingwan's face suddenly turned a little red. If it was the first time he put it on, his expression should be happy and satisfied, but at this time, he felt a little ashamed.

But he still didn't take it off.

At the moment when no one can see, he should still be able to retain such a small amount of power, and sleep quietly with this ring.

-

In the next few days, Xia Tingwan forced himself to stop thinking about Su Yan, so he started to concentrate on dealing with financial issues. He tried to call Zhang Xueqiao to mention the sale of real estate, but Zhang Xueqiao directly rejected him, and even suffered He yelled loudly.

Zhang Xueqiao finished scolding, as if she had seized the opportunity, she suddenly advised him to ask Su Yan for lack of money.

With such a mother, Xia Tingwan actually no longer felt miserable, but hung up the phone in embarrassment.

Xia Tingwan and Zhao Nanshu worked together, and it seemed that they had to move around to find a suitable house to buy.

The front of the Lamborghini that was in a car accident was hit badly, and the insurance company didn't pay for the drunk driving accident, so I had to spend a lot of money to repair it. Find a way to change hands with Zhao Nanshu.

The driver's license was revoked for six months. After much deliberation, Xia Tingwan felt that he might not be able to drive a sports car anymore, so he simply sold the silver SLK that was idle before.

With the addition of some miscellaneous odds and ends, he finally managed to scrape together enough money to buy a valuable finished house in Tianlan Pavilion, a newly developed high-end community near Zhao Nanshu's home.

Although this is not comparable to the villa he originally envisioned, Tianlan Pavilion is clean and beautiful, with tight security and complete facilities, including a swimming pool, a rooftop court, and an amusement park for children. It is really a good place to live .

Once he and Zhao Nanshu went to see the house, they were very satisfied. Xia Tingwan hadn't paid attention to real estate-related matters before. This time he bought a house for himself seriously for the first time. It was developed by Su Family's Hengtai Group, and I couldn't help but feel that the world is really small, and I don't know if Su Yan planned Tianlan Pavilion himself.

Since it is a finished house, it does not take much time to decorate it, and it is estimated that it will be ready for occupancy in just over a month.

Xia Tingwan asked Zhao Nanshu to find a home designer, and specifically told that there were children who would live there.

On the day when the house payment was paid, Xia Tingwan was walking with Zhao Nanshu on the road for the first time because of money.

He became famous as soon as he was an adult, and soon married Su Yan. Afterwards, it was like living in a distorted utopia. It wasn't that he didn't know what it was like to be short of money, but he could hardly feel the existence of money.

It's only now that I plan to plan for my own life and finances, and start thinking about a young child who, after spending a lot of money and looking at Cary's embarrassing numbers, realizes that It feels like walking without money is not practical.

"Nan Shu, do you also think I'm too naive?" Xia Tingwan pushed his sunglasses, he looked at the passers-by passing by him, breathed the real air of this world strangely, and said angrily : "I really didn't think about money before. It turned out that when I really used it, it felt like running water, and it disappeared as soon as I spent it. I was really empty in my heart. I didn't understand this feeling until I was 25 years old. Not very strange."

"It's okay." Zhao Nanshu shrugged: "Didn't they all say that they are motivated by pressure? In fact, men of our age are usually under a lot of pressure, such as car loans, mortgages, etc. , In a few years, most people will still have the pressure to raise a baby. This thing, you can only change it if you feel it. In fact, being a big star is already separated from reality by a layer of membrane, not to mention that you are not only a star, but also very You will soon be married to Mr. Su. Needless to say, Mr. Su protects you so much that you are reluctant to let you have work pressure. You are neither short of money nor have a sense of survival crisis. You can feel what?"

As Zhao Nanshu said, he walked quickly to the underground parking lot, opened the car door, and motioned to get in the car: "Also, you insisted on signing the prenuptial agreement back then. If you want me to be honest, you are really stupid. If you are now , would you still mention it? In fact, when it comes to this, I still find it strange that Mr. Su is really willing to let you leave the house? This is not at all like his character. "

Xia Ting put on his seat belt in the evening, when Zhao Nanshu suddenly mentioned that Su Yan made him feel a little sad, he whispered: "At that time, my family took Su Yan 3000 million in one go, I felt like I was prostitution. I brought it up to save face, but in fact I never thought about divorcing him. But now that I think about it, that's pretty good. I didn't help him at all, and I did spend a lot of money on him in the past five years. , I was embarrassed to share any property with him, and he doesn't owe me anything."

Zhao Nanshu turned his head and stared at Xia Tingwan with his lips pursed for a while. His expression was a little serious at first, but after a while he couldn't help but smiled helplessly: "If I were a rich person, I would like you too." Innocent little baby—it’s okay, then let’s not take his money, let’s earn it ourselves.”

Zhao Nanshu started the car as he spoke, and slowly drove towards Xiangshan.

Xia Tingwan had greeted Su Yan before and said that he would go to Xiangshan to visit Yin Ning at night, but when he arrived at Su's house, it was Wen Zichen who answered the door again.

Wen Zichen was wearing a simple white T-shirt. He was not surprised by Xia Tingwan's visit. After opening the door, he smiled and said hello: "Mr. Xia, you came so early. Brother Yan is still working upstairs."

"Hello." Xia Tingwan said two words abruptly.

When Xia Tingwan saw Wen Zichen this time, his mood was very different from the previous two times.

Before, he wasn't sure what the relationship between Wen Zichen and Su Yan was. Although there were gossip and his own speculation, it was not conclusive after all. But after Su Yan told him that they had had a relationship, when he saw Wen Zichen again, His chest felt tight all of a sudden.

He couldn't restrain his gaze, and carefully looked at Wen Zichen's face inch by inch.

Wen Zichen is not a man who is so handsome at first glance.

It's just that the eyebrows and eyes are flat, there is a tear mole at the corner of the right eye, and the figure is slender. If you look carefully, there is a kind of attractiveness.

It's a completely different type from him.

While he was looking at Wen Zichen, Wen Zichen's eyes swept over him, and finally his eyes subtly settled on the long and narrow scar on his right cheek.

Xia Tingwan's heart trembled suddenly, his eyes flickered, and he couldn't help turning his face away, trying to cover up the scar with a shadow.

Just for a moment, he suddenly felt that he had lost.

Although it was a completely meaningless contest, his expression was still unbearably dilapidated.

He is no longer the beautiful and proud little peacock that made Su Yan stop for him.

Wen Zichen looked at his expression, smiled meaningfully, turned sideways and said politely: "Please come in, Mr. Xia."

-

Wen Zichen looked at his expression, smiled meaningfully, turned sideways and said politely: "Please come in, Mr. Xia."

Xia Tingwan went in first and sat on the sofa. Wen Zichen poured him a cup of passion fruit tea politely, and said, "I heard from Brother Yan that Mr. Xia is going to take Ning Ning back to take care of him, right? ?”

"Hmm." Xia Tingwan felt indescribably resistant to Wen Zichen, so he didn't want to force himself to talk more.

"Actually, Mr. Xia, I know you are not familiar with me, but I still want to say something about Ningning."

Wen Zichen went around and sat down opposite Xia Tingwan, and continued gently: "Ning Ning lives well with brother Yan, whether it is quality of life, education, or other aspects, of course out of guilt and responsibility , I can completely understand your thoughts, Mr. Xia, but in fact, you really don’t have to force yourself.”

Xia Tingwan held the teacup and looked at Wen Zichen, a trace of astonishment flashed across his eyes, he was silent for a while, and finally said with a very cold expression: "I didn't force it."

Although he doesn't know whether he is a good actor or not, he does have the qualities of a good actor—a keen perception of the atmosphere between people and the instinctive sense of the flow of emotion.

He didn't like Wen Zichen, not from the first time we met.

Wen Zichen was deliberate. Although it was packaged in a seemingly gentle and polite manner, Xia Tingwan could still feel that this person wanted to completely occupy the position next to Su Yan, and was eager to become another person in this house. The ambition of a male master.

Xia Tingwan was not a tactful person in the first place, if it was before, he might have said "it's none of your business", but now he feels an invisible restraint.

At this time, Zhao Nanshu took a gift for Yin Ning from the trunk of the car and followed him in. Coincidentally, Su Yan also took Yin Ning's hand and walked down the stairs.

"Hi, Mr. Su." Zhao Nanshu looked up and greeted.

"You're here." Su Yan nodded.

"Long time no see," Zhao Nanshu smiled heartily, and raised his left hand, revealing the blue and white Antoinette packaging bag: "Tingwan went to the old place to buy some desserts for the children, and brought you a lava cake, eat it order?"

When Su Yan walked down the stairs, he was taken aback when he heard what Zhao Nanshu said. He took a deep look at Xia Tingwan.

Xia Tingwan's face turned red. He never told Zhao Nanshu when he bought it, but Zhao Nanshu already knew what he picked.

It's strange to say that a calm and mature man like Su Yan actually likes sweets the most.

Su Yan loves chocolate, cake, and ice cream, which children love to eat.

Xia Tingwan once tasted Antoinette's cake by chance when he was filming. Although he didn't like sweets, he felt that the taste was extraordinary, so he brought Su Yan blueberry cheese and lava cake.

He still remembered Su Yan's appearance when he ate the cake, with the cuffs of his shirt pulled up to reveal his slender wrists, his narrow eyes slightly squinted, slowly, as if he wanted to savor every bite, like a pampered old cat.

"Brother Yan," Wen Zichen looked up at Su Yan, his voice was very gentle: "It's evening, let's eat less sweets."

"What's wrong?" Zhao Nanshu carelessly put the packaging bag on the table, and glanced at Su Yan: "Mr. Su, have you gained weight?"

Perhaps Zhao Nanshu's attitude was so natural that even Su Yan couldn't help but smile a little. He shook his head, "No."

Saying that, Su Yan let go of Yin Ning's hand, lowered his head and said, "Ning Ning, brother Ting Wan, whom I just told you, is here to see you, can you talk to him, okay?"

Yin Ning was thin and small. After listening to Su Yan's words, he didn't speak, but stood in the middle of the hall with his hands behind his back and his head bowed.

Xia Tingwan stood up, walked to Yin Ning and slowly squatted down.

It was the first time he had been so close to Yin Ning.

This is a good-looking little boy, with beautiful eyebrows and fair skin, but the left eyelid that was injured by the car accident is still drooping.

Yin Ning quickly sized his face with a pair of big dark eyes, then quickly lowered his eyes to look at the ground, still pursing his lips without saying a word.

In those eyes, there was vigilance, uneasiness, confusion, and a little animal-like stubbornness.

Xia Tingwan's nose was sore, he was too familiar with this look.

He was a wounded child too, he knew—

He stroked Yin Ning's cheek lightly, because he didn't want to irritate Yin Ning, so his fingers deliberately avoided the scar on the eyelid.

"Ningning,"

As soon as Xia Tingwan opened his mouth, he felt his voice trembling badly: "I'm sorry."

"sorry Sorry……"

Xia Tingwan knew that he should calm down, but apart from these three words, he couldn't utter other words.

I am sorry.

He seemed to see the bruised self hiding in the corner, seeing Su Jin being abused to the brink of death, and then—the little Yin Ning lying at the scene of the car accident with his face covered in blood.

Why.

Why are they beaten, abused, and abandoned by adults? Why are other children being loved and protected, but they have done nothing wrong, but they are not treated kindly by the world.

Why, he finally grew up to look like the most annoying adult, wantonly hurting another innocent and innocent child.Could it be that Xia Zhongyu's disgusting sinful blood really flowed in his body?

"Tingwan," a vague call seemed to come from his ear, but it was not very real, until the second voice: "Xia Tingwan!"

He was pulled up abruptly, and only after he stood up straight did he realize that it was Su Yan.

"stay strong."

Su Yan pressed Xia Tingwan's shoulder and repeated again: "You told me to take care of Yin Ning, do you understand the meaning of this matter?"

Xia Tingwan was a little dazed, and subconsciously raised her head to look at Su Yan.

Su Yan's expression was very serious: "If you want to take care of a wounded child, you must be firm and strong - you must pack up your guilt and stop drowning in the past - tell me, you Can it be done?"

Xia Tingwan trembled: "Can..."

His voice was weak, but when he looked at Su Yan, he still nodded vigorously and repeated: "I can."

Hearing what he said, Su Yan's expression gradually softened. After letting go of his hand, he took a step back and sat on the sofa.

Xia Tingwan took a deep breath and finally forced himself to calm down slowly.

Zhao Nanshu didn't know when he came over and stood beside him, reached out and handed him his teacup, and then patted him on the shoulder.

Xia Tingwan took a sip of passion fruit tea, and after recovering, he said softly to Yin Ning: "Ning Ning, when my house is ready, I will come and pick you up, okay? What kind of room does Ning Ning like?" Ah? Do you like pets?"

Yin Ning obviously heard it.

But he neither looked at Xia Tingwan nor answered, just stood there with his head down, stubbornly showing the back of his thin, white neck.

Xia Tingwan suddenly felt a complex emotion of pity, guilt, and the desire to make up for it——

He looked at Yin Ning, as if looking at his past self from a certain angle.

Perhaps the scene was a bit stalemate, Wen Zichen who was sitting on the side coughed, and then called softly, "Ning Ning."

After hearing this, Yin Ning ran towards Wen Zichen quickly, held Wen Zichen's hand tightly with her small hand, called "Brother Zichen" in a low voice, and then turned her back not to look at Xia Tingwan. .

The little boy's trust and intimacy with Wen Zichen was obviously completely different from that when he faced Xia Tingwan.

"Brother Yan," Wen Zichen rubbed Yin Ning's head with his hands, stood up and said, "How about I take Ning Ning upstairs first?"

"En." Su Yan responded.

Looking at the backs of Wen Zichen and Yin Ning going upstairs, Xia Tingwan couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed.

I can.

He repeated it in his mind.Those three words seem to have a kind of magical power. If you think about it once, a trace of courage and determination will emerge out of thin air in your chest.

Su Yan waited until Wen Zichen and the others had completely left before speaking: "Yin Ning's mother has been found, and she is in the drug rehabilitation center. I went to see her two days ago to talk about Yin Ning's affairs. She refused to give custody, but entrusted me to be in the drug rehabilitation center. Taking care of Yin Ning during the time I came out, I guess it will take a year or so."

Xia Tingwan was a little confused: "Didn't you say that when Ning Ning was still in the hospital, she took the money and ran away? Why did it suddenly change now?"

"It's impossible to estimate what drug addicts do when they're insane." Su Yan frowned, lowered his head and took a sip of tea: "Now that she's in the drug rehabilitation center, she may have remembered her responsibilities as a mother again. There is no way to give guardianship, she is Yin Ning's mother after all, no matter how hard she is, Yin Ning probably wants to live with her more, so she can only take care of her as best she can during this time."

"Also, after the car accident, Wen Zichen was with Yin Ning most of the time, doing rehabilitation, playing games and so on, so Yin Ning trusted Wen Zichen the most and always stuck to him. You wanted to pick Yin Ning over, but suddenly the environment It may not be good to change with everyone I know."

Su Yan paused at this point, his face suddenly showed a tired look, he pressed his fingers on his temples, and then continued: "So I think, after you take care of it, you will still be able to do it every weekend. Bring it back here, let Yin Ning live on both sides to get used to it, and don't make him feel abandoned."

"Su Yan..."

Xia Tingwan knew they were talking about something serious, but couldn't help asking out of nowhere: "Are you okay?"

Su Yan was taken aback for a moment, but immediately said in a deep voice, "I'm fine."

As soon as he finished speaking, both of them were silent for a moment.

After a long time, Xia Tingwan hesitated and spoke again: "I'll listen to you about Yin Ning... In fact, you should be more thoughtful."

"But there is one more thing I want to tell you about work."

Su Yan raised his eyes and looked at Xia Tingwan. Xia Tingwan also knew that the fact that he was working now had nothing to do with Su Yan, but he always wanted to ask Su Yan for his opinion when he was uncertain about things. .

"Zhou Yang picked up a line for me, saying that there is a slow variety show "On the Road" and the recording will start soon, because one of the MCs is urgent and can't participate, so he is in a hurry to find a backup, and asked me if I want to consider it."

"A reality show?" Su Yan seemed a little surprised.

"Hmm..." Xia Tingwan nodded, actually thinking of this, he also felt depressed.

After he became famous, he had received invitations to many reality shows, and he didn't know whether he should participate or not. Sometimes he looked very happy to see Xing Le and others lively on the show.

But Zhou Yang had already clearly distinguished Xia Tingwan from those sunny and handsome idols when he was promoting in the early stage.

Zhou Yang manages the rebellious and melancholic traits as Xia Tingwan's personal brand, and almost firmly inserts Xia Tingwan into this persona every inch.

He is a strict person. In his eyes, Xia Tingwan is destined to be a big star, so Xia Tingwan must work very hard and be very precise, to present the fragile and sensitive traits as flawlessly as a performance To the public, it is necessary to maintain a certain distance and sense of mystery from the public in order to maintain a high-level sense.

Therefore, Zhou Yang used to reject the reality show, which is suitable for the public and laughs and laughs.

On the contrary, Su Yan has always had a somewhat different philosophy from Zhou Yang.

After getting married, when Su Yan occasionally mentioned work to him, she just told him to be free, to be happy when he wanted to be happy, to do light and entertaining work, and to make movies if he wanted to.

Su Yan is not a person who will preach to him repeatedly, and he is unwilling to interfere too much with his work and personal life. The most serious time he spoke, he just told him: "You are a person first, and then a star. Don't put your life on the line. It's boring to live as a person in the eyes of the public."

Thinking about it now, what Su Yan said should have more profound meaning.

But at that time, he focused on understanding the words "be happy if you want to be happy", but simply pushed the focus of work to the back, and became a star who can do whatever he wants, which made Zhou Yang half dead.

But now his situation is completely different from that time. He really wants to make a movie, but it is a long process from project approval to shooting to completion. If he wants to make quick money, it seems unrealistic.

Coupled with the injury on the face, there is no way to hide on the big screen, and the subtle expressiveness will also be affected. During this time, Zhou Yang is also helping him see if there is a chance, but basically he hopes slim.

On the contrary, when Yihe got involved with variety shows and reality shows, many shows expressed their desire to further negotiate.

Because Xia Tingwan is full of gossip and hot spots, actor is a part, variety show debut is also a part, but what attracts more attention is his marriage and his car accident.

What he never expected was that, with the passage of time, the most profitable things on his body turned out to be the most obscure scars in his life.

"Go to the reality show at this time, have you thought about it?"

Su Yan seemed hesitant to speak, and finally just asked a simple question.

"Also... I've almost figured it out."

Xia Tingwan's nose is a little sore. He has never participated in a variety show. He doesn't know if he is suitable for it, if he has a sense of variety show, and he doesn't know if his face will be ugly in a simple and direct shooting environment like a reality show. Terrible, I don't know how the public will talk about him, talk about his drunk driving and his divorce.

He didn't know anything, and sometimes when he thought about it at night, he always felt empty and scared, but when he woke up during the day, he had to keep going.

In fact, during this period of time, he really felt that he was quite strong, but when he was in front of Su Yan, he really wanted to plunge into this man's arms.

-

"Since you have decided, that's fine."

Su Yan didn't say anything more, in fact Xia Tingwan also understood that with their current relationship, maybe they couldn't talk about these things openly.

"Then... I may come here a few more times this month to get acquainted with Ning Ning and take him out to play or something, is that okay?"

"Yeah." Su Yan nodded: "I should be here in the afternoon and evening these days, so let me know before you come."

"Ah, okay."

Xia Tingwan couldn't help being stunned when he heard that, Su Yan has always been busy with work, although he has tried to stay at home as often as possible after marrying him, but he rarely has leisure time like now.

He thought about it, every time he came to Su's house recently, it was really surprising that Su Yan seemed to stay in Xiangshan's house all the time.

But although he felt that anyway, it seemed inconvenient to ask about Su Yan's personal affairs, thinking of this, Xia Tingwan still stood up and said goodbye to Su Yan.

When leaving Xiangshan, Xia Tingwan suddenly couldn't help feeling a little sad. When he and Su Yan went overseas for vacation, they used to lie on the private beach of the hotel and chat all night.

He lazily said to Su Yan that he was not a professional actor in the first place, and he didn't know anything about academic or practical. Every time a reporter asked him about his acting skills, he wanted to pretend to be dead.

Su Yan smiled, and kissed his ear and said, you are a good actor, you just have to take on suitable scenes, and take on roles that you can touch in your life experience.

With bright eyes, he asked Su Yanbi what he was like.

Su Yan whispered in his ear, like a little boy who is in the belated sexual enlightenment period, eager and afraid of having sex, so irritable and charming.

He was so angry that he bit Su Yan's chin with his teeth. He knew that Su Yan was teasing him with what happened when they first met.

Biting and biting, it turned into unscrupulous playfulness again.

He smoked a cigarette with Su Yan, the smoke passed back and forth between their fingertips, like a secret desire, and then they kissed repeatedly amidst the sound of the waves.

He really missed those days, the days when he could talk to Su Yan a lot.

From the outside, he seems to be able to calm down and deal with all kinds of life, but in his heart, he is always reluctant to part with every memory.

Even if he rationally told himself not to think about it again and again, memories could always squeeze into his mind from any gap.

When I think about it, my heart always hurts, but I can't help but think about it carefully, every kiss and every provocative word.

He seems to be masochistic, always hovering between sweet and painful poles.

When going back in the car, Zhao Nanshu said while driving: "Boss, Wen Zichen seems a bit interesting——"

"What's wrong?" Xia Tingwan opened the car window a little and asked with the night wind blowing.

"According to my keen intuition, he is directing and acting in a palace fighting drama by himself."

Even Xia Tingwan couldn't help being amused by Zhao Nanshu's nervous tone and couldn't help laughing. He turned his head and looked at Zhao Nanshu: "Can men fight in the palace?"

"Of course, you can listen to my analysis—" Zhao Nanshu began to talk nonsense solemnly: "Let's assume that Mr. Su is now the emperor, you are the concubine Xia who has fallen out of favor, and Wen Zichen is a nobleman who just entered the palace. Isn't it just that Mr. Wen Gui doesn't want you to get close to the prince Yin Ning, so as to prevent you from competing for favor and making a comeback?"

Zhao Nanshu has been obsessed with watching Gongdou drama for the past few days, and Xia Tingwan also watched several episodes with him, but he also enjoyed it.

"Then it depends on you, whether I can defeat Mr. Wen Gui." So he also cooperated with the question in a serious manner.

"Your rank is too low, I'm afraid you can't do it alone." Zhao Nanshu tossed his hair recklessly, and stepped on the gas pedal: "But if you add me, our two brothers will be perfect, you will be beautiful, and I will be beautiful." Trick, don't you make arrangements for him, little gentleman Wen, clearly?"

"Ha ha ha ha……"

Xia Tingwan laughed so hard that his stomach ached, he became inexplicably happy, put his hands on his face stupidly, thought of a name for Zhao Nanshu that fit the situation, and got up as an actor: "Xiao Nan Son, then tell me, in terms of beauty alone—how does Wen Gui compare with me?"

Zhao Nanshu happened to stop the car at the traffic light, and cast a glance at Xia Tingwan, his expression couldn't help revealing a touch of pampering like an old hen: "Of course, Lei, the little idiot, is the cutest."

Zhao Nanshu and Xia Tingwan watched Hong Kong dramas together in their house in Xiangshan for a while, they could not learn anything else, they only learned the pronunciation of two characters, one was Lei and the other was Monkey, and they also briefly raised each other when they talked. It has become a strange oral habit of Lei Lai Hou Qu.

At that time, Su Yan was on a business trip for more than a week. As soon as he came back, Xia Tingwan threw himself into his arms with a smile, and shouted: "Mr. Su, Lei Hou is handsome."

After Zhao Nanshu drank, he followed up and repeated: "Mr. Su, Lei Hou is handsome."

Su Yan was wearing a well-formed suit, but Xia Tingwan was caught off guard so suddenly that his face turned slightly red which was rare.

When Zhao Nanshu recalled the happiness of Xia Tingwan and Su Yan at that time, although he was a little sad, he still felt very pure.

He really believed at the time that these two would be together forever.

In fact, even now, this belief has not been completely shaken.

-

In fact, I don't know if I should explain it or not. It's a bit ironic. I only wrote about the "personal design" in today's update. Su Yan told Xia Tingwan not to live in the human setting, because it is very important for older people. , Human design is a very imaginary thing.

No one will live in a single stereotyped persona, and getting to know someone can't be that simple.

A person's life trajectory is so complicated, how can it be framed in a few adjectives? When Xia Tingwan was 20 years old, he was arrogant and willful, but at the age of 25, Xia Tingwan finally knew that he could not go on like this forever, because he would hurt him. People can also hurt themselves, so at this time he is in a chaotic period, he wants to change, he wants to grow, and he also wants Su Yan.

But everything has to be explored by oneself, like a baby bird that has just returned to the world, a little timid, but this is a normal reaction during the withdrawal period.

At this stage of the relationship between him and Su Yan, there is no way to act like a baby wantonly, even if the instinct in his heart is to fall into Su Yan's arms, this is of course very aggrieved, because he suppressed his nature.

But when he grows up, when his love with Su Yan starts again, he will still be Su Yan's most precious little prince.

Love is like this, he can always be a spoiled little peacock in front of Su Yan, and Su Yan loves this kind of him, not the gentle but boring Wen Zichen.

But Xia Tingwan, as an individual, must be able to stand upright and be strong, and he cannot be a weak rose in a glass cover.

This is the contradiction and extensibility of the characters, it is not fixed.

Just like Su Yan, Su Yan seems to be gentle and doting, but on the other side of his deepness, he is extremely self-protective, unwilling to expose his fragility.

In the relationship between the two of them, Su Yan was not the one who did everything right. When he was weak, he also chose to return to the way he was most familiar with, to have a relationship with someone he didn't love.

To some extent, he betrayed his ideal of love, so many people think he is ruthless, I can understand.

I think the discussion of characters and plots, I have never felt normal.

It’s just that sometimes I feel that everyone’s discussion is very happy, and I don’t need to jump in and say too much.

However, the accusation of fake character design and wrong version makes me feel astonished, and I don't agree with it.

Writing is a lonely process that requires patience, because the plot is flowing and the characters are flowing. I hope readers will be willing to give me a little patience to read these dynamic things.

If not, it’s okay to even feel that the sky is thundering, it’s just a fate, and it’s not a big deal to close a page if you don’t like it.

I'm a writer, not a seller.The character design I wrote is the core part of the character, not all parts. If there is a deviation in understanding, I still hope to give me some respect.

What I write is the story in my heart. I will not spend dozens or hundreds of times more time than readers to write an article, and then cheat the so-called reading time.

This is a losing business.