Preemptive

A year later, Jiang Zhao accidentally heard from other teachers that He Qiu did not take the college entrance examination and moved to the north.

He immediately resigned and went north, hoping to get He Qiu back.But there was a huge crowd of people, even though he asked people everywhere, there was still no news.

Jiang Zhao actually didn't think about why he was looking for him, and he didn't know what to do after he found him. He only knew that he regretted it all the time.

That's how people are, they can't hold what they hold in their hands, they regret it after they finish talking, and they walk around and find nothing in the end.

He studied for a Ph.D. and then moved to a university as a lecturer.He kept punishing himself with work, refusing all blind dates, coming out to his family, confessing to his friends, and paralyzing himself with pressure, but he still couldn't escape.

Every time he walks on the campus and sees those energetic young people flying past him like birds and saying hello to him, he can't help but think, if he didn't do that back then, how can he graduate normally? After taking the college entrance examination, even if He Qiu hadn't met him in the first place, then today he might be like them and have a bright and bright future.

Jiang Zhao wondered if it was the wrong time for them to meet, if God gave him another chance, he would definitely not make a mistake.

Unfortunately, there are so many ifs.

After a long time, Jiang Zhao no longer had any hope of finding He Qiu.Gradually, he only hoped that He Qiu would have a better life, that He Qiu would have a smoother life without him, and that he himself should look forward. Jiang Zhao felt that he and He Qiu might go together like two parallel lines for the rest of their lives. Moving forward, there will never be a point of intersection.

After coming out of the closet, Jiang Zhao has been in love several times one after another.It's a pity that like in college, every time it doesn't last long.

He is very gentle to others, and he always wants to rescue those who see pain, as if this can make up for the guilt buried in his heart for so many years, but in the end, others will reject him with the same reason, the person in your eyes is not me, Who are you looking at?

In the third year of Dr. Jiang Zhao's graduation, he became an associate professor of their department, and his career is in full swing. From outsiders, he should be in the midst of his prosperity.But Jiang Zhao still lives a life of two points and one line every day, a life that is not worth mentioning. He is hungry, eats thirsty, drinks tired and sleeps, without sorrow or joy, like a pool of stagnant water.

There is a newly opened pet hospital three blocks away from their university, which is very popular with students, especially girls.It is said that there is a very handsome doctor there, who is very gentle to animals and people, and treats them equally, and will not neglect you just because you brought a tortoise to the doctor.

So the students like to send the little pets raised in the dormitory there, and the hospital also has a foster care business, and they can arrange the pets in the hospital every holiday when they want to go back to their hometown.

Jiang Zhao didn't keep pets, so naturally he didn't feel at ease about this.Until one time, a student deserted in his class, and several girls crowded around chattering together, their flushed faces were so blatant, Jiang Zhao could only walk over and knock on the table.

The girls immediately fell silent and put their phones on the table obediently.

Jiang Zhao glanced down inadvertently when he was talking, and suddenly froze when he saw the darkened phone screen.

It was a candid profile shot. The man in the photo had a thin face, with beautiful long dyed flaxen hair, and a little pull behind his head. He was sitting in the sun kissing a cat, eye to eye, nose to nose Nose, with a sincere and gentle smile.

Jiang Zhao's brain went blank for a few seconds, and then suddenly, all the joy, throbbing, longing, guilt, and heartache all mixed together and whizzed towards him.

Before he suffocated, he heard himself asking in a dry voice, "What are you looking at?"

The students thought that he was here to ask questions, so they didn't dare to neglect, they honestly told everything from the source of the photo to who the owner was, and repeatedly emphasized that it was downloaded from the school forum and had nothing to do with them.

Jiang Zhao nodded and walked away. He was calm on the surface, but in fact he was in a hurry. For the first time, he wished that his class could end immediately.

In the afternoon, Jiang Zhao found the pet hospital according to the address on the forum.

When he walked to the door, he suddenly thought, if he really met He Qiu, what should he say in the first sentence.

Is it to pretend that nothing happened and greet him hi long time no see?Or just apologize and say I miss you?

It doesn't seem appropriate.

Jiang Zhao walked around the door three times like a trapped animal, but before he was ready, the electric door suddenly opened slowly, why did he come out of the hospital with an old lady.

The two met unexpectedly.

Jiang Zhao opened his mouth and squeezed out a self-conscious smile.On the contrary, He Qiu seemed very calm. He gave some instructions, sent the old lady away, turned around and nodded to Jiang Zhao: "Teacher Jiang."

He Qiu has grown up. Compared with the thin high school student in his memory, his shoulder blades are much wider. His whole body smells like he has been beaten by the society. He is polite and distant.

Jiang Zhao looked at his face greedily, as if his heart was being squeezed by a pair of invisible hands.

He Qiu didn't flinch at Jiang Zhao, and even took him back to the office meticulously, beckoned him to sit down and poured him a glass of water.

Jiang Zhao secretly put his hands in his coat pockets and clenched them tightly.

"long time no see."

"Well, it's been ten years, but the teacher hasn't changed much, he's still so young."

Jiang Zhao sneered: "How is it possible? I'm old too. I looked in the mirror this morning and found two white hairs. It's you who grew up."

He Qiu smiled: "That is, after such a long time, people will change."

Jiang Zhao's heart was empty.

He was amazed by He Qiu's transformation. After all, in his memory, He Qiu had always been a cautious and somewhat withdrawn child, who was easily shy and blushed, and could fly moths to a flame when he was bold.However, after ten years, he has become more comfortable, making it hard to see through.

"Are you here...to do something?" He Qiu asked.

"Ah, I heard from students that pets can be fostered here, so I want to take a look first."

He Qiu nodded: "Yes, this is a new business just launched by our hospital. It is especially suitable for students returning home from long vacations. What do you want to foster?"

Jiang Zhao felt guilty, thinking of the big fat cat at his friend's house, he said nonsense: "Cat."

He Qiu nodded: "The cat is good, I can help take it."

Jiang Zhao faltered: "It belongs to my friend. I just came to ask. There are regulations in university dormitories that pets are not allowed."

He Qiu was taken aback for a moment, he didn't know what to think, and suddenly said without thinking: "Are you still living in the dormitory?"

"Yes, the conditions of the staff dormitory are quite good and convenient."

The two of them stopped talking, and He Qiu turned his face to look out the window in a daze, not knowing what he was thinking.

Jiang Zhao drank water one cup after another.After a while, He Qiu suddenly added a sentence to himself: "It's convenient."

Jiang Zhao felt that he was probably old and couldn't figure out what he meant at all, so he could only follow the words: "But there are many rules. No pets, no high-power electrical appliances, no alcohol, no flammable and non-flammable clothes. Explosives, eleven o'clock and access control, the students complained every day."

He Qiu listened with a smile on his chin. After Jiang Zhao talked for a while, he realized that He Qiu seemed to have no understanding of college life.

"You...after graduation..."

He Qiu interrupted him, and got up to help him get another glass of water: "I dropped out of school in the second half of my third year of high school. I went to get medical treatment. After recovering for a long time, I went to take the veterinary qualification certificate, and then I slowly got back on track."

He said a few words in a calm manner, but a ten-level typhoon blew up in Jiang Zhao's heart. The hand he hid in his pocket was pinched by himself, and he still remembered that He Qiu committed suicide.

"I went to a psychiatrist, took medicine and tried electrotherapy."

Hearing the electrotherapy, Jiang Zhao was startled: "Why?"

"Why?" He Qiu gave Jiang Zhao a strange look, as if he had told some big joke, "Did you forget that you said I was sick? If you are sick, you have to be treated."

"So now I'm getting married, and I'm cured. Teacher Jiang, you see that I'm a normal person now, are you happy?"

He Qiu pulled out the phone photo album and handed it over, there was a photo of him with a certain girl in it.The girl also looks fair and clean, and she has a gentle and decent smile. Standing next to He Qiu, the two look very well-matched.

She put her hands on He Qiu's shoulders, and turned her head slightly towards him, in a very intimate and dependent posture.

"We met two years ago. At that time, I was still doing rehabilitation in a psychological counseling institution. She was a nurse. In the past two years, I traveled all over the country and traveled everywhere, and she accompanied me. I think it's very good. It's very good to be with her. Anyi is very comfortable and has no burden." After a pause, he continued, "As you said, stability is the most important thing."

He Qiu bent down and leaned into Jiang Zhao's ear, and asked what he had said before: "Mr. Jiang, are you happy?"

Cold sweat dripped from Jiang Zhao's forehead, his throat was so tight that he knew that He Qiu was taking revenge on him, but he couldn't even utter a single rebuttal.

He Qiu missed the most important years of his life; he personally shattered the most beautiful future.

He hadn't been able to be by his side before, and now he is not qualified to hope for forgiveness.

Jiang Zhao wanted to defend himself, wanted to apologize, wanted to tell the truth about what happened during that time, wanted to tell him that he knew he was wrong, that he was wrong, and hoped he could forgive him.

But in the end he didn't say that these facts, no matter what they were before, are actually not important now.

Just like fresh and expensive food, once the shelf life has expired, it is also worthless.

Jiang Zhao closed his eyes in pain, thinking, this is all retribution.

Half a year later, Jiang Zhao was going to quit his job as a university teacher and go abroad to relax.

During this time, he went to the pet hospital several times. He didn't ask for anything, but secretly looked at him through the glass window, greedily trying to engrave every expression of him in his memory.

Several times he saw the girl in the photo come to the office to look for He Qiu, and the two were chatting and laughing.

Jiang Zhao ran away in despair, and after that, he never went again.

He thought, He Qiu should be married, maybe he will have a baby soon, the family of three is happy, that's good, that's all right.

As long as he is happy.

Before going abroad, Jiang Zhao invited his friends to have a break-up meal. One of them was the colleague who had been trying to introduce him to blind dates when he was a high school teacher. Ah, do you have a student you remember?"

"What student?"

"That's the one...the one who used to like to follow you in high school...ah...the one that didn't finish at the end...what's it called?"

Jiang Zhao's eyelids twitched, and he said calmly, "What can you ask for?"

The colleague slapped the table excitedly: "Yes! What can I ask for! I met him in a small restaurant yesterday! I dragged the boss to death and asked someone to help him make that unicorn fish."

Jiang Zhao shook his hands, and a piece of fish with chopsticks fell into the teacup.

"The boss said he couldn't do it, so he asked one by one. I don't know why I eat this. Anyway, I stopped the car and came out to see that he didn't find it. He sat on the side of the road and drank Tears, those who didn’t know thought he was being bullied by someone who was a big man. Hey, but don’t tell me, this kid has changed so much, I only remember being so tall before..."

Jiang Zhao didn't listen to what his friend said later, he only knew that the dish He Qiu was looking for was called Yushu Unicorn Fish.

He also knew that that dish, He Qiu said, was the best he had ever eaten in his life.

Jiang Zhao thought about it all night, and refunded the ticket the next day.

He wants to find He Qiu, no matter whether he is married or not, he wants to go and see.

He wanted to ask him face to face, do you still eat that fish?

He wanted to tell him, I'm sorry, I'm wrong, I'll make Qilin fish for you, you can eat it for the rest of your life if you like it, can you... be with me?

He Qiu has a modest apartment, about [-] square meters, in a prime location in the school district.He bought this piece of land at the lowest price when it was not yet developed. A few years later, after the surrounding supporting transportation kept up, the house price "swish" increased by five or six times.

Many people envy him, saying that he has a good vision and plans for a rainy day. He will marry and have children in the future, and the children will not have to worry about school problems.

He Qiu just smiled and said nothing every time he listened to it.

What use is the school district room to him?

The decoration of his house was simple, even lackluster, with gray walls and floors, gray sofas and chairs, even the sheets and pillows were gray.All the utensils from the kitchen to the study are placed in categories according to the rules, neat and uniform, and the angles are all particular.

The only bright spot is probably the huge oil painting on the wall in the living room.The reason why he bought it on a whim at the time was because the salesman told him that the title of the painting was "The Screamer".

In the third year after He Qiu missed the college entrance examination, he went to take the examination for the veterinary qualification certificate.In the following decades, he went from work to home every day, and the two points and one line never changed.

No friends, no entertainment.Because all gatherings will inevitably talk about marriage, family, and children as they grow older. If you don’t have one, you are an outlier, you are an outlier, and you will become the focus of every topic. Feel that this kind of care and sympathy is unnecessary.

His parents are still alive and have maintained a relationship with him that is not salty or not.

He feels that this kind of appropriate distance is very comfortable, and he keeps in touch frequently, but no one is too aggressive and dependent on anyone.In recent years, parents have gradually stopped talking about marriage.

He Qiu felt that if everyone could take it lightly, he could also find an appropriate time to go home and have a look.He also didn't want to show up at the other party's funeral the next time they met.

Although He Qiu's parents are still like the general public, they believe that getting married and carrying on the family line is a mission and something that must be done.But He Qiu always disagreed. He used his death to fight, and finally got a suspended sentence from his parents.

"I shouldn't have lied to her if I didn't like it," he said.

That girl is very nice, gentle and pretty, works decently and earns a lot of money, and can chat with him. They still keep in touch with him occasionally, but since the girl got married and had a child, He Qiu rarely bothered her.

He thought, everyone has everyone's life, and he knew that the girl liked him a long time ago, but he couldn't give it back.

His love had ended in a certain year.

He now feels that it is fine to be alone, calm and regular, with no accidents happening.

The only fly in the ointment is that in the past few years, he has begun to notice a decline in his physical fitness.This made him also start to consciously strengthen his exercise.So on weekends, he occasionally goes to the city library to sit for a while, and then spends two hours walking home.

When he was young, he wanted love, and later he wanted freedom, wealth, and wanted too much, but in recent years, he has only considered retirement issues.

He prepared a suicide note for himself very early on, and put it in the most conspicuous place at home, in case he died suddenly and no one would know at home.

It is written in the suicide note——

Please, after I die, the ashes can be scattered in the river, or used as fertilizer, at least I can make some contribution to society.And the most important thing is that there is a big wooden box on the bottom floor of the bookcase, please spark with me, or bury it beside me.

Several staff members of the funeral home were talking about it, and someone asked curiously, "What's in that box?"

Another person replied: "It's nothing, just click on the textbooks and papers left over from when I was studying. It seems that it has been many years, and the comments written by the teacher are all blurred. I don't know why he keeps them."

When I said this, lively firecrackers and fireworks were set off outside the window, and the smell of dumplings and meals began to waft from the windows of every household, as well as the regular sound of "dong dong dong" cutting vegetables.

In a blink of an eye, another year has passed.

The sound of chopping vegetables became louder and louder, mixed with the sound of firecrackers outside the window.

He Qiu vaguely heard someone calling "Qiu Qiu".

He opened his eyes suddenly, his heart was beating violently, as if he had just jumped out of the urn in his dream and returned to the underworld.

"I've been sleeping all afternoon, get up and wash my hands and prepare to eat."

Someone called him at the door.

He Qiu lay still, his brain began to start slowly like a processor, thinking about who this familiar voice was.

His voice was low and gentle, his familiar tone.

The man stood at the door and smiled at him. There were sweat stains on his face and some signs of age, but it did not damage his handsomeness.He was wearing a home knit sweater and cotton trousers that were comfortable and well-fitting. It could be seen that he was in good shape.Seeing that He Qiu sat still on the bed, the man walked in, bent down and pressed his forehead against He Qiu.

"I'm not sick, how can I be stupid after a good night's sleep?"

He Qiu laughed with a "puchi" and said, "I'm not stupid, just fell asleep."

The man rubbed his nose against him again: "Dreaming again?"

"Ah."

He Qiu hugged the man's waist and rubbed it for a while, and his heartbeat gradually returned to its place when he smelled the familiar and stable smell.

"better?"

"Okay, are you smoking behind my back again?"

The man froze, and apologized with a smirk: "Just one, I promise I will smoke less in the future, really!"

He Qiu bit his waist through his clothes, turned over and got out of bed to wash his hands: "I told you [-] times, but I didn't listen! You secretly smoked behind my back, and you promised, what's the use of your guarantee!"

Walking out of the bedroom, he saw seven or eight dishes on the table, including meat, vegetables, and dumplings, surrounded by a large pot of Yushu Qilin fish.

He Qiu dug out two glasses, poured two glasses of wine and handed them to the man.

The man picked him up, sat him on his lap like a child, and wrapped him in his arms. He Qiu turned around and kissed him quickly on the mouth.

"Happy New Year, Mr. Jiang, be safe every year."

"Happy New Year, my ball."

-

The story of Mr. Jiang and Qiuqiu is over, and there are different ways to interpret the ending, so everyone can choose the one they like to understand.

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