Embroidered Pillows and Paper Tigers

Li Qishan was smoking irritably outside the car, and he only left Li Shi'an a cigarette. He originally planned that if his son didn't come down after the cigarette was finished, he would go up to find someone himself.

Unexpectedly, the man came down before he smoked half of the cigarette.

When Li Shi'an ran out of the community, he saw Li Qishan's car parked outside, but he didn't go directly towards Li Qishan. The father and son looked at each other from a distance. Li Shi'an's eyes were indifferent. With his gaze, he walked quickly along the long street.

Li Qishan's first reaction was to chase after him, but he bumped into Shen Yan who was coming after him. He planned to ask Shen Yan to help stop his son, but before he even opened his mouth, he saw Shen Yan's cold eyes. , full of resistance and disgust just like Li Shi'an.

For some reason, Li Qishan's footsteps suddenly became weak, and he slowed down by just two steps. The two children disappeared in an instant on the bustling sidewalk.

He backed up and drove, but when he got to the car, he finally couldn't control himself. He was so angry that he kicked the car door viciously, and smashed his fists on the roof of the car with all his strength.

Li Shi'an rushed a long way, but after all, he had no purpose to vent. When the resentment in his mind was almost gone, he stopped. After running, he felt a little weak, and he sat on the ground along the corner of the street.

However, his mind couldn't stop, he kept repeating two questions: Did Liang Jing blame him for Li Qishan's fault?Could it be that Li Qishan's kindness to him for so many years was all because of guilt?Those days and nights of being too busy to stay home, is being busy just an excuse?

Shen Yan has been following behind with his backpack in his arms. He runs every morning, chasing Li Shi'an with no difficulty at all, but he deliberately separated such a distance to leave enough personal space for Li Shi'an.

He didn't ask where he was going or what he was doing, just waited aside, like a quiet shadow.

The two and a half boys sat and stood by the side of the road for a long time, the shadows cast by the setting sun gradually elongated, and the white-collar workers in the office building got off work, and cast surprised glances at them, but seeing that they were both The well-dressed child shook his head again and left.

Li Qishan made a few phone calls, but after being pushed down by Li Shi'an, he didn't pursue him any longer.

Li Shi'an maintained the posture with his arms on his knees for a long time, thinking about it again and again. He never thought that the truth of Liang Jing's departure was like this. He couldn't stop blaming Li Qishan. How he looked at Li Qishan from today, that home is his only home, he still has to go back.

The setting sun sank on the edge of the city sky, and the street lights came on. Li Shi'an finally got up from the ground and walked towards the station in a daze.

On the car on the way back, he leaned against the receding scenery on the window glass and said nothing, Shen Yan handed him a bottle of water, and he took a few sips.

Finally Ken responded a bit, and Shen Yan immediately handed over another piece of bread, but this time Li Shi'an didn't take it.

Shen Yan stuffed the bread back into the bag.He didn't actually eat much that day, but Li Shi'an was sad and he was also sad, and he didn't have much appetite.

Li Shi'an looked out the window, Shen Yan watched him silently until he fell asleep, Shen Yan took off his coat and covered Li Shi'an with it.

At this moment, Qu Ya sent him a message, and the notification sound of the mobile phone was loud. Shen Yan quickly took out the mobile phone and turned off the sound. After a few casual sentences, he put the mobile phone back into his pocket.

Then he found that the entire carriage was actually very noisy. There were many people taking this train back to City D. There were many mobile phone screens lit up in the dark carriage, showing strange faces, some of them were talking, and some were talking. Watch noisy variety shows.

Shen Yan's position was close to the aisle, and he raised the armrest of the chair, enclosing himself and Li Shi'an inside, as if in this way he could isolate a small world without being disturbed.

For the first time, he realized that he and Li Shi'an were so similar, and this similarity largely satisfied his own lonely heart.It's like walking in the world for 16 years and finally found my own shadow.

Seeing Li Shi'an sleeping peacefully, Shen Yan even hoped that this bus ride would never end, because in this way, broken families, selfish adults, bloody family accidents, and having to go back home, would not be able to hurt them anymore.

However, the road has an end. When the car arrived at the station, the aisle of the carriage was lit with dim lights.

Li Shi'an quickly opened his eyes, his expression was numb, and he got out of the car with Shen Yan.However, after getting out of the car, he didn't intend to call a car, so he walked towards home.

There was still a long way from the station to home, Li Shi'an didn't say anything, Shen Yan didn't ask, they walked from the sparsely populated passenger station to the bustling area one after the other.

It's already eight o'clock in the evening, the intoxicating breeze of early summer is refreshing, people walking on the square and streets are chatting and laughing loudly, children are playing and playing in the musical fountain with bare feet, even the aunt dancing in the square Still so alive.

Everything was as usual, and everything was different again.

Li Shi'an was pulled out of a state of self-pity by the scene in front of him, he finally couldn't walk, sat down on a stone pier by the side of the square, and only then remembered that there was a person following behind him.

"Sorry for delaying your dance practice today." He said to Shen Yan.

In fact, what I want to say is far more than just a sorry, but also thank you, but the understanding and protection shown by Shen Yan made him feel that saying anything else is superfluous.

"It's okay." Shen Yan finished speaking lightly, and sat next to Li Shi'an holding Li Shi'an's bag.

He handed the bread to Li Shi'an again, and this time Li Shi'an took it. He tore open the bag of the bread and took a bite, then suddenly thought of it, folded the bread into two pieces, bit the other side and kept it for himself. Bite it and hand it to Shen Yan.

The two sat in the square and ate half a loaf of bread, and sat there for a while in a daze. When the square was empty, Li Shi'an said, "Go back."

When Li Shian went back, there was no one in the room, but the uncollected teacups and scattered cigarette ash on the table proved that Li Qishan should have gone back.

I guess I waited for him for a while, but I didn't wait until I was busy again.

Li Qishan was not at home and Shen Yan was relieved, at least Li Shi'an would not quarrel with his father tonight.He also wandered outside for a day, pressed Qu Ya for a few calls, and it was time to go home.

But just as Shen Yan was about to leave, Li Shi'an stopped him: "Watch a movie with me."

Li Shi'an was not in the mood to watch a movie at the moment, but he just wanted to find an excuse to leave Shen Yan behind. For a long time, he hated the feeling of being alone at home, empty, without even a trace of popularity.

When he made this request, Li Shi'an felt that Shen Yan would not agree to it. Shen Yan, a person who is extremely strict with his time, wasted a day on himself, and he was still salivating and begging for two hours. should not.

So he said, "Forget it..."

But Shen Yan was afraid that he would suddenly regret it, so he quickly interrupted him and said: "Okay."

After speaking, he pulled back his half body that had slipped out of the house, and closed the door.

Li Shi'an didn't show the movie in the living room, but took Shen Yan back to the room, and the two of them lay down on the bed and watched it with their notebooks. Li Shi'an chose "The Truman Show" that he had seen before.

This movie now seems to be in line with his current state of mind. It tells the story of a male protagonist who lived on the Taoyuan Island specially built for him since he was a child. The Taoyuan Island is perfect but false. The protagonist will finally break through the shackles and return to the real world.

It was the first time for Shen Yan to watch this movie. As a person who is difficult to empathize with others, it was the first time he could empathize with what happened to the hero of the movie.

At the end of the movie, Shen Yan turned to look at Li Shi'an and found that Li Shi'an had fallen asleep.

With the help of the weak light from the computer screen, Shen Yan covered Li Shi'an with a quilt. He saw that Li Shi'an's eyelashes were wet, so he couldn't help but touch them with his thumb. into the heart.

Shen Yan felt that his behavior was a bit perverted, and he left Li Shi'an's room door as if fleeing. From the distance from Li Shi'an's room to the main entrance, he kept holding his thumb tightly in his palm, as if he had stolen something.

After closing the door and going out, he opened his hands to look.It turned out that there was nothing.

The next morning, when Li Shi'an woke up, he felt that the room was very quiet. When he got up and went downstairs, he saw Li Qishan sitting on the sofa downstairs, and the smell of cigarettes in the room could not be dispelled.

He intended to walk through the living room as if he hadn't seen anyone in the house, and then go out to read.

Li Qishan stopped him: "Father wants to talk to you."

After a night of digestion, Li Shi'an was able to calmly face what happened yesterday. Although he didn't want to be the one who spoke up, he still had doubts.

He asked Li Qishan: "Why did you lie and say that your grandparents are gone?"

Li Qishan froze for a moment, stubbed out the cigarette butt in the ashtray, with an indescribably tired face, he said: "Father doesn't want you to see them."

Li Shi'an suddenly became excited, and said with a bit of sarcasm: "Why? You left because you were afraid they would tell me that your mother was cheating on you?"

Li Qishan felt insulted by saying this sentence from Li Shi'an's mouth. He suddenly stood up from the sofa, suppressed his great anger and said, "This matter has been going on for many years. After all, it is still an adult's business. You are learning to be nervous now, and you shouldn't be affected by the past."

"You don't dare to admit it, do you?" Li Shi'an said with a hint of disdain and provocation in his tone, "I still believed the lie I told for 16 years!"

"Li Shi'an!" Li Qishan yelled angrily, and then sat down on the sofa dejectedly, as if all his energy had been sucked away in an instant.

Li Shi'an was frightened by the roar and remained motionless, staring blankly at Li Qishan.

Li Qishan changed from his usual calmness, and in front of his son, he took out a cigarette from the cigarette case on the table and lit it.

Li Qishan used to think that Liang Jing should not have any influence on him and the child, but now he has to admit that the mother has a natural position in the child's heart, even though this mother has never played the role of a qualified mother in the child's life for a day.

Slowly exhaling a puff of smoke, Li Qishan finally made up his mind and said: "The golden age of most ballerinas is 28-35 years old. When your mother was 30 years old, she had the opportunity to become the chief of her troupe, but getting married and having children disturbed her. The original rhythm of life."

Li Shi'an looked at Li Qishan gently, this was the first time he heard Li Qishan talk about Liang Jing in so many years.

Amidst the smog, Li Qishan recalled those past events that he was unwilling to look back on in his life: "She has always been depressed, especially after giving birth to you, but there is finally hope in life, she pins her hope on returning to the dance troupe and becoming an international dancer." A lot of great ballet dancers in the world are like that."

"But the dance troupe is a very competitive place. After all, there are only a small number of people who can keep their position after getting married and having children. Your mother is not so lucky. When she knew that the position was replaced, she stopped talking. At that time, you were still in confinement. I thought she was just sad until one day she came home..."

Until one day when Li Qishan came home and heard the weak cry of the baby, Liang Jing ignored the child when she was in a bad mood. Li Qishan was afraid that the child would be suffocated under the quilt when the child was young, but the reality was more cruel than imagined.

He saw Liang Jing covering the child's face with a pillow desperately. After being bumped into by Li Qishan, Liang Jing dropped the child and ran to the window, stepping out of the window with one leg.

Li Qishan's heart was broken when he hugged Li Shi'an, who was blue-faced. He told Liang Jing that he let her pursue her dreams, and agreed to a divorce as long as Liang Jing came down from the window.

After the divorce, Liang Jing did not go back to the dance troupe, but went abroad for further studies, and Li Qishan never heard from her again.

"So there is no cheating at all. It's because your grandma couldn't accept that your mother left without saying goodbye. She has been stubbornly thinking that it was me for so many years."

Li Shi'an didn't believe it: "If it's really like this, why didn't you say it before?"

Li Qishan smiled wryly: "You were so young back then, how could I tell you that your mother doesn't want you?"

On one side is an old man with a broken heart, and on the other side is his father who has worked hard for more than ten years to raise him. When the past becomes a rashomon in their mouths, no one can penetrate the truth and find the most real truth. Answer.

For the first time, Li Shi'an really felt what it means to be at a loss.