Ha ha

"It's a pity I couldn't find it."

For some reason, a burst of laughter broke out in the door not far away, which lasted for a long time.Xu Chenchuan felt cold, and curled up in a daze, like a guarded animal driven into a desperate situation, trying his best to maintain his composure.

"So...you thought of me and dumped me in time?"

Xu Chenchuan was so amused by himself that he laughed dryly, cheered up and said, "I understand. Thank you for explaining to me on purpose. When I meet you online, I'll give you a big respect. Don't worry, my life is hard. , withstood the blow."

Bai Qi opened his mouth, but was speechless.

It's over, he heard from Xu Chenchuan's voice that the other party was ready.Once the phone call was cut off, there was no chance of meeting again.

Xu Chenchuan hesitated for a moment, then added in a low voice: "However, life is impermanent, no one can say for sure. In case something happens...don't think wildly. Pseudoscience is not good, it is very bad..."

Bai Qi took a deep breath like drowning, his heart ached.

"I don't hate you, Bai Qi. Although I'm still very angry now, I don't want you to die at all. It's just a breakup." Xu Chenchuan tried his best to straighten his tongue and make a serious promise, even though he said that the breakup time The words sound cruel and unfamiliar, "I will live well, and you don't want to die...Think about your brother and Katie, you have to live for them."

He somehow entered the mode of unraveling suicides, which sounds very funny.Bai Qi wanted to laugh, but before the corners of his mouth lifted, his eyes felt a little hot.

Xu Chenchuan talked a few words, probably realizing that he was talking nonsense, he paused and said: "I'm sleepy, you should go to bed early too. That's it?"

"Chenchuan..."

"Goodbye."

"Chenchuan...Chenchuan!" Bai Qi shouted loudly.

Xu Chenchuan's finger stopped on the hang up button, hesitated for a few seconds, and frowned, "What else do you want?"

—Yes, what more do you want?Bai Qi asked himself.

"I think... I just want to tell you something that should have been known to you a long time ago. I want you to know who I am, because you have a right to know. I want to give you the choice , and wait for your verdict."

Bai Qi clutched the phone tightly, as if it had been a long time before he spoke with difficulty.

"But deep down, I hope you won't leave even after listening."

Like the shameful core of a shellfish, it is forcibly opened and exposed to the sun, ugly, tender, and unbearable to the touch.

"I hope you will come back even if you recognize me."

That piece of flesh and blood was spread naked in front of the other party, and it only needed one word to burn it to ashes, and it would never be reborn forever.

Even the silence that lasted for the moment burned it, mocking its crouching insignificance and wriggling absurdity.

Xu Chenchuan seemed to have spent a little time digesting this meaning, and then he laughed "ha".

"Why?"

Bai Qi took a breath, his heart shrank stiffly into the eye of a needle, the blood in his whole body stopped flowing, and ice crystals formed in the blood vessels.

Xu Chenchuan didn't stop talking: "Why should I soften my heart and sympathize with you after you finished talking about your tragic past? Why do you show weakness a little,

I'm going back again?Bai Qi, who do you think I am? "

Bai Qi tried to take the phone away from his ear, but his fingers were frozen and he couldn't lift it up.

He wanted to stop the expected words from pouring into his ears, but he couldn't bear it, he couldn't bear to hear this voice for the last time.

"Tell you Bai Qi, I have never sympathized with you, because I didn't regard your legs as a flaw that needs to be pitiful. I never took your thorns seriously, if I really cared so much. At first I I won't be with you, and I'm not a masochist!" Xu Chenchuan said louder and louder, "You are the only one who has been struggling with your problems from the beginning to the end, right? Because others sentenced you to death with one sentence, saying Don't want to hurt me but do the most hurtful thing... Did you ask me once?"

He has a nasal voice.

"Do you like me, Bai Qi?"

"..."

"I like you very much!" Xu Chenchuan said firmly.

Bai Qi suddenly felt ashamed.

It's not because I have always enjoyed the obvious liking of the other party for granted, nor is it because I have never reciprocated the feelings of reciprocity.It was because for the first time, he saw his cowardly reflection clearly from the other party's lukewarm existence.

"I'm not afraid of getting hurt, I'm not afraid of giving, I'm not even afraid of breaking up. What's the point of being afraid of coming and going?" Xu Chenchuan was drunk, and said with arrogance, "If you fall in love, if you don't make it, I'm willing to gamble and try to make money next time. But you said you don't want me to go... how can there be such a cheap thing?

"I'm not a savior, I just want to save your soul. I still hope to be covered and hurt by others. It's best if someone boils water and feeds me medicine..."

Bai Qi's tears slid down all of a sudden.There was no warning, even he himself didn't react.

He thought, this child must have rarely been hurt by others, and the standard he blurted out was as simple as boiling water and feeding medicine.It must be easy to impress him, to satisfy him with a little treat.

But I missed all the opportunities just like this, guarding the memory of not seeing the sun, and the fear of blocking the sun.

Bai Qi seemed to be able to see the red cross on the verdict.It can be regarded as self-inflicted.

"I won't go back." Xu Chenchuan nodded, as if agreeing with himself, "It's useless for me to go back, the only person who can save you is yourself.

"I'll wait for you to come over."

Bai Qi was not sure if he had heard correctly.

Xu Chenchuan didn't give him time to think about it: "But it won't be too long, maybe a year, maybe two years... I don't know when, I won't like you anymore. But if you give up first, Remember to tell me, I won't wait. Hey, how about it, make a sound."

"...Come here?" Bai Qi confirmed.

"Yes, come here. Come here with your feet." Xu Chenchuan yawned again, his voice weakened.

"...Then it's settled." Bai Qi said.

He couldn't wait for a response.

On the other end of the phone, the screen of the mobile phone, which was exhausted, gradually dimmed.Xu Chenchuan shrunk into a ball and leaned against the corner of the wall, snoring softly.

******

The next morning Xu Chenchuan was woken up by his roommate.

His brain seemed to be gouged into the ground, and his limbs were as heavy as weight.Enduring his nausea, Xu Chenchuan turned over and got up, and vaguely heard the creaking sound of rusty bones.

The roommate also had a painful hangover on his face, and said with a dull expression: "Pack up your things, we will miss the train."

For a moment Xu Chenchuan didn't know what night it was, so he floated back to the room from the corridor to wash his face, threw a little thing that fell out of the box into it, and then floated back out of the room.

Several people called a taxi, and when Xu Chenchuan bent down to put his luggage into the trunk, he finally remembered vaguely.Before falling asleep, it seemed that he had a phone call with Bai Qi, talking a lot in a mess.What exactly did you say?

What was the other party's reaction?It felt like a piece was missing in my heart, so empty and uncomfortably empty.

He subconsciously wanted to look at his phone, but only saw a black screen that was turned off.

"Chris, get in the car!" the classmate urged.

"coming."

Forget it, let it be like this, I also need some time to think about it, what should I do in the future.

The door closed and the sound of the engine disappeared around the corner.

******

"How are you feeling today?" Katie opened the window of the ward to let in the breeze.

"It's much better. I'll go through the discharge procedures later." Bai Qi propped himself up on the bed and tried to sit up, "Katie, I'm planning to go back to China in a few days."

"So soon..." Katie suddenly thought of Xu Chenchuan, but didn't dare to ask further, "Well, maybe I will have time to fly to see you next year."

"You are always welcome. I have caused you a lot of trouble during this time, thank you for your care..."

Katie smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, leaned over and kissed his face: "I just hope you are happy."

"I will." Bai Qi said.

Katie froze for a moment.He didn't look like he was hit by a broken relationship, and there was even an indescribable look in his usually empty and dark eyes.

"Did something happen between you and Chris?" she couldn't help asking.

"I lost him." Bai Qi lowered his eyes to look at his palm, "I want to get it back."