[Titanic] I can't help myself

There are two parallel stone paths on the road in the town, and the surroundings are evenly paved with cobblestones. Weeds are tenaciously drilled out of the gaps around the stone slabs, and now only a few wisps of dry yellow are left.

The boys ran up the path holding hands, and when they came to me the leading boy stopped them all. "Good day, my lord!" they cried, taking off their hats and saluting me.I used to come to Chatsworth quite often, and many of the townspeople knew me.The youngest girl seemed to be only three or four years old. She curtseyed unsteadily, but her legs softened and she sat on the ground, her round face immediately showing an expression of whether she was about to cry or not.

I hurriedly knelt down and stretched out my hand to her: "This beautiful lady, are you willing to give me this opportunity to serve you?"

The little girl smiled through tears and put her hand in mine, and I pulled her up with a little force. "Thank you, my lord." After standing still, she tucked up her skirt with her thumb and middle finger, and curtsied again.

"It's my honor to serve such a beautiful lady." I took out a handkerchief and wiped her snot that was about to flow out. After thinking about it, I put the handkerchief in her hand and said, "I'll give it to you."

On the handkerchief was the fragrance that George specially smoked, and there was a faint hint of floral fragrance in the cool mint smell, which was fundamentally different from the inferior perfume in the grocery store that ordinary residents in the town could touch.The little girl has a natural love for scented things. When I heard that I gave it to her, she held on tightly and didn't let go, with a bright smile on her face.

The children said goodbye to me again, and stomped away. I looked back until they disappeared around the corner.

On the road, I met a few groups of girls who came out to buy things, and they saluted me laughingly. After I walked over, they gathered together and looked at me while chatting about something, with silly smiles on their faces.

I suddenly felt a little bored. I didn't want to go back to the castle because I didn't want to see people I knew, but being constantly interrupted by people I didn't know made me feel impatient.So at the next intersection, I chose the road leading to the church. On weekdays, except for the choir for singing, most people seldom go to church.

Far away, I could hear intermittent singing coming from the church.The door of the church is usually not closed, so that tourists or faithful men and women who come to visit come here to seek God's guidance.

The children in the choir were learning a new song, and I stood at the door for a while and listened to it, not any hymn I'd ever sung, but the words were supposed to be a new Ave Maria.The priest under Bishop Williams, Simon Lake, was sitting at the piano accompaniment. He sang a sentence, and the children learned a sentence.Those soft voices fell in my ears, and suddenly my heart became quiet.

I walked in, and the sound of the heels of my leather shoes hitting the wooden floor echoed crisply in the lobby.The priest stopped, stood up and looked at me: "Earl Richardmond, may I help you?"

I waved my hand: "Sorry to bother you, just strolling around. Please continue." After speaking, I sat down on the bench in the middle and listened to the priest continue teaching the children to sing.

This priest, who just graduated from the seminary a few years ago, seems to have some singing skills. His voice range is higher than ordinary people, his voice is loud and high, and his pitch changes smoothly and freely.I didn't pay much attention to it before, but this time I listened carefully, the children in the choir were lucky to have some professional skills in their voices, and the softened voices did not have the unique sharpness of children, but instead brought some indisputable beauty.

Perhaps because of the presence of outsiders, these children seemed a little inattentive, especially the two children in the front row, who had just lost their front teeth, always looked at me involuntarily, and when they found that my eyes were facing theirs, they would show their eyes. A dark smile made people laugh.Father Simon also noticed this problem, so he ended the practice not long after, took the children to pray once, and then let them go home.

Father Simon sent the children out of the church. I thought he would leave, but he came back soon and sat down in front of me: "Earl Richardmond, you don't look very well. I can do something about it." something?"

He has the gentle tolerance of a truly pious clergyman, the temperament that makes people want to believe unconditionally and pour out their hearts without reservation.I looked into his lake-like blue eyes, and the tiredness that had been wrapped up suddenly poured out.I covered my face, bent over, and put my elbows on my knees.

"I'm just tired..." I whispered, "I don't think it's fair...if it's God's destiny that two people can't be together...then why make me...fall in love with him...if God can't allow existence The feeling...then why...this feeling exists in me...Simon, is this God's punishment for me...because I actually don't have as much respect for him..."

Simon listened to me quietly, clasped his hands on his knees, and began to pray for me softly: "Father, I want to thank you, when this person is in deep pain, you guide him here and give He saw his opportunity at dawn. Heavenly Father, please forgive his faults, forgive his sins, and may Your Spirit be with him, comfort his weakness and make him strong..."

His voice was deep and soft, peaceful and calm, just like the calm sea water of a lake, no gust of wind could produce a single ripple on the surface of the lake.Listening to his warm prayer, I involuntarily clasped my fingers and pressed them against my forehead, and responded in a choked voice: "Amen..."

Father Simon prayed for a long time, until my mood completely calmed down.After he finished praying for me with an "Amen", we sat up straight, and the bright light of the church hurt my eyes that had just shed tears.I squinted my eyes and wanted to take out the handkerchief, but suddenly remembered that the handkerchief had already been given away.At this time, Father Simon stood up and walked away. When he came back, he already had a wet towel in his hand.

"Thank you." I took the towel and pressed it on my eyes. After the sore eyes were no longer so obvious, I turned over and wiped away the dry tears on my face.

"I think you should be better." Father Simon smiled.

"Yes," I said, "I'm sorry it took you so long."

"That's what I should do." He shook his head, "Christ handed over his flock to the priests, and our job is to relieve people from their pain."

"Lord Earl." Simon said seriously, "Although the person we fall in love with may not necessarily fall in love with us, but don't be sad, it means that she does not belong to you, so Heavenly Father took her away, and what belongs to you, Heavenly Father will always lead you to meet her. And true love should not make you miserable, it should make you joyful and forgiving, neither jealous nor resentful, full of hope and giving, love is..."

"Love is long-suffering..."

"Love is long-suffering..." I murmured along with him, then glanced at him, "13 Corinthians Chapter [-]."

"Yes." Father Simon nodded with a smile. "If you feel pain because of this, it is not love, but possession, narrow selfish desires, and evil thoughts generated under the temptation of the devil."

"Evil thoughts..." I sighed, "Isn't that true of worldly love? When you fall in love with someone, you want to keep that person as your own. If that person belongs to someone else, you will feel pain and reluctance. Be jealous. It's human nature after all."

"So we need to listen to God's teachings." He said, with a gentle light in his eyes, "Human nature is vicious, so we need to introspect and repent all the time. If the bad things are left unchecked, It will lead you into the abyss of hell, and those who believe and do the will of God can finally be free from pain and find eternal peace."

"Get out of pain..." I looked up at the painted dome of the church, the Virgin Mary hugged the bleeding body of Jesus, her eyes were tightly closed, and her face was full of mourning.

Whether I believe in Christ or not, that passage in [-] Corinthians is undeniably true.I suffer only because of my delusions about what could never be mine.Delusion is born of greed, and the affection born of greed is not love.Maybe I don't like Karl as much as I thought, but it's because I can't ask for it, because I'm jealous that Rose can pursue the affection of a man I admire openly with the help of my mother, but I can only put this affection Bury deep in my heart and never see the light.

I fell into my own thoughts and didn't speak for a long time. When I woke up, I found that Father Simon was still sitting in front of me without a trace of impatience.

"Thank you, Simon," I thanked from the bottom of my heart. "I think I figured it out. I feel good now. Thank you."

"It's not my fault, it's God who gave you the strength," he said. "No matter what we do, Christ is always kind and forgiving, and if we ask him for help, he will help us. My lord, if it is necessary Help, I'm always here."

I hugged him and said goodbye.

Human feelings are really wonderful, maybe there really are gods. In the afternoon, I felt sad as if the sky was about to fall, but when I saw Carl and Rose again at dinner, I only felt sour for a while, and I was able to listen calmly and calmly. Mother happily described how happy they were at the carnival.

"It would be great if you were here." The mother used this slightly regretful sentence as the conclusion of describing the trip to the carnival.

"I think so too." I smiled, stretched out my arm to my mother, and walked slowly towards the dining room, "So, Karl seems quite interested in Rose?"