[Titanic] I can't help myself

Father Simon's slightly hoarse voice choked. He pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose and took several deep breaths before he calmed down.

"I never thought he would die. Until I saw his dead body, I thought the news of his suicide was fake. Or, from the time he came home from an accident to the time we learned of his suicide, I didn't Thinking about anything about him again, in my heart, he has always been that gentle, intelligent, strong and tolerant man. Why did such a person choose the path of suicide?

"I've been thinking about this, and the more I think about it, the less I'm able to understand that if Heaton committed a sin that Christ hates because he fell in love with a man, then those who bullied and beat Didn’t the people who killed him commit one of the ten commandments? Don’t they only need to suffer pain, and those people don’t need to be blamed or repent? God taught us to be kind, friendly and tolerant Be considerate, don't we need to follow God's teachings when we fall in love with someone of the same sex?

"This question was on my mind, so I read the Bible over and over again, I read the Bible in every language and edition, I read every book on theology I could find, and I even tried to do it. I tried my best to get into the Divinity School of the University of Glasgow. In the end, I found out that in the Bible, God never explicitly said that homosexuality is a sin. Those so-called homosexuality are used by people to attack The evidence from the Bible is almost all taken out of context, or simply because the words chosen to translate the Bible into another language have been misunderstood.

"For hundreds of years and thousands of years, people have misinterpreted God's words in such a one-sided understanding to practice prejudice and discrimination, support slavery, oppress women, and persecute homosexuals.

"God is merciful, he loves all his people, how can he not accept a person into his kingdom just because he is in love with another person?"

Having said that, Father Simon turned his head to look at me, his eye circles were slightly red, but he had a faint smile on his face, just like the statue of an angel I once saw in St. Paul's Cathedral, exuding a soft light.

"So, Mr. Earl, whether a person loves a man or a woman is decided by God. He made us born this way. We don't need to panic about it, and we don't need to oppress our nature hard for it. Love is inherently Emotions blessed by God, so long as we do not indulge ourselves in evil desires that are unhealthy to the mind and body, we are free from sin."

I lowered my gaze, blinked quickly, pursed my lips, and clenched my gums, suppressing the urge to shed tears.Although I don't care about religion's attitude towards my sexual orientation, but in an era that is not accepted by the mainstream thinking of society, there is someone sitting next to me who firmly tells me that it is not wrong to fall in love with a man. Support is enough to move me.

"Thank you, Simon." I said sincerely, "This is really..." I couldn't find the words to describe my feelings, so I could only say "Thank you" over and over again.

Father Simon said, "I don't mean to offend, but I guess the gentleman you like is Mr. Calhockley."

I felt a little burning on my face, I was silent for a while, and replied in a low voice: "Yes, it is him. It's really like an absurd drama, isn't it? The person I like wants to marry my own sister Wife, and this is what I single-handedly facilitated."

"Don't say that, Mr. Earl," Father Simon said softly, "everything that happens in the world is God's will, and there must be a reason for it to develop in this way. What you lose today, God will make up for you in the future .If Mr. Hockley can't belong to you, then there will be someone more suitable for you waiting to meet you in the future. Only by sticking to our hearts can we live up to the arrangement of fate."

In this atmosphere, I couldn't help pouring out everything that happened during this period. I have been bearing these things alone, and I have no way to tell my relatives. They are pressing on the bottom of my heart, like a hard piece in a shoe. Broken stones made me very uncomfortable.

It was not until the candle in the candlestick gave a jerk and a loud spark exploded that I realized that it was getting late, and it was almost time for dinner.

Although I didn't want to go back, I stood up, took a deep breath, and held Father Simon's hand: "No matter what I say, I can't express my gratitude to you, dear Simon. Without your enlightenment, I I don’t know how much pain these things can cause me.”

He also held my hand back, his lake-like eyes reflected my figure, "That is my duty and my honor, Mr. Earl. When you need me, I will always be here."

Back at the castle, I changed my clothes and limped to the small living room with a cane.All the people I met along the way looked at me with knowing eyes. It seems that all the creatures who can breathe in this castle know that Karl proposed to Rose.

Carl was already in the living room, talking to a few people standing by the piano.I hesitated for a moment, but walked over.

"Earl of Richardmond." Except for Karl, these people are all heirs to the title. Although they are older than me, I already have the title of earl, so they stopped talking and greeted me.

"I hope I didn't bother you." I smiled, deliberately not looking at Carl.Even if I have been well enlightened, it doesn't mean that I can face Karl straight away without any grievances.

Everyone chatted aimlessly at first, and finally someone couldn't help asking: "Carl, everyone is saying that you have proposed to Miss Rose, so, is this true?"

Carl glanced at me, and said slowly: "Of course it is true. Miss Rose is so beautiful, how can this make people fall in love? Cupid's arrow has been shot, but is it a golden arrow or a lead arrow? , that's entirely up to Miss Rose."

"I don't think you need worry at all," said another, "although it is not easy to win a lady's heart, especially a rare beauty like Miss Rose, but you are the heir to Hockley Enterprises, You and Miss Rose couldn't be more suitable."

Everyone flattered and flattered Carl, treating me like a transparent person. The topic changed from whether Rose would agree to Carl's marriage proposal to when Carl and Rose would hold their engagement ceremony.One of them even hinted that Rose was fascinated by Carl's charm and chased after Carl.

Although in this era, for the sake of a good marriage, there are quite a few women who take the initiative to pursue men, but they are all done secretly under the cover of high-sounding excuses. On the bright side, it is a shameful scandal.

I coughed with a stern face: "Please, gentlemen, talking about ladies behind their backs is not the behavior of nobles. If you guys want to continue, then let me leave first, I don't want others to think that I also like behind the scenes The evil habit of criticizing and pointing at ladies, so that people questioned the upbringing of the Bookett family."

What I said in this passage is that I don’t spare any sympathy. Of course, I can’t rule out the reason why I feel uncomfortable now.The Bukett family has been so quiet for so long. Although it has recently improved greatly due to the cooperation with Hockley Enterprises, most people still have the impression of that crumbling family. If they don’t teach them some lessons, they will really think that the Bukett family Kurt has no successors.

"As for whether Rose will agree to Carl, I think it's a woman's own business, isn't it? But no matter who Rose marries in the end, that lucky guy should kneel down and kiss the floor, thank God." My tone was cold Said.

Everyone looked ugly, but they didn't say anything.The expression on Carl's face was half a smile, and he didn't speak while smoking a cigar.The atmosphere was suddenly extremely cold, and I stroked the gemstone ring with the family crest tattooed on the ring surface on my index finger expressionlessly.

It wasn't until another group of ladies walked into the living room that the atmosphere calmed down.

The smile on the mother's face revealed unconcealable joy, which formed a sharp contrast with the listless Rose beside her, but everyone automatically understood it as Rose being shy, and a woman who was proposed would always look Distraught, no one would think that it was because Rose didn't want to marry Carl.

There was a short time before dinner began, and I went to sit down with Rose and my mother. Rose looked up at me, her lips trembling.We silently listened to my mother happily accepting the sour compliments from others.Soon, I felt Rose tug at the hem of my shirt, and she got up and walked out of the living room.I sat for a while, then got up and walked out.

I didn't find Rose in the corridor outside the living room. After thinking for a while, I walked towards the stairs in the hall. Sure enough, I saw Rose in the corner under the stairs covered by a huge flowerpot.

"How could she treat me like this..." Rose's tears fell, I took out a handkerchief and handed it to her, she carefully pressed it on her eyes, even at this moment, she must be careful not to destroy The make-up carefully sketched out by her personal maid.

Rose sobbed softly for a moment, and I put my arms around her shoulders.I'm about the same height as Rose, but she has a full body, and the position is a little difficult for me.

"We have almost nothing to say, Henry. Whenever he stands by my side these days, I feel embarrassed and want to leave immediately. He treats me like a dinner party that has to be completed, alienated, patient, and Impatient. Although everyone says he is polite, I can tell that he doesn't want to be with me at all." Rose wiped her tears carefully with a handkerchief, and said in a crying voice, "I I don't know why he proposed to me, but I know that if I promise him, I will not be happy! But I have no other choice, I must promise him!"

I don't know how to comfort her, I have mixed feelings in my heart.I could also see that Carl didn't fall in love with Rose, and maybe I should be happy about it, but he didn't love Rose, but proposed to Rose, and I really don't know if I should be angry at his cruelty.Perhaps he, like most of the nobles of this class, only regards women as a tool for bearing heirs rather than as a person who can communicate on an equal footing. Pursuing this process is just a practice.Frankly speaking, the marriage life of most nobles in this era is unfortunate. The husband and wife are like strangers living under the same roof. .I grew up listening to the gossip and scandals of various families.But when the woman who is about to enter the grave of marriage is my relative, Carl's attitude in line with customs and conventions makes me unbearable.

"Think about it." I patted her on the back lightly, "Everyone came here like that, maybe it's not as bad as you think. Besides... besides, after you get along for a long time, Karl fell in love with you Well, it’s all impossible to say.”

"Don't be silly, Henry," said Rose, sobbing and almost crying again, "the chances of him falling in love with me are less than the chances of his mother falling in love with his father again! All he needs is me to give him a baby." Already!"

"Don't be so pessimistic. Karl is more than ten years older than you. It's normal that you can't talk. Anyone needs to get along with each other slowly." How many people have you met on the Internet? Mother is well-informed, she will never harm you..."

"She just hopes that I can crown the title of Mrs. Hockley so that she can show off in front of others!" Rose shouted excitedly.

"Keep your voice down!" I quickly covered her mouth, although no one is in the hall now, but it is uncertain whether there will be servants passing by.

Rose pulled my hand away and continued: "In my mother's mind, there are only two conditions for a suitable son-in-law: noble blood and rich assets. She never thinks about the rest. Can you deny this? ? She doesn't care whether our married life is happy or not."

"But a rich nobleman can make your life easier and more comfortable. My dear, you must know that only when you have nothing to worry about, will you think about your spiritual life." I took a handkerchief and wiped the corners of her mouth for her. I accidentally made my lips red just now, "A perfect marriage requires the joint efforts and management of both parties. Love can make you enter the auditorium willingly, but it can't make you walk hand in hand in marriage. Although we are around There are many people who are not happy, but there are still some people who have happy marriages. Those people are not all lovers who are like-minded before marriage. Karl is an excellent and mature man, and you will live happily."

Rose didn't speak, but silently lowered her head and sniffed, as if she had listened, or persuaded herself to listen.

"Okay, dinner is about to start." I took out my pocket watch and glanced at it, and said, "Go back to your room and touch up your makeup first."

Rose nodded, turned around and half covered her face and went upstairs.I stood there for a while, and then slowly walked back to the living room.

As always, in a group, the first thing I see is Carl.But this man is about to become my brother-in-law, my relatives, I told myself, no matter how much I liked him before, from this moment on, all those feelings will be buried, whether Carl loves Rose or not, I Never do anything wrong to Rose.