Leftover temperature

My name is Xia Shangzheng.

Shen Yan is my younger brother and Zhenxi is my younger sister.

When Shen Yan was 16 years old, my sister was 12 years old, and I was 20 years old.

At that time, I was still studying abroad.No one told me the news of my grandfather's death, and I didn't know that my brother would follow others because he was desperate.

I found out later that it was my mother who was hiding the truth from me for fear of delaying my studies.So when I came back, my grandfather was gone, and my younger brother was taken away by a strange man.

I was so angry that it was the first time I quarreled with my mother in so many years. I asked her loudly why she gave Yanyan to others?

My mother has always been a strong woman, and she has never shed many tears in her life, but when she faced my reprimand, she choked up and couldn't speak.

I probably know what she is thinking in her heart, it is nothing more than a woman's vanity.

She was afraid that Yanyan would drag her down.

What's wrong with Ke Yanyan?How could they not want him.

I want to get my brother back.

At that time, I already had the ability to live independently, and I thought I could take care of him by myself.

They don't want him, I want him.

I can take him abroad, send him to school, at worst I will take care of him and protect him.I took him away from Xia's and Nie's homes, I wanted him to be happy and free, to know that he had a family.

But I didn't expect him to come with me.

He looked at me with fear and alienation, like a stranger.

I told him that I am my brother, would you like to go with me? He stared at me for a long time, shook his head slowly, and said, "I don't know you, so I won't go with you."

My outstretched hand froze in the air.

It was only two years ago that I went abroad to study, but he doesn't remember me.

how come?

By the age of 20, it stands to reason that his appearance will not change much, why doesn't he remember me?

But without waiting for me to think about it, that tall and handsome man appeared, he was dazzling, and he took all Yanyan's eyes away as soon as he came.

Obviously I am his relative.

If possible, I even want to be his only relative.

But he... doesn't remember me.

Thinking of this, some bad thoughts suddenly came to my mind. People are faster than brains. I rushed forward to grab Si Jinqing's collar.It's just that before my hand touched him, that bony hand gently squeezed my wrist and pushed me away.

I was short of breath and said angrily, "What did you do to him!?"

Si Jinqing seemed a little puzzled, with deep impatience in his brows and eyes, but it was probably because Xia Shenyan was still present, so he just said coldly: "Mr. Xia has something to say."

I glanced at Yanyan who was too scared to speak, and asked him in a low voice: "Why doesn't he remember me?"

Si Jinqing frowned, and took a few steps back to distance himself from me, but he didn't seem to take my words to heart, and said flatly, "Mr. Xia and Yanyan have very little contact."

The implication is to blame me for not protecting Yanyan well.

It's me, it's my fault, how can I leave him alone in the country, and leave by myself, I should take him... But what can I do, at that time, I had to rely on the Nie family to go abroad Well, the Nie family didn't like him, they all knew that Yanyan had health problems, and they wouldn't spend such spare money to send Yanyan abroad, and at that time, I didn't have the ability to be financially independent at all.

It was my own incompetence, and I was late.

Perhaps no one would believe that I studied desperately and fought for the opportunity to study abroad. It was almost a desperate courage to climb up, not for myself to live well in the Nie family, nor for my mother to gain a firm foothold in the Nie family.

To me, the Nie family is nothing. To me, my mother's remarriage is a kind of betrayal, her betrayal of this family.

But as a son, I can't judge my mother.

At that time, my father chose Yanyan and Xixi, and it was impossible for me to leave my mother alone, so I followed my mother to Nie's house.

That hypocritical and cold villa disgusts me.

But how could he leave with a strange man who suddenly appeared without waiting for me to come back?

I'm his elder brother. He didn't rely on me, didn't call me, didn't come to ask me for help, but left with others.He also said he didn't know me, and in just two years, he completely forgot about me.

I have no choice but to ask a domestic friend to let him take care of Yanyan secretly, to ensure that Si Jinqing will not plot against him.And I have to continue my studies, only by getting ahead can I break away from my parents and Nie's family and snatch Yanyan back.

So I went abroad again, but in the past two years, I have been thinking about him all the time.My friend would occasionally take a picture or two of him and tell me how he was and what he was doing.

In the past, I didn't necessarily go back once during Chinese New Year. At that time, I would go back to China almost whenever there was a holiday, but I often hid in the dark and watched him, not daring to scare him.

It wasn't until later that I learned that he entered the entertainment industry.

I was so angry that I asked for leave and went back to China to find Si Jinqing and almost got into a fight with him. Si Jinqing didn't hide from my punch, and finally said to me: "He likes to sing."

That's right, I haven't been by his side for so many years, I don't even know what he likes and wants to do.

But even so, how could Si Jinqing, as his apparent guardian now, let him enter such a dirty circle?

Si Jinqing didn't explain much to me, probably because he was extremely bored and didn't want to explain to me, so he turned and left.

And I didn't even have the courage to meet Yanyan, I was afraid he would say "who are you" and "I don't know you" again.In this way, I will feel that what my brother has done is a failure. In fact, I am indeed a failure. I was not there when he needed me most.

So I had no choice but to leave the country again in despair.

But what surprised me the most was that Yanyan was still with Si Jinqing.

This seems to be unexpected, but also seems to be reasonable.

Years of social experience and Western education have made me not disgusted with homosexuality, but how could that person be Si Jinqing?Si Jinqing's family background and power status are so great that even I can't imagine. How easy is it for him to play with Yanyan?

The third time I went to see Si Jinqing, I really wanted to kill him.

How did it spread outside?

Said that Yanyan was his lover, said that Yanyan crawled on his bed...

He is only 17 years old, how dare Si Jinqing?

But this time Si Jinqing didn't see me, so he only asked someone to leave me a sentence, saying: "I will protect him well."

If there was still a little luck before, then this sentence confirmed the matter between them.

I couldn't bear it any longer, I went to find Yanyan, but Yanyan still looked at me so strangely, the strangeness contained vigilance and defense that made me sour.

It's just that I was so angry at that time that I didn't care about anything. I grabbed him with red eyes and asked him in a deep voice: "How can you get together with Si Jinqing?"

He stared at me in a daze, he probably didn't understand what I said, and instead asked, "Are you... big brother?"

I was stunned and became even more angry. I pinched his wrist and shouted loudly: "Brother? I don't have a younger brother like you! How can you get along with Si Jinqing? Do you know how powerful the Si family is? You You want to drag our whole family into the water, don't you!"

These are all angry words, all angry words, but now that I think about it, I probably scared him.

Because after this time, when he saw me, he would subconsciously lower his head, be afraid, feel guilty and fearful, but also become more strange and distant.

But even if I get angry like this, he doesn't mean to break up with Si Jinqing.I don't mind him being with boys, whether he is in love or going abroad to get married, it's fine, but this person can't be someone like Si Jinqing, I don't want to see my brother being gnawed by their Si family in the future Not left.

However, no matter how much I mocked him and humiliated him, he just became more and more dependent on Si Jinqing, and he was getting farther and farther away from me.

He didn't listen to me, obviously I was his elder brother.

I am his older brother.

But he didn't regard me as an older brother, so I said something that I regretted for the rest of my life: "Don't tell others that I am your older brother, I feel ashamed."

After that, he never called me brother again.

He called me "Mr. Xia" and "Mr. Xia", but he never called me brother again.

I'm mad at him, I'm really just mad at him.

So when I saw him afraid of me, I would scold him, and when I saw him hiding behind Si Jinqing, I couldn't help but sneer with jealousy, so I pushed him further and further away.

Even when he came to Nie's house alone, I watched him coldly when faced with the contempt of Nie's servants and Nie Zechen's insults, only after he left Nie's house, I rushed forward and beat Nie Zechen without saying a word.

I'm so fucking stupid.

If I understand him a little more patiently, if...if I can stay by his side all the time, will everything that follows will not happen?

Afterwards, I founded a company and started my own business, but I no longer had the courage to take Yanyan back. I could only hold my breath while sending someone to quietly protect him in the entertainment industry.

It's just that when I went back to China and saw him again, he was no longer what I remembered.At that time, he was 22 years old. Even though he was still alienated when he saw me, he was no longer afraid. Instead, he had a little more politeness and politeness that I couldn't accept.

The word polite cannot be used on relatives.

And I always feel that he is different, not only to me, but also to the outside world.

But only, only the love for Si Jinqing has never changed.The way he looked at Si Jinqing was different from how he looked at anyone else. The smile he carried all the time was real only in front of Si Jinqing.

I don't understand why he can't forget Si Jinqing so much.

But he also began to face up to his future with Si Jinqing.

I think I can accept it, if Si Jinqing also loves him, if Si Jinqing can abandon the Si family for him, then Yanyan will follow him.

I made concessions.

Unexpectedly, the thing I was most worried about happened. Si Jinqing had a fiancée, and he left Si Jinqing in a gesture that I least wanted to see.

After many years, I once again broke into Si Jinqing's office privately and recklessly. I hit him, but this time he still didn't fight back.At that time, Si Jinqing was already 33 years old. At his age, in a big family like the Si family, he should have already had a child of his own.

I suddenly understood something.

Still the Si family.

Yanyan doesn't listen to me, I scolded him long ago, but he doesn't believe me.

I was angry and helpless, but at that time Xia Shenyan already had the ability to live independently and no longer needed me.

But I thought, after all, I am still his brother.Now that he has left Si Jinqing, I can bring him back logically.

So I started to meet him deliberately on various occasions, and sometimes I wanted to say a few words to him, but when I heard his deliberately alienated words and saw the false smile on the corners of his mouth, the words came out again, and I became like a friend. It's unbearable to listen to.

I actually said to him: "You really linger."

I really...

Then he started avoiding me.

He would avoid me where I was, and he would not go to Nie's house where he was supposed to go back at the end of the year.

Later, when something happened to Xixi, I saw him blaming himself because of Xixi, that shameful jealousy came up again, and I scolded him.

Then I suddenly badly hoped that he would give in to me.Or he can take the initiative to find me once, or call me "brother", whatever.So I told him to stay away from Xixi, and I told Zhenxi to leave him.

I thought that Zhenxi was so important to him that he would definitely come back, but he didn't.

In this way, he hid from me for four or five years.

When he held a concert for the first time, I pushed aside the affairs in the company and went quietly.I blended in with his fans, and secretly became one of those who loved him.I saw him shining brightly on the stage, seeing him smiling brightly, that was the him I once had but lost.

After that, I couldn't help but admit defeat.I called him back in the name of my mother.

I've heard a little bit about his relationship with Nie Zechen.

So I thought again, why can he and Nie Zechen get along peacefully, but always be so cold and distant with me?We are the closest with the same blood.

I am his older brother.

I still couldn’t help looking at him at the dinner table. I saw him put down his chopsticks hastily before eating much. I thought he was not used to being in Nie’s house and couldn’t eat, so he didn’t think much about it.

After that, I listened to the conversation between my mother and him verbatim. When my mother asked him to come over for the Lantern Festival, I thought he would agree, but I didn't expect him to refuse.

He doesn't want to see me.

I couldn't help hurting him again.

When he drove away, I didn't even think that this would be the last time I saw him in this life.

I didn't see him for a whole year after that, and I couldn't find him, not even Si Jinqing.

So I used my contacts to search for traces of him everywhere.I even called him without any excuse. I called him many, many times. Accepted.

Even my father called me and asked me why Yanyan didn't go to Nanyang this year.My mother also asked me why Yanyan didn't come back to see her this year.

I also want to ask, where is he.

In desperation, I began to look forward to the end of the second year, and I wanted to wait for him to come.

Unexpectedly, on the first day of the new year, the news of his death was received.

Under the horrified gaze of the Nie family, I pulled my mother into the car and drove away.

It took me six or seven hours to go to Baihua Town, but I arrived in five hours, and I knew that I couldn't make any mistakes at this juncture.

No matter how much my mother asked me on the way, I never opened my mouth. I didn't dare, because I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would be exposed.Until I arrived at Baihua Lane, standing at the door of No. 09, I still stood there, my mind blank, staring at the door without saying a word.

Not long after, the door was knocked lightly a few times, and Ren Zhan said to us, "Come in."

I reluctantly followed him inside.

In fact, from time to time until now, even when I was standing at the door, I still had a little bit of luck.

Could this be a scam by Si Jinqing and Xia Shenyan?

How could Xia Shenyan die.

impossible.

How is it possible... Take revenge, is he taking revenge on us?

Please, revenge or scam, don't leave.

Xia Shenyan can't die, anyone can, Xia Shenyan can't, no...

I even thought, even if this is really just a trick of his, I won't be angry with him anymore, and I won't be angry with him anymore.As long as the news is false, it doesn't matter how he tricks me.

Until I saw Si Jinqing's cold and numb eyes, and saw the lifeless person lying on the bed.

He lay there quietly as if he had fallen asleep.

I do not believe.

How could such a lively person disappear all of a sudden.

But I dare not approach him.

At that moment, I really wanted to hold Si Jinqing by the collar and ask him if he was lying to me, or scold him loudly for not protecting my Yanyan, what's going on?

But I have no position.

My Yanyan was not mine a long time ago.

Then Si Jinqing told me that he died on the afternoon of the [-]th.

His eyes fell on Xia Shenyan from the beginning to the end, and when he spoke, his voice was mechanically cold, without a trace of fluctuation, and he broadcast numbly.

He also told me that Yanyan had suffered from pulmonary fibrosis for six years, gastric cancer for two years, and died of organ failure.

Finally he said:

"Give him another look."

"After all, what you owe him is finally repaid."

The hoarse and deep voice exploded in this empty silence.

Quiet, eerie still.

"Impossible...I don't believe it..." I murmured, staggered and almost fell to the ground.

Yanyan, how can you take revenge on your brother in such a way?

My brother was wrong, my brother was really wrong.

My brother is just angry, angry at why you didn't wait for your brother to come back.

Why would she rather follow Si Jinqing than come to her brother?

Why do you say you don't know your brother.

Why did you, who liked your brother so much when you were young, not remember what he looked like?

But you can't leave your brother in this way.

"Xia Shangzheng, go and have a look at him." Si Jinqing said.

I probably still didn't want to believe it, so I walked towards him stiffly, step by step.Just like when he was a child, he was sitting in the small courtyard and counting the stars with his younger sister. I hesitated to approach him step by step, but in the end I didn’t dare to reach out and touch my younger brother’s head.

And this time, I finally reached out and touched him.This is the first time I've touched him seriously in more than ten years.But at that time, he was lying there quietly with his eyes closed peacefully, refusing to open them to look at me again.

Afterwards, my mother's cries and the belated arrival of Zhenxi failed to wake me up from the memories.

Until Zhenxi rushed over to beat me, pushed me away, and cried and scolded me: "Give me back my brother! You...give him back to me..."

my fault.

I finally understand what I've been doing all these years.

I also just found out that 14 years have passed since he was abandoned by his father and mother.

In the past 14 years, he has been with Si Jinqing for six years, but he has been alone for seven years.

And what did I do?

How to do?what do I do?

Lu Shenyan.

Yes, Lu Shenyan.

I think of Lu Shenyan who lived in Shixi Village for a while when I was a child. He is very powerful. I heard that he is not only proficient in medical skills, but also almost omnipotent. He also taught Yanyan's violin.

But I forgot, the dead cannot be brought back to life.

I'm probably crazy.

I rushed out.

I know a university professor who is Lu Shenyan's apprentice, and he will definitely help me find him.

I didn't expect that Lu Shenyan was already dead.

In the end, that person told me: "Everyone has his own life, and this is his life."

The journey back and forth was long, and it was only when I went back in a slump that I learned that he had been cremated.

The ashes are with Si Jinqing, and I have no face to ask him for them.

I went back to Baihua Lane, the door of No. 09 was locked, and I knew that Si Jinqing and Yanyan were inside.

I slept in front of the door for two days, and woke up again in the hospital. My secretary handed me a letter, saying it was from Si Jinqing.

I just sat there, my mind blank.

I opened it with trembling hands, and almost dropped the thin piece of paper several times.

The content of the letter is very short, with delicate strokes, in his handwriting.

"Brother,

I don't know if I can still call you that.

But thank you for your willingness to read this letter.

But by the time you read this letter, I've probably gone far away, and I won't be coming back.

Brother, I'm so sorry.A few days ago, I suddenly remembered something. I am sorry for the words I said to you when I was 16 years old. I did have some problems in my brain, which prevented me from remembering you when I was 16 years old.

Brother, don't blame me anymore.

Brother, thank you. "

When he wrote this letter, he was probably struggling a bit, and the handwriting became more and more messy as he got to the end, and he even forgot to write the signature.

I asked the secretary to go out, turned my head and stared blankly at the continuous heavy snow outside the window, and suddenly remembered that Yanyan and Xixi were making a snowman in the yard at the end of the year.Then Yanyan came over and pulled me, blocked me with her small body, and said softly to her sister: "Brother will help you make another one, don't hit big brother."

So I thought of a text message Yanyan sent me when I was 30 years old: "Happy birthday, I wish you peace and success every year."

I suddenly thought, he didn't call me "Mr. Xia" or "Mr. Xia", he actually wanted to call me brother.

I finally couldn't help it, and burst into tears.

Yanyan, blame me.

I still lost him.

A few days later, the secretary told me that Si Jinqing had died.

I was stunned for a long time.

A few days later, Si Jinqing and him were buried hastily.

I watched from afar the day he was buried.

There were a lot of people who came to see them off that day, and I walked at the back, facing the heavy snow, and remembered that when I was a child, a kind grandmother in Shixi Village passed away, and it was a cloudy and rainy day when she was buried.Yanyan said to me sadly: "Brother, if I die in the future, it's better to be in summer, because there is no rain in summer."

When it rains when you are sad, it is unimaginably uncomfortable.

It's just that Yanyan didn't know that when he was a child, it also rains in summer.

And God never listened to our prayers, he let Yanyan die in this deep winter with fresh snow.

It also made our family never dare to celebrate New Year's Eve and Spring Festival.

Later, my mother no longer cared about those noble lady forms, holding the bank card that Yanyan returned to her, she was in a daze all day long, and became delirious.Fortunately, Nie He really liked her, and he was able to let her go of his affairs and accompany her to recuperate quietly in the hospital.

As for the father who only saw Yanyan's body on the second day of the new year, he turned gray all night.Father finally stopped chasing fame and fortune, he was finally willing to let go of his career, took the money Yanyan left him, opened an orphanage, and spent the rest of his life by the side of those children who had no home.

It's just ridiculous that he gave those children who had no family a home, but forgot that a long time ago, Yanyan also needed a home.

Zhenxi gave up college and regained her dream of dancing.

Grandma, none of us dared to tell her that Yanyan had passed away, but one year after Yanyan passed away, grandma followed her.

But I sold the company and settled down in a small town south of Nanyang City.

That small town is very close to Baihua Town, I dare not live in Baihua Town, I'm afraid of getting angry.

In the second year after he left, I opened a watch shop in that town called "Shangshang".

It was after that that I read a poem:

Life does not meet, moving like participating in business.

This is what happened to me and him.

Later, I became friends with a man named Mo Yanshu.

He is the one who bought my company. I heard that he is Si Jinqing's friend.

We occasionally drink and chat together.

But they have a tacit understanding and never talk about Si Jinqing and Shen Yan.

When I was 35 years old, I came across a Weibo hot search on my mobile phone: Lu Qingjia quit the entertainment industry.

My memory flashed back to many years ago, we met by chance in a restaurant, Yanyan's crew had a dinner together, I thought he was here to accompany the drink, scolded him indiscriminately, then turned and left indifferently.

I just felt angry at the time, and thinking about it now, I was really stupid.

Later, a young man named Lu Qingjia caught up and grabbed my hand angrily, and said angrily at me with red eyes: "You are a fucking despicable, why do you scold him like that?!"

I seemed to be stunned for a moment, then shook off him, and left without looking back.

Later, because of these invisible injuries, I really felt guilty all my life.

And Yanyan was probably really hurt by me. Several years after he left, I never dreamed of him once.

I have lived here alone for two years, and I have experienced his seven years of loneliness.

I suddenly felt very boring, I kind of wanted to leave, I wanted to find him.

Just when I made up my mind, I saw a familiar figure at the door of my house in the middle of winter one year.

He was so depressed that he had lost all the vigor on the stage. When he saw me, he first came up and punched me, then knelt down and cried loudly.

I froze for a long time, then slowly squatted down, hugged him stiffly, and said to him, "I'm sorry."

I don't know what else to say other than this.

The last kindness this world showed me was probably sending Lu Qingjia to my side, and he never left until I died.

I will live my life with all the guilt and regret.

This is my sin to atone for.

The author has something to say:

In fact, the eldest brother is stubborn.

Thanks for watching.