Leftover temperature

My name is Xia Zhenxi.

I have two older brothers.

The eldest brother Xia Shangzheng used to be the president of a company.

The little brother Xia Shenyan is my favorite person.

Now the eldest brother has sold the company and hid in a small town in Nanyang.

And the person I love the most hid in the mountains with my grandfather, unwilling to come back to see me.

My brother has been away for four years.

Four years.

In the past, I always felt that I still had a lot of time with him, but I always didn't understand the principle of cherishing the person in front of me.

In the past few years, I think his thinking has become more and more serious.

Sometimes I wake up crying in my dream.

But most of my dreams are memories, since he left until now, he has never entrusted me with a dream.

I think he's probably still mad at me.

After all, the last thing I said to him was "I never want to see you again".He must have listened, so I literally never saw him again.

I actually hated him.

I hate his cowardice and incompetence, hate his kindness and humbleness.

Because of his cowardice and incompetence, he abandoned me, and because of his kindness and humbleness, he didn't even have the courage to get me back.

But then I thought about it again, I am not cowardly and incompetent.

It was not until many years after his death that I realized that the word humble was only for us.To me, to my elder brother, to my father, to Si Jinqing, and even to the Nie family.

He has bowed to the Nie family for so many years for his mother, but he has never complained.

After my brother passed away, I blamed my father and mother, especially my eldest brother.I didn't have any contact with them for the next three years.

I always think, if they didn't dislike him again and again, if they didn't force him to leave me, if I didn't hurt him so much, wouldn't he have left?

But in the end, who is right.

We all abandoned him for our own benefit.

When I was young, I always thought that everything in this world would disappear, except my brother.

The cost of growth is unlimited.

I left him first, then lost him.

I've been dreaming about old things lately.

Whether it was in a dream or in memory, I gradually began to lose sight of him.Only when I occasionally watch the movies and MVs he has made, I can barely recall a little bit, but the person on the screen is him, but not him.

I think, he is planning to completely disappear in my world, so he is so cruel that he doesn't even want to keep memories for me.

But there are some good things that he can't erase.

I've been dreaming about my high school days a lot lately.

In the dream, I was sitting in the classroom, propping my chin, spinning my pen lazily.

It was an unusually hot midsummer.On the podium, there is the sound of the teacher chanting sutras; the air conditioner in the classroom is humming; the conversations of the surrounding students are noisy.

Then when I was bored, I turned my head casually, and saw him standing outside the classroom leaning on the railing.

This scene really existed in my dreams, and every time I think of it, only this scene is the clearest and most real.

He was wearing a white shirt and black trousers, and his short black hair was neatly combed, but he had to wear a mask in this hot summer because he was afraid of causing controversy.But such a simple outfit is his favorite match.He said it looked formal.

He wears it every time he sees me at school.

His eyes fell on me through the window from outside the hot classroom.When I look back at the past, those beautiful eyes will be slightly narrowed, and the end of the eyes will be curved up, clear and clear.

The breeze ruffled his hair, the sun fell on him, and I seemed to be able to smell the fragrance of orchids on his body through the window.

I can't help it at times like this.I would raise my hand and ask the teacher for leave, then rush out and fling myself into his arms.

His arms are not broad, even too thin.But his arms are warm and his body is fragrant.He would lean down slightly and let me wrap my arms around him.And my cheek was pressed against his hot chest, and I could hear his gentle heartbeat.

"Ah Zhen, are you tired?" He patted my head and asked me warmly in my ear.

"Tired!"

I like to sell miserably in front of him the most.Because my brother will be soft-hearted for me, and will take me away from this boring high school life, and take me away from all the hustle and bustle of the world for a while.

"Brother, I want to go out and play!" I blinked and looked at him pleadingly.

Of course he couldn't bear it, so he agreed immediately, and then took me to the teacher to get the leave slip, and drove me around the whole Xinyu with me.

At that time, many people envied me, envied that I had an older brother, such a good older brother.

My eldest brother and I don’t have a deep relationship. When my brother and I were in our hometown, he was taken away by his parents; while in the past few years when I was in China, he was abroad.

At the age when I was the loneliest and confused and needed company, my elder brother accompanied me. No one could intervene in this kind of dependence and family affection.

My eldest brother is actually very good, he will transfer money to me on time every month, send someone to protect me, ask my teacher about my recent study progress, and call me regularly once a week.

But I'm a girl, what I need is not these.Maybe I didn't know what I wanted before, but when I grew up and my brother left, I realized that all I needed was a Xia Shenyan.

Whether it was when I was a child, or that boring adolescence, or now.

He will meet all my unreasonable demands, he will not care how lazy and sloppy I am, and he will never blame me.

When I was sad, he would hold me in his arms and whisper, "Ah Zhen is crying, shy".Then I would smile through my tears, wipe my tears and hum, "I didn't cry".I like to be naive in front of him. He is the person who likes my childish temper the most in the world. My brother said that what he fears most is not that I will not grow up, but that I will grow up and be alienated from him, and stop playing with him. .

I have been wild since I was a child, and even more unreasonable during the rebellious period. What I like most is to make trouble in front of him.At that time, he would stand obediently and coax me, obey me in everything, and let me be self-willed.In this way, no matter how angry I am, I can't express it to him, so I can only say angrily, "Why aren't you angry!?"

He would smile and say in a gentle voice: "Ah Zhen never makes my brother angry."

And if that's the case, why don't you even say goodbye to me.

Because my family was well off, I didn’t live a hard life even after my father’s company went bankrupt, so I spent money very recklessly.

So I always spend his money on buying things indiscriminately, sometimes I buy a lot of bits and pieces, some of which are pure waste of money, and he doesn't say anything.Later, he even gave me his own salary card, and said to me: "If you don't have enough money, ask your brother for it."

He was kind to me, to the point of doting.

I was anxious for a while in my sophomore year.The bad mood caused my grades to drop, and people around me who had a bad temper dared not approach me.At that time, my brother was still on a business trip to shoot the MV of the new song. It was really difficult without him to accompany me during this extremely depressing time.So I called him in the middle of the night, first I scolded him, and asked him why he didn't come back and whether he didn't want me anymore, and then I couldn't help crying.After listening to my words quietly, he said helplessly, "Ah Zhen, brother will be right back."

Later, it was Chang Yi who told me that the MV shooting was already in the final stage that day, and he was planning to come back.It’s just that he has a habit of bringing me a small gift every time he goes to a place. He wanted to pick out a gift for me, but he didn’t expect to receive a call from me, so he bought the earliest flight immediately and sat for several hours. Come back to me.

He didn't even have time to get his luggage, and it was still dark on our side when he got off the plane, so he stood at the school gate and waited for me for three hours.

I actually lost my temper when I saw him, deliberately ignored him, and left him alone.He wasn't angry either, he wrapped me in the overcoat that I threw away, and then gently held me in his arms. He had the coldness of winter on his body, but I felt that this winter was not as warm as his embrace .

I finally hugged him and burst into tears, and then said that I didn't want to study anymore and wanted to play. He asked for leave for me without saying a word, and rejected all the trips by himself to take me abroad to relax.

As a result, all the tickets were bought, but I couldn't bear it when I left.

He will help me clean up all my bad things, and everything I want can only be obtained from him.

I sometimes wonder how there are such good people in this world.

How can there be such a stupid person.

I thought I would have no regrets in my life.After all, he helped me make up for all my regrets.He helped me make up for the lack of love from my parents and elder brother, and protected me from growing up with his immature wings, but he turned around and left when I became full-fledged and achieved success in my place.

My dependence and paranoia on him is so great that all my love since childhood is closely related to him.

Because he loves the starry sky and the sea, so I fell in love with blue.

When I was eight years old, my brother and I were lying on the outside of a dance in Baihua Town under the scorching sun, watching the girls in fluttering white dresses dancing with envy.

At that time, my brother smiled and said to me: "From now on, our Ah Zhen will be so good-looking."

So I started learning to dance.

I studied for ten years, and later, in order to get angry with him and because of some unavoidable reasons, I gave up dancing and used my cultural achievements to go to a better university.

I think he should be very disappointed.

After he died, I dropped out of school and relearned dancing.So far, he has made some achievements in the dance industry.Will he be happy?

I don't know if he is looking at me.

Would you like to come back and see me?

At 15 he asked me what I wanted for my birthday.I thought about it, and suddenly remembered the starry sky in Shixi Village in summer.So I said I want a room full of stars, he thought about it, smiled and said yes.

On the night of my birthday, he turned off the lights in the hall and turned on the light that was said to contain stars, so the sky full of stars was reflected in our eyes.

Those three-dimensional images make us feel like we are in the sea of ​​stars and swimming in the night sky.

That year he let me know that the stars in the sky can be hidden.

So I traveled through the light years of the universe, and hugged this person who shone through my ordinary youth.

Later I wrote in my diary:

"When Meng Xia was 15 years old, he gave me a romantic house full of stars. Since then, I have fallen in love with a kind of flower called Gypsophila."

When I was 17 years old, I asked him to make me a pair of shoes as an adult gift, and I asked him to design it himself, but he agreed.

But who would have thought that he had already abandoned me.So I deliberately threw those shoes into the trash can in front of him and Chang Yi.

I knew he was sitting in the car and he was afraid to come down and see me.

Chang Yi was so angry that I couldn't speak, and finally said to me with red eyes: "Xia Zhenxi, you'd better not regret it."

He guessed right, and I regretted it as soon as their car turned.

In fact, I can't put it down.For many years later, it was hidden in the safe by me, and no one knew it.

I was probably really spoiled by him, I always thought that such a naive way would make him change his mind.Now that I think about it, I really broke his heart.

My temper got weird after he left me.I became less and less human, tired of socializing, and even too lazy to make friends with anyone around me.Gradually, the smiles became less and the words were less.

In those years when I left him, I actually had no real friends around me.

I gradually felt lonely, even though my eldest brother was already very good to me, and my mother also fulfilled her due responsibilities.But I was still getting more impetuous and irritable.

I would get angry when I saw Zhu Xixi call him "brother", and I would also be angry when I heard him call me "Miss Xia" and pretend to be distant.Then when she gets angry, she will lie to herself that she hates him, hates him, starts talking to him, blocks all his contact information, and insults him indiscriminately just like everyone who hurt him.

I said to others: "I only have one older brother named Xia Shangzheng."

I told him: "You are not worthy to be my brother, I don't want to see you again in my life."

But cry quietly, secretly miss him.

There are many people around me who care about me and treat me well, but none of them are better than him.

But he doesn't want me anymore.

He no longer called me "A Zhen", and I never heard this "A Zhen" until his death.

He will still smile at me, but he will never stand outside the classroom in a white shirt and black trousers, waiting for me to take me home.

I've also heard a little about the matter between him and Si Jinqing, but I don't think it's a big deal. It doesn't matter who he likes, as long as I remain his sister anyway.

I used to be the most unbearable when the people around me took this matter to abuse him and scold him.And then...then I became one of these people.

In front of many people, I sneered and said to him, "Is it disgusting?"

He didn't smile at me for the first time, just nodded slightly, turned and left without saying anything.I looked at his resolutely unfamiliar back, suddenly unwilling and aggrieved.The monstrous anger filled me, so I said contemptuously to him: "Xia Shenyan, don't you feel out of touch? You actually got involved with Si Jinqing. You crawled on his bed and abandoned me and elder brother just because of those things." Something dirty?"

His back seemed to stiffen for a moment, but he never turned around to look at me.In the end, Chang Yi couldn't bear it anymore, and turned around and scolded me: "Xia Zhenxi, touch your conscience! How can Brother Yan be sorry for you? What did he do wrong and you all want to treat him like this? Is it him? Abandoned you, or do you not want him?!"

"Chang Yi..." He seemed to call him softly, then reached out and gently pulled his sleeve, and said palely and weakly, "Let's go."

My heart trembled.

But I was overwhelmed by anger, and actually shouted at him: "Xia Shenyan, I don't want to see you again in this life."

I didn't expect that this would be the last time I had a conversation with him.

What's more, I didn't expect that the New Year's Eve when he was 28 years old would be the last time we saw each other.

And I ignored him.

I actually turned a blind eye to his arrival, and even pretended to be contemptuous.

I was lying to myself when Lin Fu said he took me to see him for the last time.

Until I actually saw the person lying quietly in the mattress.

I didn't expect to lose him again in this way, this time completely.I broke down, I asked them what was going on, but I didn't dare to touch him again.

Si Jinqing told me about his condition, and he also said: "He gave up treatment a long time ago."

So I asked him dully: "A long time ago, when was it?"

Si Jinqing was silent for a while, then replied, "Six years ago."

I was taken aback.

He already knew he was leaving.And he understood that after he left, I could only rely on my elder brother and the Nie family, so he chose to give up on me.

I desperately grabbed his hand.

I never knew my brother was so skinny.

His body temperature was lower than the wind outside the window.

And I looked at him quietly, as if I was in a midsummer of a certain year in a trance.At that time, our school was on vacation, so my brother asked for leave to stay with me at home.He is very busy with work and is used to taking a nap, but I am always full of energy. After reading a book for a while, I feel bored and want to make him wake up and take me out to play.

He likes to sleep on his side.My brother's hair is black and thick, his face is sunken in the white bedding, his breathing is shallow and gentle, and half of his face is moist and clear.I would quietly stare at it for a while, then squeeze my throat in his ear and whisper, "Brother, wake up."

In the past, when I called him, no matter how deeply he slept, he would wake up immediately.And this time, no matter what I call him, he won't wake up again.

I held on to him and refused to let go.When Si Jinqing pushed him into the crematorium, I still held him tightly. I was afraid that he would really disappear, so I begged Si Jinqing: "Don't push him in, he just fell asleep. Please, please You, give me some more time, I'll look at him again, don't treat him like this Please, how could you treat him like this..."

Si Jinqing held my wrist lightly. At that time, his condition was already very bad, and his voice was also broken.He said to me in a hoarse voice: "...this is what he asked for, the body...can't be left for too long."

Then someone came up and pulled me away forcefully, so I watched hysterically as he was pushed into the incinerator, and when he came out again, he turned into a small box.

All hope is lost.

I finally never saw him again.

Later, Si Jinqing also died, and he was buried with his brother in the back hill of Shixi Village, next to his grandfather's tomb.This must be my brother's wish.

That small mountain village contained all the happy times of my brother and me.

After his burial I was in a daze and locked myself in the same apartment we used to live in.His fingerprints on the door have always been mine, and I haven't even changed the backup password.

This used to be my sanctuary, where I could actually smile after all the setbacks I've been through.Now that person is missing, I think it would be nice if I could die here quietly.

A few days later, Ren Zhan found me.He handed me a box, saying it was something my brother left me.He also looked emaciated, gave me my things, cooked me a meal and left.

It all went so bad after he left.

Then I opened the box he had left me.

The box was not big, and inside was a roll of letters and two large gift boxes, both of which contained dancing shoes.

The first box contained dancing shoes that I had worn.The smallest pair was worn when I first learned to dance when I was eight years old, but later my feet got bigger and I couldn’t wear them anymore, so my brother put them away for me.I didn't expect that he had secretly hidden these worn-out dancing shoes for so many years.

And the second box is full of new dancing shoes, in all colors, and every pair is beautiful, so delicate and beautiful that I am amazed, but I have never seen them.

I looked at those shoe sizes and it was my size for years past, even up to now.

He bought all the good-looking dancing shoes he saw.

It's just that the pair of crystal shoes that were thrown away that year wiped out all his courage, so he had no choice but to hide his love and longing for me quietly in time.

The volume of letters was not thick, and the date was marked on the letter that I could read.It turned out to be one letter per year, a total of six letters.

His first letter was short:

"Ah Zhen,

I am brother.

When you read the letter, my brother must have gone far away.

Ah Zhen, don't think about brother.

My brother is just tired and needs a break.

Remember that birthday present you wanted when you were nine?

Brother is going to pick the moon for you.

--elder brother"

But brother, it's been four years, Ah Zhen no longer wants the moon in the sky.

When I saw the second letter, it happened to be my 26th birthday.This handwriting is a bit messed up:

"Ah Zhen.

A 26-year-old girl, she probably won't miss her brother anymore.

How have you been lately?

Well, my brother is doing well here, and my grandfather is here with my brother.Grandpa was doing well, and he scolded me when he saw me coming.

Ah Zhen, do you have a boyfriend?Are you getting married?

If possible, I really hope that I can steal my father's job and hand you over to the person who loves you when you get married.

Ah Zhen, be happy and happy.You can't take care of yourself, I know that.

--elder brother"

In the end he crossed out a sentence, and he painted it very black and thoroughly.I guessed for a long time, and finally I could vaguely see from the outline of the handwriting on the back that he wrote: "Ah Zhen, brother misses you".

This piece of paper still had traces of being torn, probably he wanted to tear it off, but for some reason temporarily put it aside, and finally forgot, so he accidentally typed and kept the original letter.

Brother, actually I miss you too.

For the past four years, I have been thinking about it all the time.

In the second year after reading this letter, Ren Zhan and I got married.I don't know if there was love between us at the beginning, but so far I know very well, just like I relied on my brother back then, I can't lose Ren Zhan anymore.

He is very good to me, he is indeed a very good and perfect person, and he has taken care of me all these years.He is never angry with me, and is very gentle, and he can tolerate all my tempers like a brother.When I was sad and missed my brother, he would hold me in his arms, wipe away tears and whispered: "I miss them too."

Both of us are no-ones, only each other is Yiping.

The marriage was proposed by me, we didn't have the wedding and we didn't inform anyone else.

In the third year, Ren Zhan and I had a child, a girl named Ren Nianqing.

Nian Qing, Qing is you.

We are all missing that person.

On the day Nianqing was born, I opened the third letter.This letter is messier and shorter.At that time, he probably didn't even have the strength to hold a pen, but he still wrote this letter to me.

"Ah Zhen,

It hasn't snowed in Nanyang this year, but my brother misses you a little.

Brother misses you.

Ah Zhen, brother misses you"

I don't know what state he was in when he wrote this letter.But I think he was probably in a trance, and wrote the sentence he wrote and crossed out in the second year three times in the third year.

I cried bitterly in the delivery room.

This year, my heart was checked for some problems.

Ren Zhan forcibly stopped all my dancing activities, and wanted to take Nian Qing and me to relax.

I said that I want to go to Erhai Lake, but my heart is not suitable for flying.I struggled for a long time before he had no choice but to agree, trembling with fear all the way.

Erhai is the obsession of my brother and me.

I always remember him saying that to me.He said that he heard people say that Erhai Lake is beautiful, and he really wanted to go there once, but although the place of work changes rapidly, it never ends up where he wants to go.

I don't know if he has been there since then, but this year I came here for him, as if I fulfilled his wish.

On the day I arrived at Erhai Lake, while Ren Zhan was sleeping with Nian Qing, I secretly wore a skirt and dancing shoes and danced by the seaside.

There are more and more people onlookers, some are admiring, some are envious, and some are intoxicated by the beauty of this dance.

I danced on my tiptoes, and as I danced, my tears fell involuntarily.

The dance I made up for him was originally intended to be danced to him that year, but I never thought that I would regret it for the rest of my life if I rubbed shoulders.

However, I don’t know if I was stunned, or I was thinking about him urgently, I actually seemed to see him standing in the crowd, but before I could see clearly, his shadow suddenly seemed like a dream again, carried away by the wind. went.

My heart was empty, and my heart began to hurt, so I had to stop dancing, and gasped for breath uncontrollably.

At this time Ren Zhan came over, he was distressed and angry at the same time, he wanted to carry me back, I smiled and apologized to him.

But just as we were about to leave, a familiar color suddenly appeared in my peripheral vision.My eyes couldn't help chasing after it, and then I saw a bunch of blue stars on the Erhai Lake.

It was almost dusk at this time, and the sea water was soaked by the afterglow, only this blue was very gentle and eye-catching.

I was stunned for a long time, then I pushed Ren Zhan away violently, stumbled over and picked up the bouquet of flowers.I went crazy and asked the people around me if I saw who owned this bouquet and who put it there, and they all said they didn't see it.

I stood there dumbfounded, my heart hurting, I always felt that he was coming to me.

When my 29th birthday was approaching, I made an unreasonable request to Ren Zhan. I said I wanted to dance on my birthday.

He thought for a long time and agreed.

Then he rented a ballroom for me, held my birthday party here, and invited many people.

Grandma passed away three years ago, and my parents couldn't come because of physical reasons, so I only invited my elder brother among my relatives.

I changed into a dark blue dance skirt and put on the dancing shoes my brother left me.The dancing shoes were light blue with pearls on the heel, and the blue ribbon lightly tied around my ankle, beautiful.He must be very happy to see me dancing in the dancing shoes he gave me.

I read the fourth letter before playing.

Still short, the handwriting a little better, but I could tell he was out of his depth by then.

"Ah Zhen, did it snow in Xinyou's winter this year?

If you download it, your brother is thinking of you; if you don’t download it, your brother is looking for you.

Ah Zhen, if you can, please forget about brother. "

Brother, how can you let me let you go so easily?

And brother, it hasn't snowed yet in Xinyou this year, I miss you a little now, it's time for you to come to me.

10 minutes before the start, I asked my elder brother to be backstage. I haven’t seen him for many years. He has changed a lot, and he is no longer the vigorous and resolute Mr. Xia.

And I'm not the willful and domineering little girl I was back then.

I called him "Big Brother", and I said to him, "Brother, he never blamed you, and of course I have no right to blame you."

His eyes moved slightly, and he choked up in frustration and said, "...I'm sorry."

I smiled and said, "Brother, sometimes I can't believe it, he has been away from me for four years."

"Brother, mom's health hasn't been very good in recent years. Dad's hair is about to fall out. Before grandma left, she was still talking about him. I didn't know that he had already left. It would take a long time for her to see him over there." Blame him."

Finally I said: "Brother, you are well, this family will depend on you from now on."

He should have wanted to say something, but I turned around and left without waiting for him to say any more. Only when the door closed, I vaguely heard him say: "I'm sorry..."

I already knew that my body was failing. My heart had a problem many years ago. It was the dance teacher who advised me not to continue dancing, so I gave up on it.After my brother passed away, my heart became more fragile, and I couldn't even do strenuous exercise these years.Ren Zhan knew about my physical condition, but I understood that he didn't want me to have any regrets, so he promised to let me finish the dance.

I danced under the light, the bright spotlight was like a butterfly flying on my skirt, I finished the dance with a smile, and then fell into the arms of my elder brother.

I still haven't read the remaining two letters, and I don't want to read any more. I want to hear him tell me.

Ren Zhanhong looked at me, held my hand, and said to me, "Xixi, I love you."

I love you too, fool.I told him.

He kissed my forehead.

I smiled at him, tilted my head, my eyes paused slightly, and my brows softened involuntarily.

I looked at the already messy auditorium and said softly, "He's here to pick me up."

They stared blankly and followed my line of sight, but I was the only one who saw him.

He stood there, stretched out his hand towards me, and said softly, "Ah Zhen, my brother will take you to see the stars."

He was standing among the crowd holding a bunch of blue gypsophila stars.Dressed in formal attire, with a smiling face, tall and tall, gentle as jade, looking at me with full eyes, just like back then.

I laughed and finally caught him.

The author has something to say:

Ah Zhen is over.

touch.

Water melody song head Taiwan star Ming Yizhen

Zhao Shixia (Song Dynasty)

The Taiwanese star Ming Yizhen is full of harmony in Xiaoxiang.Changhuai is a beautiful place, and it should produce good stock and brachial.A total of admiring the elders of the three dynasties, if you want to know the heroes of the moment, the characters are dignified.Straight air Bo Xiaohan, Virtue look towering rock corridor.Possess the brave, the forest halberd, and the vassal party.Fold the bottle and the cup, and the spring melts the flowers and willows in the pot.The two generations of Lin Fuyu Festival, the nine counties are blessed with wind and rain, and the benevolent people should have a long life.Fengzhao came to Danque, and embroidered Dagon went to Mingguang.

("Taiwan star Ming Yizhen, full of harmony in Xiaoxiang")

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