Leftover temperature

to the specified age.

So I pushed away everyone around me, including Si Jinqing and my Ah Zhen.

I slowly wrapped myself up, delusionally trying to use my strong self-control to defend against the flood of pain.

I also belatedly realized that the so-called price is that I have to give it all the good things in my life.

They say forgetting is a relief.

So I didn't expect forgetting to be that painful.

Everything I remember and care about is frozen in a time and space that will never go back, including myself.I kept looking for it, dripping with blood, but I couldn't catch the light spot in the palm of my hand that was always fleeting.

Then, the spot of light gradually disappeared without a trace.

I have never been in such pain in my life.

Even when the illness broke out, hearing about his marriage, being abandoned by his parents, being insulted by his brothers and sisters, being insulted and belittled by others, he would not feel so powerless and uncomfortable, endlessly.

I begged Ji Qingye to save me, he was so calm and self-possessed, but in the end he could only say to me at a loss: "Sorry."

So I attempted suicide for the first time.

I am not a person who will commit suicide. Even if I am unfortunate, I always want to go on slowly in this world. Whether it is suffering or happiness, as long as I have been here, it is fine.

But this time, I actually lay uncontrollably in the bathtub and cut the blood vessels on my wrist with the broken glass.The bright red blood soaked the entire bathtub and dyed my white shirt coquettishly.

Such extravagant beauty was brought about by death.

At the moment when life is about to die, there is no accident, only the relief after the liberation, but at the moment when the consciousness is drowsy, he thought in a daze: I promised him to take good care of myself yesterday.

Afterwards, it was Ji Qingye who discovered something was wrong in time, broke in and rescued me.

I have hidden that scar under a black watchband until now, and no one knows about it except me and Ji Qingye.

After waking up, I grabbed Ji Qingye's hand and asked him calmly, "Have you found a way?"

He is silent.I also know the answer.

Later, after I tried to commit suicide many times but failed, Ji Qingye had no choice but to finally come up with the final antidote.

He hesitated for a long time, and in the end probably couldn't bear to see me in such pain, so he gave me the bottle of medicine, but he still couldn't help saying to me: "It will reduce your mental pain, but your body will be better than this." It's a million times more painful."

I felt that nothing in this world could compare to the pain that would make life worse than death, so I started long-term drug treatment without hesitation.

Then, a vicious virus derived from that drug began to eat away at my internal organs.

But much better.

At least, at least it is no longer impossible to survive like that.

Extreme physical pain replaced psychological and spiritual torture.

Over the next five years, my illness became more and more serious.

And after I left him, everything started to develop in a good direction for him.

In the past five years, I have seen him prosper and have a successful career, I have seen his high spirits and bright future, and I have also seen his beautiful woman's eyebrows and eyes.And my illness, from early to late.

I don't regret it.

But that's the end of the matter, and it's time to retire.I also have to give an account to the boys and girls who have followed me for so long.

So at the age of 27, I held my first and last concert.

And I seem to feel a certain kind of warmth and comfort only on the stage illuminated by this kind of lights.It's love from girls and boys I've never met.Their affection for me was undisguised, and they enveloped me with overwhelming love.

I feel both happy and powerless.

I can't help but think, if one day I disappear, disappear completely, will you still remember me?

I think, apart from them, no one else would hide me in their hearts so dearly.

After the concert, I gradually faded out of the screen, reduced my schedule, and even hid all my whereabouts.

Only by leaving like this will it not make them unforgettable.

After that, I asked Ji Qingye to take out the chip.

He was stunned for a long time, and it was the first time that he, who was always calm, got angry at me: "Do you know the consequences?"

I said I know.

"After you take that medicine, once the chip is taken out, the pain will be tens of millions of times worse than you imagined." He said, "I have found a way. It can extend you to fifty or even 60 years old..."

"No need." I interrupted him flatly, looked at him with a smile, and said, "Qingye, I have been sick all my life, and living will only make me feel worse than death. Rather than doing this, I am more eager for relief."

That kind of medicine can only relieve, but it can't let me get my memory back.I want to get it back, even if I use my life as a bargaining chip.

Ji Qingye still rejected me, so this matter was delayed until the early spring of my 28-year-old year.

I was diagnosed with stomach cancer again.

He probably didn't even have the energy to scold me. After thinking about it for several days, he finally agreed to my request.

However, recalling memory also requires a process.

After the chip is taken out, my organs will gradually fail, the virus will erode my internal organs, and the stomach cancer will intensify.Only pulmonary fibrosis had previously been temporarily controlled.

If it is fast, I will only have the last half year of my life.

Ji Qingye couldn't bear it, and somehow got me a medicine, which he said could slow down the failure of my organs, but it couldn't last long.

I went to the hospital for another checkup.Not surprisingly, there was a thick pile of bills, dense medical records, and a critical illness notice.

I erased my diagnosis and treatment records as usual, and then quietly burned all those lists.

The sun was shining brightly that day, and I originally promised him that I would go to his place for dinner in the afternoon, but because he had a temporary job, I couldn't make the appointment.

I sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows in my apartment room for a long time that afternoon.The floor where I live is not high, and when I look down, I can vaguely see the green tops of ginkgo trees in the community.

The sun was bright, the temperature was just right, and the colors of the sunset were hot and soft.

The golden light shone on me, as if trying to cover me in the dusk the color of wheat waves.

I was silent for a moment, and finally couldn't help it anymore. I slowly curled up, buried my face in my hands, and suddenly burst into tears uncontrollably.

Tears flowed from my fingers, the salty liquid like an uncontrolled rainstorm.

I understood that from the moment I took the chip out of my body, I had nothing to do with this world.

Tears are like the snow in Antarctica, they will never end.Sadness is like the arctic sea, the cold waves beat against my liver like a knife.

In all these years, I never seem to have had a good cry.

From then on, the fireworks in the world are bright, the world is always bright, and the lights of thousands of families are lit.It's all about me, it's a lie.

.....................

In recent days, I have thought of many things again.

There are elder brothers, Ah Zhen, parents, grandparents, and him.

And everything I once owned is no longer mine.

I seem to have only lived in midsummer in a certain time and space.

The me in that time and space used to have everything.There is my hometown, my family, my lover.

All that I cherish and love.

But later Ji Qingye told me: When I often recall some happy and painful things, my life is coming to an end.

I understand that the deadline is coming.

I don't want to die in Xinyou, and I don't want to die in that empty apartment. I don't want to die for several days before someone finds out. I don't want Ah Zhen and him to see my rotting body.

I want to be closer to my past, closer to my happiness.Yu Xidu +.

So I bid farewell to them, hoping to die quietly in that dilapidated alley by myself.

This is my childhood ideal, and it is also the place where I take refuge and die.

I don't desire or yearn for death, I just look forward to liberation, to touch love, to catch quicksand.

And I'm mostly selfish.

I hid my location from everyone except Si Jinqing. I hoped that he would never come to me, and I secretly hoped that he would come to see me before I died.

Because before the end comes, I don't want to have any more regrets.

He really came.After I saw him, I regretted it again.

He has done too much for me, what qualifications do I have to keep him here with only a broken body.

However, I was reluctant and wanted to stay with him for a while longer, so I asked Ji Qingye to increase the dose of the drug and use double the pain to prolong my life for half a year.

I want to be with him in a normal way, just like this, daily necessities, cuddling each other, talking and laughing.

He once planted roses for me in the backyard of the villa, and now he planted such a small corner for me in this narrow and simple courtyard.

I think, no matter where I am, as long as I still like roses, he will definitely spare no effort to let me watch a flower bloom.

But I vaguely understand that I can't see the flowers blooming.Just like the first snow in Nanyang, which I have been looking forward to for so long, I have never waited for it in these years.

Sometimes I really envy the children who see flowers with glowing eyes, but at the age of 29, I no longer have this kind of enthusiasm.

Young and all kinds, he died in the torrent long ago.

Later, my appetite became worse and worse. Gradually, I could hardly swallow anything.I think my life is passing away.

In fact, I know that I will not be able to wait for Meng Xia in the coming year. Even so, I am still looking forward to the first snow in Nanyang and the blooming roses this year.

I really want to see the frost and snow fall again, Yunxiu becomes a poem.This year's winter, however, seems exceptionally barren and short.I don't know whether it is to keep me from seeing the flowers blooming in the spring of last year, or to laugh at the time limit between me and this world is approaching.

I kinda want to die in his arms, but it's so selfish.

And he won't know that in the winter when I'm leaving, I have said "I love you" many times in his sleeping ear.

I only dare to show my love to him at this time.Otherwise, tell him now that he won't be able to bear it when I leave.

I think that leaving quietly is our best ending.

He'll meet someone better and forget about me.

Even if he refuses to forget me, I will make him forget.

My friend Ji Qingye is an excellent hypnotist.

I asked him to erase all Si Jinqing's memories about me after I died.It must be clean and thorough.He said yes to me.

And everything here is already arranged.

I had handed over to Si Jinse anonymously on the dark web a long time ago.

I told her that I would help him make Si Jinqing leave me.

So I tampered with the facts passed down from the Si family, and let his subordinates pass wrong information to him.

Because I sensed that I was going to die.And he can't be here.

I despicably used his last softness to my mother to force him back, and then finished the last sentence with Si Jinse, destroying that dark net.Cleaned up everything about me, and finally hid the computer that has been with me for many years and carried all my sins in the deepest part of the closet.

He wouldn't think, wouldn't know that the person behind this was me.I hope he never knows.

As you can see, I was the one who cut off his tracking information half a year ago, I was the one who fiddled with the diagnosis and treatment machine he shipped back at a high price, it was me who deleted the diagnosis and treatment records and falsified the diagnosis and treatment results, and finally forced him back also me.

I set up this game, thinking that I had saved all of them, and threw myself out of the game as the only sacrificial piece.

On the day I left, I finished my lunch in a dull manner, and asked Ren Zhan not to come in and disturb me on the pretext of taking a rest.He respected me very much, and immediately covered me with a blanket and walked out gently.

And I looked at the empty sky, my consciousness gradually weakened and became chaotic.

I thought about many people and things, and I thought that my Ah Zhen would be hard-spoken and soft-hearted, if she heard the news of my death, she would be very sad.In fact, I know the reason why she gave up dancing. Behind her treatment all these years, I have been secretly arranging the best doctor for her.Fortunately, her recovery went well.And I have already contacted a doctor friend who is very prestigious in the industry. After I die, he will find Ah Zhen and perform an operation on her. She will always be healthy and healthy, and she will find someone she loves. Forget about my incompetent brother like everyone else.

Ah Zhen, in fact, I still have a little bit of regret, I really want to hear you call me brother again.

My eyelids began to feel heavy, and my strength was gradually taken away by something. My grandfather hummed in a trance: "The grass on the street has sprouted, and it's another spring and summer..."

He likes to sit in the small yard and sing this song in a low voice on a midsummer night.

I think he's finally here.

The snow at the end of the year came unexpectedly and suddenly. It was beyond my expectation, but after thinking about it, it seemed reasonable.This is the last tenderness and mercy God has given me, and I am already grateful.

I thought that the end of my life was this misty and boundless swan snow.

But I didn't expect that I could still see the sky, clouds and shadows, and the sun was shining brightly.

I saw my grandfather looking at me with a smile, swinging the cattail fan in his hand, squinting his eyes and said to me: "Xiao Yan, you came at the right time, this year's mountain flowers are blooming very well!"

And my parents and grandma surrounded a table of steaming meals and waved to me with a smile: "Yanyan, come here quickly, today mom made your favorite corn dumplings!"

I also saw my 17-year-old brother pursing his lips, holding a bunch of red candied haws, approaching me awkwardly, and said to me: "Yanyan, my brother bought you candied haws, don't be angry with my brother. Let's go with my brother."

"I don't want it!" Ah Zhen suddenly ran forward with a smile and snatched the candied haws in his hand, while hiding behind me with a smile, he said, "Brother is going to pick stars with Ah Zhen!"

Yep.I want to see the mountains and flowers everywhere with my grandpa, I want to have a home-cooked meal with my parents and grandma, I want to eat the candied haws from my brother, I want to pick the stars with Ah Zhen, and I want to pick the moon for Ah Zhen.

But I always feel that there is something I can't let go of.

Something is holding me back, pulling me, preventing me from leaving like this.

Then he took a step back, turned around as if feeling something, and met a pair of deep smiling eyes.

Unexpectedly, at this moment, I can still travel across thousands of mountains and rivers, and the stars and rivers light years. At the end of this time, I saw that person lightly licking a white rose and smiling brightly at me.

Standing in the bright early sunshine, against the midsummer sky, he stretched out his hand towards me, and said with a light smile, "Yanyan, the roses in the courtyard are blooming, can you go and see with me?"

I stared at him blankly for a long time, then suddenly frowned.

So without hesitation, I reached out and grabbed my world.

The long street is dusty, the mountains and rivers are covered with snow, and it is another new year.

The author has something to say:

Xia Shenyan's story ends here, but Redeemer is immortal.

And Si Jinqing probably didn't expect that that bowl of wontons would make him lose Xia Shenyan completely.

"The grass on the side of the street has already sprouted, and it is spring and summer again." - "The Wandering Song"

"Yuefu Poetry Collection Volume 047 Qing and Shang Song Ci IV"

"Bai Shi Lang Song"

Bai Shilang lives in Linjiang.Lead Jiangbo and follow fish.

Accumulated stones are like jade, and pine trees are like emerald green.Lang Yan is unique and unique in the world.