Leftover temperature

I am Xia Shenyan, and I am also Xia Nianqing.

I was born in a peaceful and beautiful town.I heard that the day I was born was just when the sky broke, and the mountains and fields were full of flowers, and everything was in full bloom.

My mother said that I was the best one for her.When she was pregnant with me, she could eat anything, and she was not shy. People said she was blessed, and they said that I must be a smart and well-behaved child.

But I seem to have failed their expectations.

I was an idiot with a defective IQ, an unpopular kid, the object of bullying and exclusion by my peers.

This also caused my entire childhood to be almost gloomy in my memories.

Parents’ dislike and estrangement, elder brother’s dislike and indifference, friends’ teasing and ridicule, and even relatives’ eyes and contemptuous words, all stuck in my young heart like needles. The heart is completely numb, so numb that even a knife and a gun will no longer feel pain.

And in this time when black and white are almost intertwined, only grandparents and Ah Zhen are colorful.They are the neon lights of the lighthouse, illuminating my way forward.Even if the road ahead is thorny, others are running, only I am climbing, they will only love me, and will not despise me.

Grandma loves me, Ah Zhen loves me, and grandpa believes in me.

In my eyes when I was a child, my grandfather was almost omnipotent.

Grandpa also traveled extensively when he was young, and he has been to almost all the places I yearn for.He would tell me little by little in the moonless and starry night, over and over again, as long as I wanted to hear it, he would say it.

I was so stupid back then that I couldn't learn anything.In that youthful elementary school age, when the neighbor’s children took the first place in the exams every time, I pulled a long distance from the penultimate place countless times, and was placed far away at the bottom of the valley.

Children with poor grades are looked down upon even by teachers.

Grandpa never cared about these things, and he could even comfort me with a smile and said: "It's okay, Xiao Yan doesn't need to study. The purpose of studying is to make money. Grandpa will support you in the future, so we don't have to worry about the future!"

But after he finished speaking, he sighed again, annoyed: "That's not okay, grandpa can't stay with Xiao Yan forever..."

And when I was young, I didn't know what parting was.

It was at this time that my grandfather began to teach me how to repair watches.I learned slowly and remembered little, so he held hands and patiently told me how to disassemble and assemble bit by bit.He taught me that extremely precise mechanical instrument for nine years, until his death.

And he was thinking about me before he died.

That day he seemed to have a feeling, took my hand and said to me: "Xiao Yan, if one day you feel scared and tired, or you have someone you want to protect, or something you want to do. You can try to find that person called Lu Shenyan's teacher. You know him, he taught you the violin...he is very good, he will let you take back everything that belongs to you. It's just...Xiao Yan, everything happens and everything grows, and there is a price. Before you make a decision, grandpa wants you to understand whether everything you have done is worth it."

Lu Shenyan was an uncle who used to live next door to our house. He taught me the violin, and he was the most patient teacher among all my teachers.It's a pity that he came and went without a trace, as if he never had a foothold, and left without staying in Baihua Town for long.

But obviously, at that time, I didn't understand what Grandpa said.I don't even understand why he asked me to find Lu Shenyan.

Later, I suddenly realized that it has been a long time.

The departure of my grandfather is undoubtedly the biggest blow to me.

When he left, he was still holding my wrist tightly, and the last words in his mouth were: "Xiao Yan, don't be afraid..."

The sound fell, the sound stopped, my wrists were loosened, and the thick callused hands lost their warmth.From then on, all the sky light was covered by the dark clouds outside the window, and magpies flew around, but no bird cared about my eaves anymore.

After my grandfather passed away, I didn't know that my parents had divorced long ago.I'm just afraid that grandpa will be sad if he finds out, and has kept it a secret for so long.

Fortunately, my father's company was going well at that time, and Ah Zhen and I stayed in Nanyang with my father, while my mother brought my elder brother and remarried to Xin Younie's family.

Obviously, the parents who used to love each other like that have finally gone from respecting each other as guests to seeing each other and hating each other.

But we weren't too bad back then.Even though my mother remarried, she would still visit grandma, me and Ah Zhen every half a month, and of course she never owed us financially.

But my father's company gradually expanded, and during those days he was almost busy without touching the ground, and sometimes he didn't necessarily go home once for several weeks.

The time when he was most devastated, he didn't even see anyone for several months.Ah Zhen and I are both young, we don't understand anything, and we know how to make him feel more relaxed.

Until his company officially went bankrupt, he was in debt.

After Xia's bankruptcy, his father locked himself in the room alone for several days. When he came out again, he lost a lot of weight, with a shaggy beard and dusty eyes.He looked at me, then at Ah Zhen, and suddenly knelt down and hugged us and cried loudly.

Ah Zhen and I were both at a loss, we just stood there dumbly.

His pressure at that time was probably unimaginable to us at that time.When a company goes bankrupt, it is not only faced with huge debts, but also the insults and ridicule from people around it.

But he persisted for me and Ah Zhen.

After all, it was a huge debt. For us who didn't know it at the time, the pressure on this family was too great for him to bear.

And I'm the real burden on this family.I know it.

So when my father decided to take me away, I didn't find it too difficult to accept, but occasionally felt sad quietly.

Before my father was about to send me to my mother, he said to me with red eyes: "Yanyan, it's not that Dad doesn't want you, it's just that you follow Dad, and Dad can't give you anything."

I know.

I understand and I don't blame him.

Even later, my mother said to me: "Yanyan, Mom and Dad have separated. Mom lives in another uncle's house now. If you follow Mom, it will make Mom feel ashamed to face Uncle Nie."

I don't blame her either.

It's me who is too useless.

I don't dare to blame others, I only dare to cast aside my incompetence in my heart.At the age of 15, I don't even have the basic ability to take care of myself. I'm afraid they will throw me on the street and I don't know how to pick up things to fill my stomach.

A fool and a burden with impaired intelligence, what right do I have to blame them?

I thought I would end up in an orphanage.I knew that was where homeless and abandoned children belonged.

Despite the fear, despite the loss, so what.

I'm probably humbled.I don't want to affect the current life of my mother and eldest brother, and I don't want to cause a burden to my father, Zhen and grandma.So from the very beginning, I foolishly made up my mind to go anywhere, even if I was thrown away, it doesn't matter.

A life that is not loved has no value or meaning.

And at this moment, I met the man who stretched out his hand to me like a god.

He came down on wings in my barren and barren wither.At that moment, I seemed to hear the singing of white doves, the ringing of church bells, and see the sky shining brightly and a hundred flowers in full bloom.

The never-ending bright sky also rescued me from the frosty sky and the earth with his appearance.

Accumulated stones are like jade, pine trees are like emerald green, and Lang Yan is unique, unique in the world.

It was probably him.

In my limited memory, besides Grandpa, he was the first person who would bend down and talk to me seriously.

My joy for him began at the banquet that I broke into by accident when I was 15 years old.

Before that, I never imagined that this man in golden light would walk into my world and pull me out of the darkness.

He made me miserable, but also made me happy.

Many years later, I also seriously thought about it. When I met him, was it a deeper punishment from the heavens, or was it the love and pity of fate for me in the dark?

I may have been entangled, but I always knew in my heart that meeting him and falling in love with him are both happy things for me.

After all, I also had my own little selfishness when I went with him.I know that this way is too risky and despicable, but I have never expected anything extravagantly, even if I am destined to only maintain a lover relationship with him later, I don't regret it.

I've been lucky.

He was so kind to me, so careful and patient.

He can put down a few days of piles of work and accompany me to go on vacation and relax during the holidays; after learning that I like roses, he will plant roses all over the garden; I am weak and prone to illness in winter, so he will replace me Ask for leave, turn down my announcement and take care of me at home, he will cover my ears when someone insults me... such a gentle person will be furious because of my panic...

At that time, I was most afraid of thunderstorms, and I liked thunderstorms the most.Because at this time, I can run into his room, get into his bed logically, and kiss him secretly.

I have no reason not to love him.

Besides, that presumptuous thought has been hidden in my heart for so long, and it is a secret joy to be able to get closer to him.

It’s just that I didn’t know what liking was at that time. I didn’t even figure out my own liking, so how could I understand his unique love for me.

And I, who was so stupid to that extent, ignorantly trampled on my own and his love in this strong love.

No one taught me what is the difference between closeness and distance, I only know that the people I like and care about should do my best to keep them.

I've lost a lot of people I cared about, and I can't lose him again.

So I stayed close to him, tried to please him as much as I could, and tried not to get him into trouble.

But he said to me: "Yanyan, you can rely on me, but don't be afraid to trouble me, you will make it difficult for me if you are so careful."

I am a little scared, I am afraid that he will feel that I am deliberately alienating him, thereby alienating me.

Children who have been abandoned once are more afraid of being abandoned again.

After all, I know how bad I am, and there are some flaws that I can't make up for by being obedient and docile. No matter how hard I try, what doesn't belong to me still doesn't belong to me.

For me at that time, his kindness to me was his kindness and a gift from God.If charity is done, it is also compassion.

I accept his mercy.

I only accept his mercy.

So I slowly opened my heart for him, and I would tell him everything I wanted to say in my heart, share my joy with him, and slip into his arms when I was sad.While absorbing his temperature and breath, her eyes were secretly red.

He is the only one who rejoices in my joy and blames himself for my sorrow.

I gradually approached him and began to try to take the initiative.Gradually, I found that I have regarded him as a part of the body, which is a kind of parasitic dependence.

When I decided to step into the entertainment circle, my original intention was because of my love.Later, I just wanted to be more independent, and I didn't want him to hate me and think I was incompetent and humble.

Besides, I knew I couldn't use his money.He has given me a lot.And I still have Ah Zhen, my father and grandma, and my family may need me at some point.

I know that with his character, I'm afraid it would be fun to raise me for the rest of my life, but I don't want to.I don't want to be a parasite.

I, who was at the bottom of society, also longed for strength.

Even just a little bit?I think.

And I was wrong.

When I entered the entertainment industry, I had to rely on him for everything.

He bought a company for me, opened a media company for me, invested in me, found an agent for me, and protected my safety all the time.

When I was almost belittled by someone that night, when I was carried out of the hotel by him, I even thought dejectedly, what is the point of living like this?

In this way, I will lose him after all.

So my hope was rekindled at the noon when he made love to me.

He said to me: "Only with the person you like can kiss and make love... Two people who have met before will be responsible for each other's future, and they will be bound together for life and life."

I want to bond with him, I want to be with him... to do .ai.

So on the night when I failed the college entrance examination, I did as I wished.

The extreme pain and joy enveloped me, leaving me breathless.

When I was unconscious, I looked at his clear and bewildered face, and thought viciously, so we can always be together, right?

As a 29-year-old me, looking back on that time, I just feel childish and stupid.

That is probably the most regrettable thing I have done in 29 years.

Although the time I spent with him still makes my heart palpitate in retrospect.

I began to slowly discover what he didn't know.

He is ruthless and cold-blooded in front of others, but he also has a cute side.

Every time he came to look for me, he would hug me and squint for a while, whispering "Yanyan is so soft", while smiling and raising his head to kiss me.It usually makes me blush, but it also makes my heart beat like a beating.

Once he got drunk at a party.I heard Ren Zhan said that he ran all over the party and said my name and said he wanted to find me.Originally, he didn't want me to see him like this, but he was too difficult to deal with when he was drunk, so Ren Zhan had no choice but to bring him to me.

When he saw me, he was also very dumbfounded.A person who was standing upright one second, fell on me as if he had no bones in the next second, hugged me and refused to let go, I went to make him sober soup, and he just walked away without saying a word. Hugging me from behind, he knocked his chin on my shoulder like a child, watching me make soup with half-closed eyes.

I had no choice but to rush and couldn't bear to rush, so I could only let him hold him like this, and then cooked a pot of nondescript soup in a hurry.

The taste of the soup is hard to describe. I tasted it myself. I dare not give it to him. I plan to try it again. Who knows, he frowned and asked me seriously after seeing it: "Why didn't Yanyan give it to me?" ?”

I froze for a while, coaxed him to say that this was not good, and made him another bowl, but he didn't buy it, and looked at me with drooping eyes, feeling a little wronged.

My heart softened, so I had to make a bowl for him, hoping that he would retreat in spite of the difficulties.

As a result, he drank it without changing his face.

"..."

sin.

Before I could say anything, he came up to hug me and kissed me tenderly.His eyes were exceptionally clear and bright, with a little bit of drunkenness, he looked at me and said softly: "Yanyan, I'm tired, let's go to sleep."

I was taken aback, my cheeks were hot.

But I misunderstood the meaning, his sleep was really ordinary sleep, but he changed his usual habit of gently wrapping his arms around me, this time he hugged me very tightly, and his whole body was tightly attached to my body.He curled up his tall body like an insecure child, burying his head in the hollow of my neck.

I looked at his tired and obedient appearance, feeling distressed and helpless.His stomach is as bad as mine, and drinking too much wine can easily hurt his body.

However, the drunk him is very different from the usual him. The usual he treats me too cautiously, but he seems to do everything he wants to do when he is drunk.

It seems that from then on, I began to vaguely feel his strong and heavy love.

He really likes to kiss and hug me, including when he is intimate, he has to hug me and give me a deep and long kiss before and after.

His eyes always follow me, no matter when and where, as long as I am with him, I can meet his gentle gaze as soon as I turn my head.

He seems to stare at me habitually, no matter how long, he doesn't care whether I will look back at him.

But at that time, I couldn't feel it, and I stupidly attributed it to his love for me.

For me before the age of 20, he is my elder, as long as I respect him and look up to him for a lifetime.

But for me now, he is Si Jinqing, my sweetheart.We have a love and nostalgia beyond the world, and we are dependable and hidden in our hearts for a lifetime.

Why on earth can't you be with him?

In the end, everything is my own fault.

If it weren't for my stupid and ignorant way to be with him in this despicable way, maybe there would be no futures, maybe I would not have those futures with him.He will obey the family arrangement and be with a girl from the right family, and will not be entangled in pain for me, nor will he be driven out to death by the Si family.

But... But how could such a good person be trapped by the Si family for a lifetime.

I can't think about it, it hurts my head just thinking about it.

I felt that I had harmed him, causing him to give up everything for me, in pain and embarrassment.But sometimes I can't help but wonder, if I don't show up, will he be a puppet of the Si family for the rest of his life, will he be trapped in the cage of the Si family forever?

That would be so unfair to him.

Anyway, no matter how I think about it, I seem to have regrets.

They say I'm his lover and I don't care.

For me, nothing is more important than me being with him.What about lovers, a short time together is also better than a long parting.

Until he has a real lover, I don't mind being with him in this way.

It is a very happy thing to be able to hug him and kiss him logically, and to be able to spend time with him intimately.

I don't have the right to covet that status, so I can just stay by his side for as long as I want.

But slowly, I began to feel the pressure from his family.

The time he came to me gradually became less and less, and every time he came, he had to bring many people to guard outside the apartment.Although he explained every time that he was afraid of being secretly photographed by paparazzi and affecting me.

I might have believed it then.

If he hadn't brought me to Si Jinse, I would probably still be indulging in that sweet tranquility.

Si Jinse's words were like knives and sharp blades, which really made me feel at a loss and flustered.

Even though he tightly covered my ears, trying to keep those poisonous words out of the noise.I also began to face up to my relationship with him for the first time.

I get scared.

I am afraid that he will abandon me, and I am afraid that I will make things difficult for him if I stay by his side.

This entanglement lasted until the deep winter of my 19-year-old year.

That winter, I fell ill. I was so delirious with fever that I couldn't eat anything. After a while, I would spit out intermittently.

I was so uncomfortable, he was so anxious and overwhelmed that he had invited several doctors but nothing could be done.

At that time, I probably dreamed back to my childhood again, and suddenly recalled the wontons on the corner of Baihua Town, and murmured in a daze that I wanted to eat them.

I didn't expect that he would drive across the two cities in the middle of the night to buy that bowl of wontons.He kept it in an insulated bucket, and it was still warm when I woke up.

Looking at the steaming bowl of wontons, I suddenly felt a strong sense of powerlessness.

He protects me with family pressure and secular public opinion, but I can't do anything for him.

I think I have to do something for him, it doesn't matter what price I pay, he is so good, I shouldn't be in his future.

Then I finally remembered what my grandfather said to me before he died when I was 15 years old, so I began to frantically search for news about Lu Shenyan secretly.

Then in early autumn when I was 20, I received a call from a stranger who said his name was Ji Qingye.

He said to me on the phone: "I can help you get back to your old self."

Then I thought, what was I like before?Hasn't it always been like this?

Then he said: "I was entrusted by Lu Shenyan."

I believed him.

We first met in America.I made an appointment with him at a restaurant on the pretext of a business trip.

He is a very handsome and elegant young man, a little younger than me, with a gentle and outstanding temperament, he is not an ordinary person at first sight.

He said to me, "Sorry, my master has passed away, but he mentioned you to me before he passed away. I think I can help you."

"How to help?"

I'm a little apprehensive.

Grandpa only said that he asked me to come to him, but he didn't say why he asked me to find them.

Hearing this, Ji Qingye smiled, and said slowly: "There is a chip in your body. It maintains your illness turnover."

I didn't know why I looked at him.

He seemed to have guessed my reaction, and gently hooked the corners of his lips.

Then he told me many things.

Those things sounded unreal to me on and off, and I couldn't believe it.

And Ji Qingye told me that if I activate the chip, I can get back what once belonged to me and remember everything.

Accordingly, I will also pay the price.

"It eats some of your memories."

I'm actually not sure if that's true or not, and I don't even know if he's a reliable person.

But I have nowhere to go, even if I risk my life, I want to take a gamble.For me, and for him.

On the day I made an appointment with Ji Qingye, I called him who was on a business trip in Europe.

He picked it up and asked me with a smile if my work in the United States was going well.

I was silent for a moment, didn't answer him, but smiled and said to him: "This time I'm going back to China, you can accompany me to Xiushan to watch the sunrise."

He froze for a moment and said yes.

There is a watch shop in Yuxiu Mountain, he opened it for me, and I opened it for my grandfather.

What I am most proud of these years is this manual watch repair technology. As long as it is not completely rotten, I can assemble it.

This seems to be a hint, but also a reminder.

After all, the dial is sophisticated and complicated, not simpler than other technologies.

All these doubts were resolved after the operation.

I need to stay in the egg warehouse in Ji Qingye's laboratory during the chip activation period.

He would cut open my body, take the chip out of my heart, put it on some big activator, activate it, and put it back in my body the same way.It's like the metabolism of a machine, changing parts.

Before the operation, Ji Qingye repeatedly asked me if I had made up my mind and was ready to pay the price.

I asked him, "What's the price, is it worse than what I am now?"

He stared at me for a moment and said seriously, "Yes."

I asked him what it was.

He said, "Forget."

"I don't know what it will make you forget, but it must come from some very important memories deep in your heart. Good, bad, happy, painful."

I thought for a long time, hesitated for a long time, and tried to imagine all the consequences of forgetting my memory.After thinking about it, I suddenly felt that maybe forgetting is the best ending.

I mean, for me.

But later I realized: forgetting the pain does not mean that I will always be happy; forgetting the beauty before the pain does not mean that I will become a really cold-blooded person.

The uncomplicated operation lasted three days.

In fact, it is not a major operation, just taking out the original thing and sewing it in again, it is like getting a thorn in the palm of the hand, but the pain in the heart will be a little bit more.

I didn't feel much when the operation was just finished. Ji Qingye said that the chip also needs to get used to it for a while, and then it will slowly give me back everything I lack.

At first, it just reminded me of things from before I was five years old.

I remembered that I was very smart when I was young. I had an unusual memory and talent for learning everything, and my intelligence was several times higher than that of children of the same age.

But when I was born, the doctor judged that I would not live to be seven years old.

Grandparents and parents tried their best for this, but all failed.

It wasn't until I was seriously ill when I was five years old that my grandfather found Lu Shenyan by chance when he had nowhere to go, and he cured my illness and extended my lifespan to 40 years old.

And the price I paid for it was all my talent.

The person who saved me was Lu Shenyan, who was also my mentor.

He also taught me the violin until I was five, and how to use a computer, and even taught me a lot of weird stuff.

Lu Shenyan said, I am the most proud student he has ever taught.

Although the operation after the age of five made me lose my talent, he continued to teach me until I left Shixi Village, even though I no longer understood his words at all.

But I also learned later that the chip he implanted in my body could read everything he had ever said.

That operation made me forget everything before the age of five, my talent and the expectations of my parents.

After all, in those years, no one ever mentioned what I was like before I was five years old, and no one would tell a fool that you used to be a genius.

I didn't have any discomfort, and there was no disturbance in my heart, as if all this was as it should be.

I can even feel the turnover of the chips.

From violins to those weird gibberish tech.It was officially returned to me after he and I watched the sunrise with Xiushan.

It was originally something that belonged to me, but when I got it back, besides being confused, there was also a trace of unexplained sadness.

After that, I was at a loss for a while, and even stopped all work during that time.I guess I have to give myself some time.

Then I gradually became sober.It seems that it has never slept, but this dynasty seems to have been sealed for many years.

And when I wake up, I look at this world again, and the strangeness scares me.

I can finally understand the warmth and coldness of this human relationship, and finally understand how stupid I was in the past.

Ji Qingye called me as if he had counted the time. After the postoperative greeting, he suddenly asked me: "Are you willing to use your talent to help us?"

I didn't understand at first, but he explained it to me in detail, and finally he said something that touched my heart: "Si Jinqing is also a member of this place."

My breathing stagnated and I was stunned for a long time.

But in the end, he still didn't agree to him immediately.

Until one day I received another call from a stranger, and the person on the phone said to me: "I sincerely invite you to join. I am their leader."

He said a few things to me, talked to me a lot, and finally I said yes.

Not long after, I used the excuse of work to fly to Europe and met Ji Qingye at the airport, and also met the legendary leader.I signed an agreement with them and officially joined them.

At that time, I was still complacent. It seemed that for the first time I really entered the world behind Si Jinqing.

When entering my personal information, I need to give my action a code.

I suddenly remembered that there was no snow in Xinyou's winter, and the sun was bright and bright. He wrote a word "Apiricty" on my book page.

Warm sun in winter.

But later on, when I slowly emerged, they didn't like to call me "Apiricty", and more people called me "Redeemer".

I started to have my own forces and tasks.I deliberately arranged my schedule very full, and used some small means to arrange it every time where I wanted to go on my next mission.

I have gradually become stronger, and the tasks are also handy.Ah Zhen, who was able to protect me at first, quietly helped my father pay off the debt behind his back.

But even so, I found that I was still at a loss when facing Si Shi.

I don't have a family, and I can't irresponsibly take him out of the cage that is connected with his blood.

But I can save him.

At this moment, Si Jinse found me.

Just like the last time, she still spoke ill of me as soon as we met, and at that time, I no longer took these malicious words to heart.

When I finally left, I just told her that I would find a way to leave him.

If I am healthy, I can wait for him for many years, ten years, 20 years, or even a lifetime.But my lifespan is short and limited, and I can't accompany him to Mu Xue and grow old after he retires.Instead, let it go now.

He has not insisted on me, he will meet better people, and gradually forget me in the corner of time.

Save him by leaving him.

I understand in my heart.

So I came up with a really bad way.

Using Ji Qingye's relationship with Xin You, I found Chi Beining, a lady from the Chi family who was also bound by the family.

During this period, a friend of Ji Qingye did all the work, but I was like a coward, hiding behind the scenes and controlling, but I didn't dare to show my face.

So in this way, I hand-picked a fiancée for my sweetheart.

But he didn't know what he was worried about. He actually refused at the beginning, but just at this moment, the Si family oppressed him and me even more deeply. He had no choice but to be forced to agree. Chi Beining drew a clear boundary.

I can't predict who he will be with in the future, whether it's Chi Beining or someone else, it won't be me anyway.

After all, my separation from him is inevitable.

So I didn't dare to have any other emotions other than being disappointed. I pushed him out with my own hands.

After we separated from him, I gradually distanced myself from him as promised.

I started to walk all over the world.Use the working relationship on the surface to do various tasks.

That is to say, in the past few years, I became famous and traveled throughout Europe, America, Africa and Asia in just five years.

Slowly, except for some domestic insiders who knew that "Apiricty" was "Redeemer", no one cared about who "Apiricty" was, and this code name was gradually forgotten.And "Redeemer" is no longer just an ordinary code name, but has gradually become an adjective with full deterrent force.

I am from the red zone. I am neither black nor white, good or evil. I have controlled the life and death of a building, and I have saved an entire city with my own hands.

But I save people, not kill people.

There is always someone behind my mess who picks it up for me.

I know the man in front of me is called Umbra.Also know who he is.

But he probably doesn't know that I've been quietly reducing his tasks, even secretly using my connections on the dark web to help him devour and plunder the Si family, and try not to let him kill anyone.

The leader was the first to notice it. He said, I was doing nothing but trying to fix the situation after the disaster was done. After all, he already had a lot of blood on his hands.

I am silent, I know, I just want to try my best to redeem a little.

But I never show up when I do tasks.

In the entire organization, except for the upper and upper core personnel who traveled north and south like me, almost no one knew me or met me.

And I began to feel the power of the side effects brought by the chip belatedly.

I gradually feel lonely.

Every night, when I sit alone in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, I can't feel my heartbeat and breathing, I only know that the blood in my veins is icy cold, and it penetrates into almost every fatal point of me.

I try my best to remind myself of some happy and warm things, but every time, except for some irrelevant happy things, many, many memories that used to be warm in my life can't be found.

I tried hard to think, kept thinking, I looked through photos, watched videos, and even lingered in the old place many times, but I couldn't get back the original feeling.

I can only comfort myself that this is the price, the price of prolonging my life.

Later, I separated from Ah Zhen for a month because of work. I was afraid that she would be angry with me, so I stood at the school gate and waited for her to come out.And when I saw her thin and tall figure bouncing towards me from a distance, for a moment, I felt that she was very strange.

It was so strange that I realized that the girl in front of me was my sister when she approached me and called me "brother".

I seem to have forgotten something.

I forgot my father's callused palms and my mother's gentle reprimand, my brother's indulgent smile, my sister's warmth in embracing me, and the love in his eyes that almost drowned me when he kissed me.

I tried my best to make myself think and love, but I couldn't think of anything.

I was afraid, so I went to ask Ji Qingye, and Ji Qingye said that this was the price.

So I started smoking and drinking heavily.

At night, alcohol can stimulate my nerves, allowing me to hear the sound of my heartbeat in the chaos, and really feel the blood rolling and flowing in the blood vessels.

And nicotine can paralyze my senses and reduce my confusion and inexplicable sadness to a certain extent.

My body was not good in the first place, but after being ruined by me like this, it finally broke down completely.The internal organs became fragile, and the chip took advantage of it and damaged my internal organs.

So at the age of 24, I was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis.

Ji Qingye had no choice but to run around looking for a cure for me.Otherwise, in my state, not only will the chip not be able to prolong my life, but it may even eat back at my body.

When Ji Qingye came back, he brought a few people who developed the chip with Lu Shenyan back then. They discussed it for a long time, and then performed another operation on me half a year later, saying that when my lung fibrosis reached a certain level, the chip would automatically generate defenses. sex until the end of my life.

It's just that the pain caused by the lung fibers is something I have to bear.

And people who are used to being hurt will not be afraid of pain.

But even so, I didn't think I had to live