night lights up

"It's also you who said that once this embrace comes in, it will never leave again."

He hugged me so tightly that his back even hurt a little, but he didn't seem to realize it.

His car has been parked by the river, and we have been by the river.

The sound of the river water is closer and louder, it seems to be talking to us eagerly, is it also in a hurry?It also seems to be singing for us.This song is a bit low, and the melody is full of bits and pieces of my youth and his past.This song is eager to try again, as if it no longer wants to help us hide.

After he finished speaking, the corners of my dry eyes were wet again.

I had literally started to cry until I hiccupped, but he wouldn't let me go.

He lowered his head, didn't coax me, didn't wipe my tears, but looked at me with this extremely calm face ten years later, and asked me: "You promised, why did you let it go empty for so many years?"

Yes, I promised.

But I didn't do it, I let it empty for ten years.

Not only this sentence, there are too many words and things I failed to fulfill.

Like him, when he was still young, he often said "forever", not because he was young and loved superficially.It's just that we all love each other so much that we can really work together to realize the "lifetime" we promised.

We all think that we can indeed reach the edge of time called "a lifetime".

My head hurts from crying, my temples hurt, my whole skull hurts.When the river wind blows, it hurts even more.

The last time I cried like this was when I broke up with him and when my mom passed away.

The last time I cried like this was because my mother was in poor health, and he followed her all the way from school to the hospital, to the clubhouse, and then home.

The more I don't want to cry, the more I cry.The more I don't want to think about it, the more crazily the past rushes into my mind.

In ten years, two of the most important people in my life left me.

My mother left me completely, and he completely left in another sense.

My head hurt so much that I couldn't help shrinking into his arms, it really hurt so badly.When my head was all in his arms, his back helped me block the wind from the river.

He asked me again: "What about this time?"

I looked up at him, the words from ten years ago were on my lips.

I can't help but ask myself, yeah, what about this time?

what can i sayWhat should I say?

Ten years ago, when we fell in love, we were really happy.

It is said that there is a three-month running-in period in love, but we have never had it.Maybe it's because he has such a good temper, he treats me too well, and always tolerates my various emotions, so I can enjoy love so happily and wantonly.

At the beginning, he really wanted me to leave the clubhouse early, not because he looked down on me, but because he felt that spending time there every night would affect my studies and exams.At that time, it happened to be near the end of the period, and the fourth grade was also taken.I still don't agree.Because I have to pay a huge "redemption fee", in the early days of the relationship, I, who was already desperate for face, cared about this very much.

Although he carefully told me that such a thing is nothing.He even told me that we must always be together, we must share everything together, and we must share our troubles together.Of course I know this, but if my boyfriend gives such a large amount of money for no reason, how shameless am I?

Besides, it has been more than a month, and it will always pass after a while.

Seeing this, Chu Heng knew that I would be unhappy if I said it again, so he continued to wait with me.

Later, he started talking about changing places for my mother.The mother's recovery is better than expected, and the doctor said that she can be discharged early.According to Chu Heng, he should go to the nursing home immediately after leaving the hospital.

Another large sum of money, and I was naturally hesitating again.

I think everyone can understand that feeling.The closer you are, the more embarrassed you are to spend his money like this.

I'm just a freshman, and Yu Chuheng's work can't be of much help, so what's the point of spending money blindly?

Chu Heng cares about my mother very much, so she probably loves my mother too.He often went to the hospital with me to visit my mother. Of course my mother liked him very much. She always said that it was a great blessing for me to have such a friend, and told me to cherish it.

After finishing speaking, she would always say it again to Chu Heng, asking him to forgive my character.

Every time at this time, Chu Heng would smirk and say "An Sifeng has a very good personality".

What a fool.

Only he and my mother would think that I am a person with a good personality.

It's okay not to "redeeme", but mother's affairs cannot be avoided no matter what.The day of being discharged from the hospital is getting closer, and he wants to talk to me every day.He has arranged everything, just waiting for my consent.

But I just disagreed with life and death, I lost my temper with him, but he was not angry with me, but just looked at me gently from the sidelines.

In this way, I am even more angry. I am angry with myself. It is useless to be angry with myself, and I am angry with myself for not being able to do it.

After being angry for a few days, I didn't pay much attention to him.

When I tried to talk to him, he disappeared.

I am at the end of the term, Chu Heng is also at the end of the term, and he is also busy.At the end of June, there were various occupational exams. The exam room was set in our school, and he was arranged by the teacher to invigilate the exam.For several days in a row, he was taken by his teacher, and he even had less time to send text messages, let alone make phone calls.

I inevitably spent another few nights alone in the clubhouse.

There are everyone in the clubhouse, and anything can happen, and news spreads extremely fast.Chu Heng will not accompany me to do the real English test in the private room, and I will not stay alone in the private room.At that time, the relationship between the head card and me was pretty good.He, everyone wants to save face.He likes to listen to gossip, and he just sits in the rest room when he has no customers, and he insists on pulling me along.

Every day's gossip is different.

One day, another top card was mentioned that was redeemed not more than half a month ago.When he was redeemed, he was envied and discussed for a while.After all, the person who redeemed him was said to be rich and handsome, and for the angry but poor boys in the clubhouse, this was already a very good home.

But obviously, the top card who was redeemed did not have good luck.It seemed that in less than half a month, he was rejected and was about to be given away, or to an old man.

He was envied and envied half a month ago, but now everyone is talking about it, there is both pity and a weird sense of superiority.

I listened to the top card with gusto, but I couldn't take it anymore after listening to it for a while.

Don't worry, I'm not thinking of myself.

My Chu Tiantian is so good to me, we are not the same as them, and I will not compare us with them.

I thought of Brother Jin.

Brother Jin is more informed than we are, so he must have known about it long ago.Brother Jin is a hearty person. He didn't even care about the family situation and told me about it, but he insisted on not mentioning this person at all.It was only when the current top card told me some news about the former top card when chatting with me, that I realized that he and Brother Jin are fellow villagers.

I have been here for a long time, and I already know that "for the old man" is just a superficial meaning.

The real meaning is that he is tired of being played by others, he will not have a good life, and he will not be cherished and treated, and he will be tortured.

But just like when I was forced to sell the so-called first night, no one would care.

I also don't care about this person, and I have no ability.

I can only listen to it, I will not ask Brother Jin.

The incumbent number one was rather embarrassed. The two of us were leaning on the balcony. He smoked and said to me: "He was very happy the day he left, and he even gave me his favorite bag. I really couldn't bear to pour cold water on him. I thought I could last at least three months, but look, I couldn't last a month."

I have no friendship with that person, but hearing his tone, I feel a little embarrassed.

He took a drag on his cigarette and looked back at me: "How long can you last?"

He wasn't malicious, he didn't trust any man.

Since he didn't believe it, I didn't bother to say more, I just leaned on the railing and faced the balcony.

He said behind my back: "I think you are also a smart person, why can't you figure it out?" He asked again, "I think he is just a little handsome, why are you like this?"

I said unhappily: "We are different!"

"Okay, okay." He didn't bother to say any more. Seeing that I was upset, he leaned closer to me and joked, "I'm asking you, is his technique particularly good?"

My face was flushed, I turned my head to stare at him, and ran away angrily.

He laughs behind me.

He lived to his will.

My face was hot from running, how could I have the nerve to tell others that we have never had such a thing.

I ran to the balcony at the other end, pushed the door in and continued to lie on my stomach, staring at the night sky in a daze.

I thought, how can someone not know how to take the initiative in these things?

Could it be that I have to strip naked and send it over?

When you are in love, even your troubles are so cute.

Before going to bed at night, he took the time to send me a text message in a hurry, asking if I was asleep.

How can I sleep, I have been waiting for his text message.

I was only a moment late, and his text message came again: It's time to sleep, good night.

So angry.

I originally wanted to reply to him, but I didn't reply now.

I threw away the phone, got up and moved the notebook on the bedside table to my lap.

Turning on the computer actually had nothing to do, I glanced left and right, obviously I was the only one at home, but I was very guilty.I glanced several times before opening a hidden folder.

There are only so many folders that can be hidden.

Is it hard to find something if you want to find it?

I found it, and there is no other meaning, it is entirely for observation and learning.

After all, I don't have any experience... I'm afraid that something will happen at that time, and it would be embarrassing if I don't understand it at all.

= - =

I've seen it before, but didn't watch it, and I found that I was very repulsed to see those people's bodies.Later, I thought I couldn't accept two men, so I went to download another man and a woman, but I couldn't stand it either.

Watch it again now, after watching it for a few minutes, I didn't learn the skill, so I turned off the video.

Still can't stand it.

I leaned against the head of the bed and couldn't help thinking, then would I not even be able to see Chu Heng's body anymore?

Is this some kind of disease?

But every time we kiss, he hugs me, and I don't feel uncomfortable.

What if I can't accept what I do with him?

Didn't it mean that life is very important between lovers?

I thought about it further and further, until the phone rang again, and I didn't come back to my senses.I checked it with my phone, and he sent me another text message, saying: I will pick you up tomorrow morning, let's have morning tea.Sleep well, sweet dreams.

My mood immediately improved.

We haven't seen each other for two days.After the two of us got married, we had to see each other every day, which was really hard.

Thinking of seeing him when I woke up tomorrow morning, I didn't think about anything, turned off the computer and fell asleep happily.

What's annoying is that when I woke up the next morning, I hadn't seen him yet, and the first thing I saw was his text message.

He went to Xiamen for an exchange meeting with the dean, and he had to go.The dean decided to go temporarily and insisted on taking him with him.He told me he was sorry and told me to wake up and call him.

Make a damn phone call!

It's not his fault, but I blame him again.

I haven't seen each other for two days, and I finally got to see each other. I woke up with full expectations, and the person disappeared again!

I got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face and rushed to school.

It should be because he has not waited for my call for a long time, and he called me almost before class.I pressed it but didn't answer it, and he called again.

The female classmate asked me to pick it up outside. I didn't want to disturb the classmate, so I ran to the corridor, connected the phone, and said bluntly, "What are you doing!"

"Baby, I'm sorry—"

"Don't call me that!"

"……are you angry?"

"not angry!"

"Originally, the invigilation has been completed today, but the dean has to go to a meeting temporarily, and he—"

"I know you are the best, anyone who goes out has to take you with me!" I was just making trouble out of no reason, if someone like the dean wants to take him to a meeting, can he not go?Do you want to hang out in school?Besides, it is also an honor to be taken out to a meeting by the dean.

"not me--"

I looked back, the teacher came, I hurriedly said: "Class is over, hang up."

I went to class, and after a while, I received a text message from him: I have asked you for three days off.

So is he going to be outside for three days?

Don't look at me being fierce with him, I feel very sad when I think that I won't see him for another three days.

He was afraid that he would not be able to come in case of an emergency when he was out of town, so he asked for leave for me directly.

I didn't reply to him, but he sent again: Go home from the hospital early in the evening.

Then again: close the doors and windows at home, I have a meeting here for a day, I may not have time to call you at noon, eat obediently.

Again: I'll call you tonight.

I secretly looked at the mobile phone under the table, pursing my lips, unhappy.

The phone turned on again, and on it was his standard sentence after he said a series of things: Do you know?

If I don't answer, he will keep asking.

I had to type slowly: Got it.

He was relieved: Good boy, let's go to class.

I leaned on the table and finished the day's class sullenly.

When I went to the hospital in the afternoon, my mother saw that Chu Heng hadn't come, and asked me, "Is that child still proctoring the exam?"

I let out a sigh of relief, and lay down on the bed again: "He was taken by their dean to Xiamen for a meeting, which will take three days."

My mother was happy, and she didn't notice the longing in my words.She immediately praised Chu Heng, saying that he is great and so on.My mother praised him, and I was very happy to hear it, but he was not by my side, and no matter how happy things were, I couldn't really make me happy.

My mother's body is recovering, and her mood is improving, and she is actively cooperating with the treatment.

In the evening, the nurses urged me to go home, and she was still nagging me to make friends with Chu Heng.

I walked slowly out of the hospital, not to be friendly, but, it's my boyfriend.

Maybe the more this is the case, the easier it is to meet sweet and greasy couples.

When I took the bus home, there was a couple in front of the car, very tired and crooked, kissing each other.

It made me so irritable that I had to look back out the window.

He's in a meeting, or some serious forum, so of course I can't disturb him.I still know the proper way to lose my temper with him and return it.

In the evening, I had to wait for his call, and after washing up early, I would lie on the bed and copy text messages.

It took a short time to finish copying today's text messages, because there are not many.

I was very dissatisfied, put away the notebook, got up and turned on the computer, and learned English for a while.It's still early, why hasn't he called me yet?

So I opened the hidden folder again and watched the small clips for a while, but I still couldn't watch them.

I had no choice but to browse the Internet at random, which is rare for me.My life is quite fulfilling, both then and now.Time seemed to pass slower and slower, so I had to find another movie to watch.

I still remember that movie now, it is "Love of Siam".

Many people say that it is actually a comedy, the love of youth, that is the most beautiful ending of love.

But I think that is a tragedy. After watching the movie for more than two hours, when the male protagonist finally looked at the little puppet and couldn't help crying, I felt uncomfortable.

So uncomfortable.

Such a beautiful teenage love had to end in tears.

I didn’t have anyone to share with, so I took my phone and sent him a text message, telling him that I watched a movie, telling him what kind of plot it was, and telling him that I was very sad watching it.

I crackled and sent a dozen text messages.

But he didn't answer me.

Are you still in a meeting?

qaq

I put down my computer, got out of bed, and went to the balcony to look out at the city.

The sky is dark blue, and the tall buildings are also sleeping, a dark color.There is only a river of lights made up of street lamps and car lights, flowing across them.

The whole world seemed to be divided into three layers. I stretched out my hand, as if none of the layers could be touched, none of them belonged to me, and none of them would take me in.

At this time, I will miss him even more.

I will send him another text message: I miss you so much QAQ.

Of course there was no reply.

He's still in a meeting.

I turned around, simply sat down on the balcony floor along the wall, spread my legs, and looked down at the text messages between the two of us.

The window on the balcony is half open, the wind in early summer is so comfortable, it rained last night, and the air is full of earth and grass fragrance.

I leaned against the wall and looked up at a flower basket hanging on the wall.

Watching and watching, I gradually fell asleep.

After an unknown amount of time, the phone on my lap suddenly vibrated.

I was awakened immediately, stunned for a moment, grabbed my phone, and quickly clicked on it.

New text message from Chu Tiantian.

—Baby, I'm downstairs at your house.

I kept rubbing my eyes in disbelief, and then looked at the time on the upper right corner of the phone, it was [-]:[-] in the morning! !

Another new text message came in, I didn't bother to read it, and I didn't pick up my phone, so I got up and rushed out the door.

With no shoes on, I rushed out of the house, through the draft, into the elevator, out of the elevator, and pushed open the heavy metal door.

I face the wind and moonlight of early summer.

And him in my heart.

Under the steps in front of the door, in the middle of the moonlight that filled the ground, there was a person standing upright.

When he heard the sound of the door, he turned around immediately, saw that it was me, and quickly said, "Woke you up? I—"

Ah ah ah ah ah ah! ! !

It's Chu Heng!

It's my Chu Tiantian!He came back to see me!

I didn't hear anything and just jumped down the four-story ladder.

With a stagger, he stretched out his hand and hurried forward, and I had rushed to him in a few steps.Following his open arms, I threw myself directly into his arms.At the same time as I jumped in, I jumped with my legs wrapped around his waist.My momentum was too great, and while he hugged me tightly with both hands, he was rushed straight back.In order not to fall, he could only hold me around several times, and finally leaned against a tall banyan tree to stabilize his footsteps.

He looked down at me, reached out and touched my feet, and asked me, "Why don't you wear shoes? There are small stones on the ground."

I hugged his neck tightly and buried my face in his neck without saying a word.

He smiled and shook my two feet crossed behind his back, and asked me again: "Why don't you talk?"

I said in a muffled voice, "Why are you here?"

"I came back from a red-eye flight. When I arrived, I regretted it after sending a text message. I woke you up. I—"

I interrupted him: "Is the meeting over?"

He smiled honestly: "It will continue to open at noon tomorrow."

I finally looked up at him, surprised.

He said shyly, "I miss you too."

"..."

He said again: "So, I'll come back to see you."