Zhu Mu Lang Ma

Fu Kun was sitting on the steps at the entrance of the hospital with a cigarette in his mouth, and he hadn't lit it all the time. He forgot to buy a lighter. People who don't usually smoke tend to ignore the supporting equipment when buying cigarettes.

An old man next to him looked at him for a long time, and handed over a lighter: "Young man, is there no fire?"

"Thank you." Fu Kun took the lighter and lit the cigarette.

After taking two puffs, he took down the cigarette, stomped it out and flicked it into the trash can next to him.

Can I stop smoking?Smoking is bad for your health.

This is what Fu Yijie said to him a long time ago, and he has never smoked since then.

The screen of the phone in my hand turned on, and it didn't last long. It was a text message.

He turned his mobile phone to silent, and from morning to now, he knows every time the screen lights up, 27 calls and five text messages.He didn't have the courage to look, and he didn't know how to tell Fu Yijie about the pressure he was facing, his thoughts, and the decision he might have to make.

For the first time he felt hopeless.

"Let's go." Mom's voice sounded from behind.

Fu Kun jumped up: "How is it?"

"Acute gastritis," Mom frowned and glanced at Dad, "I just drink alcohol, and I don't usually eat regularly, so I don't pay attention at all!"

Fu Kun didn't make a sound, and followed his parents to the parking lot.

My father has always had a little problem with his stomach, but it usually doesn't affect him, so he doesn't care about it all the time. In the past two days, he has a little blood in his stool, so his mother brought him to the hospital for examination.

Mom was talking about drinking, and Fu Kun felt that maybe it had something to do with his dad being in a bad mood these days. Thinking of this, he felt guilty for a while. Dad would get up in the middle of the night every night and walk back and forth in the house. He could be heard sighing from time to time.

When he got home, the phone rang. Fu Kun subconsciously flicked his shoes and walked quickly into the living room. After two steps, he suddenly slowed down again.

"Go and answer the phone," my mother said behind him, "Why are you so dazed?"

Fu Kun went over and picked up the phone: "Hello?"

"Brother?" Fu Yijie's voice was a little hoarse, "Where did you go?"

"I went out with my parents." Fu Kun looked at his parents.

"Don't you have your mobile phone?" Fu Yijie sounded relieved, "I called you many times, I thought..."

Fu Kun felt a pain in his heart, but he didn't say a word.

Fu Yijie paused, and asked, "Are parents at home?"

"Well, we came back together." Fu Kun said.

"Then... I'll hang up first, I'm still at work."

"Hang up." Fu Kun bit his lip.

After Fu Yijie hung up the phone, Fu Kun held the receiver in a daze for a while before putting down the phone and sitting on the sofa. In just one or two minutes, fine sweat had already ooze from his body.

Distressed, tangled, nervous... all kinds of emotions twisted into a ball in my heart.

He took out his mobile phone and looked at it. It was full of missed calls and text messages from Fu Yijie. He opened the text message inbox.

Brother, don't you bring your mobile phone?

How not to answer the phone?

What's the matter, don't scare me, is something wrong?

Brother, you answer the phone.

……

Fu Kun's fingers lightly stroked the screen, and his hands began to tremble again. His heart was shaken for a moment, and he gritted his teeth and quickly put the phone back in his pocket.

"What you said yesterday," Dad sat down beside him, drinking a pot of tea, "Did you tell your brother?"

"No." Fu Kun's throat was a little tight.

Dad didn't make a sound, and asked again after a while: "Is this reliable?"

"I've figured it out. The ready-made place, the infrastructure has been completed, and the water and electricity are also connected. It can save a lot of expenses in the initial stage." Fu Kun tried hard not to let his thoughts wander, "Can Gou Sheng contact you?" When it comes to customers, it’s a little harder than selling clothes before, but the air is better.”

Dad didn't speak any more, and walked into the house with the teapot.

My mother has never asked about him. To be exact, my mother hasn't said much in the past few days.

There was no mother's talking and laughing voice in the house, and it suddenly became much deserted. Every time Fu Kun sat in the living room, he felt very lonely.

Mom was making porridge for Dad in the kitchen, and he looked at his mother's back in a daze.

At times like this, he usually stays in the kitchen with him. My mother always said that cooking in the kitchen by myself is lonely, and she would feel happy even if someone dangled around her. .

But now he didn't dare to go into the kitchen, he was afraid that his mother would turn a blind eye to his busyness, and he was even more afraid of seeing the eyes that his mother didn't want to stay on him.

His mother bit her lip and suppressed the painful crying that day, which he couldn't get rid of no matter what, and now every night after he fell asleep with difficulty, he was always awakened by his mother's crying in his dreams.

"I can't bear it, I really can't bear it, my two sons are pointed at by others, talked about behind their backs," the mother clutched his arm tightly, "A child as good as Xia Fei will still Have you all forgotten when people say that! What's more, you are brothers, even if your younger brother is brought here, you are also brothers. In my heart, you are all my sons and brothers! How can you make me bear it... ..."

His mother's words made him wake up in cold sweat again and again from his dreams, his heart was in a ball, and he couldn't find any way to relieve the pain.

In the bedroom, his new mobile phone was ringing, and it took him a long time to get out of his confused thoughts, and he went in to answer the phone.

"Kunzi, I'm Chen Li," Chen Li's always energetic voice came over, "Tomorrow I can go over and pay the rent. Let's rent for three years first. Do you think about it again or..."

"Pay the money." Fu Kun said.

"Well, let's have a meal together tonight. I have to leave after I've been busy for the past two days. Call Brother Song and talk to him. He's a good guy. He rented this garden to you without asking for a price. If you don't understand anything, just ask him."

"Well," Fu Kun sat down on the chair and let out a sigh of relief, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, what's the relationship between us," Chen Li said after thinking about it, "Fu Kun, sometimes people feel that they have no way out..."

Fu Kun closed his eyes: "You are writing a manuscript, there will be a way if there are more people walking, you are plagiarism."

"But as long as you move forward," Chen Li ignored him and said to herself, "as long as you don't stop at the same place, there will definitely be changes."

"Rewrite inspirational?" Fu Kun said with a smile, tears slipped from the corners of his eyes, and slowly crawled down his face.

Chen Li smiled: "It's the same whether it's life or relationship."

"Thank you." Fu Kun pulled his collar and wiped away the tears from the corners of his eyes.

When Fu Kun left home with simple luggage, he didn't think about anything. It was empty and spacious enough to fit a few galloping hippos in it.

He turned off the mobile phone with the old number. He should have canceled the number, but he was reluctant.

When going out, my parents didn't say anything, didn't ask him for his address, and didn't ask him for a new number.

He didn't say much either, this was the only choice he could make to reassure his parents.

He didn't tell Fu Yijie about this. He didn't have the courage. Once he heard Fu Yijie's voice, all his determination would collapse.

During the more than two hours of driving on the road, he kept turning the music to the maximum. The explosion-like sound of music and the bang bang bang of the little broken bread on the uneven road made his mind mess up. Can't think about it.

When the car stopped at the gate of the nursery, Fu Kun only felt dizzy for a while. He stretched out his hand and turned the button of the radio, and the singing in the car suddenly changed.

"Cryinginthenight, cry for the first time, I want to say goodbye for the dead heart, cryinthenight, cry for the first time, Idon'twannamissyouanymore..."

Fu Kun quickly turned off the radio, tears poured out like a dam bursting at this moment, he raised his hand and rubbed his eyes randomly twice, but it was like rubbing a lump of mustard in his eyes, the tears could no longer control.

He lay on the steering wheel and began to cry wantonly. He didn't like to cry, and nothing could make him cry since he was a child, but now he was crying almost with all his strength.

The outskirts are very quiet, and there is no one around, he can only hear the cicadas and his own crying.

The depression in my heart and the pain that could not be resolved all this time were followed by tears at this moment, as if they had found an outlet, they rushed out without any scruples.

This hysterical cry made him breathless, and he honked the horn in the suffocation, and let out a suppressed roar.

When Fu Yijie came back by car, he fell asleep all the way. The feeling of being half asleep and half awake was uncomfortable, but he couldn't get rid of it.

When I woke up, my mind was in chaos, but when I fell asleep, I seemed to be thinking non-stop.

This kind of suffering made his legs weak when he got out of the car, and he almost knelt on the ground when he jumped out of the car.

He carried his bag and went to the toilet at the station to wash his face. Looking at his dark face in the mirror, he remembered that he used to go to buy goods with Fu Kun, and he washed his face in the toilet when he got off the train early in the morning. At that time, although he was tired, There was an unconcealable joy on the face in the mirror.

He walked out of the station with his bag, took a taxi, and gave his home address.

He told his mother that he was coming back for an internship today, and his mother asked if the school recognized him for the internship, and didn't say anything else.

When I got home, my parents were not off work. There was a bowl of rib soup in the kitchen. This is my mother’s habit. Every time he came home, my mother would prepare something to eat. Hungry.

Fu Yijie poured all the soup into his stomach with a bowl, and carefully gnawed the ribs, leaving a small bone for the dumpling to gnaw on.

After he washed and put away the dishes, he opened the door of the kitchen cabinet, staring in a daze at the shelf that would always be full of snacks when he was at home.

Today this grid is empty, very empty, so empty that Fu Yijie only felt that there was darkness in front of him.

No snacks.

Nor... Fu Kun.

This is the seventh day since Fu Kun disappeared.

After Fu Yijie changed his clothes in the bedroom, he went back to the living room, sat on the sofa, and watched TV with a dumpling in his arms.

He used to like to nest in the bedroom when he came home, eating snacks, reading a book, and rolling on the tatami, but now, he was afraid of staying in that room.

There are too many traces of Fu Kun, Fu Kun's clothes, Fu Kun's comic books, Fu Kun's notebook full of various paintings...Fu Kun's breath permeates every corner of the bedroom.

No matter where you look, no matter how you avoid your eyes, your eyes are still full of heart.

Mom and Dad came back at about the same time today, and Fu Yijie stood in the living room before and after entering the door, not knowing whether he should go and hug his mother like before, or just stand here.

The dumpling jumped off the sofa and ran to the mother's feet, humming and rubbing his head around the mother. The mother bent down and touched the dumpling's head a few times: "Okay, good, good, the dumpling is so good .”

"Mom." Fu Yijie walked over and stood beside his mother.

"Come back, are you tired?" Mom put the bag in her hand on the table, "I left you a bowl of pork rib soup, have you had a drink?"

"Drink it." Fu Yijie nodded, mustered up the courage to wrap his arms around his mother's shoulders and gently hugged her.

Mom's body was a little stiff, but she still reached out and patted him on the back: "I'm going to cook, and I'll have spicy chicken tonight."

When his mother entered the kitchen, Fu Yijie stood at the door of the kitchen hesitantly.

"Isn't the internship over there very good?" Dad sat on the sofa and asked, "Why did you suddenly come back for an internship?"

"It's close to home, I..." Fu Yijie turned around and said in a low voice, "I'm afraid of you... I'm not at ease."

Dad sighed and looked at the TV: "We're fine."

"Anyway, I'm going to come back after graduation," Fu Yijie squatted down and teased the dumpling with his fingers, "Now I can get acquainted with it when I come back."

"Yeah." Dad nodded and didn't say anything else.

Fu Yijie wanted to ask where Fu Kun had gone several times, but in the end he chose to remain silent.

He can understand Fu Kun's thoughts, this may be the best way at the moment, using actions to reassure his parents and leave room for his family members to think.

It's just... This feeling of suddenly losing his center of gravity was a bit unbearable for Fu Yijie.

This is not a winter vacation, nor is it a summer vacation.

Maybe a year, maybe two years, maybe longer.

For him, what is more painful than a year or two is that he does not know how long it will take.

And how long will it take before he can suppress the feelings for Kun in his heart?And how long would it take for him to define Fu Kun again as simply "brother"?

Fu Kun's cell phone was always turned off. No matter what time of the day he dialed the number engraved in his heart, he would always reply mechanically. No matter how many text messages he sent, they all seemed to disappear into the darkness.

But he still calls and texts Fu Kun every day.

I'm back for an internship.

I twisted my foot when I took Tuanzi for a run today, I haven't exercised for a long time.

Where did you put the blue coat you bought me?

I asked Jiang Song and forgot to bring it back, so he sent it to me.

Mom is frying chicken wings. It's delicious. Have you eaten yet?

……

Fu Kun was squatting on a stone at the entrance of the nursery, looking at the customer's order form in his hand, the little Hu who had been invited to help in the garden called him: "Kunzi!"

"What are you doing!" Fu Kun also shouted.

"Call," Xiao Hu ran out with his mobile phone, "By the way, Fatty Chen just said that it would be too late to pick up the goods in the afternoon, so he asked if we could deliver them?"

"Yesterday I said I would give it to him, but he doesn't want it. I'll send it to him in the afternoon." Fu Kun clicked his tongue and answered the phone, "Hello who?"

"Xiao Fu, I'm Xu Bin, you can add some canna to the batch of flowers I want."

"Which?"

"The kind I saw last time in your garden."

"That's a big flower, two yuan and five." Fu Kun stood up and jumped off the rock, and walked slowly into the garden.

"Okay, look at it and add some to me."

After Fu Kun made the phone call, he walked around the garden and returned to the house.

There are only three rooms in this nursery, Fu Kun lives in one, and the other one is used for manure piles, and the other one is vacant, and Xiao Hu lives in it now.

Before Xiao Hu came, Fu Kun did everything by himself, serving the flowers and plants, contacting customers, buying and delivering goods, and cooking by himself.

There is very little free time every day. At the beginning, money was tight and there were few customers. The customers introduced by Gou Sheng survived for a few months, and now they are slowly starting to improve.

There are not many nurseries in this area, and hotels come here to ask for green plants, as well as some company exhibitions and events, and the income is not bad.

The most difficult time every day is at night. During the busy day, he may not think about anything, but when the sky darkens, his emotions will sink a little bit with the setting sun.

Those wounds hidden in his heart will come up little by little with the night, torn open, peeled off, every inch is a fresh pain.

The old mobile phone has been kept next to his pillow. Every day he plugs in the charger to charge the mobile phone, and saves some money in the card every month, but he hasn’t turned it on for a long time.

dare not.

The last time he turned on his phone, he almost collapsed and lay in bed for two whole days without moving.

The text messages and missed call reminders smashed the protective layer he had worked so hard to rebuild in an instant. Every word and every punctuation was like a bamboo stick stuck into his fingertips. It couldn't die, but it would make everyone Every breath is painful.

He dared not turn on the phone again.

He dreaded seeing those text messages.

He was afraid of seeing Fu Yijie's thoughts hidden under his plain words.

He was afraid to see that he hadn't let his longing fade even an inch for so long.

What scares him even more is that he will be afraid that one day when he turns on the phone again, there will be silence in the phone.

When he can't sleep at night, he will go out.

He drove the prince that Fu Yijie gave him, and when he couldn't sleep, he would drive out along the path outside the nursery gate, and drive aimlessly along the highway.

No direction, no destination.

The wind in his ear will temporarily relieve the burning pain in his heart.

There are no lights on the road, and the headlights cut through the night fog to illuminate the front, but the light cannot go farther. Except for the monotonous road in front of you, the front is still dark.

"It's been a long time since you took me for a ride." Fu Yijie whispered in his ear.

Fu Kun's hands trembled, and the road ahead suddenly became inclined.

When I came back to my senses, both my body and the car were out of balance.

He let off the accelerator, and a few seconds later, he felt a heavy impact on the right side of his body, shaking him into a trance.

When Fu Kun woke up, he saw the sky full of stars, and the moon was hanging on the top of the mountain far away.

"Fuck." He closed his eyes and cursed softly.

His right leg and arm were very painful. He moved, and he could move, probably because he didn't break a bone.

He lay on the ground for a while before he sat up slowly. A car drove up from the opposite side, and the headlights shone on his face. The driver slowed down and honked the horn.

"It's okay." Fu Kun waved his hand in the direction of the headlights.

After the car drove away, Fu Kun stood up, moved his arms and legs, and looked under the light of Prince's headlights. His pants were torn, and there were several cuts on his legs that were probably cut out by stones. The blood flowed quite boldly.

There were scrapes on the arm, probably deep, and looked a little like red paint that hadn't dried yet.

The car was quite heavy, and it took Fu Kun a long time to help the car up from the ground. The car was not damaged, but one of the lights was broken, and the rearview mirror was also broken.

Fu Kun stepped onto the car, sat in a daze for a long time, finally leaned forward and slowly lay down on the car, hugged the fuel tank and closed his eyes, rough scratches could be felt on the fuel tank, one after another.

For a while, tell me, what should I do?