But for you, lovesickness

Our little days before she left are also the warmth that I recall for a long time now.

We lived in Jin's house, and she took Jin Chuan and me to sit on the garden swing during the day, sharing childhood stories with each other in the sun, and telling me the childhood of their siblings.

Jin Yan has been a good boy since he was a child, and I have a boring temper and nothing interesting. The story will progress to the later stage, and Jin Chuan is full of people.

Jin Chuan is different from Zheng Fan, who is lively and cheerful. He is like a child at home, teaching people to be close.

As for Jin Yan, sometimes he changes back and forth as a little girl and sometimes as a young lady, and sometimes he gets annoyed by Jin Chuan's joke...

Watching them fight makes me happy.

Those days are good...Because Jin Yan, Jin Chuan sincerely accepts me as his family, and I also like his character...The three of us talk and laugh together and get along well.That pure beauty is unforgettable even today, but it is a pity that the world has changed now, I think, that is the warmth that I can no longer find.

At that time, I was full of hatred in my heart, and I was obsessed with the undercover matter. It was also because of Jin Yan that I quickly waited for the opportunity——

The night before she went abroad, I accompanied her to pack her luggage, and her father suddenly asked me to go to the study.

Jin Yan didn't let me go at first, but I tricked her again, under the pretense of having a good relationship with her father.

Of course she believed me.

……

That was the first time I faced him alone, the man who ruined my family.

He leaned against the back of the chair, twirling a gun in his hand, and stared at me with fierce and deep eyes.

I didn't retreat, I approached step by step, and settled in front of his solid wood desk.

He pushed the gun onto the table and stared at me, "Closer to my daughter, what do you want? ... Or, what do you want from her? Just this time, tell me what you want."

His low tone made my breathing thin and my eardrums hurt.

"I only give myself one chance." Facing the haze that was about to be torn apart, I seemed to no longer hesitate and deal with him without any scruples.

He looked me up and down and asked what I was referring to.

I said, love her.

He smiled, and that smile deformed in front of my eyes, which made me annoyed and irritable. I added another sentence, which was the answer to my mother's sentence "I must say Jin Yan".

He stopped laughing and turned to ask about my family.

He moves freely, as if everything is in his expectation.

I suddenly felt flustered, thinking that I had underestimated him before. A criminal like him, who is called an old fox by the police, cannot be understood by a rookie like me.

I couldn't see his mind clearly, and it was even more difficult to resolve it, so I could only bear it by force... I briefly talked about the three members of my family, and the situation where my mother took my siblings.

He clicked so far, then returned to the original topic, and pointed out that he wanted me to leave her.

I couldn't help laughing, leaving her, all the elders around me warned me like this, my mother, my teacher, her father...

Without giving me a chance to speak, he opened the drawer, tore off a page, signed it, and threw it at me.

I don't care what it is, it's not a good thing to separate us.

He leaned back in his chair, gave me a sideways look with a cold face, and asked me to fill in the numbers at will and roll far away.

I leaned over, beyond his expectation, and reached out to hold the gun on the table. Before I raised it, my index finger couldn't help but squeeze the trigger tightly.

At that moment, the blood all over his body was boiling, the target was close in front of his eyes, and it was an instant thing to raise the gun and shoot...

But when I stared at his face, my eyes blurred into another one, that face was soft and delicate, smiling happily at me...

I remembered, it was her father.

Giving up that thought, I clenched the gun tightly, quickly withdrew my hand behind my back, and looked directly at him, "If you stop me, I have these two things, and I can find her anywhere in the world."

He squinted at me and asked me to continue.

"I can't do it without her, and I know that I'm not worthy of Yanyan now, so I would like to ask you to do me a favor...give me a job." Now that I think about it, maybe I'm not a righteous person, That's why it was so easy to say those ruffian words at that time.

He twitched the corners of his mouth, looked at me with a contemptuous smile, and asked me why I quit my good job.

It is no surprise that he was able to find out this step. Even, I guess, he found out my family background and the identity of my father.

Since he won't tell the truth, I am determined to accompany him around.He bet that I didn't know what happened back then, and I bet that he didn't know that I knew.

I repeated what I had lied to Jin Yan—because my mother didn't agree with me being a policeman.

I'll stop talking, Jin Yan didn't ask any more questions back then, and now her father does too.They probably all figured it out, I traded my family for giving up my status as a policeman, hoping they would accept what happened between me and Jin Yan.

At the beginning, I angered my mother with the truth, but to Jin Yan, every word was adulterated...

He asked me some other questions, such as specialties, grades, and recent family conditions, and I answered them as expected.

In fact, the two parties are going around in circles...

That's the end of the first topic.

Before leaving, I put the gun back in place and told him that I didn't want Jin Yan to see and worry.

……

When Jin Yan left the next day, she didn't allow us to go to the airport to see her off, so she said goodbye in front of her house.

The girl had red eyes and asked me to wait for her to go home, here, or at our home.

I didn't dare to promise her empty words, I only told her to take care...

The car drove away in front of me, and I finally realized that the sound of the ignition of the luxury car was so heart-wrenching...

Jin Yan left, I went back to pack my things and wanted to leave, but when I went downstairs, I was blocked by Jin Chuan who was waiting at the door: "Sister Yang, you can stay."

I looked up and saw a man standing with his back to the window in the hall.

Jin Tian answered the phone and got dressed to go out. I woke up, rejected Jin Chuan's kindness, and went out.

She is not here, all the darkness surrounds my heart, I allow myself to retreat, and want to say goodbye to her world... I used to be selfish, but in fact, leaving her and making her hurt for a while is better than hurting her and teaching her pain Heartfelt and strong.

I lowered my head and fled out the door, running along the road, when a car came across in front of me.

A limousine, the Jin family's car.

The driver's window was pushed down, revealing the face of a man in sunglasses.

It is a familiar face who often follows Jin Tian.I heard from Jin Chuan that this is Ah San, his father's personal bodyguard.

I stood there incomprehensibly, Ah San came down and opened the rear door, and nodded politely to me.

I got in and took a look, and sure enough Jin Tian was sitting on the other side with his eyes closed.After a while, the car started.

The car is roomy, but I can feel the low pressure being applied there.

All the way without a word, he took me directly to his office on the top floor of the Jin family, and asked the bodyguard Ah San to give me his gun.

This should be a signal to go undercover, but my heart is weighed down by that lump of iron.

On that same day, Jin Tian left me and asked me to help in the Jin's Human Resources Department in the future.At this point, I feel that I have crawled to the outer layer of his world.

Looking back at this time, I realized that he didn't trust me, every move had a deep meaning.On the contrary, at that time, I was still blindly complacent about the smoothness of my actions...

During Jin Yan’s first academic year studying abroad, I was just a staff member of Jin’s, and I started my career at the grassroots level—according to Jin Dong’s arrangement, I entered the Ministry of Manpower and became Xiao Li’s assistant.Speaking of which, I didn't know his reputation in the Tao at that time, but I just patiently followed him and screened suitable candidates during the recruitment period. Most of the rest of the year, I was transferred to other departments to help out.

·

There are dozens of stories of high-rise buildings hiding all kinds of life.

From an ordinary employee to a deputy minister, more than half a year has passed, and I can see clearly the fickleness of power and people's hearts.

It is said that those who are close to vermilion are red and those who are close to ink are dark. If I see too many smiling faces to flatter me, I can also learn to accept with a smile. I am in awe of my boss and have a good relationship with my colleagues.

I didn't wear a police uniform for a day, but I joined Jin's after graduation. The first colleague I got to know was a member of the Jin's human resources department, and the first job I got used to was an employee of the Jin's human resources department... I silently comforted myself, This is just a superficial phenomenon and an expedient measure. Sooner or later, I will step into the office of the criminal police force where my father once worked, and live in the sun with dignity and peace of mind...

But it’s different anyway. Now I’ve figured it out a bit. A piece of white paper looks like whatever is soaked in it, just like me, with the teachings of badges in my heart, but my behavior is infinitely in line with the ever-changing changes in the market for survival. look.

In fact, whether I admit it or not, I am farther and farther away from my original dream of being a policeman...

Naturally, I only have time to think about these when I am free now. Even when I was free, I could never let go of my thoughts and relax.

At that time, I was entangled in too many things...

Even if I work from nine to five and have a lot of time outside of work, I still can't be at ease, confused about my own identity, struggling with the choice between our two families, and deeply missing her...

At that time, the road ahead was full of difficulties and dangers. I worked hard at the bottom of the company to get ahead, and I missed her even more, and wanted her to come back soon.

……

In the twelfth lunar month of winter, I waited for her among the bustling crowds at the airport.

The tightly wrapped little dough fell softly into his arms, and he felt so comfortable.

She rubbed her warm cheek against mine, and asked me pleasantly how I knew her return date was today.

I teased her on purpose, saying it was my dream.

Her demeanor has changed slightly, and she is more stable than she who was independent enough in college, but when she heard what I said, her eyes lit up, her face was full of joy, and she held my arm and acted coquettishly as usual.

She is still a little girl in front of me, just as she still loves me completely, I know it.

During those days when she was abroad, we kept talking on the phone every day. As early as when she first arrived at school, in our first phone call, I told her frankly that I joined Jin's to help. She didn't say anything at that time, just Ask me to take care, don't wrong yourself.

After she came back, she stared at me and asked me about my work. I knew she loved me, so I reassured her that I was free in my job and had a lot of free time.

She was abducted by me, and then asked me what I did in my spare time.

I go back and miss her.

I said half-truth, half-false, even thinking about her is not just a thought in her concept, but she believed it, pursed her lips and smiled, and then let me change the topic.

……

Because I work in Jin's, the cold war between Jin Yan and her father's father and daughter was eased invisibly.

It was convenient for me to get a ride to work. After Jin Yan came back from vacation, he offered to continue to live in Jin's house.

Even though I look forward to her return and the company will be working overtime at the end of the year, it is impossible for me to get along with her siblings all day long during the summer vacation.

Even so, no matter when I return from get off work in Jin Dong's car, there is always a silly girl waiting for me by the window silently... when I walk in, she rushes to hug me and make trouble with me.

She used to be my treasure that was forgotten by me, but now, I don't know how to cherish her and lost her...

·

During the period at the end of the year, thinking about the lamp at home and the people waiting, I was busy and steady at work.

On the first day of the new year, I followed her siblings to the suburban cemeteries.That was my first official visit to her mother.

It will be daylight when we arrive.On the bright marble surface in front of the tomb, there is a bouquet of carnations stained with morning dew.

I heard that it was her mother's favorite flower.

Her siblings seem to be familiar with each other. When I hesitated, they both knelt on the ground.

I bowed deeply towards the smiling portrait of the woman on the tombstone as a belated greeting.

I have heard their siblings tell many stories about their youth, and finally at this time, I saw the appearance of a woman full of tenderness and strength in the stories in my ears.

The woman's gentle and smiling eyes penetrated directly into people's hearts as if they could see through their minds.I looked up, and suddenly, many things went through my mind, my parents' love for my siblings when I was young...I caused my mother to be angry twice...The father's depression on the hospital bed, the family's ashes Defeated and heartbroken... Jin Yan and I turned danger into danger and ran hand in hand... I accepted Jin Yanyue's confession... She took me back to Jin's house and declared that she was with me and her sobbing cry before going to bed that night...

I closed my eyes and told Jin Yan's mother in my heart, begging her to forgive my father, begging her to protect the Jin family siblings, and begging her to understand me.

I resisted the urge to worship side by side with their siblings, after all, I am not qualified...

At the beginning of the new year, the family was full of thoughts and sentiments. Fortunately, no one saw what was wrong with me.

I didn't dare to see my father, so I left Jin's courtyard, climbed to the top of the nearest mountain, and kowtowed to him from afar.

Please forgive me, his unfilial daughter...

·

Years later, I was on vacation and went to the beach with her as promised.

We are equally impatient, with only a slight difference—she is in the same mood for the unknown vast scenery, and I am in the same mood for the fulfillment of her wish and the fulfillment of my promise.

The sea in winter is vast and deep, and it is not very attractive like self-pity.There are not many tourists, and it is rare for us to be free. In her words, every day is leisurely and quiet, as if we always come for a walk...

I squinted at her at the time, and vaguely remembered a provocative sentence in a certain book-I wish to be with you, from the dawn of the sky to the white hair of the evening snow.

I squeezed the hand she held in my coat pocket, and when I suddenly thought of this sentence, I couldn't help being angry and sad.

Thinking in my heart, I don't know how deep the relationship can go through a lifetime?Me and her, the future is confused.Speaking of me alone, I can only guarantee to accompany her for this moment, not this lifetime...

Things change a lot, but this sentence is true.I don’t know, how long will it take for the beach where we were alone to be blown away by the sea breeze and be annihilated?

……

I heard old people say that fortune and misfortune depend on each other, but from the perspective of gathering and separation, joy and sorrow may also accompany each other.

The two of us came back from watching the sea, and after a few days, it was time to part again.

She refuses to be sent away every time, but when she comes back from vacation, she misses me and Jin Chuan to pick her up...

She has been like this for three years in school. From this point of view, it does not change the little girl's temperament.

……

As soon as she left, I calmed down and continued my job.

Of course, my so-called job is not limited to the desktop, but also includes the contacts I have acquired through half a year, and inquired about the clues of the forces behind the Jin family. It is disappointing that I got nothing during that time. People who can be called acquaintances made indirect remarks but did not find any useful information...

Afterwards, I determined my goal and worked hard to push forward, hoping to attract the attention of Jin Yan's father. No matter how bad it was, the scope of my inquiry would be wider.Guessing, if you take a two-pronged approach, you will probably gain something...

After I was appointed Deputy Minister of Manpower, the opportunity came unexpectedly.

My immediate boss, Li Bu, invited a few colleagues out to celebrate in private, in the name of congratulating me on my promotion.

The name is related to me, so naturally I can't let my colleagues spend money, so I ruthlessly swiped a large sum of money on the card.

Our minister has sharp eyes, and when he saw me swiping the card, he came over and asked me with a smile, why did I save private money when I first came to the company.

Jin's employees, Jin Tian's subordinates, I dare not be honest with each other, so I made up a random reason, saying that the salary, salary, and card were handed over to the family, and the living expenses were kept.

In fact, it was a card issued when I was in college, and it contained the balance of my college living expenses.

Jin's salary card is tucked in the middle of the wallet.From sending it to stuffing it into the wallet, it has not been touched again.

Eating and drinking are unavoidable in the Jin family, and I don't want to owe the Jin family any more.In the future, on the day when we will meet in battle, I don't want her to think that I am close to her because of her family's influence...

After the meal, several people booed and went to the entertainment city to play.

I was pushed to the position of the owner, and it was hard to say no, so I followed with my wallet tightly.

That was the first time I set foot in the black empire behind Jin Tian. Although I didn't know it at the time, the hotel where we ate and the places where we went after dinner were all properties under Jin Tian's name.

At that night, I also realized it later, and I was included in the game and could no longer withdraw...

The entertainment city with one-stop service is just in line with the phrase "gold and jade are outside, and ruins are inside". The brilliant appearance cannot conceal the smog inside.

The high-rise buildings with more than ten floors are flashing with dazzling neon lights, which seem to be called the landmark buildings of the city, but in fact, they look like rotten fruits that have been plagued by insects.

In one building, up and down, dozens of vulgar industries are arbitrarily housed.

The people who play in it act recklessly, it seems that this steel building has the ability to shut out the law and morality...

The people in the same company entered the box to sing and fool around. I found an excuse to slip out before the atmosphere turned bad. I searched for a place where people could breathe, but failed, and finally hid in the bathroom.

It was in the most inconspicuous place that I was accidentally drawn into the game.

At that time, I was standing in front of the washstand staring at myself in a daze in the mirror, and a person came in at the door behind me. She looked like a student, thin and frail, and her face was flustered.She looked obviously frightened when she saw me, a stranger, and shrank to the corner with her schoolbag in her arms.

I glanced at her up and down, before I had time to think, distracted by the sound of footsteps.

It was followed by three capable young women.They entered the door and quickly surrounded the girl before them.Three-on-one, I couldn't help but join in, with an inexplicable stupidity, ignoring the stern warnings of the three to defend the weaker side.

It was only after I fought against them that I realized how stupid I was—they were upright and agile, unlike me, who used to hide and grab, nervously afraid that people with discerning eyes would recognize their moves.

And when I accept the trick, I will know which sect is coming...

I laughed secretly in my heart, undercover and plainclothes, is it considered that one family does not recognize one family?

The audience gradually surrounded the door, and they exchanged glances and retreated.

Before leaving, one of them gave me a bitter look. From that look, I saw that they and I were on different paths.

The reason for the plainclothes police to go deep into the rich and luxurious places to arrest people, all I can think of is to crack down on the three big things.

I looked back at the girl in the corner, she was slumped in the corner and sobbing softly.

I approached her, and asked her about her previous situation under the pressure of confusion and disappointment. She didn't answer, but just shook her head.

Kneel down in front of her, because her abnormal pale face hurts her eyes.

This kind of face is a nightmare in my deep memory. I understand her situation, but I don't know if she can't resist the temptation to do it on her own initiative, or if she was killed by others like my father...

Before I could think of a good word to comfort her, she rushed over and let down the volume to cry...

Thinking of the colleague in the box, I didn't dare to stay longer, so I coaxed her, and when she calmed down a little, I persuaded her to rein in the precipice and leave there.

This matter does not end here, I think it is Jin Tian's subordinates who are tempting me, but I don't want to, it's nothing simple——

I bled again and went out with my colleagues who had returned home with great enjoyment. At the moment of saying goodbye, I was suppressed from behind.

Being suppressed to the point of being unable to move, I have tasted this feeling. I was distracted thinking of Zheng Fan and my mother.Cold handcuffs wrapped around the wrists.

"Be honest! Come with us!"

My colleagues were scolded for their nonsense, and those policewomen took me away for obstructing official duties.I was "surrounded" by people and got into the police car, and I suddenly felt relieved. I was taken back to the police station, and I should have felt at ease.

I stepped back under the banner my father had fought his whole life for, and stepped into the yard where I reported for duty.

Not as a family member of the policeman who participated in the celebration when I was a child, not as a policeman who just graduated, but as a suspect, and indeed an accomplice in possession of drugs-those enemies who had fought against each other found it in my pocket. I bought a small bag of white powder.

I don't know what it is exactly, but it's not mine at all, but I can't tell what it is.

I sat silently in the interrogation room, rubbing my staggered wrists against the temperatureless steel used for confinement.

The policemen sitting at the table were in groups of two, I don’t know how many times they changed, I feel sorry for my comrades, I feel sorry for them sacrificing their sleep time and spending time with people like me who can’t say anything...

But I can only wait and hope that I may still be worth bail.

……

It was Yun Yi who made me speak.

She didn't force me, because she was so angry after being rejected by me, she survived for a long time without eating or drinking, and suffered from stomach problems.

She was partnered with my captain, who kept persuading Yun Yi to go back to rest and even go to the hospital, but the client refused in return.

Yun Yi firmly pressed his stomach, sat upright, his teeth trembling, and asked me my name, age, occupation...

It's like she doesn't know me... I closed my eyes to suppress the sourness, and used a false name and false identity to prevaricate her.

Shaosen, I have used the name for more than half a year, for the first time, to deceive my relatives.

After asking a few questions, she couldn't hold back her stomach cramps and sweated profusely. The pain was so unbearable that she couldn't speak.

In the end, her partner helped her out...

At that time, I stared at the chandelier and thought desperately, I am such a person who confuses truth and falsehood, I deserve to be in prison.

But I was led away from there by a well-dressed man.

When I left the detention center, it was under the scorching sun. I didn’t know it was a few days later. I didn’t know why they rescued me after killing me. I didn’t know what happened to my third sister... My heart was ashamed.

The author has something to say: I can finish writing today...

【Small Theatre】

Jin Yan: What do you mean waiting for you to expect you to hug you and make trouble with you? Am I a puppy?

Zheng Yang: Wang...

Jin Yan: ...Then I can barely count as a couple.

Qin Mu: The legendary love shows my face...

Wang Ziyu: Your love is even more so, it makes our teeth hurt...

Qin Mu: Toothache means that you eat too much sugar, okay?Be wary of the three highs, riches and diseases, young people.

Jin Yan: Can you ask them to leave?

Zheng Yang: How about I bite them away?

Qin Mu: It's taken us away...