Jujube

I once saw Sun Yanming draw pictures on the courtyard wall with chalk, and then waved the branches, happily hitting the patterns on the wall, muttering: I will kill you, I will kill you. —He is repeating this set of actions now.

My sudden intrusion caught Sun Yanming by surprise. He was very dazed the moment I entered the door, staring at me blankly.A few seconds later, my younger brother might have sensed that the disaster was coming, and suddenly ran in the direction of Sun Yuemei like a panic-stricken chicken.

Before Sun Yanming was rescued, I easily caught him.My brother screamed in terror as I snapped the branch in his hand and strangled his neck.

Only then did Sun Yuemei come to extend a late helping hand. She dug her nails into the skin of my wrist and beat me hard with the other hand at the same time: "What are you going to do? Let him go! Let go!"

She really knows why.

Sun Yuemei's beating didn't help, but it reminded me of some past grievances, that is, the hand that beat me once swung the kitchen knife at my brother.This made me hate this mother and son even more.

I must have behaved like a "livestock" in Mao Lin's mouth. I only wanted to kill my younger brother, and I didn't care about doing it with my stepmother.I even forgot about my brother.

The balance of victory was originally tilted towards me. My brother's fragile neck was like a wilting flower stem in my hand, but the appearance of Lu Xinyao reversed the whole situation.

My brother ordered me to let go, and he said to me: "Meng Li, you have enough time."

"I can't hear you!" I said to my brother, and at the same time told Sun Yanming angrily, "You are too loud!"

When I was about to add another hand to completely eliminate my brother's piercing screams, Lu Xinyao grabbed my two hands mercilessly. He no longer gave me a chance to actively choose. With a press of his fingers, I He was relieved of his strength and let go of Sun Yanming.

The sound came from my brother's gaping mouth, like a broken tape spinning again.

He forgot the fact that he didn't recognize Lu Xinyao as the eldest brother, and hid behind my brother, calling "brother" without any burden.

Sun Yuemei hurriedly held Sun Yanming in her arms. Although she always blamed her son behind her back, the appearance of Lu Xinyao gave her confidence.She pointed at me even more fiercely and cursed: "You little bastard! Why didn't Meng Guanghui take you to die with him!"

I wanted to break away from Lu Xinyao, I should have glared at him angrily, and then yelled at him, but I lost my momentum the moment I opened my mouth.I heard myself begging pitifully: "Brother, let me go..."

"Brother! Don't let him go!" My younger brother overwhelmed me with his voice, even though he was choked by me just now, his voice was still loud and clear.

"Shut up!" I forbid Sun Yanming to call Lu Xinyao like that.

In retrospect, I wanted to kill Sun Yanming not entirely because of his outrageous words, but more because of my jealousy towards him.I want my brother's unique affection.

I kicked Sun Yanming in front of Lu Xinyao. I wanted to kick him out of my brother's circle of protection, but the result was just the opposite, he hid better.

I regret.Maybe I shouldn't have kicked my brother, at least not in front of my brother. One can imagine the subsequent development, because of my stubbornness, Sun Yanming won the favor in this competition.

My brother treated me very decisively. When he took me back to the room, I finally felt the "fierce" in Pan Guizhi's mouth - at that moment I was not his brother, nor was he my brother, I was like It was a vicious dog that bit people indiscriminately. Because it couldn't understand human words, it was thrown back into the dog cage by its owner.

I don't know when my eyes were wet. When I looked up at my brother, a tear rolled out unexpectedly. At that moment, I felt violently sad and wronged.I can't believe my brother would help his mother and his brother bully me.

I have cried many times, this is the first time I feel that crying is a humiliating and shameful thing, because this is in front of Sun Yuemei's mother and son - I forgot that Lu Xinyao is also Sun Yuemei's son, in fact, I have always cried in front of her son .

I fought fiercely against my brother, but how could I beat Lu Xinyao?His hands are so strong.

"Why do you want to kill him?" In the room, Lu Xinyao stared at me with eyes that resembled his mother's.I suddenly and truly realized that Lu Xinyao was not my brother alone, he was still Sun Yanming's, my own brother.

This long-overdue and sudden realization made me a little overwhelmed, just like the scorching afternoon many years ago, when I was pushed down in the field by my twin brothers... I clearly saw my own helplessness.

Why do you want to kill him?I also ask myself the same question.Because you are my brother, he said he was going to kill you.Because you are my brother, he wants to take you away.

But I didn't tell the real reason, but I said to Lu Xinyao in an irrelevant answer: "You lied to me."

You clearly said that you are my brother.

I heard two rebellious voices in my heart at the same time: one said, if you are my brother, then you are only my brother; the other said, if you are not my brother, you should not be someone else's brother.

For the first time in a long time, it occurred to me that I didn't want my brother.

On this night, I looked out the window and saw the swaying seedlings on the field in the distance. At that time, no one knew that a natural disaster was about to come.In the calm, I remembered Pan Guizhi's curse on me.

I forgot that it was a curse, I only liked girls for my brother, and I still remember the pity and tenderness of women, which swayed in front of my eyes like seedlings in the field.

I don't want my brother anymore, but I want you.I want to say that to Lu Xinyao, but I dare not.

In August, the weather was very bad for the whole month.A typhoon blew up in Baiquedang, and the shacks built by many families collapsed in the torrential rain, and the power was cut off for several days in a row.Sun Yanming asked Sun Yuemei worryingly: "Is the sky about to collapse? Are we all going to die?"

My brother's naive melancholy inspired me.When I passed the crumbling suspension bridge under my umbrella, I suddenly felt a strange excitement when I saw the rushing water in the canal below.I found that life that is too active is also speeding up to die.

At that time, Pan Guizhi was shouting under the eaves of his house, his voice was washed away by the sound of rain, and he only heard two words repeated: "Collapse——"

I didn't know that the suspension bridge under my feet was vulnerable and was spending its last days. I didn't hear Pan Guizhi's exasperated cry until I left it.

"Meng Li, are you sick?" He said to me, "The bridge is about to collapse!"

Pan Guizhi's mother once cursed my father to death. Pan Guizhi must have inherited his mother's mouth. In just a few minutes after he said this sentence, I witnessed the disaster with my own eyes.

A sudden storm overturned the umbrella, and the suspension bridge broke not far behind me. The umbrella flew out of my hand, and the sound of the broken umbrella bone jumping on the ground was drowned out by the huge sound of disaster.

Death showed me its fascinating charm for the second time. It created a moment of silence amidst the loud noise. I heard the eager heartbeat, the rush of raindrops, tuk tuk, tuk tuk...

This unexpected coincidence stunned Pan Guizhi, his face turned pale, and after a while, it suddenly glowed red again, looking a little excited, and said: The bridge is about to collapse.

"The bridge has collapsed." The sky is about to collapse, so there's nothing wrong with it, right?I said to Pan Guizhi, "I want to change my gender."

"What did you say?" Pan Guizhi looked at me in surprise, and suddenly a "haha, ahaha" sound came out of his throat, and he was laughing.Then he told me happily: "Meng Li, I can see that you are really sick."

I can't deny Pan Guizhi's conclusion, but I'm not sick, I just use it to defeat the coward in my body.

"Sex change is not a joke. You need to have surgery, use a knife, cut off the male part of your body, and then put the female part... This is not something that everyone can do," Pan Guizhi said, moving With her eyes closed, her expression gradually became intimidating, "How about this, brother, I have an idea, first you can dress up as a woman and show me."

I shook my head and said, "I don't know how to pretend."

"Brother will teach you." Pan Guizhi helpfully opened the door of his house to me.

Before he and Lu Xinyao turned against each other, I followed my brother into this place.At that time, I was deeply shocked by Pan Guizhi's wealth. I remember that he dumped the toy box on the ground, and all kinds of models, tops and glass beads spread out like a tide. I stood among the toys on the floor and dared not move. .

I dare not move now, but Pan Guizhi pushed me in.

The rainy weather made the room dark and dull. I didn't see those toys from before. It seemed that Pan Guizhi was tired of playing with them.

younger brother.Pan Guizhi's voice came from behind the refrigerator. He gave me an ice cream and told me that from now on I will be a woman.He wants me to eat the ice cream like a woman.

I didn't understand, so he told me that women are afraid of ice, so they can't bite with their teeth, but smack with their lips and tongue until it melts.

But the following is also melted.I said.

Pan Guizhi replied, so you can't just smoke in one place.

After I ate the ice cream under Pan Guizhi's correction, he looked at me with a smile on his face: "It's interesting."

It was at this moment that Pan Guizhi's sex change for me really started. He dug out a white dress from the depths of the closet, and the skirt was composed of three layers of tulle.

My impression of this day is shrouded in this white gauze dress of unknown origin, and everything is covered with a hazy and pure white color.

Without a mirror, I saw my blurred shadow through the reflection of the wardrobe, which was both real and illusory.Pan Guizhi fastened my skirt for me, stared at it for a while, then suddenly pressed my shoulder, ecstatic: "Brother, you made me react!"

He pulled the zipper to verify this wonderful discovery. I didn't look back, but I felt Pan Guizhi lift up the gauze skirt.

I was a little dazed, a little surprised, I didn't look back, but I knew what he was doing.In the next ten minutes, I felt the pull of the skirt and Pan Guizhi's continuous moaning. ——At the last moment, the skirt was pulled tight, and he didn't move for a long time, and then he limp under the pomegranate skirt.

"Brother, you are such a stunner." Pan Guizhi wiped the things on my lap through the white gauze, like a reward, "Lu Xinyao will definitely like you."

I know I qualify as a transgender.

When I walked out of Pan Guizhi's house, it was still raining heavily, and I saw the suspension bridge collapsed in the wind and rain.I threw down the white gauze skirt in my arms. It was fluttering and helpless, and finally fell into the endless running water.At this time, I heard a grinning voice from behind the door: ah, it is hard for a fool to turn back.

This may be another prophecy of Pan Guizhi.

When I was young, I wanted Lu Xinyao to be my brother. On the day Meng Guanghui died, my dream came true and I got his mercy and affection.Now I not only want my brother's unique family affection, but also his love, it is too greedy.

Grandma said that if you are not greedy enough to eat the moon, you will be in bad luck.

I am not afraid of bad luck.

Organized from @tweets