Jujube

Before I left the yard, I already let out a howling cry, which rushed out of my throat fiercely, accompanied by heart-piercing pain.It was only then that I realized that there was a wild beast locked in my body. Even though my brother raised it so obediently, it would still have moments of rampage and disobedience.

I was aimless, I didn't know where I was going, I just ran until I saw no houses but a vast expanse of fields.I saw three large sheds not far away, and suddenly I didn't want to run anymore, and I didn't want to go home.

So I squatted down and cried.

I have never cried so loudly before, it seems that there is a stomach full of grievances and sadness that I want to cry to the world, and I can't stop crying.If there is really a god in the place where the head is raised three feet, they will definitely think I am noisy.

When people are sad and cry, they will think of more sad things.I thought of Lu Xinyao's many bad things, not only the scissors, he also gave me a hard slap, and helped Sun Yuemei and her son bully me.I remembered that earlier, he didn't want me to follow him all the time, and he once shut me up at home.

These reminiscences prolong my crying until I forget why I am crying, wipe away my tears, and look around sadly and bewilderedly.

When I sat in the back seat of my brother's car and went around Baiquedang looking for Sun Yanming with him, I also passed by here. It seems that there were no big sheds at that time.The shed was covered with plastic sheeting, which reflected pale and cold light under the cloudy blue moonlight, shaking and rattling.

For some unknown reason, maybe to avoid my brother, maybe because I was attracted by the pure white, I walked towards the greenhouse.

The roof of the shed surged like white waves, and the movement inside was louder than outside. It was deafening, like drums beating on a battlefield. There was a strange and restless atmosphere, and the heartbeat went up and down.quick!Amidst the reverberation of the turbulent sea, a cocoon was about to burst open.A night of chrysalis and butterfly.

Ah, it didn't break free. I don't know how long later, a kind person cut a crack in the cocoon. ——I curled up in the corner and squatted. When I looked up, I saw someone I shouldn't have seen.

He stood four or five steps away from me. Even though his face was blurred in the dark night, I still didn't dare to meet his sight, but even if I lowered my head, I still felt my body was covered by his gaze. Numerous holes were poked out.

Lu Xinyao stood for a while, as if waiting for me to pass by, but I did not pass by, and he did not leave, but walked towards me.I shrink back: "Don't come here."

Of course Lu Xinyao didn't listen to me. I was afraid of him, but I couldn't escape, I couldn't escape, I was trapped in a broken cocoon, and I had nowhere to go.I watched him approach, and squatted down in front of me again. Lu Xinyao also squatted higher than me, still condescending.

"Are you going to spend the night here?" My brother's tone could no longer be heard. "You're very picky. The mute's house is nearby. Do you remember the mute?"

I felt my eyelids twitch. Mute is a woman who can't speak but barks strangely. When I mention her, I think of dogs.I know she is a dog dealer, she sells litters of puppies every year.

"She just sold a litter of puppies." My brother continued in a flat, indifferent tone. "Did I tell you that freshly born bitches are the fiercest?"

He scares me, the way he scares a child.It made me feel slighted, and I looked up at him resentfully.

I didn't say a word, and Lu Xinyao didn't need me to answer. After a while, I suddenly felt the temperature of his fingers, and a spark fell on the skirt, which was about to burn——I panickedly speculated about my brother's intentions. It must be an eyesore on me, is he going to take the skirt off too?

The tiny pendant of the zipper was like a red bean, he pinched it and pulled it up until it reached the top, tightly closed.I couldn't believe it, and then I heard Lu Xinyao ask me: "Are you still crying?"

He shouldn't be asking that, it's not asking a question, it's asking for tears.I feel the tears slide down my face, a warm touch.If he showed any concern, I couldn't help myself.

I should hate my brother.There is nothing left, he cut off my only thought and hair together.But I can't hate him anyway. Every time he says a word, I remember many of his good things and forget all his bad things.Those who don't agree with each other, say on the mouth, don't come here; and shout in their hearts, don't go away either.

"I won't hit you, don't cry."

Tears blurred not only vision but also hearing. Lu Xinyao's voice was almost soft.It was the same hand that I bitten that wiped away the teardrops on my chin.

I was stunned, I felt that my brother was apologizing to me at this moment.I couldn't hate him at all. I consciously moved close to his palm and dedicated my tears to him. My brother seemed to be stroking me, and I was stroking him too.There is something other than tears flowing quietly between touches.

"Mengli," Lu Xinyao's eyes changed slightly, he looked at me and the thorny question - something he never asked before: "Are you gay?"

My brother's reassurance worked, my brain didn't give me an answer, but I already shook my head subconsciously.After shaking, I felt wrong, but nodding my head was also wrong. I said to him, "I don't know."

"Then why watch gay movies?"

When he said this, the picture of being pushed into the smoke by Pan Guizhi immediately flashed in my mind, I was a little distracted, and my brother's sight caught me again.

that disc.I understood, it must be it, like a magic mirror, which made me reveal my true nature in front of my brother.But I didn't like to watch that. Driven by an inexplicable grievance, I blamed Pan Guizhi and said something contradictory.

I say I'm not gay because I don't like other people but him.

My brother's hands were wet again, and his eyeballs moved slightly, but he didn't correct me, and he didn't say to me: "I am your brother".It's a piece of crap, and if it worked, the likes wouldn't happen.

Lu Xinyao asked me what I liked about him.

This is a very ambiguous question, if it happens between him and Mei Qingqing, it will turn into flirting.Mei Qingqing would put her arms around my brother's neck, and kiss her red lips along the bridge of my brother's nose.But I didn't dare, I shook my head to my brother and said I didn't know.

He asked again, "When did it start?"

I still don't know, know and dare not say.

My brother just laughed, I don't know if he laughed out of anger or because of something else.There was a gust of wind at this time, and the whole shed shook as if it was about to collapse. I saw my skirt was lifted by the wind, as if it was about to be torn into pieces of flying flowers, and then my brother pressed the skirt down.Just like the scenery of Mei Qingqing suppressing the bottom of her skirt.

At this moment, I suddenly felt that in his eyes, I was flesh and blood made of water.

In such an unstable environment, cowards will do some bold things, the heartbeat is anxious, the strong wind blows me down like weeds, and easily blows me to my brother. I am completely relaxed, and my brother will take full responsibility.

If the shed collapses at this moment, I will not hide.Not to live in the same quilt, but to die in the same bed with my brother.

It was the thought of death that gave me courage, and I heard myself call out brother.The upper and lower lips were loosened, and he couldn't help himself: "Can you fall in love with me?"

When I uttered the last three words, I choked up for no reason. What a dream, I can imagine my brother's mood, he must think it's ridiculous.

But Lu Xinyao didn't smile this time, he asked: "You want to fall in love with me, why did you go to Pan Guizhi?"

"...he said he would teach me."

The expression on my brother's face made me a little confused, as if I didn't know what to do with me.After staring at it for a long time, Lu Xinyao wiped away the tears on my face, and said something to me that I couldn't even think about.

He said, Meng Li, I am your brother, and I will teach you how to fall in love.

What Lu Xinyao was talking about was not about falling in love with me, but teaching me about falling in love. At that time, I didn't know the difference between the words, so I froze for a while, stared at my brother blankly, and felt a buzzing in my ears. He opened his mouth clearly, but couldn't even utter a word.

"But I have one condition." Lu Xinyao looked at me, buying people's hearts with his eyes, "Don't listen to Pan Guizhi. Can it be done?"

I nodded to my brother before my brain started thinking.I promise to only listen to him alone.

It took me a while to hear my own voice intermittently: "But, but you like girls... They said that you and Mei Qingqing are in a relationship."

"Did you see it?" Lu Xinyao asked me back.

I shook my head at him, only to hear him say: "Don't believe what you don't see."

Regarding falling in love, the first truth my brother taught me is this sentence.I felt my blood trembling because of this, even if my brother lied to me, I would be too happy to be able to sleep because of being fooled by him.

I once heard a story. Legend has it that there is a fairy called the beautiful snake, who can call a person's name. Once he agrees, it will come to eat the person's flesh at night.If the beautiful snake had my brother's face, even if I knew it wanted to eat my flesh, I would definitely agree to it.

But I remembered that my brother is a water ghost, not a beautiful snake. Water ghosts don't eat human flesh, they specialize in seducing people's souls.He had eaten his brother's soul whole.

At that time, Lu Xinyao just regarded my liking as a whim of puberty, just like a dirty cat that is about to spring in season.Puberty needs to satisfy desire, not love.

But I have been choosing for a long time, and I still feel that only love can explain my desire for my brother, not liking—like a man with a white bird likes Mei Qingqing's ass, liking is too frivolous.Obviously, my love for my brother is so heavy that I can't breathe in every dream.