Jujube

The white sparrows are full of vitality in spring, and the sun rises on time every morning, reflecting everything brightly and brilliantly.Under such sunshine, I clearly know that my deep love for my brother will never see the light of day.This gave me a twisted hatred of the sun.

I can't remember how I left Baiquedang, but it always appeared in my dreams afterwards.A solitary ghost dragged the kneeling and crying person up, dragged heavily, all the way, and dragged out of the sky and the sea of ​​love.

During that time, I experienced unprecedented torture. No matter day or night, I could see the mouth floating in the air.The mouths of many women were moving, and their moving lips were telling the news that Lu Xinyao was going to be engaged to Mei Qingqing and holding an engagement banquet.I skipped class to ask my brother, but I couldn't find anyone all day, and I waited for him until evening, but he ignored me.

For the first time, I knew that voices also have teeth, tongues, and mouths, and they cannibalize people.Without my brother's blessing, those voices crowded in continuously, almost drowning me.I was terrified, and ran away in a panic under their siege.

On the way to escape, I remembered the story of the overlord of Western Chu who was expelled by the singing of Chu from all directions and swung his sword to kill himself. At this moment, the fateful Wujiang River rushed in front of me, and the sound of the siren splashed my body like a rushing river.

On the train.Melon seed shells were peeled and spat all over the floor, people piled up in a smoky atmosphere, those standing tickets crowded in the aisle, from time to time some people yelled "put your legs back", and cigarette smokers gathered by the door to puff.I sat next to the window, and everyone's palm prints were printed on the window. When people left, the palm prints remained on the car, one layer after another...the two places disappeared, and I suddenly didn't know where I was.

Will my brother still look for me?I dare not think about this question.The stationary carriage of the train started to move, and I knew that I had finally escaped from the man-eating Baiquedang, those voices could no longer find me, my brother could no longer find me, we were going our separate ways.I often couldn't help crying when I saw my brother, but now I realize that I can cry even when I don't see him.

The train rattled forward.

A man's voice, pinched sharply, resembled a round porcelain bowl, with the bottom of the bowl swirling on the table, humming a ditty:

"I'm like the moon when the sky is covered by dark clouds, I'm like frost on the tiles, I can't see the sun, I'm like a broken bow, I can't return to the sky, I'm like a mud cow that goes into the sea and hides in the ocean. It seems that my life is short and hopeless, I can't help it Two tears flowed dry and scattered on my chest..."

No one listened either.The man also hummed to himself.One word at a time jumped out of the throat, and one word at a time drilled into the ear.I buried my face in the sleeve of my coat, and rubbed hard, my eyes were slightly warmed to black, and the tone of the lotus falling was far away, like a dream. ——It would be nice if it was really a dream, but it’s not a dream when you wake up, you’re still on the train.

The peacock flies southeast, wandering five miles away.After all, there is no going back.

The person seated opposite was tilted, shoulders hunched, sleeping like a pickle, and a hand stuck in the backpack pocket was unconscious.

It was a pickpocket, with the brim of his hat pulled down, and I saw him take a wallet and stuff it quickly into his pocket.But I didn't have the courage to stop him, I was so stupid, I just kept watching. ——This is Mao Lin, we two met for the first time, he was stealing things on the train, I might be the only one who found out.

Mao Lin also found me, and a pair of eyes under the brim of the hat raised up, staring fiercely, both guarded and nervous.But I still looked at him, because I really didn't know what to do but look at him.After looking at it for a long time, Mao Lin seemed to be feeling unwell, so he squinted at me a few times, threw himself into the crowd, and avoided it.

The train was still chugging along, going all night.

After everyone in the carriage fell asleep, I climbed out of the seat and went to the bathroom.Zhang Buyu told me that when you take the train, you have to nail your buttocks to the seat, otherwise the seat will be taken by someone when you leave.

Mao Lin, who had been missing for a long time, appeared at this moment. He was leaning against the door of the toilet, holding his pocket in one hand and playing with a cigarette case in the other.As soon as I came out, he raised his eyes to look at me, and said with a smirk, "Little brother, do you recognize me?"

I said I don't know.He stood sideways at the entrance of the carriage, blocking the way intentionally or unintentionally, his smile faded, and he asked me why I kept staring at him.

I said how did he know I was looking at him if he didn't look at me.

Mao Lin stood still, looked at me, and asked where I was going.As soon as he asked, I just remembered that I don't know where I went, Nan Ting?Where is Nanting?Meng Guanghui said it was a "kiln".

"Bitch, son, wu, qing." He held me on his lap and taught me to read it word by word.A photo of a woman, without words, but Meng Guanghui poked the woman's face, as if these four words were clearly written on it.He spread out another train ticket, smelled of alcohol, and told me that this place is a brothel.

"It's all dead and clean" - "broiler" and "bitch".Meng Guanghui threw them into the brazier, spat, and a wisp of ghost smoke burst out.

I was young at the time, but I had a strange intuition, which made me still remember the burnt photo and the ticket more than ten years later.

I was going to visit a kiln, but I said to Mao Lin: "I don't know."

Mao Lin stared at me in the dark, not knowing what he was planning. I walked past him, but he neither stepped aside nor stopped me, but suddenly followed me after I walked a few steps, approached me and said: "I You know, we are on the same trip."

His eyesight was extremely keen, revealing an unusual shrewdness.After he finished speaking, he grinned and gave me a weird smile, the dark smile, the light shone on his face, it was like a spot with teeth and claws.Silence is better than sound.Mao Lin conveniently took out a pear from the bag—of course it wasn't his own, and he bit off half of it in a generous and smug way.

He stared at me, biting the pear with relish, I asked in the sound of his chewing, are you going to the brothel too.

The juice flowed to his chin, Mao Lin was a little surprised at first, and then laughed.Said to me: "I don't think you are that kind of material, you are so tender... Who will eat who? Haha!" After laughing, the pears were also eaten, and he threw the core into the urinal, flushed, and sucked his fingers gone.

It was dark and bright again, and the night passed.People are still in the carriage, the outside has been changed, and the white sparrow was left last night.I had been saving money to get out of there, and now that I did, I found myself homeless and with nowhere else to go.

When I walked out of the bustling station and stood blankly at the door, I thought of my brother.I stood on the high wall again, but no one looked at me under the wall, and no one threatened me to jump off the countdown of three seconds.Is this "roll"?Get out of Lu Xinyao's sight, get out of Baiquedang, have nothing?We could still be brothers.

I am greedy and have nothing.

No, no... no gain or loss.If Lu Xinyao doesn't have love, then all I need is his family affection, but if he does, but if he wants to give it to Mei Qingqing, then Meng Li will die.

What is alive now is a neurotic, and neurotics do not weigh gains and losses.

I was thinking up and down, my heart was like a handful of immortal ashes, which burned out, burned out again, and burned again.

At this time, I met Mao Lin again.

At that time, Mao Lin was staring at me on the side of the road. He followed me out of the train station, followed me to the intersection, and watched all the way.After a long time, he came towards me.

Mao Lin didn't say a word of nonsense, and directly invited me: "Why don't you come with me?"

I looked up at Mao Lin, who also stared at me, and suddenly smiled: "Follow me. Food and lodging are included, and I'll take you to make money and go shopping in brothels..."

Lu Xinyao would definitely be angry when he found out that I skipped classes, dropped out of school, and ran away from home.In the past, I was very afraid that he would be angry, so I tried every means to please him, but now I don't want to please him, I want him to hate me.This is also cheap.

Anyway, my brother doesn't love me, so it's good to make him hate me.

Mao Lin picked up a cigarette and told me while lighting the fire that he had noticed me a long time ago.He squinted at me and said, "When the train started, I stared at the window. The girl was screaming, are you still crying? Hey, you ran away from home, right?"

I don't know how he guessed it, I was stunned for a few seconds, and denied it.But Mao Lin had already got a clear answer in these few seconds. He shrugged and put on an indifferent posture: "Whatever."

I said I didn't run away from home, I was kicked out by my family.

Yo.No wonder I see that you have a good eye, dare to love our fate is determined by God.Mao Lin smiled again, and there was a mole in the smile lines.

He also told me that he came out to play around when he was eleven or twelve years old, and his family was so poor that he couldn't get rid of it. His mother gave birth to a litter in a few years like a sow, and she couldn't feed her when she was born, so she gave away several. One of the.

"There are still three, six or nine grades of raw meat, not to mention picking up a useless one? I was taken back to work as a coolie, why?" So Mao Lin ran away, and he even made some money before leaving. He said This is the "salary" he deserves.

"Hey, when I left, I didn't even know how to write the word 'jia'. Now that I know, what's the point?"

I think I am also a younger brother picked up by my elder brother, but I am luckier than Mao Lin, I know what home is.

"You are right to come to Nanting! Do you have this place at home? Nanting, do you know where it is? It's such a big golden cave!" When Mao Lin said these words, his eyes were shining brightly, and he was very happy He gestured with his hands, as if he was in a huge gold-selling cave in his fantasy, instead of a small dark room in a tube building.

——He lives in an old tube building, the last room to the west of the long corridor, a rented house.There are two bunk beds. Mao Lin threw the leather bag on the upper bunk, and fell asleep when he lay down.

This is the city.Meng Guanghui's "yaozi" and Mao Lin's "gold selling cave".Like Zhang Buyu's uncle, Mao Lin said that gold is everywhere here.But I don't see gold.

I looked out of the small window, and there were shadows all over the place, like a dream that I couldn't wake up from. I closed my eyes and opened them again, but I was still in a dream. I couldn't wake up or fall asleep.

It would be nice to be at "home", in my grandmother's patchwork quilt, sleeping next to my brother...but would I dare to meet him?Dare I go back?Go back and watch my brother wear a suit and become Mei Qingqing's bridegroom officer, see Mei Qingqing put bright red lip marks on my brother's face to cover the scar... or watch my brother rub Mei Qingqing's butt with his hands, Leave a mark overnight?

I can not do it.I can't change my insanity, I can't get rid of "being cheap", and I can't do it even if I die.

I would rather become a lonely ghost and die outside than live in the gentle hometown of my brother and Mei Qingqing.

"Brother, I love you. I will always love you."—I wrote this on a note and put it in a piggy bank, almost empty, and I had almost spent all my savings, and another A train ticket, the terminal is Nanting.I left them with my brother, don't know if he saw them.

It doesn't matter if you don't see it, anyway, the train ticket has expired, and this sentence will soon become a lie.Because from now on, I have no brother.