Jujube

When Lu Xinyao still didn't admit that I was his younger brother, I started following him.When I was young, I followed him out of the house, on the suspension bridge, and to school. When I was older, I followed him to the skating rink, billiard hall or karaoke room, and even followed him on a date with Mei Qingqing in the auditorium.

Now I'm stalking his fakes again.I followed from a distance, confused, not understanding why I followed him, nor where I was going to follow, as if following him was just an instinct.

I saw everything on the street was moving, the road, noodle stalls, barbecue stalls, sugar shops, cars and people, only the back was still, bright and dark.Such a scene reminds me of when I was a child, I chased after Lu Xinyao like a follower.

When I first followed him, Lu Xinyao was often surrounded by a bunch of friends who didn't like to play with me.Lu Xinyao also doesn't like that I'm always clinging to him. Sometimes he's in a bad mood and will tell me to go away.

At that time, he and Pan Guizhi had not broken off their friendship. Pan Guizhi shrewdly saw this and often took the opportunity to make things difficult for me.

Once they found a snake skin on the side of the road, Pan Guizhi teased me in front of everyone, and said to me: "Brother, go and pick up the snake skin." I didn't want to go, so Pan Guizhi kicked my heels with his shoes and urged Me, go, we don't play with cowards.

I looked at Lu Xinyao, but Lu Xinyao didn't say anything, and acquiesced to Pan Guizhi's words.After waiting for a while, they felt bored because of my delay, so they left.Pan Guizhi said as he walked, it's fine if you don't dare to pick it up, no one is forcing you, cowards don't follow...

I stood there for a long time, watching Lu Xinyao's back go farther and farther. Before he disappeared, I stared at the pale snake skin. With a feeling of humiliation and fear, I suddenly made up my mind and squatted down quickly. He picked it up in a hurry, then ran all the way to Lu Xinyao, and showed him the snake skin in his hand.

I picked up the snake skin and still acted like a coward, my hands were still shaking.Pan Guizhi and the others laughed at me: "Brother, did you get bitten by a snake skin? Why did you get 'snake madness'?"

Lu Xinyao didn't smile, his eyes returned to normal after a brief moment of surprise, and then he took the snake skin from my hand amid the laughter of the others and threw it into the ditch.

Later, I still followed him for many years.I watched my brother's back become wider and taller, and I once climbed up and wiped tears on those shoulders, but at this moment, it was hard to tell the truth from the fake.Could it be said that after watching ten years of back view, it only takes three years to forget it?

I followed him all the way, from the road to the bottom of the group of buildings. The tracking I had practiced on my brother since I was a child was a little rusty at this time.Maybe it's because of the strange environment, at a corner, I can't find anyone who has been following me.

I was a little flustered. There was a row of similar houses in front of me, six or seven floors high. I didn't know which building or which floor he entered.I lost track.A heart seems to have sunk into the void, I can't see the village or shop, I feel at a loss for a while.Is this what is often said in the book, "Sometimes there must be in fate, and there is no time in fate, don't force it"?Destined to have no predestined relationship, no name, no share, and never get this person for the rest of my life.

I went downstairs and looked at those windows, which were bright or dark, and I couldn’t count them. At this moment, I suddenly saw that the stairwell of a building was lit up. gradually light up.When it lights up, the heart beats on the chest, thump, thump, thump.It stopped on the fourth floor, and then the window of a room was lit up.

Is it that one?I looked at the lit window, the third building from west to east, the fourth floor, the one on the left.Yes, it is it, as if it is close at hand.But after following this step, what should I do next?catch up?I stood downstairs at a loss, suddenly feeling daunted by the road ahead.

I dare not knock on the door.

What if not?But what if... what if it is?No, nothing happens!He doesn't want to see me at all, so he won't come.

I was timid, like a gambler, afraid to turn over the last hole card.The dark tide is raging, and the panic is extremely high.

However, what I didn't expect was that when I was hesitating on the spot, fate had already made a decision for me.The shadow I was chasing all the way was not behind the upstairs window at that time, but stood behind me.

When I looked at the window, he finally saw the thief following him all the way.

More than 700 days and nights of death, the diary is the remains, "Lu Xinyao" suddenly appeared in front of me without warning.

The branches on the side of the road swayed vigorously, casting the shadows of the leaves on him, vaguely, as if he was not in this world.

I froze.I didn't recognize it at first sight, or my eyes recognized it but my brain didn't respond.Then I heard his voice call my name.

Three years, a long-lost "Mengli".

My chest was suffocated, and I was fascinated, and suddenly I didn't know if it was a dream or reality.

Baiquedang and Nanting are separated by Luyun and Yue four thousand miles away, only in his dreams would he come all the way to find me and ask "do you miss me".

But the face in front of me is not the face in the dream, what has changed?

The scar is still the original one, a pair of affectionate, fake eyes...but there is a nose stud inlaid under it, and when she bows her head, it looks like a teardrop that flickers, so the beauty can be faked.

The one in front of me is not a fake, but the real Lu Xinyao.

In the six months since I ran away from home, I used to hope so much that my brother would suddenly appear and pick me up, but now I want to run away.

"If you run away from home, you must never look back!"

This is what Mao Lin told me, and what Mao Lin's adoptive parents taught him.

After Mao Lin escaped from his adoptive parents’ house, he quietly went back and heard the couple say to outsiders: “If the real one dares to run away, he will have his legs broken if caught! It’s fine if you pick it up, or run away. If you raise it again, it will suck all the old bones and old blood clean!"

I was also picked up by my brother, and there is no turning back.I wanted to run away, but there was no way back then.Maybe there is a way, and what is under your feet is the way, but when he stood there, I was stunned.I was fixed in place by him.

He approached me as if he was about to hold me in his arms, there was no way he could avoid it.But Lu Xinyao wouldn't hug me, he pinched my chin with his hand, still as strong as before, or even stronger than before. ——Just like in the dream, he easily opened my jaw.

I can't close it anymore.Once the teeth are loose, nothing can be closed.

"Brother." When the word rolled out of my throat, I wanted to slap myself.

He must not want to hear this word, but I can't change it.Even after three years, I couldn't get rid of the curse of "Lu Xinyao is my brother" from my mind, it has already grown into my body as deeply as Lu Xinyao himself.

With an indistinct "Brother", I saw Lu Xinyao's eyes move, the thick black eyeballs were covered by eyelashes, making them appear deeper, and one couldn't see to the bottom at a glance.My brother's eyes are more affectionate than his own, the eyes that make people trance, look through many years, affectionate but always seem ruthless.

I am a little apprehensive, will he promise me?Does he still admit me?If I run away again, will he break my leg?

I want him to break my leg.

I thought so, but didn't dare to say a word, even though his hand touched my chin inadvertently, I had to bite the tip of my tongue to resist the impulse in my body, not to open my mouth to hold his finger.

Until Lu Xinyao let go of his hand.He finally didn't respond to me, I heard him ask: Why are you following me, are you looking for me?

I didn't know how to answer, as soon as he spoke, I was dumbfounded.I didn't look for Lu Xinyao, I was looking for someone very similar to him, but if I knew it was him from the beginning, would I dare to follow him?

After thinking about it for a long time, I was still confused. I subconsciously shook my head and said, "I thought it wasn't you...I thought you wouldn't be here." Apart from looking for me, I couldn't think of any reason for Lu Xinyao to appear in Nanting.

But I underestimated my brother, he came to Nanting just to do something, anyway, that's what he told me.

I did not speak.

I have imagined many scenes of meeting my brother, and I have a lot to say to him.For example, brother, have you looked for me since I left?I can't find out if you are angry with me, and if you miss me when you are angry... and - are you married?

But I didn't expect that the real day would be like this: I became a mute and didn't dare to say anything, and my brother didn't want to tell me anything.There was nothing to say between us.

"Where do you live?" I didn't say, and he didn't ask, he was silent for a while, and said, "I'll take you back."

He actually used "back".Where are you going?

Suddenly, I understood that Mao Lin's words were correct, Lu Xinyao didn't want me anymore.Now I am not his younger brother, the relationship between us has been stored in a clepsydra together with time, drop by drop, it only took three years to leak completely.To him, I was just an unexplained burden, so when we met on a narrow road, he wanted to send me away again.

I dare not resist him.Lu Xinyao sent me back. On the way back, I followed him. We were so close, but he gave me a feeling of being far away.The ditch closed by my brother opened again before my eyes, and I found that we were in the same space, but separated by a long time.

This road is colder than when we came here.Lu Xinyao bought me a piece of grilled corn on the cob, and finally became interested in chatting with me.The past had lost its meaning to him, so instead of asking me about my running away or mentioning anything about the past, he asked me how I was doing in Nantine.

I thought in my heart, it’s not good, it’s not good at all, I used to want to die, turn into a ghost and go to you again, torture you in dreams, to see if the two scars on your body will hurt because of me.But I didn't say that, and I became the same Meng Li who was afraid of becoming a troublemaker, and lied to Lu Xinyao again.

I didn't tell him the experience of Mao Lin and I being liars and being abandoned by the liars. I told him that I found a job, had a kind neighbor Wang Chunlu, and the supper by the Linjiang River was delicious.

It's not a conversation, it's a small talk, and it shouldn't happen between me and my brother.

I don't like this, but Lu Xinyao is satisfied with it, he listened to me patiently, and said to me: "Meng Li, you have grown up."

At this time, Lu Xinyao reminded me of Sun Yuemei, he finally agreed with Sun Yuemei's mother and son, and said the same thing.

I suddenly regretted lying to him.

The door of Wang Chunlu's room was open, and a person was sitting in the room, looking at the corridor.As soon as I went back, I saw her, and she saw me, her worried eyes froze when she saw Lu Xinyao.Wang Chunlu looked at me with a silent question in his eyes.

I didn't say anything, maybe Wang Chunlu guessed it, but she didn't say anything, just smiled gently.

Lu Xinyao sent me back as a burden and had fulfilled his responsibilities. He stayed in the house for a while, glanced at the bed that once belonged to Mao Lin, and then looked at me: "Is there anyone else living here?"

He really does not open any pot and lift any pot.A strange kind of grievance and hatred surged up and blocked my nasal cavity and eye sockets, constantly swelling, sore and painful.

I shook my head to Lu Xinyao: "No one. He left." I felt a strange feeling in my heart, as if I was suing my brother that Mao Lin bullied me.Almost cried again.

But it's just a short sentence, it can't explain the long cause and effect, and I can't tell my brother like I did when I accused Pan Guizhi, Lu Xinyao would not know anything.

Seeing that he was about to leave, I followed him to the door and couldn't help but want to stop him: Can you leave later? ——But I can't say it, my eyes say what my mouth dare not say.

But Lu Xinyao suddenly turned his head back. In my hazy vision, he seemed to reveal a trace of warmth, and he approached again, with his index finger slightly bent, a movement of wiping away tears as usual.But this action did not happen, Lu Xinyao just asked: "What time do you go to work tomorrow?"

When I said eight o'clock, he nodded and said "go to bed early" to me, and left his back for me.

The days of long separation seemed endless, but the reunion was too short to be a dream.I woke up to the sound of footsteps.

I wake up.

The overall situation is settled, I am his burden, there is no turning back.