Jujube

Meng Guanghui's death brought about an earthquake that split my house in half.

I often dream that my elder brother left with Sun Yuemei and my unborn third younger brother, leaving me behind.For several nights, I woke up from a dream, opened my eyelids and turned to the window in a panic, making sure my brother was still there.There is a narrow aisle between me and my brother's bed. Once I rolled out of bed and opened my eyes in the middle of the night, and found myself lying in this aisle, and I could see my brother when I turned my head.

I woke up, but instead of crawling back into my bed, I continued lying on the ground.There was a moon that night, and there was white moonlight on my brother's bed, which was screened by the square panes, which were also boxy in shape, like a thin quilt covering my brother.

I stared at my brother without moving, and at the quilt on him.I wanted to get under my brother's quilt, but I was afraid to climb into his bed, so I crawled under the bed.

I nestled under my brother's bed, and there was only a thin layer of wood between us. Every time my brother turned over, the wood on the bed would shake slightly and make a weak creaking sound.It suddenly occurred to me that we were under the same roof and lying in the same quilt. This distance made me feel safer than ever.

Meng Guanghui is dead, I have no father, and my brother is my only family member. Different blood flows in our veins, but he is my own brother.Even if the beams of our house fall, the eaves collapse, or a big flood washes away the pots and pans, as long as my brother is still there, as long as we are dependent on each other, I can live without fear.

But without my brother, I can't live alone.

The fear of being abandoned made me pay more attention to my brother than ever.

During that time, my brother became very taciturn, and he was no longer surrounded by a group of cronies, as if overnight, they lost the common topic and parted ways.My brother and I were walking on the way home after school. He often didn’t say a word. It was from then on that after a long period of silence, my brother’s eyes became silently filled with something that he didn’t have before. Something his peers don't have now either.

In early spring, the jujube trees at the entrance of the village hadn't bloomed yet, and it rained one after another, and Sun Yuemei's belly grew bigger day by day.

I think that Lu Xinyao still has a grudge against Meng Guanghui, so whenever his eyes pass over Sun Yuemei's protruding belly, he always sinks a little darkly, as if what is in Sun Yuemei's belly is not his younger brother whose blood is thicker than water, but A growing cancer.

Meng Guanghui died in the year when my brother took the high school entrance examination. Sun Yuemei put all her hopes on my brother. She held her belly and said to Lu Xinyao with teary eyes: "We are orphans and widows, we can only rely on you." It's Sun Yuemei, and the orphan is the child in her womb, and I don't take any of them.

I looked at my brother quietly, but he didn't respond, just eating his food.

There is no high school in Baiquedang, and the high school is in the county seat. When I was doing my homework at night, I asked my brother if he was still living at home after the high school entrance examination. My brother didn't answer me right away, and he put down his pen before speaking.

He asked me back, "Do you think I'm here?"

I nodded to my brother, and my brother gave me a look, waiting for me to explain the reason.I said, "I can't sleep without you."

My brother was stunned for a moment, then felt funny, and raised the corner of his mouth.

"How old are you?" My brother said, I thought he was asking me, but then he said, "Shall I cuddle you to sleep?"

My brother is mocking me, but I dare not tell him that I have fantasized like this several times wrapped in bed, and brought the fantasy into my dream.

I thought my brother meant that he would not go home, but he said to me: "It depends on your performance."

Lu Xinyao did not use his tenacious vitality to grow through the cracks in the rocks like the sapling under the suspension bridge. He was like a fragile dead tree branch that broke with a bang. ——My brother failed his high school entrance examination.

The teachers in our school were incredulous. I heard them talking at the door of the office. My brother’s class teacher said three times: "How could this happen?" They all said that Lu Xinyao was a pity.Not many students from Baiquedang Middle School passed the high school entrance examination, and many of them didn't even take the high school entrance examination, but they only said that it was a pity for Lu Xinyao.

While others felt sorry for my brother's mistake, my brother didn't seem to care at all. He appeared on the pool table the day after the exam.Sun Yuemei quarreled with my brother about this. She planned to send Lu Xinyao to a good high school through the back door and not allow Lu Xinyao to go to the billiard hall again.But Lu Xinyao's wings were stiff and he didn't listen to her.

Sun Yuemei said: "The family surnamed Pan is doing business. If he doesn't study, he won't worry about eating at home for the rest of his life! What can you do if you don't study? Does your family have an acre of land or a cow? What can you do? Who in the whole Baiquedang Anyone can stop reading, but you can't!"

Lu Xinyao's black eyebrows were tightly locked, and he didn't say a word.

"Go to school well, and don't worry about the family in advance," Sun Yuemei said, looking at me, "Meng Li is old enough to help the family. When I grew up, I was able to go up the mountain to cut firewood. ..."

I didn't look at Sun Yuemei, but looked at my brother. At this moment, I noticed that Lu Xinyao raised his eyes. His eyes glanced at me, his brows were still furrowed. He interrupted Sun Yuemei and said, "He's only seven years old!"

My brother seemed to be aroused by Sun Yuemei's words, and his tone was cold and hard.

"What's wrong with seven years old? What's wrong with seven years old?" Sun Yuemei was taken aback. She rubbed her stomach and said in an unreasonable tone, "The bastard surnamed Meng is dead. We only have you, you two. Is it okay to take care of the bastard's son?"

Lu Xinyao let out a laugh that didn't seem like a laugh, and said to Sun Yuemei, "He's my younger brother!"

"He's your younger brother!" Sun Yuemei pointed at her belly and shouted at Lu Xinyao with wide eyes.After calling Sun Yuemei's tears fell, she wiped her tears and said sadly: "Why is my life so miserable, why are our mother and son so miserable..."

My brother cried because I made Sun Yue eyebrows angry. I didn't dare to speak, and I didn't dare to look at my brother anymore, so I could only lower my head and dig my palm with my fingers.Grandma said that the strip next to the thumb is called the lifeline. I cut my brother's name on it and sewed it tightly and densely.If one day I die, it must be my brother who doesn't want me.

After quarreling with Sun Yuemei, Lu Xinyao still went to the pool hall.One day when I came back from school, I saw my brother's back on the small road in front of our house, and I called out "Brother" to him from a distance.

My brother turned his head and watched me run towards him.

I asked my brother where he was going, the sun in the west was a bit dazzling, my brother squinted his eyes, and asked me casually: "You want to sue?"

I knew he was going to the pool hall, so I shook my head, my brother rubbed my hair, raised my chin in the direction of home and said, "Go home."

I don't want to go home, I just want to follow my brother.I said, "Brother, can you take me with you?"

"What are you doing there?" My brother frowned.

"I performed very well and got No.1 in the exam." I took off my schoolbag from my shoulders, and held the report card of the final exam just sent out like a treasure in my hand for my brother to read.

My brother took it, and the corners of his mouth slightly curled up, revealing a stingy smile in the sun.My brother is a beauty, and his smile reminds me of Baosi, a beauty in the Western Zhou Dynasty. I can't play the feudal lords for my brother, but I can read more books and get many No. 1 exams for him.

"Did you finish your homework?" My brother asked.

No homework after the final exam, summer homework does not count.I nodded to my brother, knowing that he had agreed by asking.

It was the first time I entered a billiards hall, and it was also the first time I watched Lu Xinyao play billiards.I saw my brother play basketball and table tennis at school, but never saw him play pool.Billiards is different from basketball and table tennis. At that time, the billiard hall was not a place where one could come and go casually. Our school teachers and classmates said it was not a serious place.

But what is decent and what is not serious?I looked it up in the dictionary and still can't figure it out.

The wall of the billiard hall was gray and yellow from the smoke, and there were shriveled cigarette butts piled up in the dustpan in the corner, black and black like nose hairs protruding from the nostrils.Lu Xinyao leaned down in front of the table, his body almost touching the table, and the green color of the tablecloth floated on his face.I don't know how to watch billiards, but just stare at my brother. The smell of smoke and lights in the pool hall make my brother very different.

The light bulbs hanging from the ceiling flickered, stretching and shortening my brother's eyelashes.

I saw both beauty and badness growing under his skin at the same time.