ideal lover

"Hey~ Hirano Aya, this is for you."

In the young and tender palm, Aya Kobayashi Hirano saw a candy.

He stretched out his hand, the same small palm, but a pair of slightly rough hands with scars.The candy landed in his palm, and the clean and sweet scent made Aya Kobayashi Hirano couldn't help sniffing it closer.

He was reluctant to eat this sweet candy, but when he looked up, he saw the girl who gave him the candy looked at him expectantly and said, "Try it, Hirano Ling, this candy is very sweet~"

So he tore off the candy wrapper, swallowed the candy, and responded to the girl's expectation, "Well, it's very sweet."

"That's really great, Hirano Ling, you haven't eaten this kind of candy, have you? My father brought this for me from abroad." The tone was full of showing off, Kobayashi Hirano Ling felt confused and felt a little stuffy in her heart. But still complied with the girl's words and nodded in agreement.

He has to accept the help everyone gives him.

When he was first sent to school, the head teacher explained the special situation of Kobayashi Hirano Aya’s family, and asked all the students in the class to help him integrate into the collective life. The kindness of the children is always direct and enthusiastic, and it was too much at the beginning. A positive attitude will always degenerate into another bad attitude with the passage of time.

In the beginning, everyone treated Kobayashi Hirano Aya very well.

When he wanted to open the shoe cabinet in the morning and change into indoor shoes, a boy would actively help him open the cabinet, "Aya Hirano, I'll help you."

Saying this, the boy opened the cabinet, took out his indoor shoes and smiled for him: "We have to change into our indoor shoes when we go to school. Aya Hirano, you probably didn't know about it when you first started school, right? You have to remember it in the future."

Imitating the adult's mature tone, the boy's tone concealed a hint of imperceptible expectation, Kobayashi Hirano Aya just nodded obediently, and soon saw the boy's smug smile.

"Aya Hirano, you don't have any stationery, I'll give you my pencil."

"Aya Hirano, I will make milk when I have lunch at noon. The strawberry flavor is better. You can also take a bag."

"You are Aya Hirano. It's so pitiful. Your parents are too irresponsible. If you don't mind, please take these clothes away. Our children can't wear them anymore."

Looking at the kind expressions of the parents, Aya Kobayashi and Hirano smiled and said thank you while hugging the old clothes.

He always came to school wearing clothes that didn't fit well. Occasionally, clothes from a parent in the class would appear on his body. The child of that parent would run to the teacher very excitedly, pointing to Aya Kobayashi Hirano and saying that it was his clothes. I gave it to Aya Hirano to get the teacher's praise.

"Helping Hirano Aya" was not a completely well-intentioned act from the beginning, but a transaction made by the children in order to satisfy their own sense of superiority and get the teacher's praise.

They had a clear goal from the very beginning, and they were thanked by Aya Hirano and praised by the teacher. Their self-satisfied attitude filled the whole class with an atmosphere of harmony and mutual assistance. When necessary, Aya Kobayashi Hirano would stand by The auditorium, as a display of class honor.

At the same time, Kobayashi Hirano Aya became more and more confused.

Why do you always feel blocked?

Obviously, I don't need these "helps", so why do you push all of them in front of me?

Kobayashi Hirano Aya was always full of doubts. He thought he had integrated into this group, relying on the so-called "help" of everyone, but everything on the surface of harmony was torn apart that day.

"Don't touch!"

That day was the birthday of a certain child in the class. A birthday party was held in the classroom. As the protagonist of the day, that child received all the blessings like a king. When it was time to share the cake, that child gathered everyone in the classroom. Together, cut the cake, put it on the table, and let everyone serve after the cake is cut.

However, everyone here does not include Aya Kobayashi Hirano.

When he reached for the cake on the table, he heard the child yell at him angrily, "Don't touch it!"

Kobayashi Hirano Ling's body froze immediately, and she looked around helplessly. Only then did he realize that all the students were looking at him with scrutiny and dissatisfaction.

The teacher seemed to feel that this situation was a bit embarrassing, and persuaded the child: "Aya Hirano is also a guest at your birthday party, shouldn't guests eat cake?"

"I don't want it! Hirano Ling is not a guest! He is a beggar!"

"Wait, Yu-kun, how can you say that about Aya Hirano?"

"Obviously everyone said so, I—"

Kobayashi Hirano Aya couldn't remember the next thing clearly, he forgot how he carried out the next thing, just sat on the seat, as indifferent as a piece of wood, without any expression.

He finally understood why the boredom in his heart couldn't go away.

Because in the eyes of this group of people, I am just a beggar who is begging, and they are alms givers, so they can't bear to put themselves in the same position to share.

Aya Kobayashi Hirano can only get "charity" and is not worthy of "sharing".

Even if it's just a piece of cake, it's just a piece of cake, Kobayashi Hirano Aya takes it by herself, and the meaning that the child gave Kobayashi Hirano Aya is completely different.

What kind of expression should I put on?

Kobayashi Hirano Aya is thinking about this matter, should he be sad?It doesn't seem to be the case, but he simply understands these things, because he can only live like this, and continue to accept the kindness of other people's charity to live, so when the child gives him a cake, Kobayashi Hirano Ling still has to accept it happily.

Put a smile on your face and accept the gift of others, because from the very beginning, when the teacher speaks out about his pathetic special situation, he has been denied the right to dignity.

At that time, Kobayashi Hirano Aya was still too young, and it was extremely difficult for him to just survive, let alone think about more profound issues.

He could only keep accepting, keep accepting, and force himself to accept, until one day he left Tokyo as if escaping, and passed the entrance examination of Luoshan High School, which ended the nightmare.

But he still hasn't improved, before and now.

Curled up in the quilt, Aya Kobayashi Hirano bit her fingers, her thoughts drifted away, and she slowly fell asleep.

When Shintaro Midorima saw Kobayashi Hirano Aya at the door of his house the next day, he was stunned: "Hira, Hirano Aya?!"

"Ah, Midori-san, good morning."

Greeting calmly, Midorima Shintaro grabbed Kobayashi Hirano Aya's shoulder tremblingly and shouted, "Where have you been all this time?! There's no news from the police, and the professor's head is almost bald. And Akashi, it’s been a long time since I saw him suffer from a second-year illness, this time I forced out the Eye of the Emperor of Heaven just to find you, I——!”

The voice stopped abruptly. Seeing Kobayashi Hirano Aya's hands full of bite marks, he immediately changed his identity and resumed his calm tone: "What happened? Hirano Aya?"

"It's not a big deal, it's just being held back by some people, and then I remembered the unpleasant things in the past." Kobayashi Hirano Aya smiled, and he comforted Midorima Shintaro, "It's really okay, don't worry, I will adjust this kind of thing myself Enough."

"You..." Midorima Shintaro was dumb, he almost forgot, Kobayashi Hirano Aya said that the reason why he chose psychology was to "treat" himself.

No one was better at this kind of trick, of pretending to be normal, than he was.

"It's okay, Mr. Midori."

I don't know whether to say it to Midorima Shintaro or to herself, Kobayashi Hirano Aya murmured, and when she looked up, the smile on her face hung up again, "There is still class today, let's go, or we will be late."

Such a daily conversation made Midorima Shintaro think inwardly: It's over, it looks like I'm going to visit Akashi.

Apologizing to the professor, going to the library for an afternoon to do homework, and then going to work, everything seems to be on a normal track, Aya Kobayashi Hirano thought.

Yes, everything is normal.

Kobayashi Hirano Aya who came to the coffee shop explained the reason for her leaving the post without authorization, and soon entered the working state after getting the understanding of the store manager, but Lucy always looked worried and wanted to say something. With Kobayashi Hirano Aya.

"That, Hirano Aya."

"what happened?"

"You, the wound on your hand, is it okay?"

The hands full of bite marks, especially the teeth marks on the fingers, are so deep that the flesh inside can be faintly seen. The degree of this kind of biting is really scary.

"This? It's okay, the scab will heal in a few days."

"This, it's not a question of scabs or not?! How can anyone have so many tooth marks on their hands?!" Lucy was a little angry because of Kobayashi Hirano Ling's indifferent attitude.

"It's really okay, Lucy." Kobayashi Hirano Aya touched the wounds on her hands. They were slowly healing, and the tissue of the skin and flesh was trying to link and repair. The itchy feeling made Kobayashi Hirano Aya feel relieved.

"Speaking of this, I have to trouble Lucy to wash the dishes today. My current condition may not be suitable for getting wet." Pointing to the wound on her hand, Aya Kobayashi Hirano smiled wryly.

That's how a normal person would react.

Kobayashi Hirano Aya pushed Lucy to entertain the guests, thinking, took a pair of white gloves from the bar and put them on, covering the wound would make it easier for him to work. It would be bad to show such hands in front of the guests.

"Aya Hirano, what happened to you?" Osamu Dazai looked at Kobayashi Hirano Aya with calm black eyes, which were too calm, which made him a little uneasy.

"It's nothing, Mr. Dazai." Respectfully addressing, with a slight smile, Aya Kobayashi Hirano showed the smile that Osamu Dazai always wanted.

"Would you like to order now?"

"...Don't laugh, Hirano Aya." Dazai Osamu held his hand, Kobayashi Hirano Aya who always shook off his hand today just smiled and asked him to let go, without any dissatisfaction.

Is it too exciting...

Osamu Dazai thought, he let go of Kobayashi Hirano Aya's hand.

Once again, out of control.

On Kobayashi Hirano Aya.

☆、Seijuro Akashi