old light new bay

Xin Wan didn't leave No.[-] Middle School immediately, he still had one last thing to do.

It's about the disc in the envelope - at 00:17, the camera captured them kissing, flirting and playing, Xin Wan remembered every ray of light and every word in it by heart, he remembered the kiss It happened under a tree, he was looking for that tree.

To find a tree, anyone would laugh at it, but it meant something to him.

When she walked around to the playground for the second time, Xin Wan finally found the tree. Looking at it from an angle, she could see the teaching building sitting under the tree.He just sat there, reading the words in it softly, and said, "I just want to kiss you."

It seemed that he was sitting in front of him, his eyes were only filled with liking, and he laughed.

Satisfied now, Xin Wan did not leave through the main entrance, fearing that the guards would stop her, she climbed up the wall unseemly. Get out your phone and send a text message to Song Heng.

-Come pick me up if you're off work.

- My leg hurts and I can't walk.

After sending it for two or three minutes, there was no reply, but Xin Wan was sure that Song Heng would come to pick him up for no reason, maybe in 3 or 10 minutes, or until the sun went down.But he was not in a hurry, and even went to the rusty green newsstand by the roadside to buy a pack of hard candy, and threw one in his mouth, it tasted like grapefruit.

Before a candy had melted, Xin Wan saw the flower shop across the asphalt road, and the wooden sign on it said "Open".

When the wind chimes hanging from the eaves of the flower shop swayed, Xue Xiang was repairing the batch of flowers sent in the morning. He was holding the pair of blue leather scissors. Xin Wan smiled embarrassedly: "Are you busy, can you come in and sit down?" in a while?"

"Come on, just come in," Xue Xiang was surprised at first, then laughed again, "A rare visitor."

The flower shop was still the same, very fragrant, sitting in it for 5 minutes, the lungs were soaked with fragrance, Xin Wan got permission, laughed, and sat in the old position, on the high chair.

Xue Xiang is building eustoma, the white one: "It's been a long time since you came here to buy flowers. Is it because chasing people is not going well?"

"I couldn't come because of other things. Why don't I come today?" Xin Wan shook her legs slightly, "I can buy a few more flowers today."

Xue Xiang observed his expression: "You seem very happy."

"Is it so obvious?" Xin Wan laughed sourly on his cheeks, rubbing it was good, but his emotions couldn't fall immediately, he was still smiling, "Wait a minute...my boyfriend came to pick me up, I'm guessing What expression will Hua have?"

"Boyfriend?" Xue Xiang paused, but soon smiled gently: "Have you succeeded in chasing him?"

His cheeks were no longer sour, and he began to blush, shy like a young girl in Huaichun. Although he said he lied, this lie was applicable a few years ago. Isn't he now playing the self at that time?When Xue Xiang asked this question, Xin Wan couldn't tell the second lie, so she simply got off the high chair: "Let me help you."

Xue Xiang gave up some time: "After the cutting, just make a package."

"So many white eustomas, how much do you get?" Xin Wan squatted beside him, "Did someone order it?"

Xue Xiang turned sideways to get a piece of flax rope: "It's 24 pieces, I want to give it to someone else."

"Who are you giving it to?" Xin Wan blinked and joked, "You also want to send flowers to chase after someone?"

The linen rope is thin, and it looks loose and unattractive when tied at the bottom. Xue Xiang just smiled, without answering the question directly, and put the thin linen rope aside casually: "This one won't work, it's too thin to tie it up."

"I just saw the thick one on the small cabinet." Xin Wan stood up, "I'll help you."

The grapefruit in his mouth was almost candied. Song Heng was probably in a meeting and hadn’t replied to the text message yet. Xin Wan took another candy and started waiting for the second one. Leaning forward, he brought over the bundled flax rope. Just as he was about to speak, he suddenly saw a small photo frame erected behind the cashier.

The sugar in his hand fell to the ground with a crackling sound, broken and unbroken, and the air cooled down.

Xin Wan stood there stiffly, sweating profusely.The overwhelming sense of fear overwhelmed everything and piled up in his chest. He was out of breath, as if he was on the verge of death, and his eyes were fixed on the person in the photo.

Li Yuan.

He opened his mouth and lost his voice, unable to call out the name.

The tinnitus continued, so that he couldn't hear any sound, until a hand reached out and buckled the photo frame, and with a "click", Xin Wan's body trembled violently, with sweat behind him, Xue Xiang's voice Little: "Sorry, I confiscated it. You know him, right."

Xin Wan shook her head subconsciously, stepped back instinctively, and stepped on a candy on the ground: "No, I don't know..."

"Let's chat," Xue Xiang glanced at his watch, "It's still early."

In my impression, this is the first time he has come to a bar, it's a clean bar, it's not very noisy.The candy was still sticking to the bottom of his feet. The candy was not big and he couldn't get it off. It stuck in the sole of his foot when he walked, and it hurt every time he took a step.When he first entered the door, the bartender stopped him because of his school uniform. Xue Xiang gave him a tip and solved the matter easily.

—he still holds the handful of 24 white eustomas.

"What kind of wine do you usually like to drink?" Xue Xiang sat in a corner with him, carefully placed the flowers on the side of the sofa, so that the dazzling lights could not shine here, "Cocktail, fruit wine, beer, or Low alcohol sparkling wine is better?

Xin Wan wore a sweater inside today, but now his back was soaked and dried, making him feel cold, he shook his head for a while: "I don't drink."

"That's still a sparkling bar."

Xin Wan still didn't come to his senses, he kept pinching the flesh in his palm, the pain was the medicine to wake up, and the pain also made him believe that he was still alive, but the situation of strangers around him still made him feel uneasy, Xin Wan lowered her head.

"Don't worry so much, I don't have anything to do," sparkling wine came up, there were four glasses in total, and he pushed a glass to Xin Wan, "Let's chat, that's all."

Holding the glass of wine, Xin Wan lowered her head and took a sip without tasting it.

"Let me talk to you about me and him. No one has listened to me. It's boring."

Xin Wan mechanically nodded.

"Li Yuan is my lover. Today is his 24th birthday, so I tied 24 eustomas. He likes white eustomas, so when I went to see him, I always put these flowers in front of his grave," Xue said. Xiang said lightly, "This is the second year."

Xin Wan still felt heart palpitations when she heard that name, and her hands trembled slightly.

"I have been with him since childhood. He is three years older than me. He lives across from my house. He calls me to school in the morning and calls me home with him in the evening. Li Yuan is quite a naughty person. He never calls me by my name and changes his tricks." Call me, say 'Snow White', say 'sister', you can coax others casually when you are angry, and Banban is calling me 'Xue Xiang', I will not be angry."

Xue Xiang always smiled when she mentioned him, her tone was very gentle, as if she was soaking in water.

"He had poor grades, but he could sing. He was in a band, and he wrote lyrics and sang by himself. Later, we were in the same high school, and he called me to the rooftop to listen to him playing guitar and singing. At five or six o'clock in the afternoon, the sun was red. He asked 'does it sound good', and I said 'it sounds good'. At that time, I could only study and didn't understand music, but I just thought he was good-looking and cool." Xue Xiang was drinking, the wine was spicy, but his eyes were also Without blinking, he continued, "When he was a sophomore, he told his family that he wanted to be in a band and be free. He was beaten up and said he was funny, but I knew he wasn't. He had a lot of tattoos. Stitched the English name of the band, stabbed the musical note. The corner of his mouth was cracked the most and he bled a lot. I sat with him on the top floor, and he kissed me and said, 'Xue Xiang, why don't we elope Bar'."

Xin Wan finally looked up at him, speechless.

"I was seventeen at the time, and the love I had seen was only in books. No one told me how to love someone of the same sex, but I still eloped with him. I said it was an elopement, and I just stayed in other places for a few days and then came back. , He said he couldn’t delay me, he was beaten on the day he came back, his leg was almost broken, but he still laughed out loud, saying that if his leg was gone, I would have to take care of him in the next life, I said I would, he said you I'm sick," Xue Xiang also laughed, and quickly fell silent, softly, "Since he knows he's sick, why does he have to drag me along."

"Later we fell in love, kissing in the corner of the corridor, kissing behind the bookshelves in the bookstore. At that time, we had no money, so we could only open a single room. The two of us were squeezed into the same bed, and we would fall if we turned over. The walls were still dirty. I didn't sleep all night, just had sex, said "I love you" over and over again, and I said "Brother Yuan, I want to be with you forever", and he said fiercely, "Who else do you want to give to in the next life", but It was still very light when I hugged it. At that time, I thought, so this is love." Xue Xiang didn't speak for a long time, and looked sideways at Xin Wan, "I'm tired after listening to me for so long."

Xin Wan shook her head, her voice was hoarse: "I want to hear it."

"Did he mention me to you in the asylum?"

In the correctional facility, the memory there is not clear, there is a vague shadow, Xin Wan tried hard to recall, and staggered to respond: "He...he mentioned it, but he didn't mention your name."

"It's good that he still remembers me," Xue Xiang laughed. "He's quite conscientious. What do you eat inside?"

The tone was very casual, as if they were just hosting and staying at the hotel. Xin Wan picked the glass with his fingers and drank a small sip of wine. It is no longer so difficult: "Eat boiled cabbage, cold celery, small rapeseed, and millet porridge..."

"The food is so bad," Xue Xiang suddenly realized, "No wonder he paid back more than 120 catties when he jumped off the building."

Xin Wan's body trembled, his eyes were hot, he tried his best to resist the urge to cry - Xue Xiang should cry more than him, he didn't shed any tears, so what right did he have to cry.

"How tall is the building? I went to see it. I felt dizzy standing on the sixth floor. He doesn't think it's creepy. It hurts so much." Xue Xiang stretched out his hand to grab the petals, and they fell to the ground in white blooms. "Actually, he probably doesn't love me that much. If he loved me that much, he wouldn't die so soon just to see me, and it still hurts so much."

"No," Xin Wan subconsciously denied, met Xue Xiang's eyes, but her throat was blocked, and said with difficulty, "It's not because of that, it's because...it hurts too much inside."

"It hurts too much, ha, so why can you bear it, but he can't?" Xue Xiang asked him aggressively, his eyes were red and in pain, "He brought me on this road, so why can't there be more pain?" wait a second?"

"Brother Yuan, he told me that he loves you very much, and he has persisted for a long time," Xin Wan said hoarsely, "Don't blame him too much."

The left wrist started to hurt. It’s winter now, and if you wear long sleeves, you don’t need to wear a watch to cover up the marks. Xin Wan lightly touched the two scars inside with her hand on the bottom of the table, calling Song Heng’s name silently in her heart, and said, I’m in so much pain, and said ,really miss you.

"I'm sorry, I have some emotional problems, don't take it for granted," Xue Xiang quickly calmed down, and that kind of restraint seemed to have been experienced by him countless times. "Actually, I met you in July last year. Pretending to be a relative at the police station - when the police asked the 'victims' to testify, I thought how cruel it was, and had to expose the scars yourself, but you never showed up, and someone gave you a no-documentation statement. But I saw your photo in the file, I heard they said you, that you are Li Yuan's best friend in it, I really want to see you, I spent a lot of time to find out that you are in No. [-] Middle School, so here opened a flower shop."

Xin Wan asked in a daze, "Why did you see me?"

"I want to see how you survive," Xue Xiang said, looking up at the light, "I can't live anymore."

Xin Wan choked while drinking, and his face turned red, but he still pursed his lips and took the third cup. This cyclical movement gave him a sense of stability.

"Sometimes I feel very jealous, very angry, and think, why can you live so easily, as if nothing happened, you pick ugly flowers to chase people, I look at you coldly, and want to embarrass you, but I still couldn’t help reminding you when I finally checked out,” Xue Xiang said, “In the end, I want to see you as desperate as I am, but I also want to find some hope from you so that I can live on myself.”

No, it wasn't that easy. Xin Wan still remembers the hospital when he just woke up. He only had a lame dog with injuries all over his body and shoulder-length hair. Since Song Heng came to pick him up, his life and pain , Happiness is not just his own, they are all engraved with Song Heng's name.

He should have died in boundless despair just like Li Yuan.

"I don't want to talk anymore. I'm tired. Let's have a drink," Xue Xiang raised his glass. "Cheers, to...to life and death."

No one spoke for a long time. There were white, torn petals under Xue Xiang's feet. How many glasses of wine did he drink?I don't remember, Xin Wan finally felt the feeling of nerve paralysis, she didn't think about anything, she just said repeatedly: "You have to live well..." Just like talking to herself, she was so engrossed that she didn't even notice the vibration of the phone.

"That flower shop was sublet later. I'm no longer here in No. [-] Middle School. I'll just treat you and your boyfriend as good friends. I won't look at it. I can't live like this forever, just like a parasite," said Xue Xiang on the cheekbones. Flushing, leaning on the sofa with his head tilted and laughing, "I have to find the meaning of life. He must think that my life is very meaningful, and I can live without him."

He stood up unsteadily, picked up the bouquet of flowers: "I have to go and send him flowers..."

After walking a few steps, I suddenly remembered something, and turned to look at him: "I'll find you a taxi, otherwise you won't be able to go back, come on."

Xin Wan waved her hand, still holding the glass of wine: "I asked my brother to pick me up..."

Xue Xiang was drunk and dazed, said "Oh", nodded, and left just like that, like a big dream, only the petals proved that he was real.

Xin Wan took out her mobile phone and dialed back the missed call in front of her eyes. The music was too loud. He couldn't hear what Song Heng was saying, so he just said to himself: "Come and pick me up, I'm drunk, I'm in ——" He looked up at the name of the bar, stared hard to see clearly, told Song Heng the name of the bar, and muttered: "Come here quickly, or I will die of pain."

The store is still playing music, whose music is it?A very slow song, like coaxing him to sleep.

Sing: "You can be naked in my arms, we can sweat like crazy and be vulnerable."

"I am your home and your journey."

In the second half, Xin Wan could also sing, so she sang to the phone, still laughing.

I am your home.

Also your journey.

When Song Heng arrived at the bar, he had already cut to the third song, a Cantonese song. Xin Wan could not sing, but could hum. The corners of her eyes and lower eyelids were red, and she opened her eyes slightly when she saw him. , smiling cutely: "I'm waiting for you."

Song Heng looked at the wine glasses scattered on the table, his eyes could not see clearly under the dim light, he bent down, and gently scratched the end of Xin Wan's eyes with his fingertips: "Who did you come with, and who asked you to drink?"

"And...a good friend," Xin Wan was very comfortable with his touch, and turned her head there, "I said no to drinking, but he didn't listen to me, it wasn't what I wanted to drink, don't get angry, and you don't get angry."

"How many drinks have you had?"

Xin Wan made a "three" and said sincerely: "Four."

The eyeballs are very bright, he is born white, and the dimples are very small when he smiles, they are clean and beautiful, and they are incompatible with the lights in the bar, Song Heng whispered: "Do you know how dangerous it is here?"

Xin Wan smiled foolishly: "So I called you, I have to ask you to pick me up, otherwise I won't leave."

"Then go now?"

Xin Wan took his hand and stood up with strength. After walking a few steps, she complained of pain and said that the soles of her feet were uncomfortable, so she had to sit down again. Song Heng took a piece of paper and squatted in front of him, with her legs resting on the ground. On his knees, Xin Wan took off the grapefruit candy sticking to the soles of his feet, and Xin Wan whispered, "My soles are dirty, you are so kind."

"Didn't you say your leg hurts?" Song Heng asked, "Does it still hurt?"

"It doesn't hurt anymore, actually it doesn't hurt at all, I lied to you so that you could come pick me up," Xin Wan began to blame herself, as if talking in sleep, "I'm so bad, a good liar, always telling lies. "

It seems that he really drank too much. The last time he was drunk was nothing compared to this time.Xin Wan was so drunk that he wanted to walk on his own, Song Heng also let him go, and gave him a light hug when he went astray, and just staggered into the car.

"Wear your seat belt," Xin Wan said to herself looking for the seat belt, "you have to wear your seat belt, safety first, friendship second."

Song Heng almost laughed and started the car.

"I went back to the sixth middle school today, you don't know, I also met Lao Chu and Fang Yichuan, and I told Fang Yichuan that you don't like me, you are not worthy of me, and I can't stay in this world," Xin Wan said. The car, clutching the seat belt tightly, started talking nonsense, "Go and sit under the tree, you must not know why I sat there, you stupid."

"Yes, I'm the stupidest," Song Heng responded graciously, "Fang Yichuan confessed his love to you?"

"I didn't agree, really," Xin Wan looked at him seriously, "I'm obedient, I listen to you."

Dusk began to dance outside, orange-red clouds, thin with hot light, Xin Wan opened the car window, facing the wind, his cheeks cooled down, he squinted his eyes comfortably, and said softly: "We don't want to go home, just Keep driving."

Song Heng glanced at him and reached out to rub his hair.

So the car really didn't drive to Shuyue, but just drove on the road, towards the sea of ​​Xiwan, to the horizon, and into the sun. Looking at the tree by the side of the road, letting tears flow down his face, and being blown dry by the wind, Song Heng sniffled his nose lightly, and Song Heng noticed something strange: "Why are you crying?"

"I'm hurting," Xin Wan said in a loud voice, "I'm hurting, I want to cry."

The car stopped on the side of the road, and outside the window was an earthen wall with red paint on it saying "Strict Law Enforcement". Song Heng moved closer, touched the wet tears with his fingers, and said, "Where does it hurt?"

At this time, Xin Wan still remembered the discipline: "You can't park here, you will be fined."

"Why do you still have the heart to think about this?" Song Heng said, "I have money, so I can be punished casually, is that okay?" He asked again, "Where does it hurt you?"

Xin Wan, however, was hesitant to speak. Song Heng's patience was exhausted quickly, and he was about to drive to the Municipal People's Hospital for a full-body examination. Xin Wan grabbed his little finger, pointed at his left wrist, and said with a sob: " It hurts here."

There are still traces of the two scars on the inner side of the wrist, and the new flesh is pink and white. How can the wound hurt for so long?But Xin Wan wanted to show him the wound, looked at him with teary eyes, and shrugged her shoulders from crying, like a child: "It hurts here, Song Heng, get it off for me."

Song Heng asked softly: "How did you do it?"

"I cut it with scissors and bled a lot."

"Why do you cut yourself with scissors?"

Xin Wan opened her mouth, and there are many reasons to say, about pain, suffering, endless darkness, and endless day, but he didn't say anything, he just looked at Song Heng, and stretched out his hand to touch his face: " I almost died, I almost lost sight of you..."

Song Heng didn't speak for a long time. He lowered his head and rubbed his wound for a long time: "Is this okay?"

"No," Xin Wan said, "It still hurts."

He couldn't see Song Heng's face clearly, but he could hear the sound of breathing, Song Heng asked in a low voice: "Then let me blow it to you, okay?"

Xin Wan nodded vigorously, the wound that had scabbed for a long time felt the warmth, Song Heng gently blew two mouthfuls, getting very close, as if talking to the wound, coaxing: "It doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt, just blow it and fly away gone."

Xin Wan stared at him blankly, then suddenly put her arms around his neck, buried her in her warm embrace, and burst into tears almost hysterically.

The author has something to say: This chapter is so sad that I am so sad.The couple Li Yuan and Xue Xiang wanted to mention it at the beginning, but they didn't think about the details. When I wrote it, I thought they should be like this, so I just took it as what they told me.If there are bugs, I will change it later, and I will continue to be sad first.

(That song is "If I Were a Song" by Cen Ning'er