old light new bay

During the Spring Festival, there was only this rain. In Xin Wan's impression, the New Year is always snowy and windy, but the thunder is indeed real.After the seventh and eighth day of the lunar new year, the flavor of the new year has almost dissipated. The sky is still blue and there are few clouds.The coffee shop reopened on the eighth day of the Lunar New Year, and there were littered cannon paper and set off firecrackers at the door. Xin Wan and Pan Dong cleaned it up for a long time, and the glass-cleaning rag was washed five times, and the water turned black.

Niu Niu was not staying in the shop, Ning Ge sent her to her hometown temporarily, and he was still laughing when he said it: "Children love to pester the old man, they always spoil everything, and give back the New Year's money."

"Have you got the New Year's money?" Pan Dong heard the key words, and his face was very mournful. "My family didn't give it to me, saying that I was almost 22. People who are in the third year, how can they have the face to ask for the New Year's money."

Xin Wan couldn't help laughing - his New Year's money was still in his drawer, maybe he would be willing to open it unless Song Heng's company went bankrupt and they were homeless.That means nothing, he shook his head, Pan Dong patted him on the shoulder sympathetically, and said earnestly, "Everyone in Bensan is like this."

Later, Xin Wan thought again, even if he was bankrupt and homeless, he didn't have nothing.

On a sunny day, he went to ICBC and took out all the money in the red passbook.The passbook was written in his name, and there was no complicated procedure to take it out, and it was deposited into a new bank card.After walking out of the bank, Xin Wan also tore up the passbook, which seemed like a ritual to bid farewell to his past.

But Song Heng wasn't here during this time, he went on a business trip, Xin Wan got used to his occasional departure, but couldn't adapt quickly.She worked in a coffee shop during the day, and only had time to make phone calls at night. The conversations were also boring and white water topics. Xin Wan dozed off several times and fell asleep. When she woke up in the morning, her mobile phone had no power, but it was still warm.

When she was bored, Xin Wan would pack up the cardboard boxes brought back from Anjuyuan, and organize all the books. When she turned to the 134th issue of Manke, a piece of letter paper with red horizontal lines fell out of it.

At night, he called Song Heng and asked nonchalantly, "What class are you in high school?"

This was already five years ago. Song Heng thought for a while before saying, "Let's go to class eight."

After hanging up the phone, Xin Wan took the letter paper with only four lines of writing on it, the writing was so ugly, and there was also a sticker of a yellow-faced person on it.It says:

"Song Heng from Class [-] ([-]) of High School:

Hello there!

I'm Xin Wan, I know you don't know me, but you should see me soon.I am in the third year of middle school, and I am about to prepare for the senior high school entrance examination. I will be admitted to the sixth high school to meet you, and then tell you 'I like you'.Please don't think I'm joking, think I'm a kid, I'm over 1.7 meters tall.I'm serious, it's really, really love at first sight for you. "

Xin Wan laughed for a long time. He wrote this letter at that time, but he must not have the courage to hand it out. He was only so old at that time, and he dared to say it was love at first sight.Then what happened to love at first sight?It seems that in the school auditorium, Song Heng, as an outstanding student representative, gave a speech on learning experience. On the stage, every inch seems to be shining, which can attract people unconsciously.

It was love at first sight, and he read these four words again.

Four words, come and go, it has been six years.

The letter was folded twice and tucked away in a drawer, along with the flip Nokia.The second day after drinking the pineapple beer, Song Heng told him that the phone was turned on, but even though the screen was on, the phone played music from time to time. From Zeng Yike's "Night Train" to Zhang Yunjing's "Preference", the sound quality was not good, and it suddenly rang at night. It was always weird, so I simply pulled out the battery card and only kept the phone.

"Don't you want to see what else is in there?"

Song Heng tied his hair in the living room, pulled it very short, and his hand movements were very rusty, and the small black rubber band flicked on his fingers to make a light "thump" sound.From his perspective, you can see the back of Xin Wan's neck. The tied up neck is very cute, it won't look feminine, it's his beauty and uniqueness.

"Nope." Xin Wan played with her phone with her head down, thought for a while and then denied, "Maybe there are selfies."

He heard Song Heng respond, and lightly touched his ear with his fingertips, itching slightly.

There are 29 days in February this year. Song Heng came back on the 22nd. Xin Wan was at the Xiwan Academy of Fine Arts when he received the call. Is it complete?"

"Id card, student ID card, ballpoint pen, if you need an application form, I can print it out and write it up now, and everything else is ready," Xin Wan looked at the plane trees around him, whether they were unfamiliar or familiar, he lowered his head and kicked the stone, the stone Hitting on the tree roots, "Whenever you call me, I always feel that you are standing behind me waiting for me."

"It's like a ghost," Song Heng laughed, and then said, "I'll be there later."

After hanging up the phone, Xin Wanzhen looked back, but he was not there, and couldn't help laughing at herself.

The procedures for returning to school were easier than he had imagined. After filling out the application form and signing it, the heating in the tutor's office was so strong that his back was sweating.The instructor talked to him a lot, but Xin Wan only paid attention to the ink writing on the test paper on his desk, thinking that if it was him who took the test, he might fail the test.

"It's just that you can't keep up with the courses that have been missed for a year. You can only start from the freshman again." The instructor took the ballpoint pen again and wrote "1" on the paper. He wrote what he had to say "Don't be too tired, just treat it as consolidation! Don't forget to report when school starts, and it's best to follow when there are activities in the class, join the group."

Not to mention freshman, even if it was a repeat, Xin Wan felt that he would have no objection, so he nodded.For the rest of the time, he didn't leave immediately, but walked around the school without purpose.

The year he entered school was September of [-], and it was only twenty days since he broke up with Song Heng. Xin Wan still remembered the red and rusty mirror in the dormitory. The expression and the lips are all chapped.If someone snores in the dormitory at night, he will open his eyes and look at the fan hanging from the ceiling, watching it turn, and cry silently. He never disturbs others in this regard.

It should be ugly.Xin Wan was also glad that Song Heng wasn't there at the time, no one wanted to use this appearance to face their lover.

There were two or three scattered people on the basketball court, the shadows were very narrow, and the net of the basketball hoop was half-dangling. Xin Wan watched them play basketball again, and the boy over there called him again: "Is the classmate coming? There is a shortage of people."

The text message came in at this time, Xin Wan glanced at it and waved her hands: "It's no big deal, I have to go."

He ran towards the school gate with those papers in his arms, impatient to see Song Heng, but halfway he saw candied haws sold at the school gate, the candy wrappers glistened under the light, he bought a bunch of bean paste sandwiches, and then got into the car.Song Heng was wearing a black down jacket, leaning his elbows on the window to look at him. Xin Wan excitedly shook the candied haws in his hand and smiled brightly: "It's so worth it, two yuan and five or seven hawthorns!"

"Have you finished the formalities?" Song Heng took the papers, glanced down at a few pages, and then put them on the back seat.

"It's done, just wait until the semester starts and the freshman will be together, and we will be assigned a new dormitory." The crystal candied haws was handed to his mouth, and Xin Wan's eyes were bright, "Try it, it's the first bite. "

Song Heng took a bite of one, the sound of the candy breaking was very loud, it tasted very sweet and sour, and the bean paste was soft and glutinous.

"I used to love eating candied haws. I ate too much when I was in junior high school, and I had a toothache for a long time." Xin Wan ate, talking vaguely, "Later my grandma took care of me and said she could make it for me, but All she did was pour sugar water, which was not tasty."

Xin Wan quickly finished eating the bunch of candied haws, looked at the trees beside the road, and suddenly asked, "Did I go the wrong way? I just watched Shuyueli pass by."

Song Heng stared ahead: "I didn't go wrong."

"Are we going out to eat?"

"No," he said, "to the airport."

Song Heng would be joking.Xin Wan laughed, and said, "Okay."

When he arrived at the terminal, he could not believe that this was not a joke. The car found a vacant seat in the parking lot, he closed the door, trotted to follow Song Heng: "No, are you really going to eat?"

"No," Song Heng put his hands in his jacket pocket, "The flight is half an hour away."

Xin Wan was terribly anxious, all he had now was his ID card and a mobile phone with 89% battery: "Then I didn't bring a suitcase!"

"Just bring your ID card."

"Qiuqiu is still at home!" Xin Wan said, "It loses its temper if it doesn't eat at night."

"The nanny will take care of it."

"Then where are we going?"

The sound of the rollers of the suitcase was ringing, and there were people all around. If the shadows had gravity, they would have crushed the terminal if they piled up. Luggage, skipping the step of checking in luggage, got the boarding pass, looked at the name of the destination, looked up in astonishment: "Going to Qinghai?"

"Go?" Song Heng casually wiped his chin, looked into his eyes, and said quietly, "Just me and you."

Too cunning, knowing that he will not refuse, let alone Qing Hai, even if he is going to take him to jump off a building - this may require a moment of hesitation, but there is only one moment.This is too far away, Xin Wan pinched the blue and white ticket and said, "I haven't been that far before."

Song Heng took a booklet from the shelf: "What are you going to do without asking?"

"Don't ask," Xin Wanchang exhaled and laughed, "If you don't ask, you will follow."

Twenty minutes later, when he boarded the plane, his seat was next to the window, connected to Song Heng's, and after fastening his seat belt, Xin Wan felt a sense of reality and found it unbelievable.

For lunch, I ate airplane meals, pasta with cheese, miso soup, and a salad. The taste was not good, and it was barely enough. Xin Wan asked in a low voice, "When did you buy the ticket?"

"Last night." Song Heng ate slowly.

It's not too early, it was probably a spur-of-the-moment move, Xin Wan pondered his motives, but couldn't think of it.Song Heng didn't finish that lunch, and there were obvious red bloodshot eyes in his eyes, which reminded Xin Wan dully that he had just returned from the plane this morning.Is it that urgent?Didn't even give myself time to rest.He took another dark gray eye mask, tilted his head and whispered to him: "When the phone runs out of battery, you can ask the flight attendant for a data cable. I'll sleep for a while."

Xin Wan nodded and watched him put on the blindfold.I couldn't see my eyes, Xin Wan looked at his nose bridge, and looked at his clear jaw line, his lips were pursed, he could recall Song Heng's appearance when he was smoking, the gray smoke was exhaled from his lips, which made him feel sexy ,Very attractive.

Xin Wan turned her head to look at the cloud outside the porthole again, the glacier-colored cloud.He suddenly understood what the strange and weird feeling was in his heart—this unexpected journey was like "elopement".Elope, elope.What a romantic vocabulary, the recklessness of two people.

He watched "Natsume's Book of Friends" and watched a few episodes before Song Heng woke up, reached out and took off the blindfold, and asked hoarsely, "What time is it?"

"It's still half an hour away." Xin Wan withdrew her hand, "You slept for a long time."

"Well," Song Heng closed his eyes again, frowning, "Headache."

"Is it hard?"

Song Heng didn't speak, just took his left hand, rubbing the three flesh-colored scars on the wrist with his fingertips, it was hot, Xin Wan curled up his fingers subconsciously, it was sensitive to him, and he was afraid to touch it, I always feel itchy and painful, obviously it has been so long.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

Song Heng withdrew his hand: "It's nothing, I had a dream."

"What did you dream about?" Xin Wan felt strange, "Is it dreaming about me?"

After answering this question, Song Heng tilted his head to look at the clouds outside, and did not speak any more. Xin Wan noticed that he was not in a good mood, perhaps because he just woke up, so he was angry when he got up?He swapped the anime for a comedy, with little effect.

The ticket showed that it arrived at Caojiabao Airport at 17:43, but it was actually 15 minutes late.He hadn't finished watching the comedy yet, the plane landed, and he followed Song Heng out of the airport. It was dusk, the sky was very pale, and there was still the sound of the suitcase rollers around.Song Heng bought a bottle of mineral water in the store, and bought some other things.

The bus to the hotel was shaken all the way, and the car was filled with the cries of children and the smell of cigarettes. When the bus arrived at the stop when it was dark, Xin Wan was shaken uncomfortably. The surrounding environment was strange, so he subconsciously grabbed the bus. He held Song Heng's hand and clasped it tightly. It was always dark and he couldn't see anything.

The location of the hotel is very remote and not spacious, but there is no strange smell. The environment is very good. The proprietress is putting on nail polish, and she handed them the room card with her little finger up. On the second floor, when going up the stairs, Xin Wan couldn't bear it Ask, "Have you been here before?"

"Well," Song Heng walked in front of him, "I've been here twice."

"Did you also come by bus?"

"No." Song Heng pulled his wrist to make him follow closely, "I walked from the airport."

How far is it? It takes 10 minutes by bus, or an hour by foot, right?Xin Wan wanted to ask again, but when they arrived at their floor, Song Heng opened the door to a room with a big bed, and said, "Go take a shower."

The bathroom is made of glass, and the door cannot be locked. Even though the blinds were lowered, she still felt awkward. Xin Wan quickly took a shower, only to realize dully that she didn't bring pajamas. The underwear is passable, but she can't wear fleece Sleeping in a sweater, I had no choice but to wear a bathrobe and go out.

There was wind, blowing chills on the body, it was Song Heng who opened the window and smoked, the fire was bright and dim, and it was bright scarlet.

He heard the noise, crushed the cigarette butt on the window sill, and turned to look at him.The bathrobe was snow-white, her hair was wet with water, her facial features became more and more vivid, her lips were red and her teeth were white. Song Heng closed the window, leaned against the window and said softly, "Come here."

"Why are you smoking again?" Xin Wan walked over, "I haven't seen you smoking for a long time—"

The words came to an abrupt end, Song Heng hugged him, he was tall, and he had to lower his head to get close to him when hugging, his scorching breath hit the crest of his neck, Xin Wan's heart beat suddenly faster, she turned her head and saw the back of his neck The slightly protruding bone can smell the smell of tobacco, the bitterness, and even the temperature of the cold wind. He asked in a low voice, "Are you unhappy?"

"Well," Song Heng replied in a low voice, "let me hug you for a while."

It was windy outside, buzzing against the glass, and the stars could be seen.For some reason, they started kissing again, very tenderly and slowly, the bitter taste of tobacco entered his mouth again, Xin Wan was almost reluctant to let go, Song Heng pressed his forehead and smiled: "Okay."

"In a good mood?" Xin Wan blinked and said, "I haven't used the complete collection of jokes I prepared yet."

Song Heng rubbed his hair: "I'm going to take a bath."

There was only one quilt on the bed, which was very wide and pure white. When Xin Wan stared at the ceiling, his mouth still smelled of tobacco. He originally wanted to wait for Song Heng to take a shower before asking him why he was unhappy, but listening to the water Sound, inexplicably began to feel drowsy, and I can't even remember when I fell asleep.

It was Song Heng who woke him up the next day, squatting halfway beside the bed, touching his cheek with his finger: "Xin Wan."

Xin Wan opened her eyes in a daze, and muttered: "Hey... what time is it?"

"Two o'clock in the afternoon."

Xin Wan got up in a jerk and looked at him in shock: "Two o'clock?" He took the phone in a hurry, and it clearly showed nine thirty-thirteen, and he breathed a sigh of relief: "Are you fooling me? "

"I just went out to buy a knitted hat and scarf, it will be cold when I go out later," Song Heng casually scratched his chin, "get up quickly."

Woke up seven or eight times sleepy, and when washing her face with cold water, she didn’t even leave the last bit or two. Xin Wan put on her clothes and knitted hat, and she always felt that she was not like an adult in the mirror, rather naive , he used to always worry about this point and wanted to mature himself, but it was always difficult to reach the shortcut.

Breakfast was settled at the hotel. Xin Wan was full of fantasies about this "elopement", but Song Heng really seemed to be planning to take him on a trip. They went to Chaka Salt Lake. This season is not suitable for travel. The lake water In the dry season, the water is cloudy, revealing the rusty rails of the train.In the afternoon, I took a car to the nearby Laji Mountain. There were colorful flags at the entrance. Xin Wan followed him up the mountain, panting from exhaustion, and simply sat on the nearby rock.

"Let's not go now," Xin Wan waved her hand, "I'm exhausted."

Song Heng sat on another rock, with his left leg bent, without speaking.

"You seem to be really familiar with this place, and you can find a car very quickly." Xin Wan slowed down, breathed evenly, and drank water with a warm water cup, "We should come in summer——what did you come last time?" when?"

"last winter."

Xin Wan was happy: "Why do you choose winter?"

"Because it's cold in winter," Song Heng lowered his head and laughed, "When it's cold, you walk around, you will only feel very cold, you want to warm yourself up, and you won't think about other things. Especially when you just fell in love, This is very useful, in sub-zero temperatures, no one would have the courage to be sad."

Lost in love?

Xin Wan was stunned for a moment, then dodged his gaze, fingered the sleeve of the warm water cup, her fingertips turned white: "Then why... come to Qinghai?"

"I didn't decide to come here at the beginning. It's too cold here in winter, and the winter seems to be very long every year. I studied in the UK for two years, and I haven't seen snow. I went back to China during the holiday and wanted to see West Bay. snow."

Xin Wan looked up at him in astonishment.He thought that Song Heng had been abroad for two years and never came back.The heat brought by climbing the mountain gradually dissipated, he began to feel cold, his teeth chattered, and he looked at the dusk in the sky again.

"One year is his first year in college. I still remember his school uniform. On the day it snowed in West Bay, I drove to their school gate. I didn't do anything. I didn't see him, and I didn't see him. For other emotions, if I knew I was going to see him, maybe I wouldn’t come. He bought sweet potatoes at the school gate, and they were probably too hot, and he turned his hands from side to side, and he seemed to be having a good time,” Song Heng mentioned “he” again, Say, "I watched it for a long time. Isn't it stupid?"

One year, the second year they broke up.He didn't go home during the winter vacation, but chose to stay at school. He often went to eat the baked sweet potatoes at the door for dinner. Xin Wan stared at the stone under her feet, pursed her lips tightly, her fingers hurt, and shook her head after a long while, her voice was barely audible :"no……"

"I don't know why I remember him. Feelings are not a necessity in human life, but I still feel pain. I bought a plane ticket that night, no matter the destination, I can fly anywhere, so I came to Xining in February, It was too late, there was no bus, so we could only walk forward, and when we got to the hotel, we were all frozen and could barely move," he said, "I went to Chaka Salt Lake the next day and saw the muddy water. After climbing the mountain for a long time, I had altitude sickness and had a drowsy fever. During the time when I was unconscious, I felt that I was the only one who was so cowardly. I couldn’t do anything, and I couldn’t even forget. one person."

This was the first time that Song Heng had broken up with him. After talking to him so much, every word was like a thin needle piercing into his body, and even the beating of his heart made him feel pain.

Song Heng's conditions are very good, Xin Wan has always been aware of this, so someone will love him, right?On many nights of light sleep, he would dream that Song Heng was with others, and he would shed a lot of tears, but he hoped that it was true, that he was the only one who was sad, that he was the only one who could not come out.

Why should Song Heng be sad too?

In February in Xining, it was dark around seven o'clock, and the light at dusk was getting darker. Song Heng stepped on the gravel under his feet and said suddenly: "I don't know if you will see this letter. , maybe when you saw it, I was already dead."

Xin Wan looked at him blankly, not understanding the meaning of his words, and heard him continue.

"When a person is about to die, his words are also kind. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for us if we hadn't been motivated to pursue you at that time."

An indescribable sense of familiarity crept into his heart, and Xin Wan thought dully what it was. He wanted to stop Song Heng from continuing, but there was nothing he could do.

"At that time, I pursued you because you were good-looking. The vanity of adolescence made me think that being with you would be very face-saving, but the relationship may have a shelf life, and the face will always look tired. I know you just don't like to talk. , but always being nice to people, I don’t want to lie to you again, I should tell you the truth, don’t always remember me, forget me, I’m not worthy of your liking.”

Song Heng spoke slowly, as if those words had been circulated in his mind thousands of times, suddenly looked at him, smiled: "This is his suicide note to me."

Xin Wan clenched her hands tightly, her body trembled violently, and her eyelashes trembled.His eyes were hot, he opened his mouth but couldn't speak, tears came down instead, crying silently, as if he was enduring great suffering.

Song Heng didn't seem to see his tears, as if he was chatting, and asked: "Tell me, is he quite ruthless?"

In that glance, Xin Wan clearly felt that he couldn't hide it. The illusion he built was not stubborn, and it wasn't even enough to deceive people's eyes and ears. There seemed to be something blocked in his throat, and his voice was hoarse. He just read his name: " Song Heng..."

"I hate him quite a bit," Song Heng continued, "When chasing someone, I only know how to rush forward, regardless of other people's feelings. When I'm in love, I plan to lie to me, but I have to plan for the future When we broke up, we didn't give any room for discussion, and even didn't see me, which made me feel that I was worthless and a waste that no one could protect."

No, no, you are not a waste, the waste should be me.Xin Wan wanted to say this, but couldn't speak, and was still crying. He hated his eyes that were always crying.

He was even fantasizing that this was a dream, waking him up at the gate of Yiyian school, pulling open the car door without hesitation, hugging him in the heavy snow, saying let's get back together, he would definitely do that.But this is not a dream.

"What I hate the most about him," Song Heng looked at the horizon, "is that he clearly remembered everything, but he pretended to be hiding it from everyone."

Xin Wan's eyes were so red, she just looked at him like that, tears were still falling down, Song Heng leaned over to get closer, wiped his cheek with fingertips, looked into his eyes again, and asked softly: "Xin Wan Wan, you remember all of these, don't you?"

The author has something to say: I have seen several times people asking me whether I can publish it. This is not me. If there are many people who read it, there may be a chance. This chance is not too big, but it is nothing. It's already amazing, and it won't affect me if I don't come out.

The suicide note was seen by Song Heng the day before yesterday. I will mention this point later, in case someone misunderstands it, I will inform you in advance. As mentioned earlier, point the way to C26.

I love my two sons TT55555