old light new bay

Song Heng looked down at his tears.

Xin Wan always cried in front of him. The first time I saw him it was drizzle, and the rain was wet on his face, and he also shed tears when he confessed. When he was picked up from the hospital in July, he also cried in his dream when he was sleeping in Shuyueli. is crying.Where did so many tears come from?In the winter of [-], he remembers that day very clearly - the sky was very dark, there was no moon, Xin Wan was wearing a denim blue coat, his cheeks were flushed from the cold, and he was smiling while blowing the heat from the roasted sweet potatoes, his eyes were full of Curved, and said "it doesn't matter" to the uncle.

So a person who loves to cry, why did he laugh at that time?

If Xin Wan is also sad like him, as long as she shed a tear, Song Heng knows that she will still get out of the car, ask him why they broke up, and go to kiss him.He was also 20 years old at the time, and he had reasons for being reckless and stubborn, and instead of doing that, he chose to leave.

The wind from Laji Mountain was blowing, blowing into the sunset at dusk, the wind also reflected the colors, the tears seemed to be unable to be wiped clean, and were still flowing down, Song Heng stretched out his hand to rub it for a while, then retracted his hand, the pulp of his finger was still wet.

"Go down the mountain, it's getting dark." He didn't look any further, but turned around.

There were footsteps coming from behind, Xin Wan didn't pull his sleeves again, and he didn't cry out that he was tired, his breathing hadn't come smoothly, he was still sobbing, the light overlapped their shadows, like a hug.

Back to the hotel, I took a taxi. The driver was from Zhejiang. He chatted loudly with his family members on the way, and couldn’t understand anything. Song Heng asked him for a paper and handed it to Xin Wan. Nasally, said: "I didn't cry."

Indeed, I did not cry.Song Heng looked out of the window and felt that the sunset today was very red.

The name of the hotel is Cuili Hotel, and the price was only 90 yuan a night in [-], but now it costs [-] yuan.The proprietress didn't put on any choking nail polish anymore, she was wearing a brown cotton dress, and she was holding her young son to keep accounts, but she paid more attention to Xin Wan, staring at his red eyes.

They walked up the stairs, and when they opened the door of the room, it was already dark outside, only the colored lights hanging on the tree were on, and when the lights were on, the bed was still covered with wrinkles from the morning, Song Heng sat by the bed, Looking up at Xin Wan: "I called to order food, what do you want to eat?"

"I..." Xin Wan stood by the wall with half of her face buried in the scarf, "I can do anything."

So Song Heng ordered two servings of small noodles and one serving of soup from nearby Sha County, and turned on the bedside lamp. The room seemed too bright to hide anything.Out of the corner of his eye, Xin Wan could be seen, still maintaining the original posture, with his hands behind his back, as if standing for punishment. He took out the cigarette case and saw that there were two cigarettes left in it. With a "click", the lighter sprang out a blue Yanguang, Song Heng didn't care about other things, it seemed that he just pretended that he didn't exist, he smoked on his own, and the room was filled with the bitter smell of tobacco, he saw Xin Wan move again, walked towards him slowly, stood by him before.

"You said before that you would teach me to smoke," he said in a low voice, "you haven't taught me yet."

Song Heng handed over the filter tip, his voice could not detect any emotion: "Open your mouth."

Xin Wan had never smoked before, and the only time she came into contact with him was stealing his cigarette butt. At that time, she was in a hurry and didn't have time to taste the taste. This time it was different. He moved closer and bit the filter, took a sip, and immediately choked. Coughing loudly and hearing the sound of cigarette butts being pressed out, Song Heng said, "Don't learn."

"... There were people who smoked cigarettes in high school before. We had them in our class. They smoked because they thought it was cool. They always smoked very happily. When we got together," Xin Wan regained her strength and stood by him In front of me, the eye sockets are red from coughing, "But when you smoke, I always feel that you are sad and sad. Is it because of me?"

"You still care if I'm sad or not." Song Heng laughed, his tone very loose.

"I care," Xin Wan responded quickly, his body was shaking slightly, and he always felt like crying again, but no, his voice was unsteady, "I want to make you happy, I want to protect you, and I want you not to forget Looking at me, I want you to start a new life, you are so nice..."

The colorful light balls hanging on the tree outside were flickering, Song Heng's smile disappeared again, and he looked at him almost indifferently: "Since you want me to start a new life, then you shouldn't show up again, and you shouldn't Come find me."

"I'm sorry," Xin Wan grabbed his right hand and clenched it tightly, "I'm sorry, don't be angry."

Song Heng pulled out his hand, put his fingers around his neck, and rubbed the pad of his thumb against the place where the main artery was beating. Through the thin skin, he could feel the freshness, and with every choking speed, he said softly: "How long have we known each other? I was only 17 years old when I first met you. I have known you for six years. I thought I knew you well enough. How dare you commit suicide if you don't even dare to see an injection. ?”

Xin Wan's eyelashes were trembling: "I have no other choice..."

"Your suicide note was only signed to me. If you die, I will still see it one day." Song Heng unconsciously squeezed his hand hard, suppressing his voice, and suddenly laughed again, "You want me to hurt you for you, don't you? "

"No, no," Xin Wan wanted to hug him, but couldn't see clearly, and was crying again, "I don't want you to hurt."

Song Heng clasped the back of his head, kissed him almost rudely, bit his lips hard, put his fingers through his hair, and pressed him on the bed.The creases on the bed sheet deepened. Xin Wan never felt that kissing was such a sad thing. He hugged Song Heng, tasted the smell of rust, and also tasted the pain of lack of oxygen. There was a sound, and the small black rubber band used to tie his hair fell into nowhere. When Song Heng let go of him, his breathing was unsteady. Seeing Xin Wan's flushed face and his loose black hair, his eyes were full of sadness, watching with him.

"Why did you say that in the suicide note?"

Xin Wan's nose was sore: "I..."

Song Heng interrupted him, his eyes were very red, and his tone was mocking, "You wanted to die at that time, you didn't want me to feel guilty, don't attribute the reason you went to the correctional center to me, in order to make me forget you quickly ,right?"

Xin Wan closed her eyes and nodded almost self-defeating.

"Since you know that I like you and I can't let you go, why do you think I will forget it so easily?"

"Don't be sad," Xin Wan touched his face, her voice choked up, "Brother, don't be sad."

"Xin Wan, am I heartless?" Song Heng lifted the hem of the sweater and pressed it on his left heart, with two letter tattoos on his palm, "You are still selfish and too self-righteous. He stared firmly into Xin Wan's eyes: "I don't need you to think about me so much."

They went to kiss again, although the heating was not turned on in the room, but every inch of the body was boiling and hot, the heat that would scald the body, together with the sweat in the palms, brought a feeling of suffocation like drowning.Tears were also wet on his cheeks, like the tears they shed together, the bed made a creaky, poor quality bed.Xin Wan knew exactly what would happen, but he never thought of refusing, he was willing to be a sacrifice and obey.

There was a light knock on the door, and Xin Wan had already knocked three times when she heard it, and a man's voice came from outside the door: "Shaxian snacks, your food has been delivered."

Song Heng let go of him, stared at him for a long time, hot breath sprayed on his face, then stretched out his hand to brush the hair from the corner of his eyes, and said in a low voice, "I'll go and open the door."

The temperature on his body disappeared temporarily. Xin Wan stared blankly at his back, opened the door, and got the dinner. The whole process took less than ten seconds, and the door closed again. He got up and knelt on the bed, biting his lip. , with soft red marks on her white neck, her eyes followed him closely.

"Are you hungry?" Song Heng put the plastic bag on the table and knocked over the empty paper cup, "We can eat."

Xin Wan shook her head, looked into his eyes, and said softly, "Let's turn off the lights."

The words were stark and straightforward, with pleading honesty, and said, "Brother, come and fuck me, okay?"

The empty paper cup rolled three times on the wooden table and fell to the ground, leaving only one bedside lamp, the curtains were drawn, and nothing could be seen in the field of vision, it was pitch black, and nothing was needed except the temperature, Xin Wan straddled his lap, held his face and kissed, this time very gentle, he wanted to get closer, it would be best if they could stick together, but it couldn't be done.

Song Heng kept stroking his chest, stroking the place where the tattoo was, and he could see it clearly under the dim light, and kissed with his lips there: "When did you get the tattoo?"

"In September [-], I went to find the place in the alley outside the school."

"Does it hurt?"

"It doesn't hurt."

"how much did you spend?"

"I don't remember." Xin Wan seemed to have softened his clothes, "It seems to be one hundred and twenty... The boss gave me a change."

(...)

【Pants were also taken off and thrown on the paper cup. Xin Wan couldn't help feeling embarrassed, her toes curled up.There are three boxes of Durex condoms on the bedside table of Cuili Hotel, which are laser blue, and there are sixteen in one box. Song Heng took out one, and was stroking his waist, rubbing his small waist , Stretched down again, kneading the round buttocks, and the voice leaned against his ear: "Open your legs."

Xin Wan's skin was hot, powdery, and seemed to have a fever. He didn't even dare to look directly at his eyes, but he didn't avoid it. He heard the sound of Song Heng biting the condom with his teeth, and the lubricating oil was poured into the palm of his hand. It dripped down between his legs, Xin Wan shivered at the cold touch, subconsciously closed her legs together, and even clamped his hands tightly, feeling his protruding knuckles.

"Open," Song Heng said, "don't go up."

From his line of sight, you can see the tips of Xin Wan's ears, which are very red. It's no different from when they had sex for the first time. The fingers are all lubricated, and they are slowly circling around the back hole, where it is shrinking. First, a Squeezing her fingers in, Xin Wan snorted, covering her eyes with her arms, her voice was extremely soft, she only knew to call him by name, "Song Heng" and "Brother", with a very subtle crying tone, curled her fingers Grab the sheets.

Another finger was added, the index finger and middle finger twitched regularly in the tight acupuncture point, and even his breathing rhythm changed. Song Heng lowered his head and kissed his lips, looking into his eyes in the dark: "Why do you remember? Won't tell me?"

Xin Wan felt that she was so light that she turned into a puddle of water. She couldn't help wanting to scream, but subconsciously restrained herself, sweat got on her eyelashes, and said intermittently: "I'm afraid you don't want me. I was the one who broke up with you. Sticking to you, I want you to come back when I think about it... Then what do you think of you?"

There was the sound of sticky water in his ears, Song Heng found the sensitive point easily, and rubbed his fingertips heavily, Xin Wan curled up uncontrollably at the waist, pursed her lips tightly, and was short of breath. 】

"Have you ever liked someone else in the past two years?"

Xin Wan shook her head with difficulty, looked at him with wet eyes, and said, "I love you." Repeated two or three times, saying "I love you the most", saying "I love you".

Xin Wan is easy to be shy. Although in the love in high school, he always seemed to be the active party, rushing forward recklessly and accompanying patiently, but he seldom mentioned "I love you", and he was always embarrassed when he said it. Add it at the end when writing a letter with him.However, in the hazy darkness, he kept repeating, like the next day is the end, always saying these three words countless times before the earth collapses and the sky collapses.

(...)

【The expansion process was too long, Xin Wan's penis was sticking to his lower abdomen, it was so painful, two fingers even fucked him, his mind went blank, the sound didn't sound like his, it was so boring, The gap between the buttocks was soaked, and the flesh of his acupoints clamped his fingers tightly. Song Heng rubbed his ears: "Relax."

The condom was put on the penis, Xin Wan didn't react from the orgasm, she was still panting violently, staring blankly at his penis full of veins, the head of the penis was dripping with mucus, Song Heng casually touched it twice , against the hole again.Could it be too thick? Xin Wan thought in a daze, but honestly clamped his waist with her legs.

"I remember...?..."" He frowned patiently, lying next to Song Heng's ear, but before finishing a sentence, the penis was inserted to the bottom, and he shivered suddenly, his acupoints were sore and swollen Die, "You slow down, you slow down. "

The penis was slowly tossing in the hole, Xin Wan kissed his neck, moaned softly, then took his Adam's apple in his mouth, the tip of his tongue wet the bulge, there was a salty smell of sweat, their whole bodies were wet, like Soaking in the sea is like running for millions of miles. Every time Song Heng breathes, he will be the first to feel the vibration.

"Remember what?" he asked.

"I remember the first time we opened a room. At that time, I was still a month away from the age of 17, and then we went to the hotel next door. We opened a single room?..." Xin Wan spoke slowly, still laughing, "You won't , I can’t either, we just lay on the bed and stared blankly all night without doing anything, and I was late the next day.”

Song Heng also smiled, and said in a low voice, "I will now."

When they were 17 years old, they found a pornographic movie on the Internet. The upper and lower subtitles were advertisements on the WeChat official account.Now is the time to figure out the way? Xin Wan is familiar with his body, just like Song Heng is familiar with him. He knows when to kiss him when he tilts his head, and when to hug him when he reaches out. This is their tacit understanding, and it will not change because of two years of separation.

The dense pleasure made Xin Wan quickly lose her mind to think about it. Song Heng's manipulation became more and more intense, and it was so comfortable that Xin Wan blushed and ejaculated for the second time. His semen was stained on the bed sheet. Later, in the bathroom, in the steaming white steam, the warm water poured down, and she couldn't open her eyes. Xin Wan was stuck against the cold tiles, her legs were shaking, and they were rubbed so red that she almost couldn't stand, can't remember. When did it end, I only remember that I used two condoms, tied them tightly and threw them in the trash can in the bathroom. 】

The colored light ball outside the window went out, there was no sound, it was already [-]:[-] in the morning, Xin Wan let Song Heng clean it up for him, hung on him tiredly and refused to let go, shaking half asleep and half awake.When I walked out of the bathroom, there was still the bitter smell of tobacco in the air, as well as the fishy smell of semen. The air-conditioned room was not cold, so I simply spread the quilt as a bed sheet.

The Shaxian snacks I ordered were completely cold, so I had to throw them aside.

Xin Wan's drowsiness was no longer so obvious. He was fascinated by looking at Song Heng's side face, his fingers holding the remote control of the air conditioner, and his jawline, but when the bedside lamp was turned off, he couldn't see anything. With a rustling sound, he asked, "Are you sleepy?"

Song Heng lay on the other side: "It's okay."

Xin Wan moved closer to him, putting her hands on his waist: "Can we chat?"

"Ah."

"You..." Xin Wan said hesitantly, "When did you find the suicide note?"

"When I was on a business trip the day before yesterday, the location of the second trial in the correctional center was changed, and the evidence was also transferred. I saw a suicide note inside." There was also a bed board full of names and numbers. Song Heng didn't want to mention these things, these said It might remind Xin Wan of that time, "Evidence is not allowed to be taken away, so I just looked at it."

"I didn't mean to make you sad." Xin Wan leaned against him, whispering.

"I know."

Song Heng wrapped his fingers casually around his hair, it was wet.Feeling Xin Wan pinching his little finger, breathing on his neck: "But you are still angry."

The hair entwined with his fingers was untied again, and the stained water lightly wiped his cheeks. Song Heng suddenly remembered that piece of paper—a piece of pure white A4 paper, written in black ballpoint pen, with his name at the beginning, and water on the writing. Wet marks, like his fingers.Xin Wan said softly again, "It's like... when I sent you the text message about breaking up, I was also afraid that you would be angry, and I was also very afraid that you would be sad."

Song Heng didn't speak, but listened to him quietly.

"I don't know how she found out about my sexuality. She told me your name and told everyone that you were gay, your family, your classmate counselor in college, and your high school classmates. Then they locked me up again, and my hunger strike was useless," Xin Wan didn't know what to say, "I didn't say this to make you forgive me."

Song Heng still replied with the same sentence: "I know."

Xin Wan has not forgotten all of the two years, but it is difficult to speak. He remembers that Song Heng ran downstairs to his house. The graffiti of the two villains, and the raindrops pouring and shattering outside the wall, he only told Song Heng in his heart that we will not be separated, we will be together for the rest of our lives.

He felt the wetness on his face, and fantasized that he was the rain outside, splashing on Song Heng's face and stroking his cheeks, instead of Song Heng being soaked in the rain and crying.

That was the only time Song Heng shed tears in my memory.

"My mother sent me to the correctional facility. In [-], she would wait for me at the school gate every day to see if there were other boys next to me, so I had no friends, and no one to chat with," Xin Wan said again. He continued, "Later, at the end of the first half of my freshman year, there was a cultural performance. I joined a club. They said that I was good-looking and could perform. When I was leaving with my classmates, my mother came out suddenly. She wasn't angry, she even smiled at me and took me home again where she put sleeping pills in the water and when I woke up there was only a doctor."

"Stop thinking about it," Song Heng interrupted him softly, "Stop thinking about it."

"I..." Xin Wan's voice choked up, "I really miss you, I miss you all the time. I want you to save me, I want you to take me away, I can go anywhere, just don't leave me alone. "

Song Heng kissed his ear, then patted his back, and said in a low voice, "No more."

Today was too tiring for Xin Wan, nothing flowed from his eye sockets, only sore and sore, he fell asleep after a brief emotional breakdown, his hands were still tightly clutching his collar and refused to let go.This time he didn’t dream, he was very at ease, he didn’t have to worry about all his worries and worries anymore, this sleep seemed too long, when he woke up, the sky was bright outside, it was already one o’clock in the afternoon, and there was a tit watching him from the tree.

Song Heng bought lunch, which was the nearby Huainan beef soup and steamed buns, which were not spicy. Xin Wan was starving, but her butt hurt, and she couldn't eat too much for a while.Everything last night was unreal, giving him a sense of illusion, they seemed to be the same as before, Song Heng asked him suddenly: "Do you feel uncomfortable?"

"Ah?" Xin Wan came to her senses and shook her head, "It's not uncomfortable."

"I bought anti-swelling medicine, if it hurts, I can apply some."

Xin Wan lowered her head, but still shook her head: "It really doesn't hurt, so you don't need to wipe it off."

He felt relaxed, a kind of joy of relief, he didn't have to pretend to be his past self, and he could occasionally chat with Song Heng about their high school.This was enough happiness for Xin Wan, and he didn't even have the extravagant hope of taking another step forward. He occasionally stared at Song Heng in a daze, and still couldn't help laughing.

But the tube of medicine remained in the bag.They went to the Chaka Salt Lake again, and sat there until there was an evening sunset. The flight back to West Bay was at [-]:[-] in the evening. It was still the shaking bus. The difference was that this time there was a lovelorn in it. The woman was crying softly, and said to the person on the other end of the phone, "You obviously don't love me anymore".

It was seven o'clock when they arrived at Caojiabao Airport, and there was still a long time, so they chose a seat with relatively few people and sat down. The booklet on the shelf was also boring, and Xin Wan closed it after flipping through a few pages , Song Heng handed him a water glass: "Two or three days after we go back, is school going to start?"

"Yes," Xin Wan drank a few sips of water, "then I have to live in the dormitory."

It takes four to 10 minutes to take the bus from the Academy of Fine Arts to Shuyueli. Not counting the waiting time, it seems to be too long.Perhaps Song Heng will come to pick him up. After all, he knows the route and has been here several times. In what capacity?Xin Wan thought blankly, then laughed again, feeling that it was not important.

It would be nice if it was him.

"When I went to the Academy of Fine Arts last winter, it was an accident to see you." Suddenly I heard Song Heng say softly, "When I came back from England, I knew that I would meet you again sooner or later. It must have been a secret thought."

Xin Wan touched his finger and joked, "Your sixth sense is quite accurate."

"I want to make myself less reckless, don't throw away my armor as soon as I see you, and don't do wrong things," Song Heng put his arm casually on the back of the chair behind Xin Wan, and said softly, "I want to be more mature, Don't be as irrational as seventeen or eighteen years old."

Xin Wan was stunned for a moment, feeling the soreness in his heart very clearly. He looked into Song Heng's eyes blankly, and heard him say: "But it still seems to have failed. I'm still the same age as I am. I can't see you cry, and I can't see you cry." You hurt. Maybe it’s still a seventeen-eighth disposition, maybe some things really can’t be changed.”

There was a lot of people around, the radio was very loud, no one cared about them, under the bright silver light, Song Heng sighed: "Then don't change it." look, looked at him.

"Xin Wan, let's fall in love again."

The author has something to say: delete part of the private message on Weibo @chestnut 五比qian with the keyword "Old Deng Xinwan C62" (no spaces, C should be capitalized, and only include quotation marks), there will be an automatic reply [no need to pay attention]

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Dozens of favorites have been added today, although I don’t know how it came here, but I’m happy^▽^!I hope there will be 4100 collections after the end (dreaming, amen!