Rebirth of Inescapable

My name is Song Bai, and I will only be called Song Bai in my life.

I don't know why I am still alive, but I can only live, because the only person in the world who is willing to treat me well is lying in the hospital, but I hurt her, and I must save her.

Whenever I stand on the street with people coming and going, there is always a kind of breathless depression, the sky I look up at is dark, without a ray of sunshine, I can't feel any warmth, There is no sense of life, time seems to be stagnant, and the language in my ears is also obscure. Their laughter even makes me feel harsh, ironic and fearful. I have forgotten what kind of expression laughter is.

I hate this society, I hate everyone in this society, I have been used to seeing their hypocritical faces since I was a child, "What a poor boy, he is so innocent." Everyone will say this to me Such a sentence, on the surface is ridiculous pity and cold indifference and disgust. No one really agrees with this sentence, because they all know that I am a bastard who is not wanted by anyone, born of a lowly background, and a prostitute.

The society seems to disagree with the existence of such creatures.

Since I was a child, I have been thinking, since they hate me so much, why did they give birth to me?And why did I live so long?What kind of purpose do we have?Knowing that it is difficult and painful, but still have to bear it, and then desperately let myself encounter more pain.

There are too many ways to kill a person. I have been thinking more than once, I want to go to the square with the most traffic with a full body of explosives, or enjoy this life that I have never enjoyed before I die. , I can get a gun, I go to the bank to rob, and then indulge my life wantonly; I can also go to pull the head of that bad old man with few hairs, and then greet his whole family, and then he used to impose on me The pain on his body was doubled back to him, such as stabbing his asshole with a sexual abuse toy...

I have a lot of ideas, but I have never implemented them, not because I dare not, but because I can't.

I got up from the bed, dressed numbly, went downstairs to buy a noodle soup, and when I went back, Cheng Jiaqi was on the phone in the hallway, when she saw me, she subconsciously avoided me, I was like a poor bug Same, even I hate myself, let alone other people?

Later he came and knocked on my door, reminding me to pay the rent, water and electricity, I nodded dumbly, I thought, I have forgotten how to talk, I rummaged through boxes and boxes for a long time, except for the 23 yuan on my body, I nothing.

At this moment, An Jie called and asked me to stay at the Jinsen Hotel. That day he looked very irritable, his hair was all up, and he threw the tens of thousands of dollars worth of sunglasses on the ground. When he saw me entering the door, He tore my clothes frantically.

He said that he fell in love with someone else, and he didn't know what to do.

An Jie is a well-known musical genius in the entertainment industry. His identity background is almost perfect. He has a master's degree in business administration from Harvard, his father is a lawyer, and his mother is a famous pianist. He grew up abroad and has mixed blood from four countries. , talented, like a gift from heaven, but no one knows that this person who is so flawless in the eyes of others actually likes men, and even falls in love with his boss.

"I don't know how to tell him, he doesn't like men, what should I do? Every time I see him with those stupid women, I want to kill them, you say, if I rape him , What will happen to him? Call the police? Suicide? Or kill me, is there a possibility that he will fall in love with me? "

I wanted to laugh but I couldn't because I was in so much pain and he would never think of giving me augmentation and lubrication, it was all so useless, regardless of my pain, I actually didn't like it What I do with him is that he pays a lot of money, and it is usually quite satisfactory, that is, I have too much energy, or I have been depressed for too long, and usually I have to rest for more than three days at a time.

He folded my leg upwards and stabbed it in carelessly, as if a wedge had hit me directly, the pain was like tearing, he was pressing on me, panting while talking to me about that person recent things.

"He fell in love with a small model. I don't know what he thinks. Is it okay as long as it's a woman? Isn't it okay for a man? What's good about that model? It's not beautiful enough, its figure is not good enough, and its voice is not good. He will pretend to be a baby, disgusting, but he just likes it, even though he knows she just wants to rely on him to get in the position. That day, I made an appointment with that model alone, that woman is really stupid, she can seduce with a few words, but she is cheap People, anyone can do it, at that time I really wanted to kill her with a knife..."

He kept talking, I was sweating profusely in pain, but I didn't even hum, I knew he didn't want me to comfort him by saying this, he just needed someone to talk about, he was really suffocated, and I'm the one who can make him speak out what's in his heart without any hesitation, because everyone knows that I don't talk too much, I never talk.

He just likes me to be quiet, that's all.

Probably caught a cold yesterday, I feel very uncomfortable today, he pressed on me and made me breathless, and the roughness of his movements was beyond my imagination, as if he was going to tear me down, every time He would do this when he encountered any troubles, but this time he was particularly manic.

The rhythm in his body is getting faster and faster, he is like a wounded beast, his voice is low and depressed, he said: "I told him this morning, I told him that I like him, huh, but he didn't even look at me Not even a glance, I actually know that what he hates the most is gay, and I have a desire for him, he probably feels disgusting, I think, he will never want to see me again in this life..."

I was so dizzy that I didn't tell him in the end that Tao Qingping was not straight at all, what he liked was a man, but this man, he would never get it.

I did it with Tao Qingping once, this man is absolutely strong, and he has a clean freak, he has a fixed bed partner, and it was an accident that he slept with me because he drank too much that day.

He seems to have someone he loves so much that he can't forget it after so many years. He said that he is a person that no one can touch, he is so perfect that no one is willing to touch him.

He has loved him for more than ten years. Since he was only a junior high school student, that person is said to be as quiet as me, very quiet, and seems to always have that silent expression, but he is more beautiful than anyone else. Care about those around you.

When Tao Qingping talked about him, his expression was very obsessed. He seemed to be talking about a noble young master from ancient times. He had all the most perfect adjectives in the world. When it came to the end, I had to admit that I I am very envious of the person in his mouth.

It's not because of his beauty, but because he is so lucky. There is such a person who loves him so much that he dare not even touch him. Such a person makes me feel very unfair. I don't know, I just envy him , is jealousy, or hate.

His body was full of alcohol and pressure on me, but his movements were gentler than anyone else's before, as if I was a porcelain doll that couldn't be touched. Seeing how infatuated he was, I thought, he regarded me as that The person who has loved deeply for more than ten years but dare not speak out.

To this day, I still remember such a person very deeply. I want to see what kind of person can make people love to the bottom of their bones all the time, and how much this person is favored by God.

My consciousness was getting weaker and weaker, I thought, probably because I was really tired, I couldn't even feel An Jie's big movements, and I didn't know why, tears suddenly fell down.

I'm crying?what am i crying for !

I can't control myself, I don't even know why I'm crying, as if my body is not mine, obviously my mood is so peaceful now, never before.

I can hardly remember the time when I was so happy. I was taken back by her that year. She was so beautiful. We ate together and did homework together. She told me that Chef Zhang secretly took the leftover abalone from the kitchen. I gave it to her, because I have an exam, I hope I can get a good grade...

After all, it still hurt her heart. For a person like me, it is probably unfortunate to meet me, because I am a person that even the heavens cannot tolerate. My appearance is like a joke.

After all, once in this world, the pain is so long-term, but the happiness is so short-lived, but what about her?What should she do?Who will save my Xiuxiu for me?

It seems that there is something soft covering my body, a kind of gentleness that I have never felt before. It seems that someone is humming a soft tune in my ear. I remember that Cheng Jiaqi once sang a very soothing tune. I seem to hear someone calling me in my ears, and she used to call me like this, with a warm voice, calling me: Abai...Abai...

I closed my eyes and heard someone whispering: inadreami hold you close, embracing you with my hands, you gazed at me with eyes full of love, and made me understand, thati was meant to share it with you, my heart my mind my soul...

------------postscript------------

This day is November [-]th, which is the day when Qi Yun fell from the building. In Jinsen Hotel, Song Bai passed away. The cause of death was not because of this sexual incident. He was too tired to live. , has become so numb that he doesn't know why he is still alive, but he dare not die. This kind of pain tortured him, and his mental breakdown imagination has appeared. He thought that it was normal before, but in fact, after he came here At that time, he had already taken a large amount of sleeping pills. He had been relying on sleeping pills to fall asleep for a long time. It took a while for him to buffer, he thought a lot, and even had the above hallucinations, and finally died in an unconscious situation.

Birthday on the same day, death on the same day, two completely different lives, the same pain and sorrow, is Song Bai liberated?Is Qi Yun free?

Who knows?This is probably a question to God.