deceased into ashes

Letter to my sweetheart:

Qingyue, are you okay now?

When you read this letter, my time is probably running out.

I hope you are well.I hope you can find the kind of life you really want, that kind of free and unfettered life, and I hope you will be luckier than me in your life.

We have been together for 12 years, and it seems that we have loved each other deeply in the first [-] years; I understand that time can change a lot, but I still can't help feeling sad.

When you were not at home or in my life circle for a long time, I tried to tell you about my illness and begged for a little pity from you, but I was a very twisted person, maybe I really I don't want to lose even the last bit of self-esteem.

Under the patience and abandonment that I feel cruel again and again, I choose to stop my little bit of procrastination.

I never gave up on loving you, not even at the last moment of my life.

After the last chemotherapy, I often wonder if you will be happier than me in the future.I always think about what your future partner will look like, whether it will be like me or not, in short... it will not be me anymore.

I don't know if you remember when we were 17 years old, a big rain brought us together.

At that time, you only brought a small umbrella, and it was raining heavily, and I was prone to catch cold, so you tilted all the umbrellas to my side.Your hair and school uniform are all wet from the rain, and I almost didn't get wet at all.

No one has ever held an umbrella for me in the rain.

I saw that you were getting wet, but you still smiled and told me it was all right.There was a momentary sting in my heart.

I shouldn't have done nothing and not responded to your feelings.

I admit that I started to fall in love with you at that time, and I wanted to hold a bigger umbrella for you so that neither of us would get wet.

Afterwards, we were together.

The blushing kisses in the hidden corners of the campus, the sunny clothes you dried for me in the dormitory building, and you sang your best songs to me late at night when I couldn't sleep.

This is the best time of my life.

I often think that I am a very humble person. My mother passed away very early, and no one cares about me. I have lived alone for so many years.

No one would like someone as stupid and naive as me.

Fate is not fair to everyone, I am glad that I met you, and sad that I met you.

If I knew that we are falling apart now, and you are so decisive to me, I think, I would never accept that precious pity at the beginning, because what it bought was eternal pain.

When I used to take a walk, I often saw many old people holding hands and walking slowly on the road; they must have gone through many, many difficult years to get today's Ansheng, I have always relied on This belief has always loved you and loved you carefully.

After loving for so long, I even forgot myself, and I became the one who was waiting again.

Waiting is a very empty thing, often waiting and waiting, waiting until it is empty, makes people scared and sad.

I have always hated waiting, waiting for things that can't come back, I understand that I should just give up.

But maybe, I think you are more precious than myself, and I believe you will come back.

But no.

It would be a lie to say that I don't hate you at all, but I really hope that you will be better than me in the future. After all, I am a person who doesn't have much time, and you still have a lot of time to see the world.

When I was 18 years old, there were always a lot of flowers on campus, and gardenias in summer were the freshest. At that time, you always wanted to pick some for me. There is no need to get close to the view, and don't break that beauty.

Moreover, the flowers always wither and wither. When people finish admiring the fragrance and beauty of the flowers, they will throw her remains into the dirtiest trash can.

Throw it away after using it, it's a normal thing, just like you and me, you touched me, I belong to you, you think I will never leave, so it doesn't matter if you throw it aside.

During the period when I knew I was terminally ill, I was not as sad as when you beat me, but I felt a sense of relief.

The world has not been very kind to me, so I want to leave.

God didn't give me a lot of spare time either.

I think, after I weathered into ashes, the traces you brought to me on my body/body, my sad emotions, resentment, howling and moving towards this world will all disappear.

If you can, please raise my ashes into the sea. I have loved the scenery of the sea all my life. I like that the sea can vent wantonly, and I like the beauty of it being accompanied by the sunset when it is silent.

The mermaid is my favorite childhood character, because she leaves gracefully and doesn't procrastinate because of her lover's feelings.

And I won't go back and forth because of love.

I would like to turn into foam and disappear into the sea, turn into misty rain and rush to another world.

I have loved you all my life, and now I have no regrets.

I don't expect you to remember me, I just want you to know that I have loved you for 13 years, and every day I have the you who loves me in my heart.

That you four years ago.

Remember to put me down and live a good life.

May Yu Ankang.

yours, Qianyi

2019. 6, 5

farewell.