Pavlov and the White Moonlight

When I got home that day, I was so exhausted that my silly dog, the big golden retriever, rushed over hahaha, and almost threw me on the head. I took off my suit and took a bath half dead. When I came back, the lock screen of my phone popped up The WeChat dialog box is a message from Tang Shuhe.

are you home yet?

I sank into the sofa, thought for a while, and replied with two words: "It's here."

Immediately displayed "the other party is typing" over there, the Internet age is so good.After showing it for a long time, Tang Shuhe slowly sent a sentence: "What are you doing?"

My silly dog ​​wants to jump on me, so I don’t want him to go on the bed or sofa, so I hugged its dog’s head and patted it while typing: “It’s lying down.”

Tang Shuhe replied "Oh", and answered every word asked, nothing changed.

After a while, he said, "Alone?"

I said, "No."

It was still showing that it was typing, but when I sent "No", it suddenly stopped.My tired brain finally turned around like my natural gas stove that had been in disrepair for a long time. I sensed the tentative meaning in his words, and quickly added: "And my dog."

I was afraid that he would not believe me, so I took a photo of my golden retriever without a hat and sent it to him, and introduced him: "It's called Lu Bowen."

Tang Shuhe: "... the public?"

I said, "Well, boy."

Tang Shuhe stopped talking.After a while, he slowly sent a few words: "Can I make a call?"

I turned over, hugged Lu Bowen in my arms, stroked his long dog hair, and replied: "Yes, go."

It was almost instant over there, we both gave a feed at the same time, I smiled and said, "What's wrong?"

Tang Shuhe sighed and said, "Why are you scaring me?"

That tone sounded aggrieved, and I was happy: "I'm scaring you, so I didn't react."

He hummed, still sounding aggrieved.I said, "What are you doing? It's not that no one wants me, I just happen to be in the window period."

He said, "I I know. Lu Huai. "

I said: "What's wrong?"

He paused and said, "I want to tell you that I have always been alone."

I:"……"

He is such a person, it is actually not easy to say this, I can hear him gasping for breath, his voice was shaking all the time, I was silent for a while, and said: "Shuhe, you have to make your words clear."

Tang Shuhe: "...what?"

I sighed: "What do you mean, do you want to have an ambiguous meal or something else, let's make it clear."

Tang Shuhe interrupted me eagerly: "I didn't! I didn't just want to have an affair with you."

I hummed, Lu Bowen was suffocating in my arms, probably because I hugged it too hard unconsciously, it shook its head, got out from under my arm, and ran away.Tang Shuhe seemed so anxious that he didn't know what to say, he stumbled and stuck there: "Lu Huai, I, I..."

I sighed and said, "If you don't think about it, just listen to me first."

He paused and calmed down.

I said: "I was an idiot back then, and I'm not smarter now. You don't want the sincerity that was given out back then, and it was thrown on the ground. I have nothing to say about it. I just want to ask you, if you want to start again, how about these eight years?" Why did you go back in [-]?" Saying this is actually tearing my own scars, I took a breath and asked, "I didn't want it back then, why do I want it now?"

It was quiet there for a long time.I thought he would explain to me as earnestly as he used to explain why he was late to the teacher, or he learned to skate outside in the past seven or eight years, and he would say a few nice words, such as the world is always hello. Yes, anyway, I didn't expect him to be silent for a while, and asked me cautiously: "Are you still angry?"

"...No. I was never angry at all." I said.

Tang Shuhe and Ai Ai said: "Lu Huai, I really... have never had anyone else, never. In the past eight years, I... I very... I miss you very much."

Tang Shuhe choked up after the word "miss you".I sighed and said, "Then you were going abroad at that time, did you think I couldn't afford to wait for you?"

Tang Shuhe didn't speak, and his panting became weaker.

I said: "Actually, if you really think that way, there is no need to do what you did back then... Really, Shuhe, there is no need to do what you did back then."

I smiled, and suddenly felt very sleepy and tired, so sleepy that I could barely open my eyes, I said: "... Forget it, Shuhe, the feeling of coming and going when you are called is not good, I have a long memory It is a good thing that you have returned to China, but there is no need to fight me to death, so be it.”

I hung up the phone.The moment the red key was pressed, I faintly heard him whispering my name on the other end. I hesitated for a moment, but hung up anyway.

Really, obviously I was very sleepy just now, but now I just don’t want to sleep, so I lie on the sofa and browse Moments.Lu Bowen was lying not far from me, I put my hands on my eyes and said, "Brother Wen'er help me turn off the light."

Xiao Wen'er snorted, stood up and patted the lamp on with her paw.I stretched out my arms: "Good treasure, give me a hug from Dad."

Xiaowen wobbled over, lying on my side, I hugged him, he rubbed against my arm, and made that kind of gurgling sound, usually it made this sound to comfort me , or just acting like a baby, I patted it on the head and said, "It's okay."

My phone buzzed, and Tang Shuhe sent me a WeChat message after I hung up the phone: "Have you deleted me?"

If he sends this message, he will know, of course not.He was still posting, one by one, and my cell phone kept ringing.

"I didn't finish just now," he said.

"I've been thinking about you... I've been thinking, I think do you still have a stomachache? Do you still drink coffee? Do you still stay up late? Do you still drink that brand of beer? Do you still play that piano? "

"I don't want to forget it."

"I don't want to forget it. I... can do whatever. You can do whatever you want."

"Brother Huai."

I couldn't read it, so I sent him: "Don't think so much, go to sleep first."

He paused, and continued to send: "I didn't think much, Brother Huai."

"I know I'm nothing now."

"I just... miss you so much."

I suddenly coughed loudly uncontrollably, my lungs convulsed, I couldn't stop, and curled up into a shrimp on the sofa.Lu Bowen stopped moaning, and rested his chin on the sofa to look at me, so frightened that the whole dog drooped.I patted his head: "It's okay, it's okay, your dad has to go to bed."

I don't know if it's because of staying up late one after another, but my fucking heart hurts like it's about to burst.I hammered my chest and staggered towards the bedroom. My mind was in a mess, heavy and painful. The moment I hit the bed, I seemed to have fallen asleep, even without the quilt.

A night of random dreams.It seemed to be the first snow in the winter of the third year of high school. Eating ice cream while snowing, I said that today’s simulated Wen Zong was too fucking fucked up, and I made a lot of mistakes. Tang Shuhe lowered his head and wrestled with the scrapped zipper of my down jacket, trying to zip it up. He raised his head and said that he should not come out between classes tomorrow, and stay in the room to recite the questions.

I said that if you can memorize this thing, I won’t pass the exam like this grandpa and grandma. Tang Shuhe shook his head, and I handed him the half-eaten chocolate crispy ice cream. How about a bite?

He tilted his head and bit my hand. At that moment, the curvature of his chin and the drooping eyelashes made people's heart flutter, and then he was sucking my earlobe for some reason. I was so excited by him that I froze there and panted, and I was about to rush over to turn against the guest, but whoever rushed over and beat me violently, Tang Shuhe disappeared.I was beaten by that person, my ribs seemed to be all broken, and I was struggling to call Tang Shuhe with half my body, but I couldn't get through, the line was always busy, and finally I got through, I just wanted to ask where you went Ah, why are you ignoring me, Tang Shuhe said: "Stop calling, let's stop contacting."

I woke up with a fright, my forehead sweating.

Only the beginning and the end of this messy montage mixed-cut dream are true. Tang Shuhe actually said something else at the end, but I haven’t dreamed about it for so many years. It seems that my subconscious is avoiding his following.It's always "don't contact me".

The sky was blue.I squinted and looked at my phone, it was four in the morning.Tang Shuhe's message popped up on the screen. I didn't wake up. I was just about to say you bastard, didn't you let me contact you? I was in a daze before I realized it.

He texted me at three o'clock in the morning.

"I don't want the apartment allocated by the school. I don't know the place well. If you have time, can you show me the house?"

I stared blankly at the message on the screen.

Maybe it's because I didn't wake up, maybe it was the dream, maybe it's the middle of the night that it's not suitable to make any decisions, and I told this person to forget it yesterday.

Row.

Grass, impulsive.

Tang Shuhe didn't give me much time to regret it, and immediately replied: "Okay, are you free this weekend?"

I said: "Yes."

Grass, impulsive again.Lu Huai, is your brain a fucking toilet, you can flush it when you press it.

We were both relatively speechless, wondering why the other was still up.Tang Shuhe paused and said, "Have you been up all this time?"

I said, "...No. I just woke up."

He said: "It's still early, go to sleep. I won't disturb you anymore."

The sky was already bright.I said yes, then sat up in bed and opened my laptop.

My friend, Wen Ruixiu, the director of a small theater, said that he wanted a play like Meng Jinghui and a script like Liao Yimei, but he couldn't find that kind of feeling in the lines, so what do I say?

Wen Ruixiu said that Liao Yimei's script was fierce, beautiful and hypocritical.

I said you didn't describe it very well, why can't you find the feeling.

He said no, he couldn't do it, he was fierce, ugly and hypocritical.

……OK.I turned on the computer, I wanted to find his "intense, beautiful and hypocritical" feeling, the interface of the laptop returned to before hibernation, Meng Jinghui's "Amber".The scene where the heroine Xiaoyou stands in front of the hospital bed.

She said: All love is sad, but sad as it is, it is still the best thing we know.

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