Pavlov and the White Moonlight

We booked tickets for the next day.Tang Shuhe's leave was very difficult to get, and he had to leave the next day, and he was very anxious for a while.When it was finally done, the two of us just picked up our bags and left before we caught up with the plane.

He didn't sleep well last night. When he was waiting for the plane, his face was pale, he held a cup of coffee, pinched the paper cup over and over again, and refused to drink. I snatched his cup and said, "Sleep for a while, I will call you later. "

He pursed his lips, and I clicked his tongue, put his head on my shoulder, and said, "Sleep for a while."

Tang Shuhe fell on my shoulder. I stared blankly at the screen at the boarding gate. The subtitles slowly passed, showing our destination. I remembered last night.At that time, he turned his back to me and said, "I tried my best, but there is nothing I can do."

"I may never be able to change back into the person you once liked."

He turned his back to me, I looked at his thin back, and suddenly an uncontrollable sourness welled up in my eyes, I turned my head and sneered under cover: "Idiot."

What will I know when I go back... I guessed a vague shadow, it must be related to his parents, it will never be a good thing, but in the end, I want to know.

The eight-year nightmare that trapped me and him, I want to know after all.

He lowered his head, took a rag, and wiped the cooking table carefully over and over again. I rubbed my nose and said, "I have you in my heart, you know."

He paused and said, "I..."

"I'll accompany you back this time. When your parents see me, they will think that I belong to you. You understand." I said.

He doesn't speak.I said: "The two of us are not in a hurry. The biggest thing now is your father. Your illness... If it happens again, we will go to the hospital. I just checked on the Internet, and the side effects of those anti-anxiety drugs are quite serious. Yes, some of them are addictive...Haven't you not had an attack for two or three years? If you don't take medicine, try not to take medicine. What will happen...I have seen it too. If you are sick, treat it, don't be afraid of."

He was silent for a long time, but when I went to get a bowl of porridge, he suddenly came over and kissed the corner of my mouth lightly.

I froze for a moment, Tang Shuhe's eyes were still swollen, and he smiled slightly at me.

He sleeps unsteadily on my shoulder.I sat there, stealing sips of his coffee openly, and after a while, I looked down and he was leaning against me, eyes open.I was a little embarrassed, and shook the cup: "...well, I'm done drinking."

He shook his head, glanced at his phone, and said, "I'll buy you another drink."

"No, no, no need," I gave him a hand and showed him the phone, "Look, look."

Before we left, we sent Lu Bowen and Xiao Ke to the pet foster care center. The people in the foster care center sent us photos of the two of them just now. Looking at the photos, they are quite happy. They didn’t leave because of the fathers. Sifan didn't want to think about it, and was trying to cooperate to open the cage. I laughed for a long time, and then sighed: "After all, it's better to be comfortable at home. Lu Bowen never sleeps in a cage at home."

Tang Shuhe sat back and watched silently for a while.

The flight took two hours, and I was sitting next to Tang Shuhe, typing all the time. Tang Shuhe caught a short sleep on the plane, got off the plane and went straight to the hospital. Before that, he and his mother had a few conversations I called back to find out about my condition.I don't know what happened between him and his parents, but it seems that in the past seven or eight years, neither side has the intention of backing down.His father had cirrhosis of the liver for several years, and he has been able to maintain it. Because there has been no contact, Tang Shuhe didn't even know that his father had liver disease, but in the past six months, his father suddenly began to vomit blood and lethargy. When he was hospitalized, the ascites had disappeared. It was very serious, and later because of hepatic encephalopathy, I kept talking nonsense.

He kept calling Tang Shuhe's name.

When his mother talked about this on the phone, Tang Shuhe was sitting with me in the car bound for the airport. He heard this, frowned indiscriminately, and closed his eyes.

When we arrived, his mother was taking out the bedpan. When she saw Tang Shuhe and me, her expression changed. After all, she nodded at us and went out with the bedpan.I glanced inside, and saw a pot of black and red blood-like things, like melted internal organs.

My impression of his father is still eight years ago. If it wasn't for the single ward, I would not be able to recognize that the old man who collapsed on the bed was a man as tall and strong as a tower at that time.I still remember the scene where he hit Tang Shuhe's head against the wall, and I will always remember his face at that time.But now he is dying in the hospital bed, with a sallow and swollen face, and his stomach is swollen like a hill until it becomes transparent. It made him have to spread his two swollen legs apart. Looking at it like that, one could only remain silent.

He was still asleep, or unconscious.The moment I saw this person, I truly understood what Tang Shuhe's mother meant when she said on the phone, "it's almost over" and "it's only a few days away".

Tang Shuhe looked at him silently, and after a while, said, "Why is the belly so big?"

His mother came back after emptying the potty, sat by the bed, sighed, and said, "It was worse than this a few days ago, and it came out a little after a puncture... But he is like this, he can't stand the puncture, and he can survive it." hold on."

Tang Shuhe nodded.He took off his coat, put down his bag, and said to his mother, "Go home and sleep first. I'll watch here."

His mother nodded wearily, and looked at me hesitantly.

I thought to myself, what do you think I am doing? Your son is also a patient. Doesn’t he need someone to take care of him? I sighed and said, “He and I will take turns on duty at night. Go slowly.”

She thought for a while, sighed, stood up, lowered her head and straightened the hem of her clothes, and said slowly, "Then... sorry for your inconvenience, child."

I said, "You are welcome."

She raised her head, smiled stiffly at me, and hurried away.

Tang Shuhe bent down, moistened his father's lips with a wet cotton swab, sat down and started peeling apples, and I said, "Hey, he can't eat now."

He raised his head and twitched the corner of his mouth at me, saying, "I cut it for you."

I was stunned, he peeled the apple and handed it to me, then said: "You don't need to watch the night with me. You can go home in the afternoon and see your parents."

I shook my head and didn't answer.I came back this time to say hello to my parents and told them the situation directly.I said that Tang Shuhe's father is going to die soon, so his mother and him are the only ones to accompany him at home. Tang Shuhe is not in good health during this time, so I have to help. My mother was very surprised at first, and said when will you get involved with him again Yes, I probably understood in my heart later on, after all, I was a bachelor for eight years. They knew from the beginning, hesitated for a long time, and finally just said that if you want to help with other people's affairs, you can go home if you have no place to live live.

My mother sighed on the phone and said, "You just fell on him, didn't you?"

I was still in the house in City X, squatting on the ground with a cigarette in my mouth, packed my luggage in a hurry, bit the cigarette holder, and said: "One size is one size, now is not the time to talk about that."

I came back to my senses, took a bite of the apple, and said to Tang Shuhe, "How do you feel now?"

He paused and said, "It's okay. It's really okay."

I nodded and didn't speak again.Tang Shuhe was still insisting: "You..."

I waved my hand and interrupted him.The person on the bed moved.He opened his eyes, turned his yellow eyes, saw Tang Shuhe, stared blankly for a while, and suddenly let out a hoarse and muddy cry from his throat, and waved his hand full of tubes as hard as he could, I knew it was because he wanted to touch Tang Shuhe, but Tang Shuhe put his hands away, walked around him and rang the nurse's bell, saying, "What do you want?"

But he just barked, barked twice, saw that Tang Shuhe ignored him, and finally stopped barking, staring at the ceiling, tears streaming down his face.

We all know he hasn't lost his speech, he just can't speak.

When the nurse came, she didn't find anything wrong, so she adjusted the infusion rate, gave some instructions and left.Tang Shuhe glanced at the bedpan, but there was nothing in it, so he gently massaged his swollen legs. He just looked at Tang Shuhe, tears kept streaming.

Tang Shuhe said in a low voice: "I said, I will come back to see you die."

The man closed his eyes.The way he silently closed his eyes after weeping was very similar to Tang Shuhe.After a while, he turned his head and gave me a slight sideways look as if he had just realized that there was someone else in the room. The look was very calm, even a little strange. He looked at me for a while, then turned his head away.

With the rapid decline of his life, he babbled less and less often, but his thinking became more and more confused. Sometimes he called Tang Shuhe by name, sometimes asked Tang Shuhe "where's your mother?" Sleeping most of the time, or whimpering in pain while half asleep.

Once he even recognized me as some kind of relative of his, and talked to me a few words incoherently. I sat there, and Tang Shuhe and Tang Shuhe looked at each other, and the expressions on each other were indescribably complicated.

He died three days later in the early hours of the morning.It happened that Tang Shuhe and I were on night duty that day. Just after midnight, Tang Shuhe pushed me to sleep for a while. At that time, his father woke up suddenly. He seemed to be in good spirits. He looked at Tang Shuhe and said, "What are you doing here?" Some speak clearly.

Tang Shuhe didn't answer. Gu Zi wiped his body for him. He looked at Tang Shuhe and said, "You're playing here after you finished your homework?"

Tang Shuhe sighed and said, "I'm working."

"Trash," he said.

Tang Shuhe acted as if he didn't hear it.After a while, his father said slowly, "Oh. You're working."

Tang Shuhe raised his head and said to me, "Turn him sideways for me."

I pushed his shoulders, two people turned to him, and Tang Shuhe wiped his back.Then suddenly I heard him say, "How is he treating you?"

Tang Shuhe and I were stunned at the same time.Tang Shuhe's eyes trembled violently, and he wiped his back calmly, laid him flat, and said to me, "Lu Huai."

I understood his questioning expression and nodded to him.He took my hand in front of his father and said to him, "Did you see it?"

His father looked blankly at us for a while and said, "This is your classmate? You did well in the exam this time. I can give you a day off on weekends. Go out and play."

Tang Shuhe's eyes darkened.

Not long after, he suddenly began to vomit a lot of blood, and the blood gushed out as if he couldn't hold it in his body. After nearly an hour of rescue, he was gone before Tang Shuhe's mother arrived.

No decent last words.He died in agony, was very insane, and was vomiting blood all the time, and it was more like relief when it was all over.People didn't go too fast. Tang Shuhe sat there when the doctor notified his family. He didn't react for a long time. When the doctor and nurse began to wipe the blood from the corner of his mouth, Tang Shuhe asked in a daze: "Can the ascites go away?" ?”

I put my arms around his shoulders.Tang Shuhe shook his head, stood up and went to scrub his body. Tang Shuhe and I were changing his clothes when Tang Shuhe's mother arrived. His mother took a look and screamed: "Is there no rescue? Is there no rescue?" Throwing over to shake him, his body was already a little stiff from the cold, shaking up and down, Tang Shuhe let go of his hand, and said softly: "Bleeding heavily, I can't save it, I didn't leave a message. Put on your clothes, I'll contact you funeral parlor."

His mother put her arms around his father's neck blankly, looked up at Tang Shuhe's indifferent expression, stared at him for a while with disbelief, then suddenly lowered her head and burst into tears.

I followed Tang Shuhe out, the inpatient department at midnight was empty, Tang Shuhe looked calm and indifferent, but he even forgot his coat, frowning in the cold wind to call the funeral parlor, I tightened my clothes and put the coat on On Tang Shuhe's shoulder, he walked a little further and lit a cigarette.

Halfway through the draw, Tang Shuhe came over, put on his coat, leaned against the pillar, and I said, "Have you got in touch?"

He nodded and said, "Give me a sip."

I glanced at him and handed him the cigarette, he leaned over, took a jerky puff, frowned, coughed violently, bent down until he coughed, and when he raised his head again, his eye circles were a little red .

I stroked his back: "Is it better?"

"Lu Huai," he asked suddenly without beginning or end, "what do you think this is?"

What this is, I don't know.I took a puff of smoke, only to feel so empty and absurd.

"It's the end of the road," I said.

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