Rebirth promises you to love

Life will not always be smooth sailing, peaceful and happy.

On Friday evening, I went to pick up Xiao Nian as usual. The growth of children is amazing, and every day is different from the previous day.He is very smart, but he likes to think about things in silence a lot of the time, just like when I was a child.He is not a child that teachers often boast about, but he can draw simple strokes of curly sheep and four-legged pigs.

In the previous life, he had been growing silently in places I didn't know. In this life, I traveled through time and saw him.

He gradually began to silently accept that I helped him carry his schoolbag, and he would walk in front to find my car, open the door and sit in obediently. Sometimes when I sat at Su Lingling's house for a short time, he would take out a Sudoku book. Fill it out with me.

I didn't expect to meet Zhao Mei when I stopped the car and went to DQ to buy ice cream for Xiao Nian.

When Zhao Mei saw me, she approached enthusiastically, "Don't you have a bad stomach and can't eat ice? Why are you here?"

"How do you know I don't eat ice cream?"

"That disgusting woman Song Yulu made an ice cream cake for our group to eat, but Mr. Su said that his wife can't eat ice, so he can't get used to it anymore. You don't even know how ugly that woman's face is. I She looks happy, and today I invite people in our group to eat DQ." She just had her hair permed, and her hair is full of curly hair, which reminds me of the Golden Retriever Lion King.

"Hey, who is this?"

Xiao Nian, who was wearing a woolen hat and a red down jacket, was exposed in front of her.

Zhao Mei's smile froze on his face.

"Wait a minute, can't this be?" Zhao Mei was so surprised that he couldn't speak.

"That's right, this is my son." Actually, if I could deny it, I wouldn't admit it, but Xiao Nian looks too much like me.The raised eyebrows are also innately shaped.The same slender eyes, slightly pointed chin, is simply a shrunken version of me.

Xiao Nian burst into hostility towards Zhao Mei, and stretched out her two tender arms to me as if in a demonstration, and I hugged him up.

"Who is his mother?" Zhao Mei asked blankly.

"Su Lingling." I replied.

"Have you told Teacher Su?"

I suddenly felt tired, "No."

I turned around and wanted to go out. Just as I reached the car door with Xiao Nian in my arms, I saw the familiar silver-gray Passat stop in the rearview mirror. Su Ruchun yelled at Zhao Mei: "You have been buying ice cream for so long, they asked me to take you along. go back."

I actually want to escape.

"Han Ruo, why are you here?" Su Ruchun called me from behind.

I put Xiao Nian in the car, showed him the book of fairy tales, and told him to wait for me for a while.

Su Ruchun obviously also saw Xiao Nian, and unconsciously clenched his right hand.

Zhao Mei's voice was almost hysterical, "Han Ruo, if you can't take responsibility, why bother to provoke another? Dr. Su, why don't you ask him, shouldn't you ask for an explanation for how he treats you?"

Su Ruchun let her pull his arm by the side, with a cold expression, without saying a word.

I was on the verge of being out of breath, and even lost a bit of the demeanor that a man should have. My tone was unusually blunt: "Miss Zhao, there is no need for outsiders to intervene in our affairs."

Zhao Mei blushed, took a few breaths, but still wanted to speak.

I gave her a hard look.

Su Ruchun pulled out the hand that was held by Zhao Mei, and said softly, "You go back first, I will take care of the two of us."

Zhao Mei gave me a bitter look, got in a taxi and left.

Su Ruchun's dark eyes are not as bright as they used to be, they seem a bit self-defeating and gloomy, "It's okay, I planted the cause in the first place, tolerated you and pampered you to the bottom line, and now I have such a fruit, I deserve it."

My breath was choked in my throat and I couldn't speak.

In the cold Beijing in January, the exhaled air condenses into tiny white water droplets, which gradually disappear in the dry and cold air.

Xiao Nian patted on the car window.

"I'll send him back first." In the end, that's all I could say.

"Last time I asked you if you remember the way home, do you still remember?"

"Of course I remember, wait for me to come back." I said.

I hit the gas pedal, thoughts racing through my mind.

In fact, Zhao Mei was wrong. It's not that I can't take responsibility, but I can't think of any way to get both.

Although this child is the bitter fruit of the past, if he can't bear it, how can he be a man and a father!

When I went back, his coat was everywhere, but I searched around, and there was no one in the bedroom, no one in the bathroom, no one in the kitchen, and no one in the dining room.

Finally, I pushed open the door of the guest room, and the smell of smoke in the room made me take a step back.

He stood in front of the fallen window with cigarette butts piled under his feet.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"Only occasionally."

"I am back."

"Aren't all doctors supposed to smoke?"

"So, I'm not a good doctor."

He walked up to me, and a tobacco-smelling kiss swept over him. His lips were cool, and he was wearing only a thin shirt in a room without air conditioning. He lifted the hem of my sweater with his arm, It hugged my waist, and the naked skin was pressed against the cold tight forearm, and I couldn't help shivering.

The arms around the waist tightened, tightened again, but the embrace was hot.

He just maintained the hug that almost made me stand still, and the smell of tobacco lingered on the tip of my nose, "That, is it really your son?"

"Yes." In fact, I have always hated the smell of tobacco, but at this moment I don't want to avoid it at all.

"his mom?"

"That primary school girl Zhao Mei."

"Have you not been in touch for a long time? Why did a child suddenly appear?"

"If she can still take care of her, she probably won't let me know about Xiao Nian's existence in this lifetime. She has Slow Grain."

"Oh, it turns out that you will come home late these few months, and you don't want to go home during the Chinese New Year, it's all because of this."

Years ago, Su Li and Du Liya came back from their honeymoon in Europe, Ruchun celebrated the New Year with them, but I did not go back to my hometown.

I hugged Xiao Nian, set off fireworks with him, and played with smashing cannons.

"Then do you want to spend a few years with their mother and son, leave some good memories for that girl, and let your son have a happy family?"

"I've never thought about it that way. Maybe I'm selfish, but there are always times when people have to be selfish."

The shoulder blades were pinched hard, "Do you think that if you really want to leave, it will be so easy?"

I smiled, "It doesn't matter, I can't get out anyway. Xiao Nian is my son, I can't ignore him, he has a part of me in his body, he is the continuation of my life, can you understand? That kind of feeling, really, I don’t know how to express it, but when I see him, I feel that my shoulders need to be thicker, and I need to work harder in my studies.”

"I do not blame you."

I froze.

"For the past, just blame it once or twice. If you always blame you for the past, there is no way for the two of us to make it to the end. Do you know that Du Liya is pregnant?"

I was stunned again, Du Liya was pregnant, why no one told me about this?

"It was my father who told me that if you love someone, you must let her bear a child for you, a child with the blood of two people flowing, so that two people can take root together and never separate."

"Should I congratulate myself on being an uncle first, or laugh at the fact that you finally became an older brother when you are almost 30 years old?"

"Congratulations." He held my hand, his eyes were a little sad.

We stayed quietly for a while in the airtight room polluted by tobacco, like a sultry and peaceful night before a storm, with dragonflies flying low, mentally itchy and out of breath.

I prayed in Kumbum Monastery that he would have no wife and no children, but I didn't expect that I already had a son.

Finally, he stood up and flicked the cigarette ash on his trouser legs, "These days I always feel that you have something to hide from me, and I have been waiting for you to tell me, but I still have to embarrass myself to bump into it."

"I haven't thought about how to tell you, it's not that I don't want to tell you." I murmured.

"Han Ruo, have you ever thought about our future?"

"Why not, I've thought about it thousands of times." I said, planning the future thousands of times, I've been trying to make myself strong enough to be by his side no matter what.

Su Li once said to me, "I let you be together because you have the determination and perseverance to turn yourself into someone who can be by his side under any conditions. As a father, I can't help but be selfish , I hope my son is happy, so I also hope that you will not disappoint my hope."

"Then why are you afraid? Why are there things you dare not let me know? Do you think you are so unworthy of tolerance and forgiveness? Why are you unwilling to confess? Why are you unwilling to believe me?"

He paused, then continued, "If we keep concealing and being concealed like this, we can only walk into a dead end. I don't want to form strangers in the end, or even turn against each other. It's better to break up now."

I stood up and cheated, "Hey, Su Ruchun, why are you so despicable? Why, put me by your side and let me fall in love with you, okay, now someone fucked you, wiped it off, you can be so simple Just say breakup?"

He said the heartbroken expression when he broke up, he blamed me for not being honest, I just pretended not to see it.

I'm not a gentleman, how can there be such a cheap thing, he gave me so much, made me make so many promises, made so many decisions, and then shouted to stop, who can bear it?It's not that I'm mean, now that I have a son, even if I have a dozen or twenty sons, he will have to raise him with me!

"Didn't I just fuck you? At worst, I'll let you come back." He was only wearing a shirt, the top buttons were not buttoned at all, and with two fingertip movements, he took off his shirt easily, revealing the handsome bones , a thin but muscular white upper body.

I walked over, grabbed his chin with my index finger and thumb, and lifted his face, such a face that I wanted to hold in my heart, such a face that I wanted to tear apart and abuse.

"Don't regret it." I said.

I watched my hands paint the landscape on his upper body, the protruding collarbone, the two small protuberances on his chest.

The fire of lust gradually started to ignite, I kissed his left chest, and kneaded that point with my right hand almost crazily.

He didn't dodge or dodge, I pulled him to the bed, and then pushed him down.

There is no power to resist, only to bear silently.

I want to fuck, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him to death.

He hurts and I know it.His fair face was icy cold, and there was a fine layer of cold sweat on his forehead, his thin and white teeth tightly clasped his pale lips, only the bitten spot was stained with blood, which was particularly coquettish.

Without the slightest lubricity, I ruthlessly squeezed halfway in with my waist straightened out.

The dry inner wall, the warm almost stagnant package,

It turns out that this is love, love is not only flowers and rain, sunshine and breeze, intimate kisses, warm hugs, wonderful sex.

Deep in love, there will be pain and suffering, doubt and betrayal, heartbreak and disappointment.

Love wants to abuse, it wants to hurt, it wants to destroy.

He was so tight inside that my hands trembled in the end, and I couldn't push any more.Looking at his face, the black eyes reflecting my face, I feel that the world is empty.

I slumped out and lay on the bed next to him.

After a long time, he asked softly, "Why didn't you do it?"

I said, "My heart hurts, my heart hurts."

He scratched his sweaty hair, "TMD, you should do it in the future, I can't do it anymore."

Hurting him hurts more than hurting myself. Sure enough, my thoughts at the beginning have not changed.

"Han Ruo, you are such a rascal, what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to help me raise my son, I want you to help me support my mother, I want you to be obediently by my side, wash and cook for me, little lady, just obey me."