[OA] No one talks about love lightly

"I saw that person again, the person I forced to leave, the person I hurt severely. The moment I saw him, I felt that those memories that had never been lost in time suddenly became extremely clear .He stood in front of me with a lively expression, the same big smile on his face as always. I feel nostalgic, and at the same time feel pain. The blood all over the body is violently rushing against the walls of the blood vessels, and they are screaming crazily Focusing on the joy of reunion and deep regret. However, unlike the changing expressions on his face, there was no joy, no anger, no wavering in his eyes, and he calmly made people despair. He looked at me and told me that we never started Pass."



"Long time no see, Xiaojing."

"Only four years."

"Why didn't you tell me when you left?"

"My uncle said 'さよなら' to you, don't say you forgot."

"I miss you these four years."

"you sure?"

"I seem to like you, what should I do?"

"Fix it yourself, that's not something my uncle must consider."

"Let's start over."

Ninzuzu's voice was so gentle, he could have sworn that in his 22 years of life, Ninzu Yuuji had never spoken such a line to anyone in such a serious tone.

"Have we ever started?"

However, there was irrefutable doubt in Atobe's voice.

"...Let me say, Xiao Jing, can you stop being thorny in every sentence?"

"This is how my uncle talks. Besides, I didn't order you to talk with my uncle. If you have any objections, you can go to Shishido and the others over there."

"...Could it be that you are still angry with me?"

"Why is my uncle angry with you? Have you ever done anything to make my uncle angry?"

"I did too much to you in the third year of high school, I'm sorry." (The flower-arranging rabbit: It's really too much... But why do people think this sentence is so cute...~>_<~I'm sorry I'm intentionally misleading...)

"It doesn't matter if that's what you're referring to. Did my uncle say it then? 'It doesn't matter anymore.'"

"Important. Important to me."

"That's your business."

"Xiao Jing, let's start again."

Shinobu looked at Atobe with serious eyes, and Atobe could see Shinobu's sincerity.But Atobe's heart was as calm as a pool of stagnant water, Ren Zuo's words just passed lonely in the sky, without leaving a trace of ripple on the water surface.

If, just if.If this sentence was four years ago, it might be able to make Atobe let go of his self-esteem, and after scolding Shinobu severely, he buried his head in his arms and cried for a while, and then, as Atobe once thought, maybe he and Shinobu It is really possible to fall in love, but it is only if.

The time when we could be in love is long gone, Atobe thought, or maybe that time doesn't exist anywhere.

Atobe sighed: "After being separated in that way, you know it's impossible."

"There is no 'impossible' in Xiao Jing's dictionary, this is the law of your world, isn't it?"

"It's a pity that the laws of my world have long been broken by a certain insidious and cunning Kansai wolf." Speaking of this, Atobe shrugged his shoulders, his tone was full of ridicule, and then Atobe went to Ninzu and patted Ninzu on the shoulder, "But You also taught me a lot of things. Although I thought it was not a good thing at the time, but after thinking about it later, it might be very useful for my future life. In this regard, maybe I still have to thank you. "

After finishing speaking, Atobe walked towards Shishido and his party who were having a lively conversation.

"Xiaojing, what did you just say I taught you?" Shinozu asked softly from behind Atobe.

Atobe turned his head, half of his face was frozen with a smile of Ninzuzu, his eyes under the slightly drooping eyelashes slowly raised until he locked Ninzuzu's eyes tightly, Atobe opened his lips, and a deep and gorgeous voice poured out like flowing water : "For example, don't give your heart to others wishful thinking──"

Seeing that the smile on Ninzuzu's face became a little stiff for a moment, Atobe laughed: "Ninzuzu, I was joking. Actually, you let me understand that there are always things in this world that are not under my control. 'The limit of ability', you made me realize this. When I was young, I was too naive, always thinking that as long as I wanted something, I would never have something I couldn't get, but now that I think about it, it's just the self-righteousness of an ignorant kid , very capricious, right?"

"It's not capricious at all. As long as it's what you want, you can definitely get it, and you're right." Shinobu felt that what Atobe said in a calm tone had the power to make him hurt.The faint pain in the bottom of my heart repeatedly reminded Renzu what he had done to the person in front of him.

Ninja reached out his hand to Atobe, "You got it."

Atobe's expression became puzzled, but before he opened his mouth, a sleepy voice came from behind Shinobu.

"Yuki, it's not good to hit someone else's lover~"

Turning back reluctantly, I saw another familiar but somewhat unfamiliar face.

"Ci Lang! You guy was also called by Atobu?" Yue Ren shouted.

"I didn't get called~ Xiaojing and I came back together. After graduating from high school, Xiaojing went to Germany to study at the same university as me. By the way, Xiaojing is my lover, so everyone here please Don't take my Xiaojing's idea~"

"Who is your lover?"

"Xiao Jing, don't be so ruthless~ We've already kissed~"

"Bastard! That was an accident! It was an accident! My uncle helped you up because he saw you fell asleep on the road and was about to fall! It turned out to be careless...!!!"

"Anyway, that's it~ Especially Yushi," Ciro put his hands on Ninzu with a smile, "Although my Xiaojing once dated you, but now he is my lover~ So you must, absolutely, definitely You can't get my Xiaojing's idea~ Because those who disturb other people's love path will be kicked to death by the horse..."

As he spoke, Jirou's voice became lower and lower, and finally fell asleep while maintaining the posture leaning against Shinobu.

Atobe grabbed Jirou who had fallen asleep and threw him on the sofa, cursing as he threw it: "If you want to sleep, you bastard, go to sleep alone! Don't cause trouble to others!"

From the perspective of others, the interaction between the two just now can be summed up in one sentence.

A flirting between lovers or a quarrel between young couples.

However, seeing the same scene in Shinozu's eyes made it difficult for him to breathe.

I see.It turned out that Atobe felt like this when he saw himself hugging another girl.I could feel the heaviness in my chest increasing little by little.

It turned out that the original him experienced such heaviness and pain repeatedly every day.

It turned out that the original self had been repeating such cruel things.

Is this the so-called punishment?Is it the punishment I have to suffer for the crime of hurting the person in front of me?

If so, will he return to his side with a proud smile after the punishment?As if nothing had happened?If he returns to her side, Renzu thinks that she will use her whole life to make up for the crimes she once committed against him.

But he has to be willing to come back.

Keigo Atobe, he has never been a person who can be hurt at will.

Shinobu looked at the back of Atobe who was talking with others, and felt that the light from the huge crystal chandelier above his head made everything about him invisible.That was a feeling that Shinobu, who was always good at disguising, could never adapt to.But even so, Shinobu still maintained his usual beautiful smile without losing the slightest demeanor.

Atobe looked back halfway and saw the smiling figure of Renzuzu, and seemed to feel a little lonely.That was a reflection that shouldn't exist on Shinozu.

Atobe turned his head and thought for a while, but he took two glasses of wine and walked towards Ninzuzu. Atobe handed the wine glass in his left hand to Ninzuzu. He raised his right hand and said "cheers" with a smile, and then drank the red wine in the glass in one gulp.On the neck under the raised round chin, even light blue veins can be seen through the thin white skin.

The index finger of Atobe's left hand caressed the rim of the crystal goblet in circles, and he lowered his eyes to look at the glass in his hand.The marble floor seen through the glass is subtly distorted.Atobe suddenly raised his head and looked at Shinobu, and said, "Ninzu, what happens when the light passes through the glass?"

"……refraction."

"The direction of the light won't change after passing through the glass with a certain thickness, but there will be no intersection with the original light. Do you understand?"

Atobe Keigo and Ninazu Yushi, there is such a layer of glass between us.Even with the same mood but always on different tracks.For light it is space that blocks them, but for us it is time.The time when we have the same mood is staggered, there is no overlap.

"A point of intersection exists for rays incident at right angles."

"It's a pity that we are not straightforward people." Atobe took the cup back from Ninzuzu's hand, "Do you understand? That's why I said that we are impossible. Moreover, in my opinion, you, like Shishido and the others, are just friends .As I said on the phone in the morning, I used to like you. I have liked you since the second year of junior high school. That kind of relationship lasted for five years. If it was during those five years, I would never love you Say 'like,' but now I can say it easily. You don't know what that means."

How could Ninzuzu not understand what Atobe meant.

Unlike Ninjazu, Atobe has never been a person who would say "like" and "love" on his lips.His self-esteem and insincerity prevent him from expressing love directly to the person he likes.However, the current Atobe is not confessing, he is just objectively stating a fact that has become past tense.The reason why I can frankly express my feelings at that time is because in Atobe's heart now, it is over.

It has ended.Only after it was over could Atobe be able to say the phrase "like" to Shinozu that he had never heard at the time.

Why was it not discovered at that time?Obviously, since we met in the second year of junior high school, I knew that Atobe was not a frank person.

Ninzuzu knows that Atobu is different from himself who is gentle on the outside and indifferent on the inside, and has a softer heart under the proud expression and sarcasm.Atobe's self-esteem is very high, and it was impossible to express his feelings frankly.Especially after Renzu adopted such a casual attitude, he would not say anything.There is no confession or scolding, because he can't speak, so he can only express his joy and sorrow, love and jealousy in his awkward way.But why didn't it find out?

Atobe is gentle, so he will tell Shinobu tactfully that they are over.However, Shinobu, who understood the meaning of Atobe, felt that a certain area in his heart was dissociated bit by bit.The feelings that are running around but can't be vented make Renzu put on a smiling mask and say casual words in a joking tone.

"Obviously it was my fault at the beginning, but you are still willing to give me the status of a 'friend' now. Do you think I should thank you for your tolerance now?"

Obviously didn't want to say that.Obviously didn't want to say that.

"You are no longer a brat who doesn't understand anything, Renzu. Don't say things like this kind of child." Atobe said with a frown.

Shishido, who was next to him, finally realized that there was something wrong with the atmosphere between the two of them. The young man with long hair came over and said, "I said you two won't start arguing as soon as you meet, right? We finally met again after such a long time." !"

Shinobu took a deep breath, and the moment he closed his eyes, a sense of dizziness rushed through his mind.When he opened his eyes again, he had returned to his usual easy-going smile: "Ryo, it's a little strange that Atobe and I don't argue anymore?"

"That's true." Shishido nodded when he realized that it seemed like he shouldn't go deep into the situation, "You two don't get along at all! Forget it. You have to raise the bar slowly, and I will step aside first so as not to disturb you."

Atobe handed the wine glass to the servant beside him with a smile, and turned to leave.

After seeing off his middle school friends, Atobe returned to the overly large living room, and mercilessly kicked Jirou who was sleeping on the sofa.The strength developed through years of tennis training made Cilang wake up in an instant: "Hey, hey, hey, what happened?"

As soon as he looked up, he saw Atobe's face smiling too brightly.Knowing that this meant Her Lady Queen was in an extremely bad mood, the drowsiness left by Cirou disappeared immediately.

"Akutagawa Jirou, please explain to me. When did I become your lover?"

Cilang, who bumped into the Queen's killing intent head-on, smiled harmlessly: "Because Xiaojing's expression seemed troubled at the time. Besides, we were indeed lovers once, so what I said is not completely a lie──Although we only dated Two months."

Atobe remained silent, just looked down at Jirou sitting on the sofa with his eyes.

"Okay Xiaojing, I just did what I think is right. What Yushi needs now is a reason to let him give up. This is the best for you and him. Xiaojing, you know that seeing now How would you feel about it, because you have never been a cruel person, so you would never want to torture him. Wouldn't it be the best way to let him give up by himself? Or, "Cirou deeply Looking into Atobe's eyes carefully, wanting to see a ripple in the calm water of the two pools, "Do you think you can't forget him?"

Atobe's eyes were quiet, without a trace of wavering: "I have never started with him. If this is the case, why do you think I can't just forget him completely? The moment I saw him at night, I was sure. That kind of pain has not recovered. As I said, pain is an instinct of people, a kind of alarm for things that can threaten their own safety. But now I don’t feel pain, which is enough to prove that forbearance is enough for me There is no threat anymore. We never started. It took nine years, but everything is back to square one, he was just an acquaintance in my life, like anyone else. Well, now what do you want Are you relieved?"

After saying these words in his usual gorgeous tone, Atobe sat down next to Jirou.He gracefully folded his legs, stretched out his right hand to support his cheek, and his slender ring finger gently swept across the tear mole at the corner of his eye.Blue eyes slantedly fixed on Cirou's face.That is the water light that can make anyone willing to drown in it.

His eyes were sparkling, with a trace of laziness and a trace of desertedness, five points of temptation and five points of rejection, and full of aloofness and pride.It contains all the uncertainties and dangers in the world.Knowing that once it sinks, it is absolutely impossible to get out without getting wet, but there are still people who seem to be bewitched and willingly jump down and never return.

...But Xiaojing, you are no longer the same as you were back then.Cirou shook his head and sighed softly.

You can never go back to where you started.For your heart has died with the love you have given enough.

Hanging from a tree is silly.You think so, so you leave.But you left your heart under that tree.Could this be considered a smart choice?

Ren Zuzu opened his eyes, feeling that the world in front of him was blurred.The headache seems to no longer belong to me, every nerve distributed in the scalp is throbbing violently, the throbbing pain is simply unbearable.Renzu even had the illusion that the brain in his skull was also throbbing with pain.

Renzu raised his wrist, but felt sore all over his body.Sitting up vigorously, a towel fell from his forehead, and landed on the bed sheet on the right side with a soft "snap".

"Damn..." Renzu raised his right hand to hold his painful forehead, and gently rubbed his slightly sunken temple with his thumb, "I have a terrible headache..."

"You know it hurts too? How about it? Doesn't the hangover feel good?" The wine-red haired young man walked in, with a petite figure, "Yushi, you big idiot, after you came out of Atobe's house yesterday, you went to the bar." , do you think you didn’t drink enough at the class reunion? We accompanied you to the bar and you ignored everyone’s advice and poured one cup after another, and finally fell to the ground and couldn’t get up. I moved with Shido I didn't move you, but in the end Feng picked you up and transported you back from the bar. I said what happened to you yesterday?"

Ren Zu rubbed his brows and looked at the young man, then said: "Oh, so it's Yue Ren."

"Yushi, are you sleepy?" Yue was angry, "Bastard, I risked being repaired by Hiji to death after I went back to stay and take care of you! Did you wake up and only say 'So it's Yueren'? !"

"Okay, okay, don't show off your happy life with that gloomy boy in front of me, a lonely person." Hiji chased him all the way from junior high school to high school, and finally, after skipping high school for a year, he chased him to university. Finally sweet now.On the other hand, looking at myself... I smiled wryly.

"Yushi, you and Atobe..." After hesitating for a while, Xiang Ri finally stopped talking, "You are really an idiot."

"Hey hey~" Shinozu smiled and echoed, "I'm an idiot~"

Not only an idiot, but also a bastard, or else he didn't realize his beauty and his cuteness at all, and just let him go away from her in vain.What's the use of regretting afterwards, not everything is like in the story, if you find a mistake and correct it, you can get back to the perfect track.If you missed it, you missed it. There were so many possibilities, but I just chose the one that should not be chosen.

He said it never started.

This is the case, even if you have the same mood, what if you have the same mood, the river formed by time in the middle, you can't swim.At that time, when the ground was still flat between the two of them, Atobe stood there quietly waiting for Shinozu to walk over, no matter what Shinozu did, he just waited in place, but at that time, Shinobu didn't know to look back.Now Ninzuzu has finally turned his head, and Atobe has turned and left on the other side of the river, without looking back or nostalgic.Shinobu could only look at his receding back, at his hair disheveled by the wind and a short section of fair neck, at his straight back and slender limbs.

make life difficult for.Shinobu could no longer catch up with Atobe.

There was never even a beginning between them.It was originally like this, only when two people have the same mood at the same time can it really start.

They never even started.

"Forget it, you'd better sleep for a while. I'll wash the towel with cold water for you." Xiang Ri pushed Renzu back to the bed, and then walked out.Xiang Ri didn't tell Shinozu, and now the smile on his face is empty, which makes people sad.

Shinobuzu closed his eyes and fell into a drowsy sleep again.

In the intermittent sleep, I endured a dream.In the flickering light and shadow, only Atobe's figure kept flashing.Swaths of golden sunlight and black shadows occasionally mingled with the blue of the sky flashed by.The scenery in front of me is wobbly, and my eyes will be dazzled by accident, but that point will never be missed, and my eyes will always be glued to that point, firmly stuck to it.

He is waving a tennis racket under the dazzling sunlight, with a confident smile, sweat dripping from his forehead, cheeks, and chin; he is sitting on a chair in the student union room, his eyes are full of seriousness, and he is concentrating on handling every task. He couldn't hear the document even if he was called; during the school festival, he insisted on going to the haunted house to play, but when he reached the door, he began to hesitate again.

He walked on the campus where the warm wind was blowing in his face, he fought hard on the hot and energetic court, he stopped on the tree-lined avenue full of falling cherry blossoms, and he turned his head in the cold street where snow and ice fell.

He went through springs, summers, autumns and winters in the dream of Ren Zuzu, and it started again and again.He walked through every scene and every moment gracefully and calmly, and his immature face gradually became mature and resolute.

Waking up from the dream, Renzu finally understood his cowardice and selfishness.

Mingming has already seen his every move, obviously caring about him for a long time.It’s just that subconsciously I don’t believe that such a person who is so arrogant to the limit will really like me, because I don’t want to hurt myself when we part, so I keep telling myself that he just wants a game of conquest, a match of equal strength. It's just a contest.Facts have proved that if you tell a lie to yourself too much, it will become true, so you subconsciously believe that this is the truth, so you just treat it according to your usual pattern.

That was just a lie told to myself to protect myself.

Renzu grabbed his hair tightly and pulled it hard. The sharp canine teeth pierced into the skin of the lower lip fiercely. The stinging pain came, but it was not one ten thousandth of the pain in his heart at the moment.

Yushi Ninzu, others call you a genius, but you are indeed a genius, you can lie to the point where you can believe it!But actually, what kind of genius are you?You're just a coward who lied to yourself for nine years!A real jerk!

Renzu kept cursing himself in his heart.

The phone rang, and after hesitating for a long time, the ringing continued without discouragement.Reluctantly grabbing the phone, he saw the name on the screen.

"Akutagawa Jiro"

When I saw this name, it took me several days to calm down, and my heart began to throb again.

"Hey."

Renzu deliberately pretended to have a calm voice, because he didn't want Atobe's current lover to find out his depression.It wasn't because he was afraid that the other party would take this opportunity to laugh at his own failure, Renzu knew that Cilang was not such a person.Renzu just didn't want to embarrass himself who was miserable enough.

"Yushi, I have something to tell you about Xiao Jing. So can you meet me at four o'clock this afternoon?"

"...What if I say I'm not free?"

Shinobu didn't want to talk about Atobe anymore, because that would only make his self-loathing more intense.

"Yushi, if you really like Xiaojing, if you are somewhat guilty of your behavior at that time, then don't try to escape from the responsibility you should bear to Xiaojing."

"……I understand."

"Yushi!"

When Shinobu arrived at the agreed place, he saw Jirou waving to him with a smile.Renzu walked over and sat on the seat opposite Ci Lang: "If you have anything to say, hurry up, I have something to do later."

"Atobe and I are going back to Germany tomorrow."

Renzu felt his heart beat suddenly, but he didn't show any panic: "You called me out just to say this?"

"Hurry up if you want him to stay."

Renzu laughed, and looked at the opposite person with some sarcasm behind the lens: "It's strange, there are people in this world who let their rivals rob their lovers. Didn't you warn me a few days ago not to treat 'your family'? Xiaojing's shot?"

"Xiao Jing and I were indeed lovers, but that was a thing of the past. Xiao Jing offered to date me when he first arrived in Germany, but we broke up after only two months. After that, although people confessed to him every day, But Xiaojing has never accepted anyone." Cilang's tone was very calm, but pierced into Renzu's heart, "Yushi, do you know what Xiaojing said to me when he proposed dating?"

"...I'm not interested in other people's love history."

Cilang didn't pay attention to Renzu, and continued: "He said, Cilang, date me and help me get that pain back."

"..."

"Yushi, you are the only person Xiaojing has really liked for so many years, and the only one who made him feel that kind of pain. He left, but he forgot his loving heart that could feel the pain Here you are. Yushi, it’s time to pay him back. Remember, the plane at 25:[-] tomorrow morning, you still have to pay him back what you owe him. If you are still a man, don’t run away .If you don't come, I will try my best to grab him to my side."

"Ci Lang, does Xiao Jing know? You really treat him..." Ren Zu's voice became a little difficult.

"He knows, but he won't say it, and I won't say it either." Cilang stood up after finishing speaking, and said to Renzu with a warm smile, "In fact, sometimes Xiaojing is really cruel, not only It’s for others, as well as for himself. That’s all I want to tell you. Xiaojing is probably still waiting for me to go back to pack my luggage, so I’ll go back first.”

Seeing Cilang walking away, his forbearance seemed to freeze, and he just sat there stupidly motionless.

What should we do at this time?Shinobu is completely unclear.Even though Jirou said that to himself, he still didn't know what to do.

If you don't go, you will watch that person walk out of your life, and maybe you will never come back.

But what if you go?Maybe he would just shake off Ren Zuzu's hand and say, "No one has the right to change what this uncle has decided! What qualifications do you think you have to let this uncle stay for you!"

In that case, what should I do?

What should be done?

Renzu desperately tried to make his thoughts clear, but his mind was still in chaos.