unlucky beggar

The fact that Snakebite was afraid of well ropes for ten years and never used ointment and insisted that Su Qiuer use natural body lubricants with him is another story.

A bonus episode - A day in the life of an Ouchi spy

In the early morning, Ling Lingfu, who was still eating and drinking in his sleep, was awakened by a sharp shout. "Imperial decree arrived—" everyone in the house got used to it, only the sweeping aunt picked out her ears.

Ling Lingfu didn't even open his eyes, turned over and got out of bed and knelt on the ground, continuing to relive the delicacies of mountains and seas in his dream.

"Cracking, crackling, crackling, goose, goose, goose, song Xiang Xiangtian..."

This is the sound heard in Ling Lingfu's ears.The old emperor likes to send eunuchs whose voices shatter cups to come to his mansion early in the morning to announce the decree and disturb his dreams. Fortunately, he has already practiced enough to automatically silence the sound.

Feeling that the noise disappeared, Linglingfu skillfully reached out to take the stick wrapped in cloth, threw it under the bed, shouted "Thank you Lord Long En" and then went to bed.

In the dream, there were roast goose, grilled fish, bear paws, and his favorite chicken butt...

Can Zero Fu not afford these?No, he can afford to eat as much as he wants.

Then why doesn't he eat it?

Because he can grow as much as he eats.If he is a pea, he is a good variety.If he was in the Tang Dynasty, he would be a peerless handsome man.But now, he lives in the shadow of being afraid of being called "fat pier" and "fat secret agent", so he only dares to eat and drink in his dreams.

After a round of drunkenness and dreams, Ling Lingfu, who woke up slowly, rubbed his eyes, got up, dressed and tied his hair, and passed the cook to serve breakfast.

This is a relatively light but hearty breakfast, enough for two or three people.The normal meal size of Ling Lingfu is about five people, so it is just right to eat half full.

After breakfast, Linglingfu planned to go for a walk to digest food.Before going out, he remembered the imperial decree from the morning, so he grabbed a servant and asked:

"What's in today's edict?"

"Master Fat, it's an official." The new servant's accent was thick, and he pronounced "Hui" as "Fat".But in a sense it is surprisingly smooth.He lowered his head and didn't see Linglingfu's twitching cheeks and Fengwufeitian's right eyebrow, otherwise he would have chosen to pack up and go home first.

"The emperor entrusted the Lord to be, to be the chief of the feces guards."

Still lowering his head, the honest servant said with a little complacency.No one in the entire government could hear the imperial decree in the morning, but he had the best ears and listened more carefully.

"...guard." The right eyebrow of a certain adult has almost separated from his facial features.

"Shit, shit guard." The servant was a little nervous by him.

Well, I remember you.Ling Lingfu moved his eyebrows back insidiously, and added this person to the list of "one year fine for cleaning the toilet" in his heart.

On the street, Ling Lingfu ran into several acquaintances.

Mrs. Sun from the Shangshu Mansion next door, the third son from Wang Yuanwai across the street, and the proprietress who sells tofu nearby.These three people have very different identities, but their attitudes are very consistent. They are all embarrassing with a little sympathy, sympathy with a little doubt, and doubt with a little contempt.

Linglingfu wanted to chat with them a few more words, but they all excused that there was something urgent.Ling Lingfu was so frightened that he quickly took out the small bronze mirror that he carried with him, and looked at himself from head to toe.

"No problem?"

The inexplicable Lingfu took out a bit of silver from the purse and handed it to the beggar on the side of the road.

"Do you see anything strange about me?" Linglingfu asked.

"No." The beggar shook his head.

Ling Lingfu was about to rest assured, but the beggar put the broken silver back into his hand, picked up the bowl and ran away.He ran back within two steps, and shook Ling Lingfu's hand heavily:

"I heard that you have a good relationship with our leader, be strong." After finishing speaking, he walked away, leaving Ling Lingfu who was at a loss where he was.

Am I still awake in the morning?Ling Lingfu thought about this question seriously, but he couldn't bear to pinch himself.As the leading spy of this era, he decided to infiltrate the crowd to find the truth.

It was almost noon, and places like restaurants and restaurants gradually became lively.There was a lot of voices in the lobby, and the waiter was busy, but no one noticed a man wearing a bamboo hat in a certain corner.

The man in the bamboo hat sat calmly on the bench and ate peanuts.Nowadays, there are too many strange clothes in the capital, who would notice if you are wearing a hat on a hot day.Of course, this is not an ordinary bamboo hat, but one of his most proud inventions - a portable listening hat.Function [-]: Cover your own appearance and cover your traces invisible.Function [-]: Increase the probability of eavesdropping on other people's conversations through the conductive rope tied to the ear.

Don't underestimate his invention, now he can clearly hear the whispers at the next table without pricking up his ears.

"Did you know? This morning's imperial decree is really exciting." Said the small townsman Jia.

"I know," the merchant second took up the conversation, "who can't hear such a loud announcement, my house is two streets away from the secret agent's mansion."

"Since the princess started receiving orders frequently, my daughter-in-law's problem of sleeping in will be cured." Xiao Min Bing interjected.

"Hey," Xiaomin Ding said maliciously, "I can't be called the princess for a long time, and now I'm the head of the house, the eunuch!"

Snapped!Ling Lingfu was shocked when the peanuts went into his nostrils.

What kind of eunuch, he was obviously appointed as the head of the Ouchi bodyguards, how could he be the head of the Ouchi guards!

Here let us say that in this dynasty, the chief guard of the Ouchi, as the name suggests, is in command of the guards of the Imperial Army, and the chief of the Ouchi...is the commander of the eunuchs in the harem, commonly known as the great eunuch.

This earth-shattering news has made Ling Lingfu breathe in less and out more, but the gossip at the next table continues mercilessly.

"But he's not a eunuch, is he?"

"It's not how the eunuch is the head eunuch, it must be the eunuch!"

"Then he was named princess before, and he wasn't a woman." A table next to him also joined the discussion, and now Linglingfu's gender exploration is the hottest topic in Beijing.

"How do you know he's not a girl? Do you know Hua Mulan?"

"Then you say he is a eunuch..."

"Women can't be eunuchs?"

"Of course not, idiot!"

"That's right, so is he a man, a woman, or a eunuch?"

"I saw him before, he looked like a man."

"Could it be that the little bird was taken away to cut it?" The waiter who made this guess was all excited, and even recited a poem: "A thousand mountains and birds fly away, and a thousand paths and people are gone."

"No way, isn't his father a great hero in the previous court? He is also quite powerful, right?"

"Maybe he flew away as soon as he was born. He is neither too male nor too female, so the emperor made him a eunuch...or a supervisor."

"Well, that makes sense!"

There is a reason for fart!Ling Lingfu was about to roar, just now it seemed that a group of eunuchs singing Hua Mulan whizzed past his heart!What exactly is going on? !

After noon, before the hour, the spy mansion.

"Find out the imperial decree and let me see!"

There are too many imperial decrees piled up, and they all look the same, so the whole mansion has to hustle and rummage one by one.

"My lord, we have it!"

The impatient Ling Lingfu heard the sound and took it, and other people also came to watch-"By God, the emperor ordered: Ling Lingfu, the secret agent of the inner city, has been with me for many years, and deeply comforts my heart.To show the emperor's grace, I am specially appointed as the head of Da Nei Dian Dian, this is my honor! 』

Linglingfu squinted his eyes, and looked closely at the two dots smeared with ink. After careful identification, it seemed to be the word "guard" vaguely, and there was a soft mark underneath.

Softly sign.In connection with the high-pitched singer who came to proclaim the decree in the early morning, we can realize the effect of this sentence: the chief guard of Ouchi.

Therefore, it is natural for ordinary people within a radius of ten miles to ignore these two words.

At this moment, Ling Lingfu's soul drifted beyond the nine heavens and traveled hundreds of years ago.

This refers to the early period of the Three Kingdoms and the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty.

That's right, it's the Three Kingdoms.Cao Cao hadn't made a fortune yet, but he was working hard.His older brother, Yuan Shao, was happily participating in the fight between his relatives and eunuchs.When the head of the eunuch was killed, Yuan Shao led the army to hunt down the Wuniao tribe in the capital. When they saw no beards, they chopped them down with a knife. As a result, many young people who had not grown beards had to take off their pants and walk the birds in the street to "verify their integrity." .

At that time, running around naked because you didn't grow a beard was a very normal thing.

Does Ling Ling Fu have a beard?Touch your chin, the answer is no.

Can Lingfu run naked?The emperor touched his chin, okay, he wants to see it.

Phew, the imperial decree streaked across the sky like a shooting star.Ben your sister!Ling Lingfu became irritable, and wanted to punish him, but there was no way!Do you think a man has to take off to prove himself?ignorance!shallow!He can also go without a shirt, the gentleman is open and frank!He can also turn into a flower picker and commit crimes in other people's houses!

Thinking of this, Ling Lingfu smiled horribly, he could have raped the emperor and leave his name through the ages.

The night is dark and the wind is high, lightning flashes and thunder rumbles, at three quarters, the top of the Forbidden City.

A night walker was lying on the beam of the house, carrying a huge burden on his back.The luggage contains the life-long painstaking work of the night walker and some drugs, which are used to end this long-standing love-hate entanglement and class struggle!

Under the beam, the young and handsome emperor was talking to the imperial doctor:

"Where's the whip?"

"have."

"Where are the candles?"

"have."

"Where's the aphrodisiac?"

"have."

"Doctor, why do you have white powder on your body?"

"Return to Your Majesty, this is flour, and my hobby is baking biscuits."

"Okay, next time I bake one and let me try it."

Everything was ready, the emperor moved away from the left and right, leaning on the dragon chair with half-faded clothes.

The night walker on the beam tightened his belt, lifted the glazed tiles, and was ready to go.

The bright moon drilled out of the clouds quietly ran into the sky, and the day of our secret agents in Ouchi was coming to an end.As for what the new day will look like, only God knows.