one way street

On June [-], [-], the weather was fine.

Nian went back to his hometown yesterday.

After finishing my own affairs today, I hurried to find Nian. Of course, I also knew that Nian was still so cold and ruthless. Although I knew it in my heart, I heard Nian said with disgust, "Why are you here?" ", "My family doesn't welcome you", I suddenly felt very sad, really sad.

I don't know who I am thinking about, where he puts me in his heart, or, I am nothing, nothing.

In the beginning, in this relationship, I was the one who took the initiative to pursue, with perseverance, desperately chasing, desperately digging out my heart and soul, and giving the best of everything to Nian.

However, after this incident, I slowly realized that no matter how hard I chase and work hard, there will still be a day of exhaustion and burnout. If I keep digging my heart and lungs, there will be a day when my heart and lungs will be empty.

If one day I am tired and let go, does it mean that I and Nian are over?

I left Nian's hometown and walked alone on the street.

Unknowingly, I came to the elementary school where Nian once brought me.

I still remember that Nian said that he had a secret base, so the next second he pulled me to the small space under the slide covered by grass.

"Every time I am sad, I will come here, because here, no one can see my sadness."

No one can see my sorrow.

I got into the grass, thinking about the acquaintance of Nian and I, thinking about the sweetness and happiness of the past two years, thinking about it, my nose suddenly became sour, and the liquid that had been hidden for a long time fell down.

It turned out that I was crying.

This love is so painful.

I thought love was sweet, but I gave everything, and what I got in the end was a word to say goodbye.

I still remember that night I hugged Nian, sat on the lawn and looked up at the starry sky.

Why are memories so important to me, but Nian can easily forget them?Is it related to the initial unequal payment?

I stayed in the secret base for a long time, my eyes were sore and dry, and I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Nian's face appeared in front of me.

I was happy, but the next moment, I fell into the abyss.

let's break up.Nian spoke again.

This time I was really desperate, but in despair, I was not reconciled.

So, I proposed a gamble to Nian.

If I lose, I will give up, give up completely, and never appear in front of Nian again.

Then, erase the name I read from my mind forever.

I am in love.

Since the bed sheets were rolled that day, Xiang Cheng moved into my room from the guest room, and slept with me every day, hugging each other to sleep, during which time, guns often shot off.

Although the evolution of the matter was somewhat unexpected to me, but I don't reject it very much, maybe it has something to do with myself admitting to like Xiang Cheng more or less.

Xiang Cheng turned into a sticky candy again, no matter what he did in the house, he always got tired of it.

I was watching TV, and he was used to watching it with me on my lap, occasionally commenting on the acting skills of a certain actor in a TV series.

Or, I leaned shoulder to shoulder with him, clasped our fingers, watched the news, read political commentary, and watched "Tang Bohu Spots Autumn Fragrance" and "Nine Pins of Sesame Officials" that have been broadcast hundreds of times.

He likes to touch my hand, from the palm to the fingertips gently, rubbing it bit by bit, it is very comfortable.

At the beginning, I was not used to it, and I would always withdraw my hand and press it on my thigh to prevent him from catching it. As the number of times increased, I gradually got used to this intimate gesture.

He likes to kiss when he just wakes up in the morning. Sometimes he is domineering and does not make people breathe, but sometimes he is so tender that people linger and want to leave. He likes to mix all the saliva into my mouth. Said very sweet.

It doesn't matter if you talk so sweetly.

I have always lived in a world of one person, I don't know what to rely on, what is weakness, I don't know what it's like to put a person in my heart, but since I met Xiang Cheng, I only understand what missing is.

I slowly accepted Xiang Cheng and slowly shifted my focus away from myself.

Occasionally ask Xiang Cheng about his work mood, and listen to his thoughts and feelings.

It was only later that I realized that this behavior was "understanding".Get to know a person with your heart, understand a person, and turn one person's world into two people.

This kind of love, once you step into it with one foot, it’s idiotic to get out, because you will get deeper and deeper without knowing it, like a fool, thinking about that person all day long, when you find out, it’s too late , You have been trapped in the mud all over, unable to breathe.

When it was almost noon, Xiang Cheng called suddenly. I looked at the caller and answered, "Hello?"

Xiang Cheng's voice came from the microphone with a strong smile, "Nian, are you in the office?" 』

"Well, what's the matter?"

"Today, the film crew was filming in a park near the office, and work is temporarily closed, let's have a meal together later. 』

I looked at the itinerary at hand, I took over a financial dispute case from He Shanna last week, but basically the information is almost collected, so there should be nothing to do in the afternoon.

"Okay, I'll go find you." I closed the laptop, took the briefcase, opened the door and walked outside while talking.

"Yeah, I'll wait for you! 』

After the call ended, I stared at the phone, thinking that this was the first time I had dinner with Xiang Cheng, I couldn't help feeling a little nervous.

Startled for a while, suddenly realized that he was like a young boy who just fell in love, but it was just a meal, what would make his heart beat faster.

I couldn't help but shook my head with a smile.

Speeding up my walking pace, in less than 10 minutes, I came to the park that Xiang Cheng said.

Sure enough, there was a big crowd around there, and every passer-by took photos with their cellphones in their hands. With excited screams, it seemed that some international superstar was coming.

I approached and stretched my neck to look for Xiang Cheng's figure in the crowd. After searching for a while, I saw his person under the tree. He bowed his head and talked to a woman. The two were very close. The woman He seems to be holding a notebook in his hand, as if discussing something.

Staring at the side face of the woman, for some reason, suddenly felt a bit familiar, searched in my mind, but it was blank, thinking deeply, there was a faint pain in the temples and forehead.

I rubbed the side of my head frowning.

"Near---"

Suddenly, I heard Xiang Cheng's shouts in my ears, and I looked over again. I don't know when Xiang Cheng walked through the crowd and came to me, smiling, and seemed to be in a good mood.

"Read, I'm so hungry." He pursed his lips, looking aggrieved.

I laughed and said, "What do you want to eat?"

He thought for a while, then smiled and said, "There is a delicious pasta restaurant nearby, I recommended it to you a while ago, and you said you would go eat it when you have time, I think we will go today!"

After hearing what he said, I was taken aback and said, "I have no memory, when did you tell me?"

Xiang Cheng's face was slightly stiff, and in an instant, I understood a little bit.

His voice was a little weaker, "That was before you lost your memory."

"Um."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up the past."

I gave him a strange look, "Why are you apologizing to me? I'm not angry. Whether it was before or now, I'm still me." Even though he didn't say anything, I still knew that my loss of memory happened in Xiang Cheng's life. There was an indelible pain in my heart.

I remember everyone, but I only forget him.

Xiang Cheng is used to cover up with a smile, sometimes he smiles, but not from the heart, he uses a smile to cover up a mask of true emotions in his heart.

Xiang Cheng is an actor with superb acting skills. It is easy for him to make a social smile. I may not be able to tell the difference before, but as time goes by, the more I know Xiang Cheng, the more I know. His real smile, the smile will seep into the bottom of his eyes, a pair of black eyes are shining, bright and dazzling, like obsidian, so moving, so people can't take their eyes off.

Maybe I lost my memory for three years, but it doesn't mean I will never get it back.

I'm still me, I'm still Ke Nian, it's like a big circle, and finally I returned to Xiang Cheng's side, and fell in love with him again.

I never felt like I was any different than before.

After listening to my words, Xiang Cheng was startled for a moment, then smiled warmly, "Yes, you are still you."

His smile made me feel warm, and I said, "Let's eat first, aren't you hungry?"

"En!" Xiang Cheng nodded vigorously.

Xiang Cheng has just debuted for two years, and his fame has not yet started. He is still a little-known actor. Not many passers-by who watched him noticed him, but his good appearance attracted the attention of several young girls.

Xiang Cheng and I left the theater without hindrance.

After walking a few steps, a call came from behind, calling Xiang Cheng's name.

Looking back, a woman with a ponytail, shirt, and jeans came up, and I recognized her as the woman who was with Xiang Cheng just now.

"Zixuan, what's the matter?" I heard Xiang Cheng say.

"The meeting time has been brought forward half an hour temporarily, remember to come back before 01:30." The woman named Zixuan looked at Xiang Cheng without squinting, and didn't look at me, as if she regarded me as air.

"Yeah, I see, thank you."

"No." Before the woman left, she gave me a very strange look.

Seeing my strangeness, Xiang Cheng asked, "Nian, what's wrong?"

I shake my head. "It's okay, let's go."

Looking back at the back of the woman leaving, I suppressed the sudden strangeness in my heart.

I don't know why, but I kind of care about her.

"Who is she?" After ordering, I asked while waiting for the food to be served.

Xiang Cheng looked at me with a confused look on his face, "Who?"

"The woman who called you just now."

Xiang Cheng snorted, and then replied: "My manager, you have met her several times before."

I thought for a while, then said, "She knows about our relationship?"

He nodded naturally, "I never hide our affairs from Zixuan." As soon as he finished speaking, the waiter brought two plates of pasta to the table.

"Nian, why did you suddenly ask Zixuan?"

"It's okay." I said.Picking up the fork, rolled a few circles on the plate, and opened his mouth to eat the noodles.

Afterwards, Xiang Cheng didn't question me again, and he and I chatted one after another.

Suddenly, Xiang Cheng put down his fork and stared at me. I was uncomfortable being looked at by him, so I frowned and looked at him, "What are you looking at me for?"

He shook his head with a smile and said, "It's okay, it's just that Nian suddenly found that even if he just eats noodles, he is very elegant."

After being praised by him, I froze, my movements stopped, and after a while, I gave him a hot look on my cheeks, and whispered: "Eat your face!"

"Yes! Obey!" Xiang Cheng playfully made a salute gesture on his head, then continued to roll the noodles, looking at me with a smirk.

He gets rid of the spaghetti in two or three strokes.

"What time are you going to take pictures today?" Noticing the oily shine on the corners of his mouth, I picked up a wet tissue and reached out to help him wipe it off. He was flattered, and then his brows and eyes curved with joy.

He tilted his head thinking, and said: "I don't know, the director's personality is unpredictable and unpredictable, like yesterday, I thought I could finish the project at seven o'clock, but the director was dissatisfied with a certain expression of the heroine. Repeated twenty times."

I nodded, no wonder he didn't come home until after nine o'clock yesterday.

"Although filming is tiring, but thinking that I can use my acting skills to interpret the personality of the protagonist, as if living in this world through myself, I feel an indescribable shock in my heart..." Xiang Cheng said As he spoke, he scratched his head in embarrassment, and said embarrassingly, "I don't know how to explain it. Anyway, I like this job." He nodded firmly and smiled.

"I understand." I said softly.I understand, understand his feelings.

He looked at me with a warm smile in his eyes.

Suddenly, he stood up and sat next to me. I was stunned and looked at him. There was a burst of warmth from the hand under the table, and he took my hand under the cover of the tablecloth.

"What are you doing?" I glared at him.

"Suddenly I really want to hold your hand." He said aggrievedly.

"Don't do that." I waved his hand as a gesture, but the strength of his grip was even stronger, making it impossible for me to shake it away.

His palm was very warm and hot, making my heart tingle with warmth.

He leaned closer to my ear, less than a centimeter away, and whispered distressedly: "What should I do, I really want to kiss you..."

"...Hey!" My fierce look intensified.

He hecked twice, "You have to make it up to me when you go back."

"Go to hell." I didn't bother to talk to him.

The time is now 12:30, and there is still a while before Xiang Cheng meets. After the empty plates are taken away, desserts and drinks are brought up. Xiang Cheng is holding me with his right hand, while his left hand is clumsy to eat cake with a small spoon, not his preferred hand Because of the relationship, he dropped a lot of small cake crumbs on the inside and outside of the plate, even so, he still did not let go of my hand.

I asked Xiang Cheng, eating so hard, why not relax for a while?

He didn't even think about it, and immediately answered me, holding you, will make me feel that you are by my side.

Hearing what he said, it was like a small stone fell into the center of the lake, causing ripples for a long time.

I gradually tightened my palms and held him too. He lowered his head and smiled, as if stealing a fishy cat.

Neither he nor I spoke again, but the heart in our chest was very full.

Perhaps such a fall is also quite good.

I seem to be able to understand why I was willing to take Xiang Cheng home before I lost my memory, and why I was willing to challenge my father's bottom line for Xiang Cheng.

After eating, he returned to the office. The chair was not warm yet, so He Shan pushed the door and barged in without even knocking on the door.

"Just took a new case, now, here you are." He Shan put the file on my desk.

He Shantao is good at communication, so he single-handedly arranged the contact with the client and screened them along the way.

"What is it?"

"Drunk driving caused an accident." He Shan said.

The fingers that were about to open the file froze.

"The other party asked you to file a lawsuit by name. Besides, you and I both know the client. I can't refuse. I'm really sorry." He Shan's tone was filled with guilt. Suddenly, my heart sank.

I opened the file and scanned it quickly. The further I looked down, the worse my complexion became.

He closed his eyes, "...He Shan, can I not pick it up?"

"Ke Nian, I understand that you have your principles, but the other party is Professor Li after all..." He Shan's voice was a little weak.

Professor Li, he is the law course professor of He Shan University and me. They were all introduced by Professor Li. If it weren't for Professor Li, the current firm might have closed down because it couldn't continue to operate.

He Shanneng and I have the current status, thanks to Professor Li's support.

But, but...

I looked down at the file and suddenly felt heavy and tired.

"Ke Nian, let's treat it as the last time. We have received a lot of favors from the professor in the past. We can't just stand by and watch him when he is in trouble. You have excellent grades in school. Since you opened your business, you have lost lawsuits as many times as you can count on five fingers. Come out, if the professor hadn't asked you to help him with the lawsuit, or I would have taken this trouble a long time ago..."

"He Shan, that's not what I meant." I didn't intend to leave all difficult cases to him, I just, just...

What Xiang Cheng said that day magnified in my mind.

He said, Ke Nian, please uphold a righteous heart and maintain the justice of this society.

He said, Ke Nian, being a lawyer is a sacred job, and I am proud of your work.

I have always been able to distinguish clearly what is black and what is white, but at this moment, I am confused, hesitant, and at a loss.One side is justice and the other side is kindness. I stand in the center of the scale. No matter which direction I step towards, the scale will tilt and cannot return to its original balance.

"Ke Nian, I understand what you are worried about. Xiang Cheng has never intervened in your work. As long as you don't tell him, how can he know about it? You don't tell me, I don't tell you, wait. As soon as the lawsuit is over, nothing will happen? The most urgent thing right now is Professor Li, and I have to repay this kindness."

He Shan's proposal touched my heart.

Yes, as long as I don't tell, Xiang Cheng will know for no reason, right?

I accepted the file, "Okay, I see, I have accepted Professor Li's case, and I will visit him in two days to learn more about what happened."

He Shan obviously breathed a sigh of relief, "Ke Nian, fortunately you can think about it, I will call the professor immediately." He patted my shoulder and left my office.

After He Shan left, I was in a daze for a while, but my heart was still a little uneasy.

Open the file and read it carefully again.

This is a drunk driving case. The perpetrator is Professor Li's son, Li Yun. Li Yun attended a friend's birthday party last night. He accidentally drank too much. On the way back, he bumped into a passerby and the victim was shot. A few feet away, Li Yun woke up from the shocking wine, and quickly called an ambulance. The victim was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment. He is now in the intensive care unit, unconscious.

This is a very simple accident case, the right and wrong are very obvious, so the probability of winning the lawsuit is very low, but in order to protect his son, Professor Li seems to deliberately lead the whole case into the victim's intention to find fault, and deliberately rushed to the road, Besides, when the police discovered Li Yun's identity, they didn't do a drink test. Therefore, apart from He Shan, myself and a few related people, no one knew that Li Yun was drunk last night. Drink and drive.

I stared at the files, my mind racing.Am I really going to distort the truth for Professor Li?Can I really go to this lawsuit against my conscience?And I studied law just to repay the kindness of others?

Black is not black, white is not white.

What is justice?What is justice?

I don't understand, I really don't understand.

After get off work, I stayed outside for a long time, looking around, walking and wandering at will.

Suddenly he didn't want to go home so soon, and didn't want to face Xiang Cheng's righteous face.

I went to see two movies, and it was already after eleven o'clock in the night when the show ended, and I went back on a tired and sleepy pace.

Pushing open the door, the indoor lights are dim yellow, revealing a slight warmth.

I stood by the door, hesitating in my steps, not daring to step in half an inch.

It's strange to say that I stood outside the door for a while, but I didn't see Xiang Cheng coming forward to greet me. In the past, as soon as I opened the door, Xiang Cheng would immediately run to the entrance and give him a warm hug. Why didn't I see him today? ?

Is he not done yet?

I was suspicious, walked in, and closed the door by the way.As soon as I walked into the living room, Xiang Cheng's figure jumped into my sight.

He looked a little strange, sitting on the sofa like a lifeless shell.

I came to his side, but Xiang Cheng didn't notice my approach.

He was disturbingly quiet.

"...Xiang Cheng?" I stretched out my hand and pushed him.

After a while, he finally reacted, moved his body slowly, and looked up at me.

In those eyes, there is a thick and indelible sadness.

The unfocused pupils gradually focused. He stared at me and said, "Read... read, read..."

Before I could react, I fell into a suffocating embrace. Xiang Cheng hugged me hard, as if he was trying his best, as if he wanted to integrate me into his blood and bones. I was strangled by him. It hurts, and the muscles and bones are clamoring for pain.

"Read, read, read..."

He called my name over and over again.

His tone was so desperate, so painful.

I don't know why, but my nose is sour.

Xiang Cheng just hugged me and didn't do anything.

His body was covered with a thick layer of gray, which seemed to render me dark, and I also became gray.

From the beginning to the end, Xiang Cheng didn't say anything, he just hugged me quietly all night.

After a few days, I found out that Xiang Cheng's friend A Bao died.

What made my hair stand on end even more was that the person Li Yun bumped into was none other than Ah Bao.

Ah Bao fought against the god of death for a day and a night in the intensive care unit, but in the end he was still defeated by the god of death and passed away.

I heard that before Abao died, there was a flashback. He suddenly opened his eyes and clearly expressed that he wanted to see his family. The family thought that Abao was finally awake, and they hugged Abao happily and cried bitterly. However, 10 minutes later, Abao But he closed his eyes forever and never opened them again.

Because of this eternity, Xiang Cheng will never see Ah Bao again.

Xiang Cheng told me that day that A Bao was a good friend he met while working in college.He said, miss you and met him many times, he and I went to the same time slot, and when chasing you, he often encouraged me to cheer up.

Xiang Cheng said, Ah Bao accompanied me through that period of time.

Xiang Cheng said, Ah Bao is my buddy.

Xiang Cheng, who said these words, burst into tears one by one, and each tear was like a sharp needle, piercing deeply into my heart.

Ding dong.

The sudden ringing of the bell aroused my trance consciousness, and when I raised my eyes, I saw Professor Li walking in.

I raised my arms, "Professor, here."

The professor noticed my direction and smiled socially, "Ke Nian, long time no see." The professor sat down and put the plain dark brown briefcase on the empty chair next to him.

"Yeah, it's been more than a year, right? The professor must be thirsty. Let's order a drink first. Let's sit down and have a good talk." Reaching out to call the waiter, each simply ordered two cups of coffee.

While waiting for the coffee to be served, the professor and I were quiet with each other, and neither of us took the initiative to break the eerie silence.

Two cups of coffee were finally served, I lowered my eyes, and used a small spoon to draw a few circles along the rim of the cup.

After taking a sip, the bitter and burnt taste permeated the tip of the tongue, and the burnt and bitter taste unique to black coffee filled the mouth.

I put down the spoon.

This action caught the attention of the professor on the table, who stopped his sip and put down his glass.

"Ke Nian, do you want to talk to me about the case when you asked me out? But after all, I'm not a party involved, maybe I can help you make an appointment with my son, and you two can discuss the next procedure—"

"No," I interrupted the professor, "no, it's not like that..."

Gently, I sighed.I took the file out of the briefcase behind me and put it on the desk.

"Professor, I'm sorry, but I can't take this case," I said.

The professor was stunned, his eyes under the reading glasses couldn't believe it.

The professor quickly regained his composure and recovered his expression, "Ke Nian, I don't quite understand what you mean, we clearly agreed..."

"Professor, I'm sorry, I really can't help Mr. Ling with this case, so I have to trouble you to hire another wise man."

"why?"

I lowered my eyes and said, "The victim is my acquaintance."

For a while, the professor didn't speak, maybe he was shocked.

"So... I'm sorry."

I think I should go away, it won't do me any good to stay long.

With a thought, I stood up, picked up the briefcase, and was about to go out when a force pulled me. I turned around and saw the professor reaching out and grabbing my clothes, with his head down, his fingers trembling slightly .

"professor?"

"Ke Nian, even if the teacher asks you, okay? I can't find a better candidate for this lawsuit other than you. You are the best student I have ever taught. The typhoon is stable and you are not chaotic. No matter what difficulties are thrown at you You, always solve it easily, I can't hand over this case to other people, I need you to help Ayun get through this difficult time... He is going to take special judicial examination this year, in case... In case he is found guilty, this I will never be a lawyer for the rest of my life, I have worked hard to train him, and what I want to see is his achievements..." The professor's tone was so humble, as if what was in front of me was not Professor Li or a judicial authority, but An old father worried about his son's future.

This scene reminds me of Chen's father and mother.

They did the same, took my hand, knelt before me, begged me, begged me.

Suddenly, I couldn't shake off the professor's hand.

My heart is broken.The same parental heart, since I was able to help Chen's father and Chen's mother, why should I refuse to teach now?

Who said that black is absolutely black, and white is absolutely white?Once black and white are mixed with too many emotions that cannot be clarified, is black still pure black?Is white still pure white?

Another scene changed in my mind.

That happened when I was in high school.

In the third year of high school, I didn't want to be No.2 because I couldn't finish my books, so I made a big mistake that I will never forget in my life.

I cheated and got caught red-handed.

Cheating is a felony, and a major demerit must be recorded as a punishment. Once this major demerit is recorded, many star universities will have no chance for me.

That night, my father gave me a meal of fried shredded pork with bamboo shoots. I was beaten to pieces, and then I knelt in the hall of the gods for a whole night.

Looking at the back of my father when he left, I knew that I had humiliated and disappointed him, and I also knew that I was no longer the model son that my father said he was proud of.

It was only the next day that I accidentally saw my father at school. I saw my father secretly looking for the class teacher behind my back. It was the first time I saw my father bowing to someone, and it was the first time I saw my father kneeling down and kowtow to apologize continuously.

Abba silently gritted his teeth and endured the disdainful eyes and sarcasm of the head teacher.

The reason is that the major demerit can not be signed and submitted, so that I can be admitted to a good school smoothly.

After school that day, I hid in the secret base, bit my lip and cried bitterly, tears mixed with snot.

I swear to myself that I will never let my father bow down to outsiders for me in the future, and I will be a son so that my father can hold his head high.

At the same time, I also swear, that is the last time I cry.

Abba's humble back at that time was enlarged in my mind, overlapping with the professor in front of me.

The arm seemed to weigh several thousand kilograms.

I can't shake it off, I really can't shake it off.