mountains and deep sea

"Happy what?"

Lu Yuzhi put one hand on Fu Wensheng's side, so as not to put his whole body on Fu Wensheng, and the other hand deliberately pressed Fu Wensheng's left chest near his heart, feeling every beat of this man's heart.

Fu Wensheng's hand should stay on the back of Lu Yuzhi's neck, instead of pinching, he caressed, as if he was coaxing a child.

"You worry about me, it means you care about me."

Lu Yuzhi stopped talking, but felt a little hot under his palms, maybe it was because Fu Wensheng had a fever and his body was burning hot, or maybe it was because of this person's heart through the flesh and blood.

Warm yellow light fell between them, and in the light beams were the sharp-edged profiles of the two people. They were so close that they could kiss each other even an inch closer.

Fu Wensheng really wanted to do this, so he pushed Lu Yuzhi's head down with a little force.

But Lu Yuzhi didn't want him to fulfill his wish, so he stretched his hand supporting the bed, "You have a cold, are you going to infect me?"

Fu Wensheng, "It's not a cold."

"Then why do you have a fever?"

He was just talking quickly, but Fu Wensheng fell silent, his eyes suddenly lost their light and fell into the void.

Lu Yuzhi called him softly, "Fu Wensheng?"

"It's psychological stress disorder." After a long time, Fu Wensheng said.

This is a term Lu Yuzhi has never encountered before. He frowned, "? What do you mean?"

"That's it..." Fu Wensheng blinked his eyes in the light, and there was another long silence, as if it was difficult for him to say those things.

Lu Yuzhi waited for him, and the hand supporting the bed touched Fu Wensheng's arm, stroking the back of his neck just like Fu Wensheng did just now, "Is it related to the fact that you returned to China but stopped being a doctor?"

Fu Wensheng lowered his eyes and nodded slightly.

Lu Yuzhi, "Do you want to talk?"

Fu Wensheng pulled the corner of his lips lightly, and moved aside so that Lu Yuzhi could lie down more comfortably, "Do you know why I came back?"

"They said you came back to China because of your girlfriend's fight." Lu Yuzhi lay on his side and said another sentence, "Give me the thermometer first."

Fu Wensheng obediently went to get his own thermometer, and took a look at it himself first, "It's 37 degrees eight, which is not too high."

Lu Yuzhi didn't believe it, so he took it over and looked at it again, and he was relieved to be sure that it was just a low-grade fever.Then I put it into the box containing the thermometer on the bedside table, and when it was put away, I turned around and continued, "Say you are angry and crowned as a beauty."

Qi Song also asked Fu Wensheng this question a few months ago, and now he also asked Lu Yuzhi back, but more jokingly, "Do you believe it?"

Lu Yuzhi was thinking, "Then how do I know? I don't know if you have an ex."

Fu Wensheng turned sideways to meet Lu Yuzhi face to face, and stretched out his hand to embrace Lu Yuzhi, putting his hand on his waist, "No, it's just you, first love."

With a smile and satisfaction in Lu Yuzhi's eyes, he said oh, "I am also your first love."

Fu Wensheng moved closer and kissed him on the neck.

Lu Yuzhi raised his head and pushed Fu Wensheng's head, "Haven't you said why you came back?"

Fu Wensheng paused, stepped back a little, his eyes were calm, but terribly calm, "I... can't save people."

Lu Yuzhi was startled in surprise.

Fu Wensheng's hand on Lu Yuzhi's waist grabbed his clothes and slowly rubbed it between his fingertips, thinking of many things in the quiet night.

The summer in Paris is also hot. He likes to wear simple T-shirts, and he thinks it is suitable to wear a white coat outside.His teacher is the director of the Cardiac Surgery Department of the hospital and a well-known professor in the medical field.When he first met the teacher, he was full of longing for the future, thinking that he could save more people, maybe he could find a way to cure those incurable diseases, and he had his own world among those difficult and miscellaneous diseases.

During the period of studying medicine in France, the teacher taught him a lot of things, and he liked to tell him, "Before a doctor performs an operation, he must first weigh himself to see if he is qualified enough to perform the operation."

He always remembered this sentence, but he didn't do it well.

That patient also had a sudden myocardial infarction, but his condition was far more serious than Zhou Zhou's. When his family members brought him to the hospital, he was almost out of breath.At that time, the teacher was not in the hospital, but the family members knelt on the ground and held his hand, begging bitterly, saying in French, "Please save him, please doctor, you can save him."

Fu Wensheng looked at the family members who were kneeling on the ground, and it was hard not to feel compassionate. He made a decisive decision to send the patient to the operating room for surgery immediately.At that time, George stopped him, but he didn't listen, and the family members said "you save him" in his ears.

At that time, he actually thought that he would be able to save people.

But the truth is, the operation failed and the patient died on his operating table.When he left the operating room, he met the expectant eyes of his family members. He saw with his own eyes that their light was shattered in their eyes, and the darkness poured in, drowning them and Fu Wensheng.

He was instinctively afraid, trying to avoid such gazes, and began to be afraid of going to the operating table.

The teacher chatted with him a few times because of this incident, and advised him not to care too much. The patient's condition was already the worst at that time, and he should not blame himself entirely. He told him to continue to complete his work and do what he should do. Things to do.

At that time, he hung his head and was depressed. He didn't say good or bad, but he knew that he couldn't get through this matter.

"At that time, I could still work in the hospital, but a few days later, the patient's family members came..."

The patient's son came straight at him with a sharp knife.There were terrified screams in the hospital one after another, but Fu Wen didn't hear them, only the phrase "You can save him" echoed in his ears, and he forgot to hide when he saw that the tip of the knife was already approaching him with a cold light.

Grabbing Lu Yuzhi's clothes suddenly, Lu Yuzhi could feel that Fu Wensheng's whole body was stiff and his tail trembled slightly.He couldn't help reaching out and caressing his face, "Fu Wensheng..."

Fu Wensheng closed his eyes and continued, "Then my teacher blocked it for me, his..."

He choked up, thinking of the blood that day.

The sun was setting that day, and the light of the setting sun fell on the ground covered with blood drops. Fu Wensheng, who was pushed away, almost rolled and crawled on the ground, trembling all over, and pressed the teacher's wound with force, watching the blood rushing from between his fingers. The ground overflowed, and he didn't know where to throw the medical skills he had learned for nearly ten years. He only knew how to save people by screaming in horror, and didn't know what else to do.

The blood in his whole body flowed back in an instant, and in the fiery July, he was like falling into an ice cellar, and the cold penetrated deep into the bone marrow.

In the suddenly quiet bedroom, the shadow beside the bed was dragged long by the light, and Lu Yuzhi saw Fu Wensheng whom he had never seen before.

Even though he was bringing up the past, Fu Wensheng was still afraid, and the hand holding him was shaking all the time. Even though he tried his best to restrain himself, Lu Yuzhi could still feel his fear.

He moved his body, moved closer, hugged Fu Wensheng, and touched his forehead.

"Yu Zhi," Fu Wensheng said hoarsely, "I think I've hurt someone."

Lu Yuzhi's heart stopped, "You didn't."

"If I hadn't been incompetent in medicine, the patient might not have died, the family members would not have made trouble, and the teacher would not have been injured because of me... Sometimes I dream, and all I dream about is that patient... ...."

In the dream, the patient's face was blurred, but his body was covered with blood, and he stood in front of him in a hospital gown, asking him over and over again why he didn't save him.He was always speechless, then woke up from a dream, and never fell asleep again.

It was often early in the morning at that time, and the room with the curtains drawn could not be seen. He opened his eyes and thought over and over again in the dark about the problems that occurred during his operation.

At that time, he had a psychological barrier. He felt that he was not worthy of the white coat, and he was not capable of going to the operating table.So even taking him to the hospital would be afraid, afraid that someone would call him, afraid of saving people, and even more afraid of killing people by mistake.

He is a doctor, but he has no choice but to stay in the hospital any longer. He can only take off his white coat and return to the country. He dare not call him a doctor anymore.

"Fu Wensheng!" Lu Yuzhi interrupted Fu Wensheng sharply. He held his face in his hands and forced him to look at himself. He said seriously, "That's not the case. Doctors are human beings and not gods. They also make mistakes, but You can’t take all the faults on yourself.”

The bedside lamp was facing Fu Wensheng, the light was obviously warm, but he felt it was too dazzling, his eyes suddenly blurred, tears slid down the corners of his eyes, and wet his temples.

He said softly, "I know, but I can't get over it."

Lu Yuzhi hugged him tighter.

He knew what it was like to be powerless, and he also knew how it felt to be too regretful, but he felt even more distressed that Fu Wensheng took all the responsibility on himself.He originally thought that the son of the Fu family was handsome and willful, but now he realized that the burden on his shoulders was heavier than anyone else's.

But he never said it, maybe he couldn't say it, and he couldn't say it.

He didn't know what he could comfort Fu Wensheng. After living for decades, the last thing he knew was comfort.I could only hug him tightly, pat him on the back, and tell him silently that he was there.

And Fu Wensheng buried his head in his neck, weeping silently.

After a long time, Fu Wensheng moved his head, rubbed Lu Yuzhi's face, wiped his own face, hummed, and laughed at himself, "It's so ugly."

Lu Yuzhi looked at him for a while, then got up, and thoughtfully took out the wet tissue on the bedside for him, turned around and got out of bed, "The water is boiling, I'll go and pour you some antipyretics."

Fu Wensheng nodded.

Lu Yuzhi took a few steps, then turned back, pulled the quilt that had slipped under his arm for Fu Wensheng, carefully tucked it around his shoulders, thought for a while and said, "That's all I've ever taken care of my grandpa."

Fu Wensheng laughed, "I know."

He paused, "Thank you, Yu Zhi."

Lu Yuzhi squatted down, "Thank you? Isn't it your boyfriend? You should serve your boyfriend."

Fu Wensheng brushed Lu Yuzhi's cheek with his fingers, and smiled silently.

When Lu Yuzhi poured water and came back, Fu Wensheng had already fallen asleep. He was nestled under the quilt, his brows and eyes were docile, but his eyebrows were furrowed tightly, and he didn't seem to be sleeping well.Under the light, he outlined a clear arc from his forehead to his chin. He was handsome, and it was in his facial features that even his shadow was beautiful.

It's just that people are sad, and their shadows are somewhat lonely.

Lu Yuzhi sat and watched for a while, then reached out to stroke his raised eyebrows.