mountains and deep sea

The sun in the deep winter is still fierce. The heavy snow that fell a few days ago is melting under the sun, mixed with the soil, and turned into a dirty black. Someone stepped on it, splashed a few drops of snow, and brought it to other up the white snow.

The afternoon sunlight slipped in through the wide open window, and was cut into small squares through the window lattice, all of which fell at Fu Wensheng's feet.

But people didn't feel any warmth, only felt cold for no reason, especially when looking at a medical record in their hands, the chill was even worse.

Sitting next to him, Cheng Lan saw his pale face, and sighed, "It's recurrent depression, moderate, not good but not the worst either."

After a long time, Fu Wensheng said with difficulty, "Have you ever had depression before?"

Cheng Lan nodded.

Fu Wensheng closed his eyes sadly. He should have thought of it a long time ago. Lu Yuzhi is so familiar with a psychiatrist. What else can he do other than frequent visits? He originally thought that the patient Cheng Lan was in contact with was Lu Quansheng, but it turned out to be Lu Yuzhi himself. .

"I should have found out earlier." He bent down, clutching the medical records about Lu Yuzhi tightly in his hands, with bulging veins on the back of his hands.

Cheng Lan couldn't see him like that, and couldn't help comforting him, "It's none of your business, you know him too, if you want to hide it, how can you let me know, not to mention that he has recovered really well this year, if it wasn't for... .... Lu Lao's departure dealt him too much blow, how could he relapse."

Lu Yuzhi came to him when Lu Jiaruan passed away. He met the person in his consultation room. At that time, Lu Yuzhi only wore a white round neck sweater. He looked like a high school student. She has bright eyes and bright teeth, but her expression is lonely, and there is no light in her beautiful eyes.

Their first meeting was not pleasant. Cheng Lan had just experienced the death of his last patient. Although the patient in front of him came to see a doctor, he had no desire to communicate with him at all.The consultation room in the afternoon was filled with warm yellow curtains. Lu Yuzhi looked at the light through the curtains, and he just looked at Lu Yuzhi, looking at each other without saying a word, wasting an afternoon in vain.

What broke the deadlock was that when he came again for the second time, Lu Yuzhi told him to ask him to help him, and he wanted to live.

"At that time, Lu Jiaruan's death gave him a psychological hint. He thought he had been abandoned by others and had no sense of security, so he was afraid and panicked. Lu Quansheng was the only family member he cared about the most. When someone passed away, he felt that If the support is gone, it will naturally collapse.”

"But I'm by his side." Fu Wensheng said, he bent his waist and leaned his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor under his feet, his blurred face could be vaguely seen on the smooth marble.

Fu Wensheng looked at it for a long time, and his eyes were sore.

He was obviously by Lu Yuzhi's side, and he thought he would be reluctant to part with him...

"Yes, you are by his side, but because of this, he has a greater fear, he is afraid that you will leave him." Cheng Lan said, "You also know that he lacks a sense of security. He once cared about grandpa and mother. , when they left, he couldn't bear it, and you are the person he cares about most now, he relies on you very much, and he is even more afraid that you will leave like grandpa and mother, he can't bear such a blow."

He paused, and then said, "Actually, he got better after being with you. He came to tell me during that time that he seemed to understand some of Lu Jiaruan's actions at the beginning, and he also had expectations for the future. , and even described the future between him and you with me. I have never seen him so happy, but I heard that he really loves you."

Because I love too much, I worry about gains and losses.When losing everyone he cared about, the fear of being left behind was constantly magnified, and finally became an abyss, swallowing him.

It was as if a heavy hammer had hit the bottom of Fu Wensheng's heart, his chest felt tight, his throat choked, and the pain caused tears to flow out of his eyes.

It was already dark when Lu Yuzhi woke up, and Fu Wensheng was lying beside him.

The faint light outside shone through the curtains and onto the bed. Through the light, he looked down and saw Fu Wensheng clearly. He didn't sleep well either, his brows were furrowed, and he held his own tightly with one hand.

He watched in silence for a moment, then raised his hand to stroke Fu Wensheng's frowning eyebrows, but he woke up.

Fu Wensheng opened his sleepy eyes, facing Lu Yuzhi who was awake, suddenly relaxed physically and mentally, and smiled.He sat up, "Are you awake, are you hungry?"

Lu Yuzhi shook his head.He turned sideways, moved to the side of the bed, and signaled Fu Wensheng to come up to sleep.

Fu Wensheng was not polite to him, took off his shoes and slipped into the quilt, wrapped him in his arms, and they fell asleep on their feet, entwined with each other's warm breath.

There was a familiar and reassuring smell coming from the tip of his nose. Fu Wensheng's fingers were all cold, and no one would be better off. Lu Yuzhi blinked, "I'm sorry..."

"Sorry for what?" Fu Wensheng asked him.

Lu Yuzhi looked away for a moment, "There are many things..."

Fu Wensheng pinched Lu Yuzhi's chin and forced people to look at him. Sadness and distress came out of his eyes, "Why didn't you tell me about depression?"

Lu Yuzhi's eyelashes trembled, and he didn't speak for a long time.Fu Wensheng waited patiently, and it took a long time before he heard Lu Yuzhi's answer.

"I thought I was fine."

When he met Fu Wensheng at that time, he thought that he had reliance and hope for the future, and everything was getting better. He no longer needed to take medicine to spend the night. As long as Fu Wensheng was by his side, he could fall asleep well. At that time, he I really thought I was fine.

Until Lu Quansheng passed away, the fear hidden deep in his heart flooded him again, everything did not get better, but worse, because he cared too much about the people in front of him, the more he was afraid that he would leave him like Lu Quansheng and the others .

He didn't expect that his condition would suddenly become so serious that he would seek death. During this period of time, he was in a daze to do anything, with Fu Wensheng's vague words on one side, and Lu Jiaruan and Lu Quansheng's on the other. He was in a desperate situation, isolated and helpless.

He can only go after the figure that can make him feel at ease, but he is still afraid when he sees it.

Looking at the gradually dimming light in Lu Yuzhi's eyes, Fu Wensheng felt a convulsive pain in his heart, and Fuzhi kissed Lu Yuzhi's eyes in soul, and the eyes under his lips closed slightly, trembling slightly.

"It's okay, we can treat it slowly, and it will be fine." He hugged him tightly, "I will be with you, always."

Lu Yuzhi suddenly grabbed his clothes by the back collar, gasped, "Fu Wensheng, don't leave me."

"I won't, I love you, how could I leave?" Fu Wensheng held Lu Yuzhi's face in his hands, his eyes gleaming, "I will love you forever, trust me, okay? You don't want to either. ...Don't do the same thing as yesterday, you scared me to death, you know? Lu Yuzhi, if you die, I will die too, do you understand?"

Lu Yuzhi's eyes widened for a moment, and he hurriedly covered Fu Wensheng's mouth as if he was afraid of something, "Don't say it, don't say it..."

"Yu Zhi," Fu Wensheng grabbed his hand, "Listen to me..."

Before he finished speaking, he was sealed in his throat by Lu Yuzhi's anxious kiss. When did Lu Yuzhi change his posture and press himself on his body, as if he was afraid of something disappearing and wanted to grab it in a hurry, panicked and panicked without any hesitation? Kissing his lips methodically, until the smell of blood suddenly spread between the two.

Lu Yuzhi was buried in his neck, and the thin back of his hands trembled slightly. Fu Wensheng was afraid that something would happen to him, so he pushed his shoulder to see, "Yu Zhi, what's wrong with you? Let me see !"

Lu Yuzhi stubbornly didn't move, gasping in his ear, for a long time he heard Lu Yuzhi whimpering, and he paused when he pushed his shoulders.

"Don't die, Fu Wensheng, don't die."

Fu Wensheng felt his heart palpitate, "I won't die..."

"I won't do that," Lu Yuzhi repeated a sentence or two nervously as if he couldn't hear his answer, "I'm not going to die, and you don't want to die, Fu Wensheng, you don't want to die."

Fu Wensheng hugged him tightly and pinched the back of his neck comfortingly, "Okay, we won't die, we'll be fine."

We want to be healthy and live a hundred years old together.

Lu Yuzhi was admitted to the hospital, and Fu Wensheng took a long vacation to take care of him. Few people knew about these things.

Depression is difficult to cure, the patient is taciturn, immersed in his own world for a long time, that world is full of whiteness, and he is the only one in the huge world.

But there is still Fu Wensheng in Lu Yuzhi's world.

Fu Wensheng went home occasionally. When Lu Yuzhi was alone in the hospital, he liked to sit barefoot by the window in silence all day long.No one could communicate with him until Fu Wensheng came over.

Sometimes Fu Wensheng would sit with him on the ground for a while, and then call his name, patiently calling him a few times, which could wake him up, and then he would consciously stretch out his hand and wrap his arms around Fu Wensheng's neck, repeating the number of times Fu Wensheng called his name just now. Call back everywhere.

When Fu Wensheng was in the ward, Lu Yuzhi's eyes always followed closely.Cheng Lan joked, "Like a child, I only look at you, for fear that you will be lost."

Fu Wensheng also laughed, and went to sprinkle dog food in front of the attending doctor, and kissed Lu Yuzhi lightly on the lips.Lu Yuzhi suddenly came alive, hugged Fu Wensheng's neck and kissed him back.

Cheng Lan was so sore that his teeth hurt.

Lu Yuzhi's illness came and went repeatedly. When he was good, he was sober and not disturbing, but when he had an attack, it was scary. Fear and worry overwhelmed him. He had no choice but to find sobriety in trying to self-mutilate, crying hysterically Shout out.

Fu Wensheng couldn't do anything, he could only use his greatest strength to hug him into his arms, his bones squeezed tightly against each other's bones, and he called Lu Yuzhi's name loudly.

He stroked Lu Yuzhi's hair and comforted him, "It's okay, I'm here, I'm here."

The ward was in chaos, they were sitting in a mess, the only sound in the room was Lu Yuzhi's suppressed sobs, and Fu Wensheng's every sound.

The hospital was quiet and boring in the middle of the night. They huddled together on a small hospital bed and slept together. Fu Wensheng knocked his chin on Lu Yuzhi's forehead and called him, "Yu Zhi."

"Ok?"

Not enough yelling, so he yelled again, and the man answered him obediently.

His heart softened, and Lu Yuzhi was reflected in his eyes, "Yu Zhi, be happier and love me more, okay?"

Being hugged tightly around the waist, Lu Yuzhi raised his head and kissed him, "Okay."

For Lu Yuzhi, Fu Wensheng is a good medicine, and even Cheng Lan feels that Fu Wensheng is Lu Yuzhi's life.

Because of the good medicine by his side, Lu Yuzhi recovered well, and when the year was approaching, he was finally discharged from the hospital and went back to his home.

On New Year's Eve, when Fu Qian and Shen Yanqing were going to the temple in the mountains to celebrate the New Year, Fu Wensheng took Lu Yuzhi to the square, where there was a lot of people, and many people were counting down loudly to the midnight fireworks.

They stood outside the crowd, standing one after the other, raising their heads together and waiting for the grand fireworks.

three!

two!

One!

"Hoo!" A sharp whistle sounded, and the light rushed to the sky, and the fireworks bloomed in an instant, tearing apart the night, and falling colorful fireworks to welcome the new year.

The crowd was shouting enthusiastically, Lu Yuzhi's eyes reflected the gorgeous fireworks, and suddenly a shadow came over behind him, and there was a burst of heat in his ears. When he realized it, a kiss landed on the heel of his ear.

Lu Yuzhi turned his head slightly, and bumped into Fu Wensheng's deep eyes.

Amidst the roar of fireworks, he clearly heard Fu Wensheng's words, "Yu Zhi, Happy New Year!"

He paused, and then added, "Safe every year."

The kiss was fleeting, and Fu Wensheng took a few steps back almost as soon as he finished speaking.The fireworks were shining overhead, and there was a lot of noise in front of him. No one knew what happened in these few seconds, and no one heard Fu Wensheng's most sincere confession and love to Lu Yuzhi.

But Lu Yuzhi knew it, and Lu Yuzhi heard it too.