night without tears

The hands are gradually unable to move, the body is gradually unable to move, and the light that the eyes can see is also decreasing day by day...

There are not many days left, and there is nothing to do if it becomes paralyzed bit by bit.

The world fell into darkness, but to F, the darkness seemed unusually peaceful.

Yin Yening stayed by his side all day long, as if he was afraid that if he left for a while, he would think wildly. He could feel the warmth of his master. He leaned against his arms and smelled the fragrance of bath milk on his body. He knew that Yin Yening was on his lap. A book was spread out, and he read it tirelessly by his ear.

He didn't listen carefully, he just liked the feeling of Yin Yening's deep voice echoing beside his hair, it was pleasant and tingling, and the occasional small kiss fell on the top of his head, which made him feel that he was cared about , is protected.

How many days and nights, he no longer knows, it just passed by slowly, making people addicted.

In the arms of the owner, with a little tiredness, it is very warm and safe.In this way, there is no need to think about the past, nor the future.

Robots—on a cold workbench, assembled bit by bit, wires, steel, glass, and then activated—obviously have such memories, why, I still feel that I am real, why, I face you When will there be such deep pain and happiness?

Why, I feel that every inch of my body is eager for your hug, if they are all fake, all lifeless, what makes my chest sore like a needle prick.

Death is not a terrible thing, at least for a robot, but Ye... at that time, he will cry.

"If there is a next life, you will be my master and I will be your robot, okay?"

A gentle voice came from my ear, bit by bit, seeping into my heart.

"Hehe, maybe that life will really turn out like this... I'm not worried at all, because you will be a good master, definitely, definitely."

The things that seep into my heart are accumulating and expanding, like a flood that submerges everything, and there is still no place to pour out.

I really... can't cry?

"Compared to you, I will be a good master," F laughed softly: "But, not necessarily, even if you are still my master, I feel... think..."

I also think that at that time, you will be very kind to me, and I will be very happy.

"...Master, remember? You once said that whatever I want...you will give me. At that time, I said I wanted this island."

"Um……"

"Master," F raised his head, his black eyes could no longer reflect anything: "Now I return this island to you, and I want to exchange it for something else, is that okay?"

"Of course, what do you want? As long as I have it, I can give you anything."

F suddenly smiled, a kind of lonely, relieved, and warm smile.

"...The master has always known what I want. It hasn't changed since a long time ago."

long long ago? ... What has F been wanting from him?

Yin Yening lowered his head, staring blankly at the person in his arms.

He couldn't believe it, he thought that F already didn't want that thing...

"I still want your love, Ye, can you promise me?"

The arms holding him suddenly tightened, and before Yin Yening could speak, F spoke softly again.

"Ye, you said that you love me and will never fall in love with anyone but me. So, so... can you promise me? In the future, even if I am gone, you can't fall in love with anyone again, I want to take your love away with me in the grave.

"I know it's selfish, but... I have no life, no soul, and all I have left and all I have is a little love.

"Give it all to me, don't leave a little bit for anyone, even if you just pity me..."

Ye, you keep saying that I am greedy, so it seems that I am indeed greedy.

Yin Yening's lips trembled slightly, and her voice was choked in her throat.

F smiled: "If you don't speak, I will take it as your acquiescence. You are not allowed to say nothing... I am such a selfish person. Ye, don't feel sorry for me. I can leave this world one step earlier than you, in fact I am very pleased, very happy.

"I used to think, even if I love you, no matter how much I love you, no matter how much I love you... Ye you are a human being and I am a machine, you will leave me one day. No matter how my heart is twisted into No matter how many pieces I cut, when that day comes, I have to look at the master's gradually icy body and call your name, but no matter how I call you, you will never look at me again and smile gently at me .

"When I think about that day, I feel like I'm going crazy, I'm going to die in pain.

"And now, I can die one step earlier by my master's side. How nice, to be cherished, with the love I want, with the forever I've always wanted..."

Held in the arms of his master, he could smell the fragrance of green grass, and his fleshy and fluffy body rubbed against his side.

He no longer has the strength to speak. In the dark world, many things are gradually fading away. Everything that makes him miss it is like the last few sands between his fingers.

"F, we used to be very happy when we were together," the voice next to my ear softly confided: "...There were also very happy days, do you remember?"

……

How is it possible, I don't remember.

You will never know when I am the happiest, master.

My happiest day was the day of the storm, when life and death were on the swaying sea.

In the raging waves, I actually heard it, you roared, and said to me so hard, F, if I can survive, I will give all my heart and all my love to you.

It's just that I can't believe I'm that lucky.

Many times I told myself that I should not have believed, or I should have died on that day, because then I would not know that this oath was false, I would not be able to experience the pain of extinction, and I would be happier than anyone else .

Master, Ye, you know that, even today, I still can't let go.No matter how good you are to me, I still can't let go.

That's why I'm so bad, saying that I want to take away your love, and snickering in my heart because I can take away your happiness, I hope that after you lose me, you also lose the ability to find happiness.

Ye, you will never know how crazy I am. I never love you without asking for anything in return. I said that you are mine. If one day I am gone, I want to take you away.

I didn't have that kind of courage before, because you don't love me at all, and I'm afraid that you will be angry even if I hook your fingers.Now, I finally have that confidence, I can take your love away, and I will leave you with nothing.

Never leave a little bit, never give it to anyone!

"I still remember that one day... at the seaside, you fell asleep on Chacha's stomach. That stupid dog couldn't move, looked at me with a whimper, turned its belly over with a pitiful look, so I put You picked it up and moved it to my lap, but you were so sound asleep, I didn’t know it at all, I just looked at your sleeping face, and then you finally woke up, took out your bracelet made of shells from your pocket and gave it to me I tied it on my wrist, and at that time, I felt...very happy..."

F listened, it seemed that he could see the warm sunshine again, and following Yin Yening's low-key description, it slowly shone with a nostalgic golden yellow.

It's like listening to someone else's story, a beautiful and distant story, which makes people feel very peaceful and beautiful after listening to it.

Tiredness hit, and the last strength disappeared bit by bit.

His dark eyes could not see the increasingly sad face of the master beside him.

... Ye, I'm just a robot, so I don't understand anything.

In his heart, he whispered silently.

So please tell me... I hate it because I still love it?

Master, I have taken away all your love and left you with endless loneliness.If possible, start over from the beginning in the next life, and then... I still want to love you, take all the love you left me, and love you twice.

He slowly closed his eyes, and a warm smile hung on the corner of his mouth.

Yin Yening just hugged him like this, still talking slowly.

Gradually, tears fell, he was still talking, gradually, he began to sob, and wanted to continue to open his mouth, but he could only hear a low sob.

◇

For half a year, Yin Yening never walked out of that island.During this period, the scientist was forced to act as Yin Yening's best friend, because Yin Yening had no other acquaintances anyway, and if he didn't come again, no one would know when this person became a mummy on the isolated island.

"Here you are! Bread, dry food, water! Look at how thin you are. I said when will you cheer up? If this continues, I will force you to go to the hospital! Hey, this is the hospital The last biscuit? It's all moldy, okay, can you take a look at it for a while before eating!"

The person in front of him, with the baggy pajamas down to his shoulders, hugged his knees on the sofa, as if he didn't hear anything.

"Would you like to go out and bask in the sun? You're going to be moldy!" The scientist pulled him, but Yin Yening seemed to be dead.

"...Hey, you can't do this," Fang Jili couldn't help muttering in a low voice, "I feel very guilty for doing this... Although you asked me to make that robot, and even though you have psychological problems, I don't care about it. My conscience is still very condemned for a normal person to be like this! Hurry up and forget about him, come out with me for a walk."

Yin Yening finally shook his head slowly: "I can't get out anymore."

"How do you know if you don't go out? How about this, you leave this island first, live in the city for a while, or go abroad, change the environment, and you can't just sit here and think about others! Don't blame me for speaking too bluntly, Don’t say he’s just a robot, even if he’s a real person, if a person dies and can’t be brought back to life, it’s too stupid to pay him back…”

"I won't go. This island is his grave...and mine too!"

Fang Jili's face was the same color as green vegetables, and he was shocked. He thought he was a normal person, and he couldn't argue with Yin Yening in this state.

"Don't worry about me, I won't do anything stupid."

"you sure?"

Yin Yening tilted her head and smiled slightly: "Actually... it's not bad to live in miss all my life, at least I still have something to think about. I just don't want to leave our home, I don't want to leave here, that's all... ..."

"You don't need to do this!"

"No, he deserves it, and... I deserve it."

Fang Jili seemed to see it with his own eyes. This island, like a deserted fairy-tale island isolated from the rest of the world, grew grassy and dilapidated, and became more and more like a tomb day by day.

Yin Yening said that this was the island that belonged to him and F, and this was their tomb, so he acted like a conscientious guardian of the tomb, and buried his heart in this tomb in advance.

She no longer looks like a person, but like a wandering soul, Yin Yening herself feels so.

◇

The sky was overcast, and with the coldness after the rain, Yin Yening boarded the boat again.

When he was on the boat, the sea was gray, the city was gray, and there was no life at all. However, the moment he stepped on land, the sun suddenly shone, and everything lit up, and then the bustling crowd finally rendered various colors. , came back to life.

Standing in the bright sunlight, his eyes were dazzled.

As long as the human heart is longing for such a warm and bright world.

He suddenly felt a chill.

How terrifying, human nature, even if you have almost lost all the reasons for living, even if you are in pain, and you see beautiful things again, can you still gain the hope of leaving all the past and all the pain again?

If true, time heals all...

So ten years later, 20 years later, will he finally seal the past, forget all the past, finally return to this world that belongs to him, and live in an ordinary, ordinary way like he has been struggling?

How unfair.Human feelings can be forgotten and obliterated, but F's feelings cannot.

He can persist in believing in, loving deeply, and unswervingly until the last bit of strength is exhausted.

It's really not worth it to treat yourself who is good at self-protection and good at indifference and forgetting with that kind of emotion.

I've been avoiding it.But……

He slowly raised the corners of his lips, but his expression was very sad.

Now, I can't escape, and I won't choose to escape again.I am yours even though you have cast off the cocoon of tenderness and sorrow that tried to bind me.

Live, or die, it doesn't matter.