night without tears

The lights in the lab were on from noon to midnight.Yin Yening sat against the cold wall, with her head buried between her knees.

I can't... can't lose you again.Please, please, F...

Why save me, why, I thought you hated me, didn't you hate me?Why, just say I'm fine...

The door opened suddenly, and Fang Jili came out, taking off his gloves.

"How, how is he?"

"I've fixed it..."

Yin Yening was granted amnesty: "Thank you, thank you!"

"Don't thank me first!" Fang Jili turned his head and said, "I just cultivated it reluctantly, and after that... there is no guarantee how long it will last..."

"What do you mean?" Yin Yening's heart that had not completely let go suddenly sank: "What do you mean there is no guarantee how long it will last?!"

"..."

"Please speak!"

"What do you want me to say?! A piece of glass is smashed into several pieces with a hammer, and it can still be used if it sticks; after a few more smashes, if you have patience, it will be completely glued and it can be installed on the window frame—then, if one day It has been smashed into powder, do you think it can still stick to it?"

Yin Yening's expression froze in astonishment.

"He has undergone several thorough overhauls before, and the circuit structure is already very fragile. In addition to this damage - and there is no design drawing, I have tried my best to wake him up here, but, I I'm afraid he won't last long like this."

"How is it possible, you are his designer...you made him! What do you mean it won't last long? You made him, what if you want him..."

"Yin Yening, calm down!" Fang Jili looked at him, and said word by word: "I really have nothing to do. Everything I'm doing now is just to delay some time. For the rest of the day, you... ...be nice to him."

◇

F lay flat on the experimental table, his deep black eyes were wide open, and he didn't know what he was thinking.

Yin Yening wanted to put on a smiling face, wanted to put on the very gentle look he had shown for a while, but no matter what, it was very difficult to squeeze out a smile.

F still doesn't know anything, don't let him know, don't let him know...

"Is it better?" He gently reached out his hand, trying to hug him.

F turned his face sideways, wanting to smile wryly from the bottom of his heart.

In this place, on this white experimental table, how many times have I woke up like this?

For him, this world has no reality, no belief worth sticking to as he imagined, he thought it was very sad, but now he finds that this world does not even have eternal escape and rest for him. nothing.

"Don't touch me," F shook off his hand: "Master, don't think that I will save you, it means..."

He couldn't hear the answer, turned his face to the side, and saw Yin Yening's eyes were red.

"……Owner?"

Yin Ye suspected that he tried desperately to tell himself not to cry, not to cry, but the tears still came out of his eyes, and the sobs were still uncontrollable, so he collapsed like this.

Cunning, really sly, using tears is the most cunning... F thought about it, but couldn't help touching Yin Yening's cheek with his fingers.

Master, I can't help hating you, but I can't help loving you, what should I do?

He looked at the sky, hesitated.

When seeing that you are in danger, the body jumps on it one step ahead of the heart.

In the end, no matter how long that feeling expired and how long it was annihilated, is it still deeply engraved in the bone marrow?

◇

Back on the small island, Yin Yening clung to him more often than before, almost all the time and couldn't get rid of him.

He has become very thick-skinned, not willing to give F a lot of freedom and space like a while ago, and he will not back down because of his bad face.Just like now, hugging Chacha and rubbing against him, letting the dog's paw scratch on F's body and giggling.

In a word, annoying.

"Do you want to go to the sea together? Don't ignore us."

"Are you bored, or I'll tell you a joke?"

"Don't be in a daze all day, let's go shopping in the city together, okay?"

"...Master," he covered one ear, "you are so noisy."

"I can also not make noise, and quietly accompany you to bask in the sun, but there are conditions..."

Yin Yening sat down beside his chair, resting her head on his knees, holding his hand tightly with one hand, and looked at F as if declaring sovereignty.

The hand is in the palm of the owner, very warm.Looking at the green hills and the blue sea outside the terrace that have been silent for so many years, I suddenly felt a kind of sweetness that seemed to last forever.

F feels that he has probably lost to the master's persistence again, or lost to his unsteady heart again, and he no longer knows.

There is an illusion, as if there is such a moment of peace, that is forever, nothing matters, even if it will be capriciously abandoned in the future, it doesn't matter.

As the sun set, he seemed to have been waiting for this moment for a long, long time.The master stood up, bowed and kissed him.

The heart that had been exhausted for a long time could no longer afford a fierce resistance.

The bedroom is dim and ambiguous, with the sound of bed sheets rubbing, deep panting, and the master's gentle caress, everything is immersed in the gorgeous and dense night.

... Let's just live like this, let's live like this, it's not bad.Although I still feel pain, although I am still very unwilling... But I can't escape, I am already very tired.

Whose voice was that, circling in my mind over and over again.He could only hug his master's hot body tightly and sigh in satisfaction.

◇

"I love you I love you I love you..."

Over and over again, as if nothing could be said enough, F was cooking, and had to deal with the clingy older child behind him, stretched out his cheese-stained fingers, and sucked the man who was holding him from behind.

How nice would it be if I was really a human being?This idea popped up again, if I were a human being, I could turn around and kiss him, sharing the sweetness in his mouth.

You can love in a dignified way, and hurt in a dignified way, without always being like an object, and when you are happy, you don't have a [-]% sense of reality.

"Owner……"

"I love you," Yin Yening rubbed his cheek, and suddenly sighed, "I really love you so much, I wish I could cut my heart out for you to see."

"Master, don't say such horrible things suddenly!" F hit him on the head with a spoon.

"Really, if you cut it out and show it to you, you will believe it."

If there is any point in doing anything for me right now...

F didn't see Yin Yening's dejected face, but could only hear his heart beating against his unruffled back heart, beating again and again.

He knows that anyone who keeps giving and waiting will feel extremely painful.He didn't mean to make Yin Yening suffer so much.

There are people and things in the world that are more important than life, belief, and everything else.At least that's how it was for him from the start.It's just that the injury was too tragic and painful, almost destroying all his senses.

Now I slowly found it back, pain and love, half and half intertwined and suffering, driving people almost crazy.

Nothing will fix it all.

He couldn't cry freely, and he couldn't cut off all connections cruelly. He belonged to Yin Yening.His existence, his perception, his meaning, and his love belonged to Yin Yening from the very beginning.

So only to forget, isn't it?Let time slowly heal all the pain, looking forward to the future, happiness will last longer...

He wanted to turn around and kiss the person behind him who was clinging to him and was tired of him.

But the legs suddenly couldn't move.

F felt a little strange, he wanted to turn around, but why his body wouldn't obey.

Strange, strange, he couldn't even turn around, and before he had time to analyze, the scene in front of him blurred, and he suddenly fell down.

"How is this going……"

He was able to move his hands, and he propped up his upper body, but he was completely unconscious below the waist.He tried again, unable to control, unable to convey orders, as if his body was not his own, disobedient, completely disobedient.

His body was hugged, and he raised his head in astonishment, but he couldn't see Yin Yening's expression under his bangs. He didn't find his voice until he was placed on the bed in the bedroom.

"Master, what's going on... What did you do to me?"

Yin Yening didn't answer, which made him instantly feel desolate about being cheated.

"Why did you treat me like this? No... Didn't you promise to give me freedom? You can't live too much?!"

He raised his palm and patted the bedside bitterly.Yin Yening sat beside him and pressed his hand.

"Don't be afraid, it's okay."

What does it mean?Yin Yening's eyes were gentle, but behind that gentleness was a blur and darkness that he couldn't understand.

"It's okay... Be good, don't be afraid."

what's ok?What don't you be afraid of?what on earth is it?

"...It doesn't matter if you can't go, I will take good care of you."

Yin Yening's voice was gentle, but his eyes were red and his lips were trembling. He tried his best to maintain that smile, but F was not an idiot.

"Master... I... What happened to me?"

The hand was pulled up, and it was pulled to Yin Yening's lips and kissed gently.

"Stop calling me master...call me Ye."

"Don't avoid the important ones, just answer me!" F grabbed him by the collar, and said viciously, "Master... Ye, tell me what's going on!"

Yin Yening didn't answer, but just looked at him with a stiff smile.

Seeing this, F raised his hand and stared blankly.

"I... finally broke completely, right?" He slowly turned his face and asked Yin Yening: "It can't be repaired, right? How long is it before it's scrapped? One year? Months? A few days?"

"do not talk……"

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me! How could you..."

"What did you want me to tell you!" Yin Yening suddenly yelled at him: "Tell you that I can't save you? Tell you that I will stay by your side like this, and I can't do anything but watch you bit by bit Die?"

F smiled sadly: "You might as well tell me, I'm just a substitute, I'm just a machine. Even if it breaks, you can just make a new one to replace me!"

Yin Yening's face was pale. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at the table, a pile of neatly arranged books, and a paper knife stuck in the pen holder next to it.

"If you really want me to dig out my heart and show you."

"Lord... Ye, what are you going to do? You put that down!"

The silver blade was aimed at the heart, and a hint of madness appeared on Yin Yening's face: "You think I'm just pretending to scare you, don't you?"

"Ye, stop! What are you thinking, what are you trying to do!"

Yin Yening's tears suddenly flowed down.

"……you do not believe me."

The chest burst into a blood red, and the tip of the knife pierced into the flesh.

How aggrieved Yin Yening was, and finally realized how aggrieved it was not to be believed after she nakedly offered her heart and was ignored.

F felt that he was really pathetic. No one believed him at the beginning, but now he was forced to believe others.

Unable to control her body, she fell from the bed and fell to the ground. F grabbed Yin Yening's sleeve and grabbed the knife fiercely: "Ye, calm down!"

"...You...don't believe me, I said I love you, I said I would never fall in love with anyone again, but you don't believe me..."

F looked at the blood on his chest and felt a slight pain in his heart.Yin Yening buried her head in the socket of his shoulder, tears streaming down his neck drop by drop.

"F, I'm scared, scared, you know..."

The one who should be afraid is me, F thought in his heart, the one who is going to die is me, why should you be afraid.

"I can't think about it. I don't dare to think about what will happen in the future... It's all my fault, it's all my fault! Everything used to be fine, how happy I was, everything was in my hands, I should Cherish it! But why I want, why I want...it's all my fault, why do you have to bear it, why...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

That's right, it's all your fault.It was you who made everything out of hand, you were too cruel, too resolute and too relentless, but why, now I can't blame you.

Probably because... this time, I will leave you first.

◇

The thing of kindness definitely varies from person to person, and not everyone can be sad because of the sadness that others will bear.

Maybe F's setting is indeed too compassionate, so that he will truly feel sorry for the master who is beside him and looks at him with a kind of sad eyes that cannot be hidden.

That day was fine, Yin Yening took him away from the island, and walked up silently along the secluded path by the city's seaside.The two of them were speechless all the way, the sunlight smeared the shadows into darkness, F lowered his head silently, thinking that such days should not be long left.

Familiar and unfamiliar cities, familiar and unfamiliar streets, snow-white roads surrounding emerald green hills, and on the hill at the end, stands a small church with red bricks, white crosses, and white roses. covered the wall.

In the afternoon, the surroundings were quiet and silent, and inside the half-closed door was empty.

In a daze, F pushed open the door.Yin Yening followed behind him, walking past rows of chairs. The stained glass windows cast colorful colors on the ground, and in the corner next to the holy statue, bright rays of light cast down from the skylight.

F faced the brilliant light and knelt down reverently.

Yin Yening also knelt down beside him.

He never prayed, he didn't believe in God, he didn't believe in God, and he didn't believe that there were really people somewhere in this world looking at the billions of sad and ridiculous ants on the ground.

Kneeling here now is just because of the lingering sorrow in my heart.

After the solemn bell rang, it slowly returned to silence. He turned his face and looked at F's transparent white side face under the light, and he clasped his hands on his chest.

... Who are you praying for?Yin Yening closed her eyes.

So do I have to pray too?For... this... wandering soul that I love.

"Before, I heard a man holding a cross tell me that the souls of innocent people and kind people will go to the same place...that is a place called heaven. He said that in that place, There is no pain, no sorrow. People will eventually reach that place, so even if they are temporarily separated, people can still reunite with their loved ones in that paradise...

"But what if his soul was not created by God?

"If he was not created by God, wouldn't he be merciful? If life is virtual from beginning to end, is there no way to enter that paradise?

"So... after I die, can I still see my master again in that place called Heaven?"

F looked directly at Yin Yening with those deep black eyes.He didn't expect an answer, no one could answer the answer he wanted, he just wanted to see his master's heart-wrenching expression at this moment.

Master, in fact, no matter how sad you are... definitely not as good as I used to be... a little bit.

Yin Yening lowered his head slightly, his eyes were dim, and his lips moved.After a long time, he opened his mouth with difficulty.

"Your life must not be illusory... As long as I live for a day, I will never let it disappear..."

No, it's not like that, master.

I am alone in this world, unwaveringly believing that I have a soul of my own.And you, when you wake up tomorrow morning, maybe you will feel that everything is just a dream.

"Human beings are very ruthless, but it doesn't matter, I have learned to be good, master, when that day comes, I will become the way you like, quiet, resigned to fate, and will not fight for a word. Soon, you I will be forgotten, and at that time... I will disappear forever, leaving no trace..."

Yin Yening stared at him in astonishment. After a while, tears rolled down his face.

The man had that helpless and sad smile that he was familiar with.What that person once desperately guarded, that incomparably clear and fragile thing, will soon no longer be able to protect it with his own hands.

And even if I want to take care of it now, trust is at stake, and expectations no longer exist.

F finally let out a long sigh and stood up.

Under the blinding light, he looked at his master who had never been so humble. Even though he was a heinous person, he still couldn't help but want to regain the feeling of wanting to cherish him silently. Mood.

This is the only love in this life that is rooted in the bone marrow and cannot escape like a curse.

"Since it's something that shouldn't have life, it's also possible... from the beginning, it's someone else's."

Under Yin Yening's bewildered eyes, he smiled and spread his hands.

"I mean, my soul...Master, maybe I already have a soul, but my soul doesn't belong to this artificial body."

Maybe so.

Perhaps, the me I am today is also the real soul of someone.It is not derived from inanimate things, but should have existed in the first place, but drifted to the wrong place, maybe——it is destined to meet you in this way.

"Maybe I, my being, my existence, is built out of the man-made nothingness, and somewhere in this world, it will also have its inherent flesh and body. Maybe, I can also be a real Life is just to stay by your side, so it drifts away and abandons everything that belongs to you."

The corner of F's mouth curved into a seductive arc.He always has an inexplicable sexiness when he thinks about imaginative things.

"So master... even if I have to leave one day..."

Even if I will leave, as long as you still love my soul, even for one more day, my soul will definitely still be by your side, existing for your love, and will not be blurred or disappear.

Because I have always been infatuated with you.

As long as your thoughts are still there, I will definitely stay for you.