Heartburn

Do you really understand?Like asking questions or bewitching, Fu Nan'an's voice was very low, and when he spoke, his breath was on Chi Zhao's neck: "Do you really understand? The love of adults is not the love of children."

It was too close, the lips close at hand touched Chi Zhao's sensitive nerves, the strings in Chi Zhao's brain suddenly broke, he stood on tiptoe, and put his lips against Fu Nan'an's: "I understand, Professor, I understand."

His liking for Fu Nan'an has never been a simple admiration, he wants him, he has dreamed of him countless times, he has dreamed of a situation like today, he has thought about it for too long.

Once the dream came true, Chi Zhao couldn't even believe it. Panting, he held Fu Nan'an's arm and probed into his neckline. He had never done such a thing before, and his nerves were tense, but he was willing: "Professor , do you think so, I can..."

As the trembling fingertips slid across the skin, Fu Nan'an lost his mind for a moment, but at that moment, he quickly came to his senses: "Chi Zhao!"

Fu Nan'an didn't expect Chi Zhao to be so bold, he clasped Chi Zhao's wrist with his backhand, and said in a very stern tone: "Do you know what you are doing?"

Professor Fu was really angry, his tone was so cold that it was almost freezing, Chi Zhaoren was stunned, and after realizing it, he felt bold: "I'm sorry, Professor, I just..."

I just love you so much.

So whatever I do with you is happy and willing.

These words were too blatant, and Chi Zhao couldn't say it outright. Chi Zhao knew that he would be wrong, and his face turned pale immediately.His head was in a mess, for fear that Fu Nan'an would feel that he was overstepping, and his body was too stiff to move. Feeling the stiffness of his muscles, Fu Nan'an slowly let go of his hand, no longer restraining him: "I'm sorry, I should Say sorry."

It was really up to him to say sorry, for a moment he really thought about Chi Zhao.Out of control, impulsive, when he pressed Chi Zhao under his body, he really thought about wanting this person. It's not that Chi Zhao misunderstood, he shouldn't.

Losing control was only a momentary thing, and Fu Nan'an quickly regained his usual calmness. He really wanted to reject Chi Zhao, so his attitude was extraordinarily indifferent: "Isn't one month enough for you to think it through?"

"I've figured it out, I've always been very clear." All that needs to be said has been said, Chi Zhao has nothing to be afraid of, there is still a wooden feeling on his lips, it is because he touched his teeth when he kissed just now.Chi Zhao touched that place with his fingers, and there was a faint pain: "I know what I'm doing, I just like you."

This is really broken. After finishing speaking, Chi Zhao looked at Fu Nan'an nervously. He was not as calm as he appeared on the surface. His heart was beating so hard that his heart was about to fly out. Fu Nan'an's eyelids drooped slightly, and his eyes were filled with mist : "I didn't want to talk to you about this before, but you seem to be very persistent."

Perhaps because Chi Zhao was too persistent, Professor Fu's tone was obviously different from before. His voice was lowered, and Chi Zhao's heart fluctuated accordingly. He didn't know what Fu Nan'an was going to say, and he didn't know what to listen to next. Whether it will make him happy or sad, he held his breath to listen, Fu Nan'an's tone was still very deep and steady: "It's my fault for avoiding this topic all the time, I shouldn't treat you like a child, I admit...I admit I have thought about you, but I never thought about falling in love."

It was neither completely happy nor completely sad. Before Chi Zhao could be happy, Fu Nan'an admitted that he had thought about him, but when he heard the sentence that he never thought about falling in love, Chi Zhao didn't understand: "Why?"

He suddenly thought of a certain possibility, subconsciously looked into those light gray eyes, Fu Nan'an's expression was still calm, and he reached out to touch his eyes calmly: "Can you guess, you also know my situation , I haven't seen it for many years, and I have to run in with anyone, I'm not used to it, and I don't like it."

Speaking of this, Chi Zhao panicked. What Chi Zhao was most afraid of was talking about Fu Nan'an's eyes.In the past few months with Professor Fu, he has experienced too many other eyes and onlookers with him, so Fu Nan'an's tenderness at this time makes people even more sad and sad.

"I don't mind," Chi Zhao said anxiously, and when he saw Fu Nan'an's light gray eyes, he felt his heart being pinched, "You know my personality, I really don't care— —”

"I know, but I care." Fu Nan'an interrupted him, he smiled and denied Chi Zhao's thoughts, "I'm not telling you this to make your heart feel bad. It's happened for so many years, and I also Accompanied by it, I embarked on a new path, I found my value in the discipline of psychology, everyone has their own path, you don’t need to feel sorry for me.”

The gentle tone is very powerful, and there is no doubt about it: "I am used to this kind of life. Feelings are not a necessity here. Too warm feelings are a troublesome thing for me. I am not used to this kind of life." A sense of loss of control.”

The topic should end here. Fu Nan'an has already made it very clear, but the love of young people is indeed fearless. Even so, Chi Zhao is still unwilling to give up. Fu Nan'an has said that he likes himself, why? Can't give it a try: "Then what if... it's suitable?"

Fu Nan'an smiled lightly, and asked him with the same words: "What if it's not suitable?"

No one can say for sure what will happen in the future. Fu Nan'an doesn't want to hang on to Chi Zhao, that's too irresponsible. He thinks of what Aunt Zhao said, and the shy tone of those little nurses when they mentioned Chi Zhao. Chi Zhao is indeed very popular. Child: "There are many peers around you who are more suitable than me, so don't bother with me anymore."

"But I just like you. I didn't think it was a waste of time. It's something that makes me happy." Chi Zhao shook his head, his tone still firm, "It's my business alone, you don't It doesn't matter if I can't respond, I just... just like it."

The confession that day was indeed impulsive. Chi Zhao never regretted it. At that time, Fu Nan'an had already avoided him. Compared with regret, he was more afraid of regret. What he was most afraid of was that Professor Fu would treat him coldly, and he was most afraid of being so ignorant It ended in vain: "If you say you don't want to be in love, then don't talk about it. Actually, I didn't expect you to accept me. I just want to talk to you more. I only have half a year left for my internship here. I promise If you can plan your own time, can you... stop chilling me?"

Don't keep me cold, this kind of request is too simple, so simple that it makes people sad, Chi Zhao asked Fu Nan'an if he could come to him again in the future, saying that he would never have any other ideas, Fu Nan'an's mouth opened again Close, but still can not say the words of rejection.

"You really are..." Fu Nan'an pressed his temple, and he has never met someone so persistent, "Why do you do this, do you think it's worth it?"

"It's worth it, I think it's really worth it." Chi Zhao smiled frankly, and he really thought so.He sincerely asked again, "Professor, can I still come to you? I'll help you put eyes on your eyes. I want to come to you. It's my own idea."

Unable to refuse and did not want to refuse, when Chi Zhao said this, Fu Nan'an knew that it was impossible for him to refuse him again.His heart has never been so full like it is now, like a little furry animal lying on his chest, his whole heart is warm.

Fu Nan'an stroked the blind stick, and said with a deep breath: "...You can handle it yourself."

Unknowingly chatting for several hours, it was already dark when Chi Zhao went back.

I can't tell what kind of mood it is, it's both happy and sad, and he feels that he has been hollowed out after talking too much at once.

The roommates haven't come back yet. After returning to the dormitory, Chi Zhao took a hot bath. The hot water washed away the fatigue of the day. After taking a bath, he sat in front of the table.

There were more than a dozen cotton candy bamboo sticks in the small drawer. Chi Zhao took them out and looked at them under the lamp. He looked at them very carefully, and didn't even notice when there were more than one around.

"Brother Chi, what are you doing here?" Chen Kaiji patted Chi Zhao's shoulder from behind.I just gave a gift to Zhou Ruoyao, Chen Kaiji was obviously proud of his love, he couldn't hide the smile on his face, "What's so interesting about a few bamboo sticks, Brother Chi, I ordered a barbecue, let's go to the roof to talk for a while .”

Young couples who have just been together are always like this. They want to convey their joy to everyone around them. Chen Kaiji dragged Chi Zhao and ran to the roof of the building. Leaving the building: "What are you talking about?"

What else can we talk about? Chen Kaiji helped Chizhao open a can of beer, and then untied the barbecue bag. The strong cumin fragrance permeated the air. Chen Kaiji smiled a little embarrassedly: "...That's right, the time between me and A Yao Do something."

Barbecue, eating beer and drinking, sitting on the top floor Chen Kaiji chattered to Chi Zhao about the story between the two of them, shy and funny, Chi Zhao was also infected by his smile, toasted and drank with him.

Chi Zhao is really happy for him. Regardless of his own feelings, he sincerely blesses Chen Kaiji, but it is inevitable that when he looks at Chen Kaiji's sweet smile, he will unconsciously feel a little bitter.

"Come on, Brother Chi toast you again." The first can of wine was almost drunk, Chi Zhao took another can from the bag, opened the tab of the can with a "click" and handed it to Chen Kaiji, sincerely wishing , "You must have a good relationship, a good relationship for a hundred years."

Chi Zhao smiled brightly, he deliberately didn't want Chen Kaiji to find out, he didn't want to ruin Chen Kaiji's good mood, but Chen Kaiji was a careful person, and soon found out what was wrong with him: "What's wrong, Brother Chi, you don't seem very happy ah?"

"It's nothing." Chi Zhao shook his head, and refused to admit it. He took a skewered mutton skewer and ate it, avoiding Chen Kaiji's gaze. "Brother Chi, what can I be unhappy about?"

"No, there must be something wrong." Chen Kaiji looked at him carefully, but still shook his head, "Brother Chi, tell me, I can see it."

His senses are too keen, and he will never give up if he doesn't ask. Chi Zhao smiled helplessly, and clinked glasses with him again: "The eyes are quite sharp."

Chen Kaiji looked at him nervously: "Why, is something really wrong?"

Everyone will know sooner or later, so Chi Zhao didn't hide it from him: "Well, I confessed to Professor Fu."

"And Fu—fuck! Confessed to you, Professor Fu?!" Chen Kaiji drank some wine and got a little heady. Hearing his words, he almost jumped up. The skewer in his hand almost poked Chi Zhao's face, and he turned his head. Seeing Chi Zhao's calm expression, his heart turned cold: "Then... what did Professor Fu say?"

"How can I say it?" Seeing his nervous face, Chi Zhao bumped his shoulder a little funny, unwilling to make the topic so heavy, and said in a relaxed tone, "Just say we are not suitable."

Although Fu Nan'an said he liked him, he still rejected him. Professor Fu's attitude was very clear, and he didn't actually want him to go to him.Chi recounted it as it was, and Chen Kaiji drank his wine sullenly, and when he finished speaking, he let out a long sigh: "It's a pity."

It's a pity, if you say you don't regret it, it's all fake, who doesn't like to fall in love with the person you like?But Chi Zhao didn't want to make it too bitter and bitter, it's boring, liking someone is a matter of suffering and happiness, and you can do it yourself if you like it. Chi Zhao smiled and patted Chen Kaiji on the shoulder, instead persuading him He came: "Okay, okay, isn't it just that the confession was rejected, don't make it so sad, there is still a long way to go."

"It's not Brother Chi, that's not what I mean," Chen Kaiji shook his head, "I didn't expect such a result, I thought you two could make it."

Chi Zhao didn't understand: "What do you mean?"

"Didn't I always tease you two before?" Chen Kaiji was holding an empty beer can in his hand, and his tone was a little embarrassed, "I don't know if it's appropriate for me to say this now... Actually, I have always felt how Professor Fu feels about you. are different."

Chi Zhao smiled, and asked casually: "What's the difference?"

"Anyway, it's different, the tone of speech is different from yours, and the attitude towards you is different from others - don't you always go to his office? It was explained in the big office."

Chi Zhao shook his head helplessly, thinking in his heart that it was mainly because I clung to him more tightly. He asked Chen Kaiji if there was any specific incident, and Chen Kaiji said, "Of course!"

Chen Kaiji originally thought that Chi Zhao knew everything, but he didn't even think about saying it. Now, seeing his disappointed expression, he realized that he didn't know anything: "For example, when we went to the countryside, Professor Fu only let you enter his Room, didn’t Yuanliang’s father beat you at that time? He even asked me about your situation several times in private. When we arrived, Professor Fu said that you were his favorite student, and that's what he wrote in the comments!"

Chen Kaiji said several things in one breath, Chi Zhao's expression changed again and again, he really didn't notice these before.

Many fragments flashed through his mind, Chi Zhao thought of the cotton candy Fu Nan'an handed him, the gentle and strong hands when he told him that he had grown up, and the time when he helped Yuanliang because of his pleading... and also I remembered that they had held a long talk all night.

So liking this kind of thing is indeed a sweet and sour intertwined, even if Fu Nan'an rejected it, when thinking about it again, Chi Zhao's heart still had some ripples. Originally, Fu Nan'an said that he had moved his heart At that time, Chi Zhao just listened to it as a matter of fact, but now listening to Chen Kaiji's words, he felt that perhaps he hadn't lost his enthusiasm, Fu Nan'an did have feelings for him, and that was enough.

The wine was finished soon, and Chen Kaiji opened another can. The empty can was crushed and thrown into a plastic bag with a rustling sound. He asked Chi Zhao, "Then what do you want to do in the future?"

"What can I do?" Chi Zhao's cheeks were facing the evening wind, and his eyes still had light under the light, "Let's let nature take its course."

The love in the youth is like this, it doesn't expect any result, that kind of hazy emotion has always been rooted in the bottom of my heart, sweet and sour, bitter and happy.No matter what the result is, this experience will be vivid and vivid when recalled in the future. Chi Zhao has never regretted liking Fu Nan'an.

Two weeks later, the weather turned warmer, and after the open-minded chat, there was no awkwardness or unhappiness between Chi Zhao and Fu Nan'an.Fu Nan'an sent a message to the large group of interns, asking if any students would like to work on a project with him. Chi Zhao blinked and sent a message to Fu Nan'an.

-[Professor Fu, can you see me? ]