Sea King's Self-cultivation

After Shimizu Xing married Nakahara Chuya, the two had a very happy time.Just like all ordinary and happy couples in the world, they will go to the supermarket to buy ingredients for dinner after get off work, invite friends to celebrate at home when the festival comes, and hold hands at dusk under the sunset walk.

Sometimes, unfortunately, Osamu Dazai would run into them on the street.

When he and Zhongyuan Zhong also met, they always laughed at each other.Shimizu Xing stood beside Nakahara Nakaya, looking at her husband with a smile, occasionally meeting Dazai Osamu's eyes, and she would greet him happily.

But that happiness was not much more than when she saw Ozaki Hongye and Nakajima Atsushi.

In her heart, he was just a friend with a decent relationship.

Now Qingshui Xing's eyes are filled with Chuya in the Central Plains.

She would never smile at him like that again, never talk to him like that again, never act like a baby with him like that again.

Never again.

After saying "goodbye", he maintained a faint smile on the corner of his mouth, and quietly watched the couple in the sunset with his hands in his pockets. They didn't stop, and the distance between them was getting closer and closer. near, then...

Pass by.

He didn't look back.

I don't understand why I stay in this world without leaving, and experience this almost masochistic experience again and again.

He was just like a lonely ghost, pretending to be a smile, wandering aimlessly among the frolicking crowd, neither sad nor sad, just a little tired.

But even such days did not last long.

One year later, Shimizu Xing died of dystocia in the delivery room. Osamu Dazai was not the first person to hear the news. When he arrived at the hospital, it was too late to see her for the last time.

He also has no position to see her for the last time.

Zhong Yuan was also standing in the corridor of the hospital. He lowered his head and couldn't see his eyes clearly. He didn't feel the black suit jacket falling on the ground.He is like a sculpture that is about to decay, as long as you tap it lightly, it will immediately shatter into powder.

Unexpectedly, Osamu Dazai suddenly remembered the scene where he saw Shimizu Xing die in the bathroom when he got home.

Shimizu Xing, who didn't fall in love with him, still died.

And in this world, he was just a bystander from the beginning to the end.

He closed his eyes, and the world fell apart in an instant.

【Restart——】

The world line is restarted again, and this time the world line is different from the past.

Without a body to contain his soul, his consciousness seemed to be floating in the dark night sky. After fully waking up, Osamu Dazai found himself in an old student dormitory.

The air was filled with the smell of blood and the cry of the baby. There were footsteps in the corridor. The weak girl who had just given birth gritted her teeth in panic and threw the baby out of the window. arm, but at this time he has no body, the baby finally passed through his hand and fell on the grass, and the cry changed from loud to dying.

Just as the baby's cries became weaker and weaker, bright and white light spots gathered in her body, and quickly healed the wounds on her body at a speed invisible to the naked eye.

The baby stopped crying, she calmed down, opened her big round eyes, and looked at the world curiously and ignorantly.

This world does not welcome her birth.

He knows that this is the past.

Belongs to the past of "Shimizu Apricot".

the day of her birth.

He walked to the baby, squatted down, looked at Xingxing who was playing with bubbles, stretched out his translucent hand, and gently touched her small fist.

-moment--

The surrounding scenes faded quickly, and the noisy voice gradually faded away.Just like all the buildings were overthrown and rebuilt in the game, the surrounding scene has completely changed, and it has become Shimizu Xing's junior high school.

What appeared before his eyes were shredded books, damaged chairs, and desks with dirty words carved on them.

The vicious words around him were about to overwhelm him.

"...Isn't it good for them to bully Shimizu Xing like this?"

"Don't mind your own business, don't you want to be bullied like her?"

"But it's too..." to treat her like this just because she is fat.

"Anyway, no one stood up for her. I heard that her mother left her when she was very young, and her father soon married a new wife and had a child. She has an embarrassing position in their family. of……"

Xing Xing appeared in front of him with an overly immature face, carrying her schoolbag and walking forward silently, leaving behind all the whispers around her.

He didn't stop until he reached a place where no one was there.

She lowered her head, and Dazai couldn't see her expression, but could only see—drops of tears fell patter on the ground and onto her white shoes.

Xingxing squatted down, took out a tissue and kept wiping the tears on the shoes, but the tears kept piling up, and she finally gave up her futile efforts.

He could only hear her sobbing very lightly and suppressedly.

Like a little beast being bullied, it refuses to expose its vulnerable side in front of those who hurt it, and can only hide in the dark and lick its wounds by itself.

How much he wanted to punish those who hurt her at this time, then hug her, rub her hair, and tell her not to be afraid.

But he could only watch his translucent hands run through the ends of her hair.

The scene shifts again.

He watched Shimizu Xing drop out of high school and work around to pay off the debts left by her father. She wore a thick doll outfit to distribute leaflets in the hot summer, and sold roses in snowy holidays, but no matter what. No matter how difficult life is, how many grievances and difficulties she has suffered, she seems to never give up, never give up on herself.

He followed her and watched her grow from a young girl with an immature face to a slim girl step by step, as if reviewing her life as a companion.

Then Osamu Dazai saw himself.

The young man in black pushed open the door of the coffee shop. Shimizu Xing and other colleagues in the shop bent down together and said "Welcome." The moment they looked up, the eyes of the man with a deep heart and the ignorant and innocent girl crossed briefly. Touch and split.

This is their first encounter.

The next development was just like what he remembered. They dated, fell in love, and entered the palace of marriage. Qingshui Xing soon became pregnant. She was surprised and at a loss when she told him the news. The two waited expectantly. The arrival of their little baby may be because they are with their loved ones. Every ordinary day, even the air is filled with happiness.

So far, the development of things has deviated from the past in his memory.

In this world line, Xingxing didn't get emotionally unstable and filed for divorce when she was one month pregnant, and she didn't cut her wrists to commit suicide after that.

She didn't even have the slightest tendency to want to commit suicide, and she was happy every day, looking forward to the arrival of the baby in her womb.

However, as a bystander, he couldn't ignore the premonition in his heart.

That predestined premonition.

Time flies, and when Xingxing was four months pregnant, he saw Osamu Dazai discover that the baby in her womb was depriving her of the power to survive, and the only solution was his death.

He arranged everything without a trace, left her a huge inheritance, erased the traces of her being with him, and even arranged for a person with supernatural powers who can erase memories, so that she can die when he dies. Forget about my existence...

If everything goes according to his plan, Xingxing will completely forget about "Dazai Osamu" after giving birth. Although she accepts that it will take some time for her to give birth suddenly, she is so strong and brave, she will live on.

This meticulous plan protects her thoughtfully and safely like a cocoon, no need to accept the storm from the outside world.

However, inside the "cocoon", there was a gap.

When the supernatural power user with the ability to erase memories actually implemented the ability of "erasing memories" on Shimizu Xing, he discovered that he couldn't erase the memory of Osamu Dazai in her mind!

"how can that be?!"

People with supernatural powers feel unbelievable.

The mechanism by which his ability works is to inflict the highest level of pain when the ability invades the target's brain, forcing the opponent to give up the ability to control the memory, thereby achieving the ability to delete and tamper with the memory.If the target refuses to give up the memory and continues to forcibly delete it, it will cause irreversible damage to the target's brain.

It is often a person with extremely strong willpower who can resist the highest level of severe pain and prevent his supernatural ability from working, but those are very few among the very few.

Qingshui Xing was obviously not one of the very few people. In his subsequent attempts, he easily deleted her other memories, just as easily as using supernatural powers in the past, and he didn't even feel any resistance from her.

Only the memory about Osamu Dazai cannot be deleted.

How can an ordinary girl like her who has no supernatural powers and no training in torture endure this kind of long-term severe pain, obviously as long as she gives up the memory related to him, she can be freed from this torture——

Why do you want to hold on to the memory about him and refuse to let go?

Why, would rather endure this pain than give up the memory of him?

From the past to the present, how many resolute spies, undercover agents, and people with supernatural abilities have been defeated in front of his supernatural abilities one after another. Why can she bear it?

Shimizu Xingming... is just an ordinary person.

She is just an ordinary person!

He was silent for a long time, and after a long while, he smiled wryly: "It seems that the task you entrusted to me cannot be completed... Mr. Dazai, you have planned-everything, arranged-everything, but the only thing is a miscalculation. — something..."

"You underestimated her love for you."

You underestimated her love for you.

These words penetrated his body like an invisible bullet with a huge impact. His face was pale, and even his figure was a little unstable, as if he was dying of illness.If someone you know is present - you will be surprised. Osamu Dazai is always so calm, calm and high above everything, it seems that everything is under his control, and nothing can develop beyond his expectations. No one has ever seen him like this Pale, even pale.

"Shimizu Xing likes him"——

This sentence is like a theorem, a conclusion, and he had already comprehended this conclusion a long time ago, even earlier.Of course he knew that she liked him, his handsome appearance, his witty and elegant conversation, and his kindness to her... But in his opinion, her liking was as fragile as paper.Qingshui Xing doesn't understand him, or she doesn't understand him completely, she only knows his good side, about those indifferent, cruel, extreme, decadent... She doesn't know or understand him at all, of course he I never gave her a chance to know and understand. It was unnecessary before, but I didn't want to later.

He doesn't care whether she loves him or not, he knows that she likes him, and he also knows that she is a girl who can't live without him, but that is based on dependence and liking for survival, not love.For him, getting close to Shimizu Xing, marrying her, and being nice to her are all done in accordance with his own inner thoughts, just like arranging her life arbitrarily while hiding his identity, and he also didn't ask her idea.

They have never been - people of the world.

but--

She loves him.

She loves him.

Even this love has never been acknowledged by him.

Everything after that flashed before his eyes like a revolving lantern.

He saw Shimizu Xing—while taking care of the baby—while trying to find out the truth about her husband's death.

He watched her become more and more silent in just four years, the strength that supported her seemed to be slowly being emptied, and she seemed to gradually become an empty shell.

Until the end, she returned to four years ago.

The girl who was not overwhelmed by a broken family, campus bullying, or debt, who could survive with a little kindness and a little love, finally found herself in the bathroom on an ordinary afternoon Quietly ended his life.

She is always so quiet.

He finally understood why she had to repeat it countless times, but it still couldn't change the result of her death.

Because this is the past, it is destined, it is an established fact.

It was also what she wanted.

[Get what you want, and what you want comes true. 】

Sure enough - words become prophecy.