Alien Office

The part-time job in the alien office is actually very easy. I can receive two or three calls a day, usually alien friends who are new to the earth asking for help: "HELP! I'm locked in a freezer, and now I only have a mobile phone all over my body." Oh, it's so cold, I'm freezing."

I'm sure he's cold because he's shaking with every word he says.Of course, I'm curious how this guy got himself into the freezer, and his good habit of carrying his mobile phone with him saved his life.

Article [-] of "Earth Simple Survival Manual": Welcome to the third planet Earth in the solar system. From the moment you land and meet the pick-up personnel, please carry the distributed mobile phone with you. It will save your life for a long time in the future. Life—Earth is a dangerous place.

I wrote down his residential address, then looked up to Liang Rui and said, "I have a mission."

Liang Rui was replenishing Lily's water, and said without raising his head, "Bring Qin Que, he needs to familiarize himself with the mission process and protect your safety."

I put on a half-smile: "My biggest threat comes from the strange uncle who tried to abduct me with a lollipop."

"This is your own bad taste, you can completely turn yourself into Stallone." Qin Que said coldly.

I shrugged. "I don't want to be chased for an autograph."

We went out, Qin Que was in charge of driving, and I was in charge of eating. The object was a large jar of potato starch. He obviously didn't care about my food.

"Would you like some? Though it looks and tastes like plaster." I'm promoting my food.

He didn't even give me a look: "I'm not interested in extraterrestrial recipes."

"Too bad, then you must lose a lot of fun, in fact I like to eat normal food besides starch."

"I don't think it includes human flesh." He glanced at me, and I was trying to suck my fingers that tasted like strawberry jam. The dry starch is really not very tasty, and I need condiments.

I laughed kindly and began to show the art of finger-eating. Soon the five fingers of my left hand were gnawed bare. I waved my lonely palm in front of him: "It's interesting, isn't it?"

"Anamorphic creatures...huh." He sneered and concentrated on driving.

I'm so disappointed in this guy who lacks a sense of humor and a delicate horror nerve.

Arriving at the destination, this damn rich extraterrestrial creature occupies a whole villa by himself. I suspect that he has filled his home with daily necessities and electrical appliances of human beings on Earth for research—many extraterrestrial creatures have this kind of problem, which leads to I often need to explain to them how to use the earth electrical appliances in the manual. Of course, I charge a fee.

This group of extraterrestrial creatures will often stare wide-eyed (if they have eyes, otherwise their mouths), and then exclaim: "Oh, great, I didn't know that the civilization of the earth is so wonderful, so this is a toilet. Think this thing is a bathtub for bathing, I keep complaining why it doesn't have warm water, and the water flow is too fast, I keep accidentally being washed down the drain and crawling back, it smells really good in there. " The damn Ravenous people who have a perverted sense of smell and always use the toilet as a bathtub, they cause troubles second only to parasitic extraterrestrial creatures.

"Well, I think we need a key," I said, standing by the iron gate in the courtyard wall.

"I thought it was an obvious problem." Qin Que laughed at me.

"Maybe you prefer to climb over the wall?" I said, pointing to the courtyard wall.

He suddenly grabbed my hand and slammed it into the keyhole: "Deformation, or is it because your tragic IQ makes you completely unable to remember your own abilities?"

I clicked my tongue and said, "What a man who doesn't know how to pity and cherish jade."

These words are said by a little girl who looks only seven or eight years old, and there is a subtle sense of weirdness.

With my finger on the keyhole, the deformed matrix easily entered the hole, and I could even "see" what was inside—it was dark.The fingers begin to deform, try the desired shape a little bit, align the spring, and twist.

The iron door clicked open, and I withdrew my key-shaped metal fingers, turning the metal into chocolate neatly.

"Would you like some chocolate?" I asked Qin Que friendly.

What responded to me was his dismissive back.

What a man without taste.

In front of the villa, I repeated my old tricks and successfully entered the house. I suddenly felt that thieves were my bright future.Qin Que was already striding towards the freezer, and I quickly followed - Loli's legs are really short.

There was a smell of sewers in the room, and I stood in front of the freezer, holding my nose in pain.

"Hi, sir, do you need my help?" I asked with great professional ethics, and by the way, looked down on Qin Que who stood silently by the side.

I waited patiently for ten seconds, but there was no response from the other party.

"I think it probably froze to death." Qin Que said mockingly.

I pondered for a while, and opened the half-open glass on the freezer, a gust of cold air came out, and there was a strong fishy smell. Damn it, these fish stink long ago!

The main body of the Ravenous star is an enlarged version of the slug. Perhaps it is more appropriate to describe it as a shelled snail. Anyway, it is not a flattering thing. I always sprinkle a handful of salt on him every time. , the urge to watch it get sucked dry.

"Okay, Mr. Slug, I'm curious how you got yourself into the freezer." I asked, throwing it on the ground in disgust.

Mr. Slug was frozen stiff and thumped when he fell to the ground.I think it was speechless for a while.

Qin Que disappeared, and then I heard the kitchen door opening: "What are you going to do?"

"Give Mr. Slug a hot bath so that he can recover from hibernation and suspended animation." Qin Que replied.

Well, it turns out that Ravenous creatures have the habit of hibernating.

Soon Qin Que boiled a pot of boiling water, I held the overweight slug and asked him, "Is it a bit too hot?"

Qin Que squinted at me: "Believe me, it likes this tune, and it must be happier if there is a pressure cooker."

I was so embarrassed, I took Mr. Slug's tentacles and threw it into the boiling water pot. The bubbling pot was full of lethality. Mr. Slug was thrown into the pot. Qin Que covered it without mercy. Cover the pot and wait...

Hey, do we have to wait for Mr. Slug to be cooked?

"Is it cooked?" After 10 minutes, I watched Qin Que dump the boiling water pot and throw it in the sink.

Mr. Slug’s body is getting more and more white and red. I remember that it was originally blue, which made me feel like a crab is cooked... I began to calculate how carbon-based intelligent life forms murdered alien compatriots in interstellar regulations. , as a juvenile accomplice, I should, probably, be given a lighter sentence.

Fortunately, the slug came to life first. It first moved its tentacles, and then opened its small, round eyes—the ones that grow on the tentacles.

"Oh, that's great, I'm alive." Mr. Slug buzzed, "You must not know what it's like to be frozen to death. I always feel that the temperature of the earth is too low, and the climate of my home planet has always been as high as It’s hundreds of degrees, and if I’m not wearing cold-proof clothes on Earth, I’ll freeze to death.” As he spoke, it pulled the thin cold-proof clothes on his body that I thought were mucous membranes.

Qin Que folded his arms and looked at it condescendingly: "Maybe you should explain your host to me? I remember that we will provide human clones as hosts for every extraterrestrial creature that comes to Earth and obtains a visa. After all, we And I don't want to see earthlings scared into the hospital by talking slugs."

Mr. Slug pondered for a while, and then said painfully: "I'm sorry, because last time I took a bath... I accidentally cooked the clone host you provided... and I had to give it up for use. Ontological action."

I laughed out loud, almost overjoyed.

Qin Que's complexion became even worse: "I'm curious about the temperature of your bath. Besides, why didn't you call the Alien Agency? We can provide you with a new host."

The slug lowered its head in shame, and murmured a few times: "Well, I have already damaged a clone, and that Mr. Liang told me that if he destroys this one again, he will stuff me in it." Put it in the freezer until it freezes to death. Oh, you don’t know his smile at that time, it’s so scary, I still can’t spit it out when I ruminate now, it seriously hurts my digestion.”

Ravenous people have the habit of ruminating, I know this, because I once helped a melancholy Ravenous creature explain in detail why humans can't ruminate-it finds it difficult to adapt.

I took out my notebook and recorded:

July [-]

Task: Rescue the Ravenous Stars locked in the freezer.

Subject: Ravenous aliens (carbon-based soft-bodied organisms)

Location: No. 3, Xinlu Garden Villa, East District, H City

Completion: 100%

Remarks: An additional human clone needs to be sent as its host. PS: Warn this stupid slug not to use boiling water in his bath, otherwise we will have to cut off his electricity, gas and hot water supply to keep him alive.

The author has something to say: This is a fake sci-fi, ahem, there are bound to be bugs and the like, if any girl finds out, please beat me gently.

PS: Theoretically speaking, at a temperature of a few hundred degrees... the protein should be denatured, so it is unlikely that carbon-based organisms can survive at this high temperature. Of course, there are exceptions, such as some life in craters.Let us assume that the Ravenous people have high-temperature-resistant protein composition... At present, the general definition of the conditions for the possible existence of life is too harsh. I thought that maybe some lives are beyond our cognition, such as a whole piece of The mainland has thoughts, but its thinking is very slow, so slow that the human beings from birth to death are just a dormant event for it.Well, what a strange thought... XD.