streamer imprint

If you do something wrong, you will always have to pay the price.

These words made Qu You recover from the overwhelming panic.

He felt that since he had already made such a big mistake, it was useless to panic now.It's like a sneaky person who took valuables in the supermarket and wanted to sneak away without paying.

Now that the mistake has been made, if he needs to pay the price, he said to himself, then you should stand firm, so that you can still become a strong and responsible person.

With such spiritual construction, Qu You finally came out of the psychological panic caused by that incident.

But he never dared to look at Zhang Xianfeng again.

In his heart, Zhang Xianfeng held his own evidence, and he dared not face him.

And Zhang Xianfeng didn't tell Qu You's secret, he kept silent about it, but because of that incident, he began to pay attention to the silent and weak Qu You.

A person who looks at others with a critical eye will always feel that they are poor in all aspects; however, a person who looks at others with an inclusive eye is more able to see the advantages and beauty of others.

Zhang Xianfeng discovered the beauty and loveliness of Qu You, he is quiet and considerate, he writes beautifully and has a pleasant voice, he speaks Mandarin very well, and his Chinese scores are always the first in the class, even when he encounters difficult problems and thinks, he puts the tip of his pen to his cheek The time is also very cute.

Qu You found that Zhang Xianfeng was paying attention to him, but he couldn't muster up the courage to call Zhang Xianfeng out, and then speak clearly with him.

So, he could only say to himself——I'm ready to face everything, and nothing can hit me.

In this way, he established a line of defense for himself, and he could stand firm in the sight of Zhang Xianfeng that made him panic.

Qu You was flustered when he came out of Dong Bo's house that day. Of course, he didn't take away the set of Zhuangzi's treatises. Later, Zhang Xianfeng brought it to Qu You, and said that Dong Bo gave him this set of books.

When Zhang Xianfeng brought things, he watched Qu You hesitate to speak, Qu You buried his head down, unable to say anything, he accepted the set of books Dong Bo gave him.

But he declined to meet Dong Bo.

However, even if he wanted to see Dong Bo, he couldn't do it. After receiving the notice, Dong Bo held a teacher appreciation banquet in the restaurant, and he left without staying in the county.

The arrival of the third year made the whole atmosphere in the class tense.

Qu You didn't have much free time to read all kinds of idle books.

The phrase "Books must be borrowed cannot be read" can also be applied to him. He turned over the set of Zhuangzi given to him by Dong Bo and didn't read it again. He borrowed Freud from the library, although he later told himself Denying the influence of Freud on him, however, he himself understood that this man's influence on some of his views was indelible.

Because of the sexual relationship with Dong Bo, Qu You was freed from his previous inexplicable unconscious "male external genitalia" behavior.

Maybe he understood it in his heart, it turns out that sex is such a thing, it turns out that it is because of XX that he always pays attention to others unconsciously...

In this way, after finding these reasons, it turned out that those things that seemed to be unclear in the dense fog, now he told himself that he could see them clearly. He broke free, stopped paying attention to others, and told himself that his previous behavior was not perverted, it was just his subconscious attention to this aspect during the process of sexual maturity, and he didn't need to worry about it. Panic.

Qu You's analysis was very helpful to him, and his grades that had declined had risen again.

Qu You didn't read Freud in its entirety, the first book he read was the biography of Freud by American biographer Owen Stone borrowed from the library.Then I read a little bit of Freud's works, and I didn't even finish a single one.

Freud was a psychoanalyst who exaggerated the role of sex in the human mind.And Qu You happened to read his works at the age when he had just been enlightened sexually and had a relatively strong sexual impulse, so Freud's views were enlarged and played a role in Qu You's mind, like a big The mallet hit him on the head.

But Qu You now has his own solid foundation of world outlook and values, and he is no longer like when he was younger, blindly accepting and obeying many things.

He had reflected, and thought deeply, skeptically about anything.

In Freud's spiritual research, Qu You saw almost all examples related to sex, and sexual repression caused those mental illnesses, but Qu You could not completely agree.

The homosexual psychology caused by Ji Hong that he couldn't tell, the first time he had sex was being raped by Ji Hong, and the second time was a one-night stand with a brother-like boy, after which he had no contact.And these things cannot be known to others, they can only be buried deep in my heart.

So deep down in Qu You's heart is still repulsive. The more Freud exaggerates the impact of sex on people's mental illness, the more he rebounds, thinking that he will not be like that, nor will he become that kind of mental illness.

He had an aversion to Freud, which is why he didn't even read a single book by Freud.

Moreover, he also shut down his senses and requirements for sex.

His grandma believed in Buddhism. After he rebelled against Freud, he fell into the embrace of Buddhism and continued to watch the Zhuangzi that Dong Bo gave him.

The heavy study, the study of Zhuangzi and the thinking of Buddhist issues during the relaxing time took all his physical strength and energy, and he did not give himself any time to connect himself with the spiritual problems caused by sex raised by Freud stand up.

He doesn't think about Freud's stuff now, and when he grows up, he won't admit it anymore, and he will have trouble with Freud all his life.

He doesn't think that people should revolve around the issue of sex, and thinks that sex is just a manifestation of human animal nature. He pursues superhumanity, and he is not willing to take sex too seriously on himself.

He hopes that, like Zhuangzi, "without name, without merit, without self", the roc will soar up to [-] li, and that kind of state is what he most yearns for.

Qu You is addicted to the spiritual world and can't extricate himself. Maybe if he continues to think like this, he will really engage in philosophy, and he will be a little bit otherworldly.

However, the world is impermanent, and accidents often come when people can't even think about it.

If Qu You wants to become a fairy, there will always be mundane things that will bring him back.

The so-called philosophy, wisdom, the meaning of life, mental illness caused by sexual problems, and Zhuangzi's "freedom between heaven and earth, and self-satisfaction" or "spirit flows in all directions, omnipotent, and transcends heaven and earth. , coiled on the ground, transforming and nurturing all things, not an image"...

All these things are based on eating enough food. When the mother is crying, the sister is sad, and the relatives are sad and depressed, when there is no food and clothing, he realizes that those emptiness are just vain and delusional. , he shouldn't even think about it.

What brought him back to reality was the passing of his father.

It all happened so suddenly that everyone was caught off guard.

His father has been working as a small contractor on a construction site for several years.

Work on the construction site is a high-risk job, and safety accidents may occur at any time.

Qu You didn't know exactly what happened. He just said that because of the rain, there was an accident on the construction site. Qu's father died on the spot, as did two other workers. One survived, but his leg was broken. There is something wrong with my hand, and I will not be able to work in the future.

Qu's father's death was enough to make the Qu family sad. The workers under Qu's father were not insured if they had an accident. The big boss only paid 20% of all compensation costs, and the Qu family had to bear all the rest.

After all calculations, the Qu family needs to pay more than 40 yuan in compensation.

And this is the minimum amount that the other party cut off when they saw that the Qu family couldn't pay, and someone helped them to speak.

More than 40 yuan is already a huge sum of money for the Qu family.

His father has earned some money outside the past few years, but because he raised a mistress outside, a lot of money was taken away by that woman, and there was not much money sent home, even the education funds for Qu You and Qu Fu. Not enough, now, the Qu family is in such a heavy debt, Mother Qu cried so much that she passed out several times, she hated the dead man very much.

Mother Qu is a discerning woman, she is determined not to take out the children's education funds, she said that the family has no money, and the man gave the money to that vixen, and refuses to take it out.

Of course, this kind of shrew's method can't solve the problem. The family members of the dead and injured people all come to Qu You's house to cry and make a mess.

Qu Fu also came home from university on leave. She was planning to take the postgraduate entrance examination, but now she has decided to forget it and work after graduation.

Seeing that the disturbance at home was too fierce, Qu Fu came out to uphold justice and said that the money would definitely be paid, but their family couldn't come up with that much money now, so they gave everyone a grace period.

Qu Fu's words did not calm down those who asked for money. Every family has young and old. If you don't give money, other people's families will die as the main labor force. How will they live.

So each family left the young and old to eat and drink at Qu's house waiting to ask for money.

Qu You can't study at all like this, the mess at home makes him very painful, his father is hardly at home since he was born, Qu You has almost no relationship with him, but there is still sadness, but his pain is just It came from the fact that he couldn't solve all the troubles in reality, and he fully understood his incompetence and cowardice at this time.

He was the only male in the family, but he couldn't say a word, and his mother and sister protected him like a child.

The father's funeral was just handled hastily, Qu You didn't even go to pick up the ashes, her sister picked them up, and buried them at random when she brought them back.

Qu You is about two months away from the college entrance examination, and Qu's mother let Qu You live in the school to prevent him from being affected.

Qu's mother was decisive about this matter. She was completely disappointed in Qu's father because he raised a mistress outside. Now that the person died, she was sad, but not heartbroken. It's just that this person died, and they made them recite Mother Qu hated the huge debt.

She was going to ask for money from the mistress raised by Father Qu, and she went with Qu Fu, who was a foreigner. After seeing Father Qu's death, of course she ran away with the money, but Mother Qu still found her on the construction site. The elder brother who was working, did not expect that the other party was not polite at all, and severely hurt Qu's mother and Qu Fu. Qu's mother didn't get any money for playing tricks, but was laughed at by outsiders on the construction site. If the mother hadn't thought of having two children, she would have thought of jumping off the building.

Qu You didn't have much interest in studying hard at this time, and of course he didn't have any thoughts about messy metaphysical problems. He felt sad that he was useless as a man in the family, and was very disappointed in himself. He wants to cheer up, but even if he cheers up, what can he do to save the family's urgent needs.After all, he is helpless, helpless, useless is a scholar.

It's good for his mother to let him study hard, but he doesn't have the heart to study hard.

Everything can't be done well.

In the end, the Qu family had no choice. Mother Qu had to take out all the savings in the family and borrow money from relatives, but she only managed to raise a hundred thousand yuan, which was given to those families. They sold their house and went to rent a house to live in. Because their family is in the suburbs, there will be people who buy houses soon, but they only sold more than 8 yuan. The Qu family is really desperate. , let them be generous.

The other party saw that the Qu family even sold the house, and they really had no money, so they had no choice but to let their family delay in arrears.

Later, it was Qu Fu who said that she borrowed some money from her classmates and got rid of the people who always came to his house to eat, drink and cry, and the Qu family became quieter.

Qu You didn't know who his sister borrowed the money from, nor how much he borrowed, but he saw hope in his mother's eyes.

Qu You thought, could it be that his sister's boyfriend gave it to her?

Qu Fu's former boyfriend, Qu You, knew Qu Fu's high school classmate, but Qu You knew that the two broke up later, and Qu You didn't know who the new boyfriend was.