Fall in Love with the Queen Series: Addicted

Gu Ruowei felt that this seemed to be a dream, and it seemed more real than a dream.

The all-too-familiar apartment where he and Shen Nian lived together, the all-too-familiar his room, the furnishings are completely different.In addition to many, many musical instruments and equipment that he hadn't seen before, there were small notes everywhere, densely filled with words.

Gu Ruowei tore off a random sheet to read, and it said "Wednesday at 4:32 p.m. in the recording studio." It seemed that it was just an ordinary work arrangement.However, when the door was closed, there was a piece of A[-] paper behind, on which was written in a large marker, "My name is Gu Ruowei, I am [-] years old, and I am a musician."

Gu Ruowei thought it was a bit funny, was this used to motivate himself, or what?Do you constantly remind yourself of who you are?

He sat down by the bed, and there was a photo frame beside the bed, inside was a photo of him and Shen Nian, when they were younger.There was also a sticky note on it, with the arrow pointing directly at Shen Nian, it said, "Shen Nian, the person I like."

Gu Ruowei suddenly felt a dull pain in his head.

damn it.

This is not the place where he and Shen Nian share at all, this is his own apartment; he didn't lose his memory because of a car accident at all, before that, he had already started to slowly lose part of his life every day.

This is his true memory that is locked deep in his heart.

It must have been last winter when Gu Ruowei realized that his frequent forgetting of keys was not simply "forgetfulness".

His memory is getting worse and worse, and he can't even remember things that he was thinking about a moment ago.He also went to the hospital to see a doctor, but the answer he got was: "It should be too much mental stress, and simple drug treatment is useless. Please relax and try."

Gu Ruowei almost overturned the doctor's desk at that time, who can relax in the situation of "maybe I won't remember anything when I wake up tomorrow"?

There is no way for him to start normal work again, even if there are countless things piled up at hand, they can only accumulate dust there.When writing a song, there is often a line before the next line, but the moment I pick up the coffee cup, the feeling of music just now is completely swept away.

Gu Ruowei was originally introverted and unsociable, and he lost his parents early on. At such a time, he simply didn't know who to talk to and what to do.

Ah, that child's words... Gu Ruowei smiled wryly, that child's words are not acceptable.

When Shen Nian was 15 years old, he started to learn how to play guitar and write lyrics and compose music with him. When he was 20 years old, he formed Lost and made his official debut.Like a white horse passing by, it will be 12 years in a blink of an eye.

Even 12 years ago, Shen Nian was not a submissive and sensible child. After Lost was established, he became more ambitious and no longer willing to let Gu Ruowei interfere with his creation.But he was still immature at that time, even though he was dissatisfied with Gu Ruowei pointing fingers, he had no choice but to hold back and say nothing.

In the past few years, Shen Nian's quality in all aspects has been getting better and better, and the relationship between the two has become more and more rigid.

Frankly speaking, since Shen Nian himself was already fully qualified for the job of songwriter and lead singer, Gu Ruowei's existence became more and more embarrassing.

What's more, he is sick now, and even the last bit of value of existence has disappeared.

Because of the increasingly unstable status quo, Gu Ruowei's mood became worse and worse.The latest physical examination showed that there was a mass in his brain compressing the nerves and causing memory disturbance, but it was impossible to determine whether it was benign or malignant.If left unchecked, he might soon turn into an idiot who can't take care of himself, but because of the location of the lump, the operation itself would be extremely risky, and he might die before the head is stitched up.

There is only one reason for wanting to procrastinate no matter what.

"You...you don't look good."

Gu Ruowei raised his head and looked at the makeup mirror in front of him.Shen Nian sat beside him, looked at him in the mirror, and continued with a somewhat indifferent tone: "Are you...still drinking?"

Because of wanting to escape from reality, Gu Ruowei started to drink heavily. Not long ago, Shen Nian, who was furious because he canceled the trip for no reason, came to the door, and saw himself drunk into a mess.

Shen Nian, who didn't even say a word, turned around and walked away, with a look of disdain that didn't show any nostalgia.

Thinking about such things, Gu Ruowei couldn't help laughing, maybe even if he doesn't remember anything, he still remembers things about Shen Nian clearly.

because……

"I asked you... are you still drinking?!"

Gu Ruowei's collar was grabbed by Shen Nian who suddenly became furious. Gu Ruowei looked at his face, probably showing a panicked expression, which angered Shen Nian again.

Gu Ruowei was directly pushed down on the dressing table, and then received a fist.

The strength is unimaginably heavy, Gu Ruowei thought a little funny.When Shen Nian was 17 years old, because he didn't want to learn the piano well and was beaten by him, he blew his hair like a wild cat and fought back, but the force was soft, and it didn't even hurt when he hit the flesh.

He... has grown up.Gu Ruowei closed his eyes and laughed.

"Are you still a man?! Absent from work and drinking too much for no reason, what else do I not know? Gambling or going out whoring? Gu Ruowei, I really don't know how wasteful you can be!"

Gu Ruowei felt a fishy-sweet taste spread from the inside of his mouth, probably somewhere broke.He swallowed the blood a little greedily, for a real sense of existence.

Ever since I got that so-and-so illness, I no longer have such a real feeling.It seems that every last minute seems to exist but does not really exist, living in the panic of no past every day.

At this time, the stunned staff members had come up and pulled them away. Shen Nian's eyes were red, and he kept trying to rush up and kick him a few more times, shouting "You trash", "Go to hell!" ".

Gu Ruowei took the tissue handed over by the staff around him to cover his mouth and nose, and was immediately soaked in blood.Ah, so much blood?Gu Ruowei was still a little dazed, he never remembered that Shen Nian was such a violent child, he was always surly but quiet, like seeing a silent child like a doll.

The child he loves.

Always, always loved child.

From the first time he saw Shen Nian, Gu Ruowei knew that he was different.

Gu Ruowei was only 20 years old that year, but he had already sung in bars for several years, so he was considered a little famous.Later, because the conditions in all aspects were good, I was selected by the boss of the record company to release a mini album, and the response was not bad.

But in fact, Gu Ruowei wanted to find a voice that was more suitable for his songs, and at this moment, Shen Nian appeared.

That persistent and aloof look is very similar to himself a few years ago, but not exactly the same, Shen Nian's natural conditions are much better than him.Whether it's face, body, or voice, they are all born artists.

Gu Ruowei, who understood this kind of thing from the beginning, felt as if he had discovered the beauty of rough jade at that time.Severe reprimands and demanding demands are actually carefully and happily crafted.

There are also moments of relaxation. Before they debuted as Lost, they would occasionally go out to play and eat together during practice. When they were tired, they would sit back to back and bask in the sun without talking, just squinting their eyes. , sitting in the sun.

But since then, Gu Ruowei has always wanted to sit behind this child and be his reliance.Wanted to be the guy who could see him whenever he turned around, the guy who fixed everything he screwed up, the guy who put the corners back on him when he fell asleep.

Not to be the whole colorful world he looked out at, but just a little lair behind him.

It's a pity that he probably won't be able to protect it anymore.

Fortunately, the child he loved had finally grown up.He has become a man who can look at him, who will not cry because of reprimand, and will not hug him and tremble because of stage fright.

But it is also getting farther and farther away from him, just like the chicks finally have wings that can fly freely, and they no longer need such a nest.If it flies out, it will have its own nest.And then the old one, just as the last leaves of winter were falling, was torn by the cold wind.

Obviously never a pessimistic person, Gu Ruowei drank the last sip of wine, covered his face and began to cry.

In Gu Ruowei's room are colorful post-it notes, the time and place when Shen Nian first met, Shen Nian's favorite food, the first song written for Shen Nian, the time when Shen Nian had a girlfriend for the first time , Shen Nian wrote his own work for the first time, although he kept finding faults, he was still very happy...

Many trivial things, although they were deeply ingrained in the past, now occasionally I still feel dumbfounded when I see them.Maybe when I open my eyes tomorrow morning, I won't be able to remember anything.

When the doorbell suddenly remembered, Gu Ruowei staggered to open the bedroom door, closed it firmly, and then stumbled to open the living room door.

Shen Nian stood at the door, looking at him with folded arms, without saying a word.

Gu Ruowei barely stabilized his body and leaned against the wall, "Come in?"

Shen Nian glanced at him, but didn't move, just threw the document bag into his arms, "Here you are."

Unprepared, Gu Ruowei held her in her arms and asked, "What is it?"

Shen Nian froze for a few seconds, then turned around, "Look for yourself."

Gu Ruowei stopped him, "Aren't you coming in for a glass of water?"

"I do not have time."

Shen Nian, who turned and walked away completely mercilessly, showed a mature and stubborn figure from the back.Gu Ruowei just leaned against the door and took out the contract from the document bag, but it was a contract termination letter.

He knew that Shen Nian had wanted to disband Lost and fly solo for a long time, but it would take a lot of money to terminate the contract, a huge sum of money.No wonder Shen Nian has worked so desperately to pick up jobs recently, it turned out that he wanted to redeem himself and leave.

Shen Nian has already signed it, just wait for him to sign it.

Why make it look like a divorce settlement, really.Gu Ruowei laughed at himself, took out a pen, signed his name, and solemnly put it back into the document bag.

There are many reasons to never give up in this world, but there is often only one reason to give up—because even the most important ones have been lost.

Gu Ruowei opened the drawer of the bedside table, poured out a handful of tranquilizer and mixed it with spirits and drank it.

Perhaps Shen Nian saw his worthless appearance and would call him trash or scum again.

But I was so discouraged, I was so discouraged that I wished I would not wake up tomorrow, I was so discouraged that I felt hopeless as soon as I saw the morning sun, and I was so discouraged that I hated myself for being alive every moment.

Obviously there is nothing worthy of his nostalgia, and he even secretly expects Shen Nian, a brat, to regret it for the rest of his life.But from the deepest part of my heart, I felt reluctant, and wanted to continue to watch silently behind that person.

But there were no chances, no chances were given, and no chances deserved to be given.

Gu Ruowei smiled, and said the last sentence to Shen Nian's photo on the bedside table, then took the blade in one hand, and cut off on his wrist with all his might——

"I love you, but I'm sorry... goodbye."

When Wei Feng rushed to Gu Ruowei's ward with his injured arm hanging, Shen Nian was already sitting in it.

Shen Nian's face was very pale, although he was already very clear, but now he showed a layer of sickly light gray, he just held Gu Ruowei's hand silently, and didn't speak.

No matter how displeased Wei Feng was with Shen Nian, he couldn't say anything at this moment.

It was because his car was so ostentatious that it attracted the paparazzi to follow the car. He rushed the car with the paparazzi on an impulse, and then rushed to the billboard on the roadside.

His car was a convertible, and for a moment of hesitation, Gu Ruowei protected him.The billboard directly hit Gu Ruowei's body, his head was injured and he was unconscious, but he only had minor scratches.

Facing Shen Nian at this time, Wei Feng didn't know what to say.

But Shen Nian didn't raise his head, as if he didn't hear anything, he just looked down at Gu Ruowei without saying a word, like a frozen statue.

"Uh..." Wei Feng said in embarrassment, "I..."

Only then did Shen Nian seem to realize that he had come in, grabbed Gu Ruowei's hand, put it on his lips and kissed it, then stood up.

Shen Nian went out, Wei Feng followed behind him, seeing Shen Nian sitting down on the bench outside, he also sat down a little at a loss.

Shen Nian still lowered her head, as if talking to herself: "I've liked him ever since."

"...Ah?" Wei Feng wasn't sure if Shen Nian was speaking to himself, so he could only utter a single syllable from the depths of his throat.

Shen Nian continued, "Originally my parents didn't approve of me entering the showbiz, but because he said I could, I felt that I had to work hard no matter what. As long as he wanted me to do it Yes, I will definitely do it, telling myself that I don’t want him to look down on me. But in fact... probably since then, I already like him very much, so I care so much about his feelings.”

"When I found out that he was drinking too much and delayed work, I was almost going crazy." Shen Nian seemed to be smiling slightly, "You also know that he is a person who usually treats me like this or that. I am also rigid to death. I really can't figure out why such a man has changed into a different person overnight, and I can't wait to wake him up."

"I thought he was just disappointed in me, or maybe he was just tired of always watching my back. How many people in our industry would want to do this for the rest of their lives? So I thought... Maybe it's time, yes He let go, no matter how much I like him, I shouldn't become his burden or bondage." Shen Nian sighed, "So I worked hard to save enough liquidated damages, thinking maybe as long as I give him back his freedom, He'll go back to how he was before—"

"Although he is facial paralyzed, he will secretly write down my birthday together; although he will lose his temper when he makes a mistake in practice, he will play every song I wrote and record it; although he is ill Even though it was about to die, he didn't mention a single word to me," Shen Nian smiled, "That big bastard."

"...You mean, the teacher is..." Wei Feng looked at Shen Nian with some surprise, "Si, since..."

"If I don't look back that day, what will I do." Shen Nian folded his arms and looked down at the ground, "If I hadn't knocked on the door many times, if I didn't have his spare key with me, or if I was only a few minutes late Open the door..." Shen Nian supported his forehead with one hand, "Idiot, doesn't that hurt? I just look at the gash on his wrist and the blood all over the ground, and I feel like I'm going to die of pain..."

Wei Feng looked at him and patted his back in bewilderment, "Hey...you, are you okay..."

Shen Nian trembled slightly, "Ah, that room is full of messy notes. I only saw it when I came back covered in blood to pack his things. I was never allowed to go in since a long time ago. I always thought he was hiding something weird, haha, what an idiot."

Although he was laughing, from Wei Feng's point of view, he was almost about to cry, even his voice was hoarse and weak.

"What the hell is 'Shen Nian's favorite is beef noodles'? Obviously his favorite is steamed buns, that idiot." Shen Nian covered his face with one hand, his voice trembling, "But...I..."

Tears continued to flow down his fingers from the back of his hand, Shen Nian kept sobbing: "I thought he didn't want me anymore...I just thought he didn't want me anymore..."

Wei Feng didn't know what to say for a while, so he took out a napkin with his still intact left hand and handed it to him, "Hello..."

It took a long time for Shen Nian to calm down, but his voice was still hoarse. He said slowly, "I thought he was just unconscious because of excessive blood loss, but I couldn't wait for him to wake up. It was only during the examination that he was found to be in a coma. There is a tumor in the brain, which is compressing the nerves, and the risk of surgery is very high. If you don’t have surgery, you may not remember anything, and you may end up... unable to take care of yourself.”

"Why was I so dull before? I saw him every day, but I never found out that something was wrong with him; I was with him every day, but I never understood his feelings for me. Until this irreparable point , I didn’t know how much pain he would have, so I chose to end myself like this. But I, a scumbag...It turned out to be that way, and it’s only at that point that I really understand..."

"I found a very good doctor in China to help him with the operation." Shen Nian blew his nose, "After the operation was successful, he still hasn't woken up. I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I must tell him the first sentence, I like Xiao Long Bao, not some beef ramen.”

He smiled softly, but the smile only lasted for a few seconds before quickly fading away.

"When I knew he woke up, I was resting in the lounge next door... I was probably too tired, and I hadn't slept much during that time, hehe. I ran over immediately, and when I was standing at the door of the ward, I heard him ask the nurse … heard him ask the nurse—“Who am I?””

Wei Feng was speechless and opened his mouth wide.Even if he didn't see the situation at that time, Shen Nian's pain was clearly conveyed through his words.

I have been waiting for a long time, and when I finally see the mood of the person I love, he is lying lifeless on the hospital bed, and when he wakes up, he doesn't remember anything.

Thinking about him, it must be ten times and a hundred times more painful.

Not knowing how to comfort the man with red eyes, Wei Feng could only sit beside him in silence.

The afterglow of the setting sun fell on Shen Nian's body. At this moment, when the man closed his eyes against the last ray of sunlight, it seemed that even the air around him became sad.

When the first ray of sunlight shone through the pale green blinds onto the hospital bed in the morning, Gu Ruowei's eyelashes trembled, and it took a while before he slowly opened his eyes.

The world in front of me slowly changed from blurred to clear, and I felt pain coming from the wound just by moving my head a little.Gu Ruowei turned over with some difficulty, only moved a little, and felt the heavy weight on his arms.

The furry black head was pressed against his arm, and the hands were tightly clasped and held, fingers intertwined.

Gu Ruowei twitched the corner of his mouth, but it seemed to touch the wound on his cheek. When he made a "呲" sound, Shen Nian bounced like a spring.

"Are you awake?!" Shen Nian stood up a little at a loss, "Is there any discomfort? Then, then I'll call the doctor?"

He turned around to leave, but Gu Ruowei grabbed his wrist, Shen Nian turned his head, "What's wrong? Does it hurt somewhere?"

Gu Ruowei squinted his eyes and hummed, raised his arm with difficulty and pointed to the corner of his mouth, with a hoarse voice, "This...it hurts..."

Shen Nian immediately bent down, quite nervously, "Where is it? Here... is it here?"

Before he could finish his sentence, he was wrapped around his waist, fell down, and hit Gu Ruowei's chest without warning.

"It hurts..." Gu Ruowei cried out in pain.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Shen Nian was about to stand up in a panic, but felt her waist being hugged tighter.The man's slightly hoarse voice rang in his ears, "Don't go."

"Hey...?" Shen Nian looked up at him.

Gu Ruowei struggled to twitch the corners of his lips into a smile, then stroked the back of his head with one hand, "My lips hurt so much."

Then came a long-lost, sweet and tender kiss.

The sweet touch between the lips, the innocence without the slightest eroticism, the tip of the tongue only licks the lips gently, treating the treasures with the same attention.

When the kiss stopped suddenly, Shen Nian murmured with some nostalgia, "Huh?"

Gu Ruowei smiled, and put out a hand to touch his cheek, "Your stubble hurts me so much."

Shen Nian was a little embarrassed to get up, "Yes, I'm sorry... because I haven't been home for a few days..."

"This is the day I've heard you say 'I'm sorry' the most in my life." Gu Ruowei laughed, "When did you suddenly learn this word?"

Shen Nian blushed a little, then hesitated, "You, you said that in this life..."

Gu Ruowei smiled and pushed him back into his arms, "Actually, I knew it all along."

"Um?"

"Back in your year, my razor suddenly broke." Gu Ruowei sighed, "Although you don't know what to say, I always knew that you broke it."

"You...?!" Shen Nian couldn't tell whether it was more "surprise" or "joy". He struggled to get up, but Gu Ruowei pinned the back of his head, so he couldn't lift his head.

"It's still very confusing now, many things are unclear or simply can't be remembered," Gu Ruowei sighed, "But it's really great to be alive."

He put his chin against the top of Shen Nian's head, gently, "It's really great that I can still hug you like this."

Shen Nian buried her head in his chest, softly, "Idiot. It's Xiaolongbao."

"Ok……?"

Without getting the desired answer, Gu Ruowei could only feel the cloth on his chest getting wet quickly.

He didn't speak, but hugged the person in his arms even harder.